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Post by papersilly on May 11, 2016 17:18:56 GMT
TRUE friends don't cut you down. I would not even deal with this person unless absolutely necessary and only for work related stuff.
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Post by pealikecrazy on May 11, 2016 18:20:01 GMT
Why do you want to be friends with her? Well, I'm trying to be friends with her because I know people who have blown her off. I now know WHY. Sad to say...but I thought I might be able to sort of "break her" or how can I say...make her realize there are "real" friends out there for her? She had a bad childhood...step-father that....(insert ugly act here!)... YUP!...so I have been TRYING...she is a friend of a friend's...but they are no longer friends. Does that make sense? I got this job because sarcastic girl referred me, so I feel as if I sort of owe her my time/friendship. And I do like her when she's not being a smart-a$$ and masking it as "sarcasm", which is just too often!
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Post by pealikecrazy on May 11, 2016 18:26:59 GMT
so...you have a co-worker who ALWAYS uses sarcasm to under-handedly cut you down...but you think this person really *IS* a friend, however....she'll say you are "too sensitive" if you try to discuss this with her...and make it about you, rather than the fact that it is all about her. What would you do? (please note that I capitalized ALWAYS!) That person is not your friend! Don't fool yourself into believing that she is. Maybe you ARE "too sensitive", but a friend would take that into consideration, and save her sarcasm for someone who will appreciate it. Since I'm the queen of snarky comebacks, she would be crying in a corner by the time I had finished with her. (I'm generally a nice person, but if someone insists on being an ass, I have no problem returning the favour). THIS IS WHAT I AM AFRAID OF...I might let loose and "return the favor" as you said!
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Post by STBC on May 11, 2016 18:37:15 GMT
Well, I'm trying to be friends with her because I know people who have blown her off. I now know WHY. Sad to say...but I thought I might be able to sort of "break her" or how can I say...make her realize there are "real" friends out there for her? She had a bad childhood...step-father that....(insert ugly act here!)... YUP!...so I have been TRYING...she is a friend of a friend's...but they are no longer friends. Does that make sense? I got this job because sarcastic girl referred me, so I feel as if I sort of owe her my time/friendship. And I do like her when she's not being a smart-a$$ and masking it as "sarcasm", which is just too often! You can be thankful that she helped get you into your job, but you don't owe her anything for it. You're not going to change how she behaves. A person like this is very likely to throw a "friend" like you under the bus in order to protect her own interests.
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Post by miominmio on May 11, 2016 18:41:57 GMT
That person is not your friend! Don't fool yourself into believing that she is. Maybe you ARE "too sensitive", but a friend would take that into consideration, and save her sarcasm for someone who will appreciate it. Since I'm the queen of snarky comebacks, she would be crying in a corner by the time I had finished with her. (I'm generally a nice person, but if someone insists on being an ass, I have no problem returning the favour). THIS IS WHAT I AM AFRAID OF...I might let loose and "return the favor" as you said! But why are you afraid of that? I think it's important that you give that question some thought. Setting boundaries for nasty people are necessary, albeit uncomfortable if you're not used to do it. Be firm, but civil. And if that doesn't work, channel your inner witch and make her regret her awful behaviour. You might make an enemy for life, but at least you will KNOW she's your enemy.
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Post by miominmio on May 11, 2016 18:43:31 GMT
Well, I'm trying to be friends with her because I know people who have blown her off. I now know WHY. Sad to say...but I thought I might be able to sort of "break her" or how can I say...make her realize there are "real" friends out there for her? She had a bad childhood...step-father that....(insert ugly act here!)... YUP!...so I have been TRYING...she is a friend of a friend's...but they are no longer friends. Does that make sense? I got this job because sarcastic girl referred me, so I feel as if I sort of owe her my time/friendship. And I do like her when she's not being a smart-a$$ and masking it as "sarcasm", which is just too often! You can be thankful that she helped get you into your job, but you don't owe her anything for it. You're not going to change how she behaves. A person like this is very likely to throw a "friend" like you under the bus in order to protect her own interests. ^^^ this! Please take this to heart, OP. You don't owe her a doormat....at least not when that doormat is you.
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Post by M~ on May 11, 2016 18:48:08 GMT
Sarcasm is mother's milk. I would not survive my life if it were not for my verbal skills. Having said that, there's a difference between funny sarcastic (which my friends and I embrace wholeheartedly) and hurtful sarcastic (which I employ ruthlessly with people who are TRYING to be rude to me).Lots of people don't get sarcasm and lots of situations don't call for it.
I'm a great proponent of people being entitled to their feelings. So, if you feel that her sarcasm is a way of putting you down, then you may want to have that conversation with her. She may not even think she's being hurtful (again, you don't know her thoughts). If you both value the relationship you will find a way to engage that is not hurtful. If you cannot-I'm also a great proponent of "not everyone in this universe is going to be my friend," and vice versa.
As we say in my country- Para los gustos se hicieron los colores-colors were made for different tastes.
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Post by maryland on May 11, 2016 19:03:33 GMT
If she needs a friend, it doesn't sound like she needs it to be you. If she wanted you as a friend, she shouldn't treat you like that!
My 12 yr. old has a "friend" like that. Her older sisters can't stand this girl and don't understand why she wants to be friends with all these girls that treat her like that. Sorry, I am venting! My husband and I are so tired of these girls at school being so mean that we want to ship her off to an all boys school. The boys are always so nice to her.
