StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,666 
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Jan 5, 2016 5:19:08 GMT
Let's Talk About Sex. , 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys will be sexually assaulted before they reach adulthood. most likely from someone they know and the easiest way to protect them is to talk about body parts and have the conversation. 17 million children will be sexually abused in the next 18 years. 47% of the molesters will have been abused as children. 93% of child molesters consider themselves religious. 95% of children know their abuser. Only 1 in 10 children will ever tell someone they were molested. 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted in her college years, typically on campus or nearby. every 2 minutes someone in the US is sexually assaulted. Scary. How do we break this cycle? We educate. Talk to your kids. Use proper terminology. Don't focus on 'the sex talk' make it an ongoing age appropriate conversation. This is a handout a friend made to give to moms at parties when they ask when to start the conversation about sex with their kids. Taken directly from the book "Body Safety Education" by Jayneen Sanders. I recommend that as soon as a child is able to name other body parts like elbows, knees and toes - they should also learn vulva, labia, vagina and/or penis & testicles. |
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,666
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Jan 5, 2016 5:22:00 GMT
Some secrets shouldn't be kept on youtube. Here is a link to a childrens book "Some Secrets Shouldn't Be Kept" read by the Author on youtube. Watch it alone, with tissues and then with your kids or get a copy. It's a wonderful resource!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 5, 2016 5:26:06 GMT
Thank you for posting this.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jan 5, 2016 5:42:07 GMT
Those figures are so shocking that I find them hard to believe. How can that be true? I’m sitting here in my team of 6 women, and 2 of them are likely to have been sexually abused? I really really don’t want to believe that.  |
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Post by peano on Jan 5, 2016 5:48:17 GMT
Those figures are so shocking that I find them hard to believe. How can that be true? I’m sitting here in my team of 6 women, and 2 of them are likely to have been sexually abused? I really really don’t want to believe that. The first statistic was the same I found when doing my master's thesis on child sexual abuse in the mid-80s. Remember these are American numbers, and they represent the gamut of sexual crimes against children, not just violent assault. Still, it IS shocking. |
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,666
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Jan 5, 2016 5:53:55 GMT
What is Child Sexual Abuse? Child sexual abuse is an abuse of power over a child or teen and a betrayal of trust. Child sexual abuse occurs when a child or teenager is forced or tricked into sexual activity by a teenager or adult. Child sexual abuse can be physical, visual and verbal. Some examples include: sexual touching, oral-genital contact, rape, incest, any penetration with objects or body parts, making a child touch someone else’s private parts or play sexual (“pants down”) games, exposing private parts to a child, showing pornography/making child watch sexual acts, taking sexual pictures, watching a child undress or go to the bathroom and obscene/sexual language. Did you know? In 85% of sexual abuse situations children and teens are sexually abused by someone they know and trust. 1in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys are sexually abused by the time they reach age 18. Approximately 1/3 of all juvenile victims of sexual abuse are children younger than 6 yrs. of age. Children who grow up in a family where there is domestic violence are 8 times more likely to be sexually molested within that family. 70% of child sex offenders had between one and nine victims, 23% had ten to forty victims. Fabricated sexual abuse reports constitute 1 to 4 % of cases reported. Possible Signs of Abuse You may see behavioral or physical signs that a child has been sexually abused. Remember that a child could show few or no signs and have experienced abuse. Behavioral Signs: Knows more than normal about sex for their age Masturbates excessively Fear of touch Bed wetting and nightmare Change in eating habits Sleeping problems Low self-esteem Attention seeking Depressed Self-mutilation Suicidal Drug/alcohol problems Problems at school or frequent absences Sexually abuses others Stories about a “friend” being abused Physical Signs: Evidence of tenderness, pain or injury in private parts or mouth Symptoms of sexually transmitted infections (STI) Pregnancy It is important to remember that each child responds to abuse differently. None of the signs or behaviors is a definite sign that abuse has happened. These signs and behaviors are warning us that something in the child’s life has created enough stress to change their behavior. From The Advocacy Center
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,666
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Jan 5, 2016 5:55:22 GMT
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Post by beaglemom on Jan 5, 2016 6:03:24 GMT
Thank you for posting this. So important for us all to know and remember.
