|
Post by lesserknownpea on Feb 13, 2016 10:46:50 GMT
After reading the Maine Food Stamps thread, (whew!), some remarks made me think about my own experience.
I receive SNAP. Since my X is in prison (still alive), he is unable to pay spousal support. I'm working on getting disability, but that's a tough maze to get through, and of course, if I do eventually get it it won't be much.
I've sold all my ex's equipment and vehicles, it hasn't even covered all the taxes due, and there are lots more non tax debts. I'll have to file bankruptcy.
I'm 58, can't work in my former profession, photography, it's way too physical, and am untrained for anything else. I can't sit or stand for significant periods of time without pain. Actually, I'm pretty much always in pain, it's just a question of how much.
BUT, you can't tell that from looking at me in the grocery store. I'm clean, dress decent. My nails are done (DD does them) I have a smartphone, ( my son insists on keeping me on his family plan). I have the look and manners of a middle class middle aged suburban woman, because until a couple year ago that is what I was.
I walk funny because of my back, more sometimes than others, but I don't LOOK disabled.
I feel feel like checkers are friendly until I pull out the snap card. Like I'm supposed to "look" the part.
Am I crazy thinking that the FS causes others to look at me and judge?
my DS does so much for me, I'm pleased that this program allows me to buy my food. I feel that XH and I paid a crazy amount of money in taxes as business owners for decades, and it was for helping people in the boat I'm in now.
So so tell me: have you looked at someone who uses FS, and thought "they just don't look like they need it?"
|
|
gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
|
Post by gsquaredmom on Feb 13, 2016 10:56:18 GMT
No And I am sorry you are in pain I can relate to the hidden disability stuff. No one knows how much pain I am in. Thank goodness I can still work. I am primary breadwinner and carry our insurance. I have a great doctor and am ever hopeful things will improve.
|
|
|
Post by KelleeM on Feb 13, 2016 11:06:35 GMT
I really try not to judge. I learned a long time ago that everyone has a story and you just have no idea what someone's life is.
I was one of those people who received aid. Many years ago, when my kids were small, my then husband decided that he shouldn't have to work any more (to be completely honest, he decided he wasn't capable of working and did eventually get disability through SS but I still wonder how that happened). I needed to feed my children so I went to the department of transitional assistance and applied...we definitely qualified as husband was either unemployeed or only working part time then. We got WIC for ds and food stamps (back when they were actually paper and in a little booklet). I probably didn't look like I needed it either. I think I used the system for it's intended purpose and within a year or so I went back to work full time while the husband stayed home...I left him less than a year later.
I think that most people believe you should look poor to get aid. I will admit that I have seen people using SNAP and have wondered. But I try to remember that everyone's problems aren't visible and they're also not any of my business. I put it in the same category as people who don't "look" disabled using a handicap parking spot. My now dh has a handicap placard and will use a spot if it's available. He has plates in his hip and numbness in his lower leg and foot due to an accident. He certainly doesn't look disabled.
I'm sorry that you feel judged. You've been through so much. I'm really glad that your family takes care of you although I'm sure it's hard to accept sometimes. (((hugs)))
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Feb 13, 2016 11:40:15 GMT
People do. I could easily have been one of them except for the fact that there was a year when I was a kid that we could have used food stamps. food stamps can easily be temporary or for people who have a drastic sudden issue. It's just like the fact that 'you' can't tell by looking at a person if they require a handicapped placard or not. Sometimes I feel my FIL needs to wear a sign 'I've had 3 knee surgeries and my knee can give out at any time'
And, I also know how much cheaper junk food is over whole veggies and foods. So looking into the cart at what people are buying doesn't make you any more 'right' to judge. For example Kellogg's pops are 1$ a box but Raisin Bran is $4.50
|
|
uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,500
Location: London
Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
|
Post by uksue on Feb 13, 2016 11:51:29 GMT
I have been on and off government aid over the last 8 years, for a mixture of reasons- being a carer to my son and at times due to my own battles with cancer. I also prior to that paid a lot on taxes working full time from the age of 16 until I was 47. I'm lucky that the help I have received has gone into my bank account so that no one has known, because I would feel very much judged as you do.
Many people living in very reduced circumstances retain their pride and manage to look smart etc- it's very difficult to know what is going on behind that facade. We have professional beggars in my town who look like absolute paupers in their regular begging spots, but have been outed as driving flash cars and living in much nicer homes than mine.
