|
|
Post by pealikecrazy on May 10, 2016 17:23:44 GMT
so...you have a co-worker who ALWAYS uses sarcasm to under-handedly cut you down...but you think this person really *IS* a friend, however....she'll say you are "too sensitive" if you try to discuss this with her...and make it about you, rather than the fact that it is all about her. What would you do? (please note that I capitalized ALWAYS!) UGH! And she cut me down again today and I walked out of the room. She got mad and wouldn't speak to me, even though she is the one who should apologize. I don't know whether to talk to her about it or just let it ride...and ignore. I can tell from knowing her that she sees NOTHING wrong with what she said, so I feel I need to explain it...but then she'll pull that card..."you're being sensitive." But it's more like, "no girl...you are mean and nasty and say rude things and I can't help it if you have a miserable life...leave me out of your CRAP!" I'm just not cut like that. Hubby says I am too nice. UGH!!!! Thanks for letting me vent. It helps.  |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:16:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 17:26:34 GMT
Do not engage.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:16:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 17:28:04 GMT
These two things seem to be at odds.
Friends don't intentionally cut you down and then turn it around on you when you try to discuss it with them.
I wouldn't stay friends with someone like that.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:16:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 17:28:36 GMT
so...you have a co-worker who ALWAYS uses sarcasm to under-handedly cut you down...but you think this person really *IS* a friend, however....she'll say you are "too sensitive" if you try to discuss this with her...and make it about you, rather than the fact that it is all about her. What would you do? (please note that I capitalized ALWAYS!) I put as much distance between us as I can.. emotionally, physically, tasking...while remaining professional; they are NOT a friend. Constant sarcasm is her way of showing you who she is. and what she thinks of you! She is flat out telling you what she really thinks. Believe her. |
|
|
|
Post by scrapmaven on May 10, 2016 17:32:26 GMT
Speak to her only when necessary and don't personalize the conversation. Business talk only.
|
|
|
|
Post by pealikecrazy on May 10, 2016 17:32:31 GMT
as in...don't even respond to her? What about when she forms things in a question? Which she does!!! Which is hard to deal with! I can be a sensitive person...I can! But these things...are rather...just under-handed! I can't say I don't have any money to eat OUT for lunch or she'll say something like, "I wonder how much money you spend on MAKEUP?" I do wear makeup. I spend what an average woman would spend...but she does NOT wear makeup. I don't care to discuss my finances. Ugh. Sorry. I just don't get it. Why do people who do NOT have it together like to point out others faults? To shift the light to someone else? That's sort of what she does. She's so transparent, but she doesn't even realize...
|
|
|
|
Post by pealikecrazy on May 10, 2016 17:34:59 GMT
The thing is...she needs a good friend...and I am really trying, but...I don't want to get crapped on!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:16:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 17:37:05 GMT
as in...don't even respond to her? What about when she forms things in a question? Which she does!!! Which is hard to deal with! I can be a sensitive person...I can! But these things...are rather...just under-handed! I can't say I don't have any money to eat OUT for lunch or she'll say something like, "I wonder how much money you spend on MAKEUP?" I do wear makeup. I spend what an average woman would spend...but she does NOT wear makeup. I don't care to discuss my finances. Ugh. Sorry. I just don't get it. Why do people who do NOT have it together like to point out others faults? To shift the light to someone else? That's sort of what she does. She's so transparent, but she doesn't even realize... With sarcastic people I do not hear questions that are not directly work related. Snide comment about my finances goes unheard. If possible I just carry on a conversation with someone else. Or just look at them with a blank face until they walk away. Don't engage! |
|
|
|
Post by rst on May 10, 2016 17:38:18 GMT
The example you gave "I wonder how much you spend on makeup? is not exactly sarcasm, unless we're missing the tone of voice and delivery.
Since you don't enjoy her sarcastic manner, I agree with the posters who suggest limiting contact. When you must engage, keep it light and don't get all emotionally involved. So for example, when she made the make up comment, you could say "Yes, I spend my grocery budget at Ulta. I thought pancake foundation would be great with maple syrup. My bad." and then roll your eyes and say -- "sorry -- can't do lunch with you, unless you're paying."
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:16:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 17:38:42 GMT
The thing is...she needs a good friend...and I am really trying, but...I don't want to get crapped on! She may need a friend. YOU don't have to be that friend. If it makes you feel better straight out tell her you are willing to be a friend but not if she keeps cutting you down. She has to learn some social boundaries... and it sounds like you need to learn some to! You have a right to NOT have people run you down. Period. |
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on May 10, 2016 17:39:23 GMT
Sarcasm is my first language.
I have trouble distinguishing when people *aren't* being sarcastic. It's foreign to me.