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Post by flanz on Jan 5, 2016 6:29:18 GMT
I don't have time to read right now, but thanks so m uch for sharing your info and the additional resources!!!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 5, 2016 15:05:01 GMT
Those figures are so shocking that I find them hard to believe. How can that be true? I’m sitting here in my team of 6 women, and 2 of them are likely to have been sexually abused? I really really don’t want to believe that. It said assaulted, not abused. Not that the semantics make a whole lot of difference. In my own life, an older neighbor kid exposed himself in front of me once when I was in the early years of grade school. Never touched me because I ran off, but I think that could still be considered assault in some form. By that same token, in literally my DD's first WEEK of kindergarten, some kid on her bus pulled down his pants (another kindergartener, but still) and she saw him do it. She's not even six. Ugh.  I hate it that I worry every time she says something like "a nice 5th grade boy sits by me on the bus." What are that kid's motives, why would a 5th grade boy be nice to, or even notice, a 5 year old girl? I realize a lot of things kids do are without intention or malice, but where does one draw the line? Especially since the "kids will be kids" excuse seems to sometimes get used for far too long when the "kids" in question really ought to know better? |
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Post by miominmio on Jan 5, 2016 15:29:14 GMT
Watching a child undress or go to the bathroom is considered sexual assault regardless of context? if so, I must be a terrble person, considering all the kids I have helped wipe their butts when they have been visiting my kids.
While I firmly believe that those who molest kids never should be let out of prison for as long as they live, I find it diffcult to believe those numbers, honestly. And also, defining "everything" as sexual assault, minimizes the seriousness of for instance, rape. While seeing someone expose themselves might be unpleasant, it doesn't come anywhere near the trauma a child who has been raped, perhaps multiple times per week and maybe even by a lot of different persons, has experienced. I have spent a lot of time in court over the years, and some of those stories still give me nightmares from time to time.
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Post by peano on Jan 5, 2016 15:31:46 GMT
Those figures are so shocking that I find them hard to believe. How can that be true? I’m sitting here in my team of 6 women, and 2 of them are likely to have been sexually abused? I really really don’t want to believe that. It said assaulted, not abused. Not that the semantics make a whole lot of difference. In my own life, an older neighbor kid exposed himself in front of me once when I was in the early years of grade school. Never touched me because I ran off, but I think that could still be considered assault in some form. By that same token, in literally my DD's first WEEK of kindergarten, some kid on her bus pulled down his pants (another kindergartener, but still) and she saw him do it. She's not even six. Ugh. I hate it that I worry every time she says something like "a nice 5th grade boy sits by me on the bus." What are that kid's motives, why would a 5th grade boy be nice to, or even notice, a 5 year old girl? I realize a lot of things kids do are without intention or malice, but where does one draw the line? Especially since the "kids will be kids" excuse seems to sometimes get used for far too long when the "kids" in question really ought to know better? Your experience with your older neighbor kid would be considered to be part of that statistic. The kindergartner pulling down his pants would not. The difference is a power differential through age, authority and/or gender. |
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Post by peano on Jan 5, 2016 15:40:52 GMT
Watching a child undress or go to the bathroom is considered sexual assault regardless of context? if so, I must be a terrble person, considering all the kids I have helped wipe their butts when they have been visiting my kids. While I firmly believe that those who molest kids never should be let out of prison for as long as they live, I find it diffcult to believe those numbers, honestly. And also, defining "everything" as sexual assault, minimizes the seriousness of for instance, rape. While seeing someone expose themselves might be unpleasant, it doesn't come anywhere near the trauma a child who has been raped, perhaps multiple times per week and maybe even by a lot of different persons, has experienced. I have spent a lot of time in court over the years, and some of those stories still give me nightmares from time to time. To your first paragraph: of course not. To your second, the statistic is just a statistic and isn't there to place value judgments on the harmfulness of levels of abuse. In what way could inappropriate touching of a child possibly minimize the seriousness of a violent rape? I think it's more meaningful to look at this statistic as a portrait of how our culture has been permeated by a sexuality colored by violence. |
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Post by my2apps2 on Jan 5, 2016 15:48:37 GMT
As a parent, this scares the hell out of me. I hope and pray that I've given my kids the tools they need to avoid joining these statistics.
I agree that constant, flowing communication is vital to equipping and protecting them.
