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Post by Lexica on Apr 15, 2016 22:21:26 GMT
I am so very sorry for what your family is going through. Your poor sister. As someone else stated, losing a child and grandchild, then finding out your other child has done this. I cannot even begin to imagine what could possibly be going through someone's mind to allow them to do this. And a 3-month old baby! It is beyond horrifying. Is there some way you would be able to go stay with your sister for a while? That is if you think you would be up to it? It might also be beneficial to you to be able to talk to a counselor to help you deal with the loss and your worries about your sister. Again, I am so sorry and your family will be in my prayers.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Apr 15, 2016 22:33:39 GMT
I wish I could offer you more than good thoughts. I'm glad you're getting some concrete advice from others here.
Be good to your sister; be good to yourself. If it helps, pleasee continue sharing your story here.
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Post by scrapbookdiva on Apr 15, 2016 22:35:34 GMT
I am so terribly sorry. There really are no words but please know I'll be thinking of you and your family.
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Post by refugeepea on Apr 15, 2016 22:38:58 GMT
I don't even know what to say. ((hugs)).
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Post by joyfromny on Apr 15, 2016 22:45:16 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Post by lucyg on Apr 15, 2016 23:51:36 GMT
@ihavetoomuchstuff welshjenni jenjie thank you all very much. It was many years ago in December 1993. jenjie, I'm sorry, I thought you knew.
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Post by ametallichick on Apr 16, 2016 0:04:35 GMT
I'm so sorry for your tremendous loss. I don't have any advice for you. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.
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Post by destined2bmom on Apr 16, 2016 0:20:11 GMT
I am so very sorry for what your family is going through. Your poor sister. As someone else stated, losing a child and grandchild, then finding out your other child has done this. I cannot even begin to imagine what could possibly be going through someone's mind to allow them to do this. And a 3-month old baby! It is beyond horrifying. Is there some way you would be able to go stay with your sister for a while? That is if you think you would be up to it? It might also be beneficial to you to be able to talk to a counselor to help you deal with the loss and your worries about your sister. Again, I am so sorry and your family will be in my prayers. I am also at a loss for words. So I am quoting Lexica. I would just feel numb. Lucyg, I am also so sorry for the loss of your husband.
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
Jun 29, 2014 12:11:41 GMT
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Post by M in Carolina on Apr 16, 2016 0:30:54 GMT
Grief counseling-- a must. I also think someone who can help with PTSD. One of those events would take the soul right out of somebody and make it hard to get back up. But all of this? Plus a baby? and not a good support system? I'm not surprised she's suicidal. Her grandbaby needs her, though.
So it was her daughter, the daughter's son, and your sister's in-laws or sister's boyfriend's parents?
When I was suicidal in October, the EMS/police were great. Going to the ER is not the best because usually the hospital psych is full and all that happens is you sit in a room with nothing but a bed until a bed opens up--could be days.
My county has crisis centers where they take you and do intake. Then you're transferred to different psych hospitals in the area. I did have to wear soft shackles on the ride to the hospital because they have no clue who you are or what you could do--and people have attacked the workers. Imagine somebody grabbing the driver of the car by the throat in the middle of traffic...
The psych hospital was amazing. I thought that going would be horrific. When my dh called, I thought about going in the kitchen and slitting my throat because of the stigma (my MIL hasn't talked to me since) and because I'd always heard that mental hospitals were so horrible. One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest and Girl, Interrupted didn't help.at.all. I was so ashamed.
Going turned my life around. I found doctors who understood. Who promised to help, and they did. There were other people who understood. There were people there for grief related depression. I was given different medication that didn't just help my mood, it helped my MS and pain.
The only thing I wish I had done differently was call my psychologist instead of 911. Since I have private insurance, I could have gone to a nicer mental hospital. I was in county, and some of the staff was difficult. Most of the people were nice and great, but they also get the scary people, and there were a few people that were scary and would get nasty. My dad taught me self defense, and I was.in.no.mood.to.deal.with.their.crap. There were also two teen girls there that kinda bonded to me, so I felt like I needed to protect them. The staff just throws us in all together and then takes bets on who'll come out on top.
Even though my MS and pain won't go away, my depression being treated, and people actually understanding why I wanted to die and stop feeling so bad helped so much. Family doesn't want to talk about that. They're afraid. It's hard to explain to someone exactly how.bad.you.feel. Even when my Dad died--I couldn't believe how bad it hurt. Hundreds times worse than any physical pain--and my dad was older and wasn't murdered.
If your sister gets help with her depression and her grief--I do think group will be of great help, but I think one on one will really help. Somebody who can tell her that it's ok to be angry, upset, etc. all at one time and have bad days, etc. There's also genetic tests that tell what anti depressants will work the best.
When I was dealing with my dad's death, I did have my antidepressants changed and it helped so much. I could handle everything so much better. My crazy ass mom and her fighting my stepmom over my dad's estate and being nasty and saying bad things about my stepmom and dad and acting like she was the only one dealing with crap then flip flopping and acting like I just just shape up and get over it in a week--like I'd just lost a guppy or hamster.