We all need to learn not to judge people I think- and I know I have certainly been guilty of it in the past.
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Feb 13, 2016 12:04:51 GMT
Many people living in very reduced circumstances retain their pride and manage to look smart etc- it's very difficult to know what is going on behind that facade. We have professional beggars in my town who look like absolute paupers in their regular begging spots, but have been outed as driving flash cars and living in much nicer homes than mine. . So true! They outed a woman here who was a home childcare giver who took the kids to beg with her!!!!! So you drop your baby off for daycare and she charges you money then takes your baby out to beg. They were able to charge her with fraud.
|
|
|
Post by darkangel090260 on Feb 13, 2016 12:10:19 GMT
No but do get dirty look for getting treats sometime. I work super hard at making ever cent count. Including coupons on the stuff i can, Shopping in Sam and a few other places. So maybe every 3-4 months we have some left over I get pizza or something sweet that i do not have to make. Sorry every so often I need one meal i do not cook. But still get a dirty look.
|
|
|
Post by Really Red on Feb 13, 2016 12:34:33 GMT
That sucks. I hope that it's you're sensitive to the fact that you're on assistance, but people sometimes suck. Your story is a good reminder to everyone that you just don't know what goes on behind a person's facade. AKA, don't judge the book by its cover!
I remember what you went through and it was horrific. Hold your head high. You know you have nothing to be ashamed of!
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Feb 13, 2016 14:01:57 GMT
No, because I think that's a ridiculous notion and I find it hard to understand why others think that someone who receives assistance must look a certain way.
A.) Someone who had a steady income for many years and then loses it, still has all of their belongings.
B.) Practically new (or even new) goods--even brand names--can be purchased second hand for a very small amount of money, meaning that someone's designer outfit could have cost them under $5.00 for all you know.
C.) Expensive looking items can be gifts or loans.
D.) Cars can be borrowed, or because someone is giving someone a ride.
E.) Many organizations work hard to provide people with items that they need, or things that would be nice to have, particularly around the holiday season. I knew a family on assistance when my oldest son was very young, and their daughter received more gifts through organizations than I bought for my son. It didn't mean her family had excess cash to burn. They were still struggling to make the food last all week.
These are just the first 5 reasons I came up with why scrutinizing what one person has or appears to have in contrast to your perceived notions about their income can be a very pointless activity. I am sure there are many more.
|
|
|
Post by anxiousmom on Feb 13, 2016 14:13:47 GMT
Every time I read a thread or complaint or hear it in person, I always want to ask- what exactly does poor look like? Do you have to be dirty and unkempt? Or driving a car from the previous century? Or have a ton of kids trailing behind you like little ducklings?
I mean really, what is poor supposed to look like?
As has been pointed out there are as many reasons for people struggling as there are people who struggle. Making a judgement call based on how people look is on us and frankly usually an incorrect assumption.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 4:30:21 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2016 14:32:43 GMT
I mean really, what is poor supposed to look like? That is a really good question and I also don't know what poor looks like. I know people with money, lots of money and they don't advertise that fact through their appearance. I am in receipt of government benefit because I care for my Mum full time, it's not a lot of money but I take pride in my appearance, my clothes are clean and undamaged, I'm not dirty or scruffy. People have different standards so you can be poor and presentable or rich and look like a bag lady.
|
|
ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,507
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
|
Post by ellen on Feb 13, 2016 14:59:58 GMT
I never pay attention to how the person in front of me pays for their groceries and if they pulled out a Snap card I would just assume they were paying with a credit or debit card. I'd like to think that most people mind their own business like I do. I really don't have a problem with my tax dollars helping someone get food. I think it's a small part of what I pay in taxes and money well spent. I teach in a school where over 50% of our students receive free and reduced lunch and breakfast at school. I'm glad to know these kids are being fed. It frees up money for their families to take care of other needs. Very few of our students look poor and I'm really glad that they don't. I know that a lot of our families hit garage sales and accept hand me downs to dress their kids and they look great.
