Church peas: when you don't mesh with a co-volunteer

Often new volunteers are very gung-ho and energetic. They don't bother to check any past practices etc... Before offering ideas/solutions.

I have to put up with ridiculous people every day in my real job, but heck no, not in a volunteer situation ...

If she were that bad and it was for my church, I would find another way to serve that didn't involve working with her.

Or if her ideas are really stupid, stand your ground on yours and see if it will work itself out. Maybe others will get sick of her too.

Blech, she sounds like a peach.

I worked for my pastors for 7.5 years and at times, basically ran a lot of things there so I have had PLENTY of experience working with people who are hard to work with but you know...it's church so you gotta be nice. haha! I would probably listen to her and as someone else said, give in to her sometimes but I would keep my role in authority and just say, "Well thank you Susie, we appreciate that viewpoint but we're going to go ahead and do this." I just would refuse to argue. You're the one in charge and responsible for everything so you don't owe anyone an explanation. When you start feeling like you have to keep everyone happy - that's where it all goes wrong. Maybe she'll give up if she doesn't get her way. Now having said all that, make sure you're not writing her opinions off every time just because she annoys you because that would be easy to do too.

First, I remind myself that she, too, is working for God. Remembering that motivation really helps. Second, consider that just because her ideas are different, doesn't mean they are bad. Discuss the ideas, make a decision and move on. I myself.probably wouldn't like the idea of.putting.mailboxes on the walls, either.... but that is.just me.

I am.assuming you are a Christian.... drag out your Christian patience and charity here. Is it really worth acting in a Mon Christian way? FOR THE RECORD, o have Ben working for nine years with someone who drives me crazy (church)... and I have to pray for patience frequently....

I am new to my job in a completely different work setting from what I am used to. I went to a training this week and the CEO and president of the corporation spoke for about 45 minutes. He's been with the company for over 40 years and was interesting. The one thing that had the most impact with me was his comment "fit in before you stand out." I thought from previous work experiences that this was a great piece of advice. Perhaps someone should cross stitch this on a pillow for your volunteer.


As a new person in an office, I do a lot of listening. I'm new and need to learn the culture. In my previous job, I was an initiator. I had experience and had tried the things new people suggested and oftentimes they were still bad ideas (not always). Either way, you do need to listen to her. She might have a point you hadn't thought about, but then I would take it to a vote and let things go with the majority.

I head a huge volunteer committee at the high school theatre. Sometimes new volunteers can be a PITA, but we really do need everyone who is willing to help. Generally when someone makes a suggestion that I know won't work, I do one of 3 things: 1-give examples of how it hasn't worked in the past, 2-give smaller parameters to meet our requirement (I will often simply a need, but will go into more detail when the discussion derails), or 3-give the parent permission to run with the idea as long as they are the ones doing the work. I try to say yes as much as possible, so I often go with #3. But they have to stick with the budget/timeline/details that I give them. 9 times out of 10, they don't want to do the work, they want me to do it. And it just fizzles out. And the 10th time is something fabulous and that parent now has ownership in the project. That's a good thing in a volunteer force.

I also use "we" instead of "I." I don't say that I need a mailbox, I'd say that we need a system to organize and distribute our volunteer mail. That makes it about the group, rather than just me.

Using the mailbox example, I would have asked what else she suggested doing. If she didn't see any need for mail organization and the other committee members did see a need, I would just go ahead with my plan. But I do like the suggestion of BeckyTech to use Command Hooks. Except I'd just use the Command Strips to attache the mail holder to the wall. Susie has a point that when new systems are put into place, holes are often left in the walls and it looks unsightly. Then everyone would win. Susie wouldn't have holes in the wall and you would have your mailbox.

Good luck. It's tricky to navigate all the feelings and egos of volunteers. So often a decision is made after a lot of discussion, but I don't want to type out a page of explanation in an email of how we arrived at that decision. But then I usually do because that's how 200 people know what is happening and why. But then there are those who tell me they don't read their email, but continue to ask the questions answered in the email... It takes a lot of patience to run a volunteer group, but when I get irritated, I try to tell myself that that is what I signed up for.

I'm exhausted with her right along with you. I am a huge believer in the fact that we Americans are entitled and have too much. I admire people who do not give for the sake of giving. That said, I hate hate HATE when anyone shoves things in our faces. If that is your thing, great! More power to you. But let me do what **I** want. That is what makes America great

Not a Christian so not an expert, but I thought part of that belief system was not judging others? So is she not contradictory to her own belief system every time she sits in judgy mcjudgerson territory? She seems to have a high need for validation of her awesomeness.

It is also part of the belief system to admit that we all have imperfections, including in oneself, and it sounds like that's what the young woman was doing when @tinyt said of their conversation "She has admitted to me that she struggles with feeling" ...

I would replace her and let her know she needs to grow in maturity to work in a committee setting.

Philippians 2:3: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.


As you are praying for her, perhaps pray this scripture over her. While you can be open to her opinions and perspectives, she might also benefit from the ability to consider others more important than herself.