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Post by supersoda on Feb 10, 2016 21:37:48 GMT
I cringed when I saw the other thread. I'm a lawyer, I work a ton of hours, I have 3 kids, and the last thing I want to do with my very limited free time is deal with my family's legal problems.
I don't practice in an area that most people typically need and therefore I don't have a broad base of knowledge about the typical problems my family has (like family law and minor criminal issues).
I don't mind answering the occasional question, but I really can't handle my nephew's international divorce, and I'm not going to handle your traffic ticket. I don't even fight my own traffic tickets. The cost of that ticket is less than one hour of time at my regular billing rate.
Maybe this makes me sound terrible, but I have helped out friends and family more than a few times and I really don't think they have any idea how much of my time it takes to help them. Because of my experiences, I'm very hesitant about asking for favors from other professional friends and family.
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smartypants71
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Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Feb 10, 2016 21:40:52 GMT
Ha! I started out my career in IT, so friends and sometimes family sought my expertise. I didn't mind as long as it didn't take up more than say 15 minutes of my time. Now that I'm in project management, no one seems to need my help
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Post by gmcwife1 on Feb 10, 2016 21:42:10 GMT
I'm not a professional, just an average office worker. But for the reasons you've listed, I'm not comfortable asking those type of favors from friends or family. It just seems a little overreaching and I would be one of how many others that expect or ask them for low cost or free help
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Dalai Mama
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Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Feb 10, 2016 21:43:41 GMT
I'm an accountant so, yeah, quite popular around this time of year.
I don't mind it so much, though. Since I work in audit, the only personal taxes I do are mine and those of my friends and family.
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Post by Zee on Feb 10, 2016 21:43:49 GMT
I'm not a doctor, but that doesn't stop all my family and friends from asking me medical questions. I don't mind, but then again, they're not using up billable hours. Maybe if I was an attorney I'd feel different, but I wouldn't expect free help. It's more that I could trust a family member to steer me in the right direction.
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paget
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Feb 10, 2016 21:45:07 GMT
I thought the same thing when I saw that thread. I know the spirit it was intended, but if you are the certain professional and people are always calling on you, it pretty much sucks. Everyone thinks you should do the service for free on your time off. "It will just take you a minute" uh, no it won't. You have no idea what all this entails. That's kind of why you are asking me/us/dh.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 31, 2024 22:53:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2016 21:47:57 GMT
I hear you. I use family members for a few different services, including a couple attorneys, an investment advisor, and my hair stylist. However, I don't expect discounts or preferential treatment. I schedule and pay like any customer. I just like knowing they are totally on my side and don't mind paying for it.
I work in banking and although I can't charge anyone for anything, I do get questions all.the.time from friends and relatives. I answer them as I can, but my area of expertise is not what most people are asking questions about, so I often refer them to other sources. I used to research the answers myself, but honestly, it took up so much time, I had to stop doing that.
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Post by krc11 on Feb 10, 2016 22:08:13 GMT
I totally agree. It's fine if you have a professional in your family that WANTS to give you the friends and family rate. But I'm guessing during work hours they'd like to make their money and during off hours, they'd like to not work.
I have vacation rental property. I get soooo tired of everyone wanting it free or a deeply discounted rate, always during the short prime rental season. Hey, I have three months to make enough money to pay the taxes, the insurance (3 types for coastal property), mortgage, not to mention utilities, upkeep, etc. No, I will not give you a discount during high season. Even in the off-season, it still costs me money for someone to use the house rather than it sit empty. I get some pretty ticked off people even when I offer a friend's discount (off season only). They want it for free. Too bad, so sad and you are off the invite list when I use it for personal reasons and invite friends over. I do barter it to my one plumber relative for services rendered. But that's like $1000 labor equals $1000 rental.
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Post by jemali on Feb 10, 2016 22:15:11 GMT
My BIL owns a printing company. He gets a ton of people wanting him to print something for them for free. He tells them that if he printed everything for free that people expected, he would go out of business.