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 13, 2016 15:08:19 GMT
I've volunteered at our local food bank for more than a decade. The reality is the majority of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. One unexpected bill, one week of reduced hours, etc and they do not have sufficient money for the month. Food is the most variable expense in people's budgets and usually one of the first to see the impact of a financial bump. A significant financial setback means that they don't have food to eat. It's really not that complicated. And yes they may not yet be living on the street, wearing rags which I guess means they "look" poor. I honestly don't understand the hand wringing about food benefits. It's really not a huge government expense, and there are dozens of government programs that waste a whole lot more money for me to be outraged about giving people who struggle food. The only thing that I would encourage is more collaboration between industry and government to try and get the huge amount of perfectly good food that is thrown away every day into the hands of hungry people.
|
|
The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,930
Jun 25, 2014 21:50:33 GMT
|
Post by The Great Carpezio on Feb 13, 2016 15:16:25 GMT
Yeah. Do people really look at how the person pays in front of them?
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 13, 2016 15:21:50 GMT
Yeah. Do people really look at how the person pays in front of them? You'd have to be looking really hard to spot the SNAP card. Now WIC is such a giant PITA, it's pretty obvious. I always wonder why they make it so hard on the cashiers.
|
|
|
Post by just PEAchy on Feb 13, 2016 15:28:08 GMT
I'm sorry you feel like you're being judged. It's really nobody's business, most don't know your story. I don't care or really notice how people pay or what they have in their cart. These programs are in place to help those truly in need, regardless of how they look. Just because a few take advantage of the system doesn't mean I should judge everyone who uses it.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 13, 2016 15:37:22 GMT
I try very hard not to judge because how do I know what that person's circumstances are? Bottom line is, I don't know. Maybe that cake or pan of brownies is to celebrate their sick kid's last birthday. And while it can be hard to turn a blind eye to cheap processed foods filling a person's cart when they have kids with them, I get that too. Fresh healthy food costs way more than boxed processed stuff and the money has to stretch as far as it can, and having anything to put in a hungry kid's stomach is better than nothing. Even things like having a smartphone. For some people it's a justified expense because it may be their only means of having reliable internet/email access.
|
|
|
Post by not2peased on Feb 13, 2016 15:39:19 GMT
I think many people "expect" people to look poor when they receive aid and also get very judgemental when someone doesn't look they way "they" think they should.
I don't judge-you really don't know the whole story, just from looking at someone. when I was a kid, we lived in subsidized housing after my parents got divorced. My dad would pick us up in his porsche and I KNOW people made judgements about that. what they didn't know, was that my dad wasn't paying child support, he had a business he put in his new wife's name and claimed to be destitute. yet he drove a porsche, lived in a big house with a swimming pool, etc. my mom was living paycheck to paycheck and working two jobs to make sure we didn't go hungry.
being poor isn't a crime, but some people sure think it should be
|
|
Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
Jun 26, 2014 2:00:21 GMT
|
Post by Nicole in TX on Feb 13, 2016 15:41:27 GMT
Is it possible you think you are being judged when you are not?
I imagine most people who receive benefits are younger.
|
|
iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
|
Post by iowgirl on Feb 13, 2016 15:43:21 GMT
I am sorry that you get "the look". No one should judge until they have walked a mile in your shoes. It is a good lesson for us all to read this too.
I will admit that I judge in the grocery line. I judge when they are dressed in pajamas and a dirty tshirt and have only frozen pizza and mountain dew in their cart and their kids haven't seen a hairbrush in weeks. I do. I can't help it.
But I also admire that young mom using the SNAP card who has real groceries in her cart, and some treats. Who speaks to her kids, and doesn't just yell or shut them out.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Feb 13, 2016 15:46:01 GMT
No but do get dirty look for getting treats sometime. I work super hard at making ever cent count. Including coupons on the stuff i can, Shopping in Sam and a few other places. So maybe every 3-4 months we have some left over I get pizza or something sweet that i do not have to make. Sorry every so often I need one meal i do not cook. But still get a dirty look. An idiot I know complained about this. I was so mad...as if you or your children don't deserve a cookie or cake mix once in a while. I say scowl right back at the haters...jerks.
|
|
|
Post by epeanymous on Feb 13, 2016 15:52:16 GMT
I actually had a cashier try to engage me about the cart contents of someone receiving benefits who had just checked out before me. No, I don't think you are imagining it, and, while this thread is unlikely to get a lot of "oh yes, I totally judge" confessionals, it takes five seconds on the Internet to see the gazillion comments about how people obviously do not need benefits because of their phones/cars/clothes/nails.