Also talking about it isn't going to make your sister feel worse. She's going to cry and feel horrible and scream until she can't breath. These wounds are deep. They need to heal from the inside out to heal well. Ignoring the fact that this trauma happened just lets the wound fester and makes it harder. My aunt never said anything about my dad's death. They didn't like each other, but damn.
I will be praying for you and your sister. I feel so bad for her and you. Hang in there. There is help.
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deleted
Apr 16, 2016 1:15:14 GMT
via mobile
lucyg likes this
Post by quinlove on Apr 16, 2016 1:15:14 GMT
Oh dear God. I am so very sad for your famy. I hope that you can feel all the love that we are sending to you.
(Lucy, it breaks my heart to hear about your husband. I always knew that you were a very strong woman !)
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Post by jenjie on Apr 16, 2016 1:16:55 GMT
@ihavetoomuchstuff welshjenni jenjie thank you all very much. It was many years ago in December 1993. jenjie, I'm sorry, I thought you knew. I knew that he had passed away but not how. I am so so sorry.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 16, 2016 2:36:05 GMT
Sending good thoughts really doesn't seem close to being adequate. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this horrible tragedy.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Apr 16, 2016 2:36:28 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this. Can you have her stay with you or someone else, or someone stay with her? I don't think she should be alone.
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Post by anniefb on Apr 16, 2016 2:37:21 GMT
How tragic. I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts to you and your sister. I can't imagine what you are all going through. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
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Post by gryroagain on Apr 16, 2016 2:44:40 GMT
I'm so, so sorry- words can't really express the shock of what has happened and how awful it is. You have gotten some great advice here, I wish I had some but since I don't know you and your family are in my thoughts.
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nanaterry
Junior Member
Posts: 67
Jun 26, 2014 20:05:34 GMT
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Post by nanaterry on Apr 16, 2016 3:57:11 GMT
Thank you all again.
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Post by stacy71 on Apr 16, 2016 4:17:48 GMT
I am so sorry. I am familiar with the case (I live in the state) I followed on the news. Just heartbreaking. Does your sister have any close friends you could talk to to see how she is really doing? Let them know your fears? Are your mom and her close? I remember maybe seeing mom on TV with her? I don't have much advice, but I am so very sorry for your families horrific loss.
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nanaterry
Junior Member
Posts: 67
Jun 26, 2014 20:05:34 GMT
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Post by nanaterry on Apr 16, 2016 4:31:55 GMT
I am so sorry. I am familiar with the case (I live in the state) I followed on the news. Just heartbreaking. Does your sister have any close friends you could talk to to see how she is really doing? Let them know your fears? Are your mom and her close? I remember maybe seeing mom on TV with her? I don't have much advice, but I am so very sorry for your families horrific
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 16, 2016 4:50:56 GMT
I'll send positive thoughts. I can't even begin to imagine what you all are going through. I hope the family gets some closure.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Apr 16, 2016 6:17:04 GMT
Wow. I am so sorry. x
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Post by miominmio on Apr 16, 2016 6:22:52 GMT
"I'm so terribly sorry" is inadequate, but it is all I've got. ((Hugs))
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oaksong
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,164
Location: LA Suburbia
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
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Post by oaksong on Apr 16, 2016 6:28:30 GMT
I can't imagine the heartbreak you must be feeling. I hope that you and your sister can find comfort in each other. You'll get through this one day at a time. Hugs and prayers to you...
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Apr 16, 2016 18:14:50 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Apr 16, 2016 18:14:50 GMT
I'm so sorry to read about your family tragedy. I think that most of us can only imagine the intensity of feelings that are bombarding you and your sister. Dealing with a shocking loss and having to be responsible for so much has to be very overwhelming.
To help her, allow her to talk about whatever she can. Bottling it up does not seem healthy. She needs to see a mental health professional asap. The same goes for you. Help her, but take care of yourself.
Is there a legal aid lawyer that she can see who can help her as she is by default stuck in the justice system? Local prosecutors should be able to put her in touch with victim's advocates, but she may need to be somewhat cautious about speaking with police and prosecutors because she is possibly a witness. Again, I hope you find good help, and I'm sorry for your loss.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Apr 16, 2016 21:29:13 GMT
What a heartbreaking situation and you must feel overwhelmed by it all. I'm sorry for your family's tragedy. I hope your sister finds some way too deal with all the pain.
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TXMary
Pearl Clutcher
And so many nights I just dream of the ocean. God, I wish I was sailin' again.
Posts: 2,818
Jun 26, 2014 17:25:06 GMT
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Post by TXMary on Apr 16, 2016 22:43:15 GMT
I am so sorry. I can't even imagine the pain your family is in. Sending good thoughts to you, your sister and all affected.
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my3freaks
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,206
Location: NH girl living in Colorado
Jun 26, 2014 4:10:56 GMT
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Post by my3freaks on Apr 17, 2016 3:03:38 GMT
I'm so sorry, what a horrible tragedy for your family.
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nanaterry
Junior Member
Posts: 67
Jun 26, 2014 20:05:34 GMT
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Post by nanaterry on May 18, 2016 18:46:13 GMT
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