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Post by pealikecrazy on May 13, 2016 0:46:18 GMT
update in original post.
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Post by refugeepea on May 13, 2016 4:17:46 GMT
UGH! And she cut me down again today and I walked out of the room. She got mad and wouldn't speak to me, even though she is the one who should apologize. I don't know whether to talk to her about it or just let it ride...and ignore. I can tell from knowing her that she sees NOTHING wrong with what she said, so I feel I need to explain it...but then she'll pull that card..."you're being sensitive." But it's more like, "no girl...you are mean and nasty and say rude things and I can't help it if you have a miserable life...leave me out of your CRAP!" I'm just not cut like that. Hubby says I am too nice. UGH!!!! Thanks for letting me vent. It helps. You were smart to walk away. I would have been tempted to call her out on her rudeness. Like the make up "question". I'd say that's a mean thing to ask. I'm not sensitive and I'm not going to answer your passive aggressive questions.
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Post by mlynn on May 13, 2016 4:23:58 GMT
UGH! And she cut me down again today and I walked out of the room. She got mad and wouldn't speak to me, even though she is the one who should apologize.
[/quote] [/p]
She has let you know her currency. Use it. Do not chase after her. Let her stew until she gets over it.
My husband used to think that anything said as a joke was ok. I finally made a joke he did not appreciate. He said something. I responded, "I thought anything said as a joke was ok." He got the message and I have not had to repeat the lesson in over 2 decades.
There was a woman who considered me a friend. She repeatedly did offensive, unmannered things. I told her that my friends do not treat me like that. End of story.
...but then she'll pull that card..."you're being sensitive." br]
I would respond, "A friend (true friend) would take that into consideration" and then walk out.
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Post by STBC on May 16, 2016 13:12:19 GMT
You did the right thing by walking out of the room. Her reaction is her problem, not yours. You don't owe her an explanation. I'm sure she knows exactly what she did, but she's not used to receiving negative consequences for her actions. She expects to "win" in these situations!
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 16, 2016 13:31:21 GMT
as in...don't even respond to her? What about when she forms things in a question? Which she does!!! Which is hard to deal with! I can be a sensitive person...I can! But these things...are rather...just under-handed! I can't say I don't have any money to eat OUT for lunch or she'll say something like, "I wonder how much money you spend on MAKEUP?" I do wear makeup. I spend what an average woman would spend...but she does NOT wear makeup. I don't care to discuss my finances. Ugh. Sorry. I just don't get it. Why do people who do NOT have it together like to point out others faults? To shift the light to someone else? That's sort of what she does. She's so transparent, but she doesn't even realize... First what you spend $$ on is none of her fucking business! Secondly, if she said that to me, I'd likely respond "yeah, I like wearing makeup, you should try it sometime! All the above posters who said she is NOT a friend AND to not engage her are right!
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 16, 2016 14:40:36 GMT
so...you have a co-worker who ALWAYS uses sarcasm to under-handedly cut you down...but you think this person really *IS* a friend, however....she'll say you are "too sensitive" if you try to discuss this with her...and make it about you, rather than the fact that it is all about her. What would you do? (please note that I capitalized ALWAYS!) UGH! And she cut me down again today and I walked out of the room. She got mad and wouldn't speak to me, even though she is the one who should apologize. I don't know whether to talk to her about it or just let it ride...and ignore. I can tell from knowing her that she sees NOTHING wrong with what she said, so I feel I need to explain it...but then she'll pull that card..."you're being sensitive." But it's more like, "no girl...you are mean and nasty and say rude things and I can't help it if you have a miserable life...leave me out of your CRAP!" I'm just not cut like that. Hubby says I am too nice. UGH!!!! Thanks for letting me vent. It helps. Sorry to read this update. Some people are just that clueless and/or mean. I agree with the others who've said this person is not your friend. I think if it were me, I *would* say something to her and it would likely be some variation of what I bolded above! I don't think I would even care if she was offended (because obviously she doesn't care if she is being offensive to you) as long as it shuts her up.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on May 16, 2016 14:53:46 GMT
Ignore her and go about your day. Then rinse, lather and repeat anytime she makes a sarcastic remark to you. It will take a few times, but she should get the message eventually.
Now you need to ask yourself why you are more concerned about her feelings rather than your own. She is a work colleague and nothing more. You owe her nothing, yet you do owe yourself respect and kindness. It's the whole oxygen mask scenario - take care of yourself before taking care of others, only in this case you are taking care of and protecting your own feelings first. You should know by now that she is only putting you down to make herself feel better. That is not your responsibility. Don't allow yourself to be used that way. Chin up! You can do this!
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Post by mikklynn on May 16, 2016 16:25:51 GMT
In response to your update, IGNORE HER.
If she needs your friendship, she'll be back pretending nothing ever happened.
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smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,323
Location: MN
Mar 18, 2016 14:06:38 GMT
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Post by smcast on May 16, 2016 16:40:48 GMT
The ball is in her court. Ask yourself why you feel the need to explain everything to her. She doesn't get it, she is mean. If you keep running after her without sticking up for yourself, you are basically telling her it's ok to treat you that way. Unless you put a stop to it, it will continue.
What is so hard about adults being honest to each other? It is bothering you how she is treating you so tell her. If she continues, don't allow it.
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