My kids are sarcastic.
My friends and I are sarcastic bitches to each other. That's how we know we like each other.
|
|
|
|
Post by pealikecrazy on May 10, 2016 17:43:45 GMT
Thanks ladies! Yes, the question about makeup...it was totally meant as sarcasm. Then she tried to get me to actually answer the question. I should have said, "WAY more than you, OBVIOUSLY!" (sorry...my evil twin just took over the kepboard!) And voltagain, you are RIGHT. I don't have to be "that" friend. I'm thinking I really agree with that!  |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:16:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 17:44:19 GMT
From reading your posts, it doesn't seem like the two of you are friends, or really even like each other at all.
Why not just accept that and keep things polite and strictly professional?
|
|
basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,619 
|
Post by basketdiva on May 10, 2016 17:45:30 GMT
The thing is...she needs a good friend...and I am really trying, but...I don't want to get crapped on! In order for her to have a good friend, she needs to be a friend. Seems like the friendship is one sided at this point. I wouldn't try any more. If she asks you to go out to lunch, just say No thanks, not this time. End of discussion. No need to justify why you can't or don't want to go out to lunch. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:16:59 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 17:47:48 GMT
as in...don't even respond to her? What about when she forms things in a question? Which she does!!! Which is hard to deal with! I can be a sensitive person...I can! But these things...are rather...just under-handed! I can't say I don't have any money to eat OUT for lunch or she'll say something like, "I wonder how much money you spend on MAKEUP?" I do wear makeup. I spend what an average woman would spend...but she does NOT wear makeup. I don't care to discuss my finances. Ugh. Sorry. I just don't get it. Why do people who do NOT have it together like to point out others faults? To shift the light to someone else? That's sort of what she does. She's so transparent, but she doesn't even realize... That's not sarcasm, that's plain nastiness. Why can't you just speak plainly to her? What is it you think will happen that's worse than what's happening? If she says something like the above, can't you just say, "That's not an acceptable way to speak to me, and even if I had lunch money, I would not want to spend my time with someone who speaks to me that way." If you lose her as a "friend", you haven't really lost much, have you? |
|
|
|
Post by anxiousmom on May 10, 2016 17:49:26 GMT
I don't deal well with sarcasm-often it is just a smokescreen for people to be ugly and then lay the blame at your feet when you think it isn't funny. I knew someone that would constantly tell me I was being too sensitive because I didn't find her comments even remotely humorous. I know that there are a few people that can pull it off and it IS funny...but the majority of people I thinking miss the mark and use what they think is sarcasm to be hurtful on purpose.
I used to work with a woman who was like this and she would always tell me I was being too sensitive or that I just didn't get the joke. A lot of what she would say was hurtful and sadly, the more I ignored her the more she went at it. She often did this in full view and hearing of supervisors and it was awful.
|
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on May 10, 2016 18:15:13 GMT
I love sarcasm also. However, I know there are people who hate it and I try to use it less with them. I would say that I use it more on myself than my friends. I wouldn't ever tell a friend that she is being too sensitive. She is who she is. I don't think cutting down people is sarcastic. I think it is just mean. Sarcasm is an art if used correctly.  |
|
|
|
Post by anniefb on May 10, 2016 18:17:31 GMT
|
|
Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
|
Post by Dalai Mama on May 10, 2016 18:28:39 GMT
Like myshelly, sarcasm is my mother tongue. What makes me stop is when people don't seem to get that I'm being sarcastic - I just really don't know how to react to it.
So, if you want to stop her in her tracks, take everything she says literally. She might think you lack intelligence but at least she'll stop. |
|
|
|
Post by STBC on May 10, 2016 18:42:12 GMT
I put as much distance between us as I can.. emotionally, physically, tasking...while remaining professional; they are NOT a friend. Constant sarcasm is her way of showing you who she is. and what she thinks of you! She is flat out telling you what she really thinks. Believe her. I agree! I know a person like this and they are not my friend. This person gets great pleasure from putting people in their place - including me. I am polite but I don't engage. Sarcasm is my first language. I have trouble distinguishing when people *aren't* being sarcastic. It's foreign to me. My kids are sarcastic. My friends and I are sarcastic bitches to each other. That's how we know we like each other. I'm sarcastic too - I appreciate some good sarcasm. There's a big difference joking around *with* someone and constantly putting someone down. |
|
|
|
Post by refugeepea on May 10, 2016 18:54:42 GMT
I'm sarcastic too - I appreciate some good sarcasm. There's a big difference joking around *with* someone and constantly putting someone down.  Your co-worker is just plain mean! |
|
|
|
Post by STBC on May 10, 2016 18:54:48 GMT
as in...don't even respond to her? What about when she forms things in a question? Which she does!!! Which is hard to deal with! I can be a sensitive person...I can! But these things...are rather...just under-handed! I can't say I don't have any money to eat OUT for lunch or she'll say something like, "I wonder how much money you spend on MAKEUP?" I do wear makeup. I spend what an average woman would spend...but she does NOT wear makeup. I don't care to discuss my finances. Ugh. Sorry. I just don't get it. Why do people who do NOT have it together like to point out others faults? To shift the light to someone else? That's sort of what she does. She's so transparent, but she doesn't even realize... I'm not seeing the sarcasm. It's not funny. She wants to point out what she considers to be your faults to feel superior to you. You don't have to justify anything to her. If you get stuck in a question like that again, don't answer - just stare. Stare straight at her until she gets uncomfortable and then go on with what you were going to talk about. Or say "I have to go now." and walk away. |
|
smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,319
Location: MN
|
Post by smcast on May 10, 2016 18:59:40 GMT
You have received some good advice. I either look at them like they're an idiot for what they just said or beat them at their own game.