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Post by moveablefeast on Feb 10, 2016 22:17:45 GMT
My husband doesn't love being the IT geek in the family, but it's definitely his role. I love that he will always do it even if he doesn't really want to. It's just how he is.
I'm the librarian in the family, so that mostly just means everyone thinks I know what books they should be reading right now. That's pretty easy.
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Post by Linda on Feb 10, 2016 22:19:33 GMT
and that's why when I had a plumbing problem - I didn't ask our friend who is a plumber to come look at it, I asked him which plumber in town I should call (he's licensed but not currently working as a plumber).
I'm a sahm but I get people (and not close friends - just acquaintances) asking me all the time if I can alter/hem/sew ________ for them. They never offer money or even supplies. Yes, I can sew but that doesn't mean I want to use my limited sewing time on YOUR project
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Post by epeanymous on Feb 10, 2016 22:24:42 GMT
I am a lawyer and care too much about my license to be going around dispensing free actual legal advice to people who aren't my clients. I am, however, always very willing to look for referrals for people, as well as, in areas I know something about, to talk to them about what they should ask their attorneys, what they might expect from the process, etc.
So far, I have only had one situation where a family member tried to get me to act for free on their behalf, and I was able to tell them honestly that the law varies a lot in my area and that we were in different jurisdictions, and that they were better off with a lawyer from their own state.
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Montannie
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Jun 25, 2014 20:32:35 GMT
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Post by Montannie on Feb 10, 2016 22:26:17 GMT
and that's why when I had a plumbing problem - I didn't ask our friend who is a plumber to come look at it, I asked him which plumber in town I should call (he's licensed but not currently working as a plumber). Thoughtful! I am more than happy to give a referral to an attorney who can help with their particular issue. I'm a bit luckier, being in government service. I just say, "You know, I don't personally represent anyone." or "The rules of ethics prevent me from taking on your case."
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 10, 2016 22:29:26 GMT
I know exactly what you're talking about. My DH is in a profession that came up in the other thread mentioned and his business is home based. Everyone always thinks that he should be able to pop in on the weekend and fix their problem for low/no cost, but the reality is that his vehicle, equipment, materials, skill set and knowledge base (not to mention the licenses he requires, insurance, and, and, and...) all cost us money so he can do what he does FOR A LIVING.
As nice as it would be to do free favors for everyone and their momma, our mortgage, heat, electric, etc. still have to be paid for with actual money. Not to mention at the end of a long week of busting his tail working, the absolute last thing he wants to do on his time off is deal with other people's stuff when we have our own projects to do.
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freebird
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Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Feb 10, 2016 22:31:39 GMT
I'm the photographer in the family. Most everyone is respectful of my time. I have one that takes a bit of an advantage of me and I have shut that down a bit by making sessions shorter and when it's convenient for me.
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Post by M~ on Feb 10, 2016 22:33:35 GMT
and that's why when I had a plumbing problem - I didn't ask our friend who is a plumber to come look at it, I asked him which plumber in town I should call (he's licensed but not currently working as a plumber). Thoughtful! I am more than happy to give a referral to an attorney who can help with their particular issue. I'm a bit luckier, being in government service. I just say, "You know, I don't personally represent anyone." or "The rules of ethics prevent me from taking on your case." This is what I say. I get tired of family members calling me for legal advice. I just don't do it. It's a blanket rule I adopted early on in my career and it's kept me sane.
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blue tulip
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Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Feb 10, 2016 22:43:57 GMT
I have a business making special event invitations. I've made wedding invites for people in my family, and am glad to do it. they never ask for a discount, but I do give them one. mostly because I love helping people and don't have the opportunity to do it much.. not a big call for wedding invites you know? not like cars or things that need upkeep or break more often. but if I had a job that I was constantly being asked to do things for free or at a discount, i'm sure I wouldn't feel the same about it.