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on Feb 13, 2016 15:55:44 GMT
There have been plenty of anecdotal stories on the old twopeas site and here about people judging SNAP users for having manicured nails or an iPhone. They likely won't come on here and admit it, but I have seen it plenty of times whenever a thread about welfare comes up.
|
|
|
Post by moveablefeast on Feb 13, 2016 16:16:47 GMT
*shrug* My dear friend is a single mom whose income is below the poverty level - I know this because I help her with her taxes every year - drives a Mercedes SUV way nicer than anything I've ever driven. Her brother gave it to her when her husband was in a severe car accident and they couldn't buy a replacement vehicle.
Not my life, not my place to say.
|
|
basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,619
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:09 GMT
|
Post by basketdiva on Feb 13, 2016 16:36:33 GMT
I read a woman's story about this subject on Yaho. She said that sure she still had her home (friend helped with re-fi but hardly any furniture in it, her daughter did her nails using $ store polish, friends gave her clothes for her and the kids (some nice brands) and the church found her a car. Her article was all about being judged by people who did'nt know her or her circumstances. And how painful it was for her to hear the sighs and comments in the grocery store. Opened my eyes.
|
|
tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
|
Post by tincin on Feb 13, 2016 16:51:59 GMT
After reading the Maine Food Stamps thread, (whew!), some remarks made me think about my own experience. I receive SNAP. Since my X is in prison (still alive), he is unable to pay spousal support. I'm working on getting disability, but that's a tough maze to get through, and of course, if I do eventually get it it won't be much. I've sold all my ex's equipment and vehicles, it hasn't even covered all the taxes due, and there are lots more non tax debts. I'll have to file bankruptcy. I'm 58, can't work in my former profession, photography, it's way too physical, and am untrained for anything else. I can't sit or stand for significant periods of time without pain. Actually, I'm pretty much always in pain, it's just a question of how much. BUT, you can't tell that from looking at me in the grocery store. I'm clean, dress decent. My nails are done (DD does them) I have a smartphone, ( my son insists on keeping me on his family plan). I have the look and manners of a middle class middle aged suburban woman, because until a couple year ago that is what I was. I walk funny because of my back, more sometimes than others, but I don't LOOK disabled. I feel feel like checkers are friendly until I pull out the snap card. Like I'm supposed to "look" the part. Am I crazy thinking that the FS causes others to look at me and judge? my DS does so much for me, I'm pleased that this program allows me to buy my food. I feel that XH and I paid a crazy amount of money in taxes as business owners for decades, and it was for helping people in the boat I'm in now. So so tell me: have you looked at someone who uses FS, and thought "they just don't look like they need it?" According to some people that would be a yes. No matter how many times people try to explain that the nice car they are driving might belong to someone else, that the phone you're using may be paid for by someone who loves you and wants you to have access to it, that your clothes may be thrift store finds or left over from another, fiscally sounder time in your life, some people including some people simply refuse to believe you aren't gaming the system. My late DB received aid and didn't have a car so when one of my relatives took him he always arrived in a late model car. My sisters and I made sure he had nice clothes and shoes to wear. I paid for his cell phone. When we went grocery shopping for his place, he always paid what he could with his SNAP card and I paid the balance. Just by the looks we got I'm certain many people thought we were gaming the system. No, his family loved him and helped out when we could. Just like yours. Judgemental people would prefer you show up in a beater with holes in your shoes and ratty clothes. Then you would be worthy of aid. F$;& them.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 4:30:21 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2016 17:19:23 GMT
You know the truth of your situation.
Don't let a momentary judgment from someone without enough information challenge your security.
Don't give that person a vote.
|
|
|
Post by ktdoesntscrap on Feb 13, 2016 17:28:19 GMT
I figure I never know someone else's story. So I try not to judge.
|
|
|
Post by scrapsotime on Feb 13, 2016 17:37:55 GMT
I think you can designate someone to use your food stamps for you (at least it used to be this way). So, they could be buying food for someone that was sick and couldn't make it to the store.
There are some many different scenarios in life that we can never imagine.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 4:30:21 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2016 18:44:08 GMT
Honestly?
Put me in the category of , if you have hamburger helper in your cart , I am going to judge. Wait a minute. I guess that goes for everybody!
I don't care what you look like, but really IMHO snap should be used only for the basics. Vegetables, protein, eggs, dairy.
|
|