There are few things I hate more than a person who victimized a child.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,625
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jan 5, 2016 15:54:32 GMT
Those figures are so shocking that I find them hard to believe. How can that be true? I’m sitting here in my team of 6 women, and 2 of them are likely to have been sexually abused? I really really don’t want to believe that. My book club was reading the statistics one night and we said: "no details, but raise your hand if you were molested in some way as a child or teen" and more than half of the women (including me) raised our hands. The incidents ranged from inappropriate touching to outright rape. |
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Post by miominmio on Jan 5, 2016 16:03:17 GMT
Watching a child undress or go to the bathroom is considered sexual assault regardless of context? if so, I must be a terrble person, considering all the kids I have helped wipe their butts when they have been visiting my kids. While I firmly believe that those who molest kids never should be let out of prison for as long as they live, I find it diffcult to believe those numbers, honestly. And also, defining "everything" as sexual assault, minimizes the seriousness of for instance, rape. While seeing someone expose themselves might be unpleasant, it doesn't come anywhere near the trauma a child who has been raped, perhaps multiple times per week and maybe even by a lot of different persons, has experienced. I have spent a lot of time in court over the years, and some of those stories still give me nightmares from time to time. . In what way could inappropriate touching of a child possibly minimize the seriousness of a violent rape? I think it's more meaningful to look at this statistic as a portrait of how our culture has been permeated by a sexuality colored by violence. To your first sentence: I can't explain how it happens (I'm not a psychologist, nor a criminologist), but from research we know that there is causality there (well, at least according to research one of my prfessors referenced). To the second sentence: I'm not sure, but viewing American culture from my side if the Atlantic, it does seem that you (general you) are much more afraid of nudity and/or sexuality than mst Europeans (here, no-one would bat an eye if a five yo runs around naked in their own garden. according to my American relatives, letting your kid do the same thing where they live, would almost certainly guarantee a call to the CPS) and that this perhaps leads to lowering the bar for what is considered assault? |
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Post by withapea on Jan 5, 2016 16:07:47 GMT
Sadly I can see those numbers as being accurate. I've had two personal experiences. I've been shocked over the years to find out how many other people I know have also.
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Post by malibou on Jan 5, 2016 16:08:28 GMT
Thank you for posting this.
J
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,666
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Jan 5, 2016 16:10:47 GMT
I talk to a lot of women while I'm working and I'm the first one that a lot of them have an open and honest conversation about their sexual history with.
I can't count the nights when I've gotten in my car and just sobbed over the stories I've heard and the amount of people who fit into these statistics.
There is a HUGE difference between a caregiver helping in the bathroom and being molested and both don't belong in these statistics.
By talking to kids and empowering them with appropriate terminology you're giving them the tools that can help them be heard, believed and understood.
If a three year old in daycare says 'uncle John touched my labia and hurt my vagina' or "uncle John made me touch his penis" the chances of that child being believed increases and using proper terminology goes a long way in the court system.
Feel free to research some statistics until you find some you are comfortable with, just make sure you're having the conversations and arming your children with the tools they need in the meantime.
It's a big deal.
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Post by jumperhop on Jan 5, 2016 16:11:13 GMT
Terrifying.
Jen
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Post by scrapmaven on Jan 5, 2016 16:13:28 GMT
Thank you for this Stephanie. I also think that sexual predators all belong behind bars for life, especially pedophiles for whom there is no cure.
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Post by maryland on Jan 5, 2016 16:36:27 GMT
I think I heard once that the number is probably higher than 1 in 5 for boys that boys are less likely to report it (or something like that). I think it was at a safety for children talk at one of my kids schools.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
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Post by AnotherPea on Jan 5, 2016 16:47:01 GMT
IIRC, the numbers are extrapolated. Meaning they took the number of incidents (each relationship counted as one incident)and divided it by the number of people. In actuality fewer people have been assaulted because many were assaulted multiple times.
But even so, for people that have experienced assault or have worked with victims, the statistics aren't that alarming.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 5, 2016 17:12:03 GMT
Sadly I can see those numbers as being accurate. I've had two personal experiences. I've been shocked over the years to find out how many other people I know have also. Same here. Besides my run-in with the neighborhood kid, I had a few very scary inappropriate situations happen AT school in high school, and one of my sisters has had several inappropriate encounters happen to her as well. Add in the stories I've heard from friends over the years and those statistics suddenly don't sound skewed at all. |
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jan 5, 2016 17:24:55 GMT
My daughters school did training from this organization late last year. www.ourvoicenc.orgThe middle schoolers in my car pool were complaining because it messed up their lunch/outdoor time. I started quoting statistics similar to Steph's and they were all shocked. The one boy in the car pool, was trying to say it wouldn't happen to them because they don't live in those type of neighbor hoods. First we live in an urban, mixed area.. so totally one of those type of neighborhoods, but then I told them it was most likely to occur with someone they know. We had a frank and open conversation. I have to say I was blown away by the young man, who had been well educated at home about women. Thank you Steph I don't think there is too much information or awareness on this subject. |
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Post by jackie on Jan 5, 2016 17:41:34 GMT
The numbers don't surprise me. My dh and i were both molested as kids--him by a babysitter and me by a neighbor (my friend's dad). Neither one of us told until we were adults. It's the dirty little secret that sadly so many kids keep. I have worked very hard to instill in my kids information about their bodies and how to protect them. Also the importance of telling.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,666
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Jan 6, 2016 2:48:09 GMT
We would be horrified to see the actual numbers. It's HUGE. Huge.
Worse, most predators were victims. More victims means more predators in the future. We really, REALLY need to find a way to break this awful cycle.
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I hate it that I worry every time she says something like "a nice 5th grade boy sits by me on the bus." What are that kid's motives, why would a 5th grade boy be nice to, or even notice, a 5 year old girl? 