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Post by lancermom on Feb 10, 2016 22:45:30 GMT
I work in healht field so I get a lot of questions about long term insurance, medicare, Medicaid, etc... I personally do not mind. But I have a lot of nurse, doctors, lawyer, CPA, police friends. I don't ask advise. Sometimes I will call and ask who they would recommend for what I need. I did call in a favor last summer, I was gone and don cut himself. I had my doctor neighbor to run over to confirm stitches or no stitches. But I justified because I hauled her kid around all summer!! I didn't ask her to stitch it up, I just needed to know if I had to fly home, or finish what I was doing. Son was 16, so not like he was a young kid.
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Deleted
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Oct 31, 2024 22:53:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2016 22:51:38 GMT
I''ll just repost what I put on that thread: "To me, it's not about getting something for free, but like Darcy said, having someone you can trust to look out for your best interests and point you to the best person to answer your question/work on your issue. When I lived in TX, my one brother had a great address list of plumbers, roofers, car service technicians etc. Just the reference was so valuable.
So I have a doctor brother I call just to ask if I should go see a doctor and what kind (not for him to give me medical advice). I have a lawyer brother and SIL and same thing -- where should I go with this legal issue?
Hopefully those interactions are very short and easy for them and I would hope they would come to me with payroll/HR/work-related type questions."
And I would direct them to resources I have. I however wouldn't expect things like free roofs, free dental exams, free flights/cruises, etc.
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Post by cakediva on Feb 10, 2016 23:18:58 GMT
I've lucked out so far - not many in my family have asked for or expected cake for free.
One time, when I said to my mom "I would normally charge $X for this" she said "but I'm your Mother!" - but since I started doing cakes full time, she was always careful to ask what I'd charge and what she owed me.
When I offer free cake, that is one thing. But don't expect it of me.
But like the rest of you - I have kids to feed, bills to pay, and my son's basketball habit to support. This is my job, and I don't do it for free!
In my case it ends up being customers that will say "I'm ordering two cakes and paying cash, do I get a discount?" Um,no - it takes me just as much time to make two cakes whether they are for two people or the same person. No multiple order discounts!
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milocat
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Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Feb 10, 2016 23:43:07 GMT
I do barter it to my one plumber relative for services rendered. But that's like $1000 labor equals $1000 rental. That's a good deal for both of you. Easy for him to fix your plumbing and he gets a free vacation. You get your plumbing fix and he can stay in the house in your off season. We have a job that can't be used to help out friends at all. My father in law has a backhoe and people take advantage of him all the time. They think it's just a quick job or it just took "a minute" so it shouldn't cost anything or they'll just get him a case of beer.
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Sarah*H
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Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on Feb 10, 2016 23:43:14 GMT
99 out of 100 times it pisses me off because it means the person asking wants professional advice for free. The 100th time, I share what I know out of the goodness of my heart hoping it will help in some small way.
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Judy26
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Jun 25, 2014 23:50:38 GMT
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Post by Judy26 on Feb 10, 2016 23:53:36 GMT
I wondered at some of the comments also. Oldest DD is an optometrist. She still has to pay for all products as well as equipment, rent and staff. She will give us samples of contacts occasionally but couldn't afford to provide us with free services. I wouldn't dream of asking for it.
i do wish I had followed through on a job offer I had at one time to teach part time at the local campus. The kids could have had free tuition which would have been nice.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Feb 11, 2016 0:02:32 GMT
My husband doesn't love being the IT geek in the family, but it's definitely his role. I love that he will always do it even if he doesn't really want to. It's just how he is. I'm the librarian in the family, so that mostly just means everyone thinks I know what books they should be reading right now. That's pretty easy. My BIL is the family IT guy. I don't ask him for anything, I feel my parents have used all our family allotment
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Post by gmcwife1 on Feb 11, 2016 0:17:19 GMT
I wondered at some of the comments also. Oldest DD is an optometrist. She still has to pay for all products as well as equipment, rent and staff. She will give us samples of contacts occasionally but couldn't afford to provide us with free services. I wouldn't dream of asking for it. i do wish I had followed through on a job offer I had at one time to teach part time at the local campus. The kids could have had free tuition which would have been nice. I'm pretty sure most insurance plans exclude paying for services provided by family members. So the person would only be paid if people were paying out of pocket for the services.
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Post by redshoes on Feb 11, 2016 0:46:14 GMT
I'm an accountant so, yeah, quite popular around this time of year. I don't mind it so much, though. Since I work in audit, the only personal taxes I do are mine and those of my friends and family. Me too....and it never fails that everyone assumes I'm super busy from 1/1 to 4/15 doing taxes....yes I'm an accountant but not all accountants prepare tax returns for a living!
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Post by bigbundt on Feb 11, 2016 0:53:39 GMT
Aside from my own parents or children, I wouldn't ask a professional for free things. My parents would do anything for me and I figure my kids better hook me up if they can! I ask for a referral and if they offer a discount or free service I would take it but I would never ask for it upfront or assume that they owe it to me. SIL is a CPA and she did my DH's taxes for free for years before I came along. She did our taxes the first couple of years we were married but I always felt weird about it as our taxes aren't anything that can't be done in tax software. I finally took our taxes back and she was actually a little miffed thinking we didn't trust her but I just felt like we were taking advantage of her already limited time.
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Feb 11, 2016 1:17:46 GMT
I'm an accountant so, yeah, quite popular around this time of year. I don't mind it so much, though. Since I work in audit, the only personal taxes I do are mine and those of my friends and family. Me too....and it never fails that everyone assumes I'm super busy from 1/1 to 4/15 doing taxes....yes I'm an accountant but not all accountants prepare tax returns for a living! I'm dreading going to my eye doc for this very reason. I'm a controller of a non-profit. He thinks I'm CPA/tax accountant (I've never ever said I was a CPA, to anyone!). Every year, "oh, you must be busy doing taxes". It drives me insane. I'm thinking of changing my appointment until June. But then he'd probably ask about quarterlies or something. The only taxes I do are my own, my aunts and now this year for the first time my retired parents. And my parents asked how much I would charge them. Um how about nothing! You're my parents. My Dad insists on taking us out to dinner (if he gets a refund!) LOL! My issue with family/friends is food related. I took time off from my regularly scheduled career and went to culinary school - 10 years ago!. People ask what food should I make with _____, how much ____ should I buy for 25 adults and 6 kids, how long will _____ last before spoiling, can I put ____ in the freezer and will it taste good after thawing in a cooler while camping. I usually say they should Google it, that's what I do.
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Post by Penellopy on Feb 11, 2016 1:24:54 GMT
I'm an accountant so, yeah, quite popular around this time of year. I don't mind it so much, though. Since I work in audit, the only personal taxes I do are mine and those of my friends and family. Me too....and it never fails that everyone assumes I'm super busy from 1/1 to 4/15 doing taxes....yes I'm an accountant but not all accountants prepare tax returns for a living! I do corporate accounting. No I don't do taxes and I can not help you with your retirement accounts. Being super busy at work and things going on at home, I am lucky to get my own taxes done or look at my retirement accounts. I just love getting caught in the restroom at work with a 'Hey can I ask you some questions about my taxes?' Ugh, here is the number of our CPA. He will be happy to help, for a fee.
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 11, 2016 1:35:24 GMT
DH is an architect. He is happy to help with ideas, but he does charge to actually prepare plans. The exception is my brother, who is a licensed electrician. He fixes little things for us occasionally. When we remodeled our kitchen, I paid him.
Sadly, the ONE person who should have asked DH for help, his own father, didn't. He and MIL bought a house without DH inspecting it. It was a huge money pit. We were horrified when we first visited.
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