This gal isn't sarcastic, she is mean and immature. She is personally insulting you and you are allowing it.
|
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on May 10, 2016 19:11:04 GMT
so...you have a co-worker who ALWAYS uses sarcasm to under-handedly cut you down...but you think this person really *IS* a friend, however....she'll say you are "too sensitive" if you try to discuss this with her...and make it about you, rather than the fact that it is all about her. What would you do? (please note that I capitalized ALWAYS!) I haven't found that type of person is interested in changing no at all. I ignore, attempt a redirect if that doesn't work I remove myself from their presence for awhile. Frankly I don't think she is your friend. She can claim to be as much as she likes but the truth is she is probably incapable of having real relationships with people and therefore uses sarcasm to keep everyone at 'arms length' emotionally. Let me guess everything has to be done HER way even if other ways are viable and correct? And obviously on her timetable too? ( though that timetable may not be revealed until it's not met ) |
|
|
|
Post by STBC on May 10, 2016 19:12:52 GMT
The thing is...she needs a good friend...and I am really trying, but...I don't want to get crapped on! She probably does, but she isn't going to get a good friend until she starts acting like one herself. |
|
|
|
Post by chirpingcricket on May 10, 2016 19:16:51 GMT
Before I read all the responses, I was thinking of telling you what I do. I take sarcastic comments literally. So if your acquaintance asked me sarcastically how much money I spent on make up, I would answer her. "My concealer cost $X, the foundation is $Y, I love this mascara, it's $D."
My husband can be pretty sarcastic. The only thing that works with him is to answer him honestly, and when he says, "I was being sarcastic," I can reply, "We would communicate better if you would say what you mean. Irony isn't helpful."
Fortunately, I'm not the only person who plays obtuse. Take her literally. Answer her honestly. She'll figure it out eventually.
|
|
|
|
Post by Meri-Lyn on May 10, 2016 19:25:53 GMT
I put as much distance between us as I can.. emotionally, physically, tasking...while remaining professional; they are NOT a friend. Constant sarcasm is her way of showing you who she is. and what she thinks of you! She is flat out telling you what she really thinks. Believe her. I agree! I know a person like this and they are not my friend. This person gets great pleasure from putting people in their place - including me. I am polite but I don't engage. Sarcasm is my first language. I have trouble distinguishing when people *aren't* being sarcastic. It's foreign to me. My kids are sarcastic. My friends and I are sarcastic bitches to each other. That's how we know we like each other. I'm sarcastic too - I appreciate some good sarcasm. There's a big difference joking around *with* someone and constantly putting someone down. Me, too! My nephew calls me the queen of sarcasm (and I've taught him everything I know  ) But if you are using it as a way to just cut someone down, then you're doing it wrong. Time to cut off this so-called "friend," and just keep it strictly business. If she has no friends, sounds like it is of her own doing. |
|
M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
|
Post by M in Carolina on May 10, 2016 19:38:46 GMT
People who accuse others of being "too sensitive" are just being insensitive.
Sarcasm shouldn't hurt people's feelings.
I'd just stay away from this person. Don't respond to her bitchy comments. I have a SIL like your coworker. It really bothers her when I don't respond to her nastyness.
|
|
|
|
Post by mommaho on May 10, 2016 19:41:08 GMT
Do you work with the person I have been having problems with? I'm sorry you are going through this but there are some people that just aren't meant to be your friends at work. I found that out the hard way. She is a person you have to occasionally deal with at work and that is it - avoid her like the plague otherwise.
|
|
|
|
Post by pealikecrazy on May 10, 2016 19:55:27 GMT
so...you have a co-worker who ALWAYS uses sarcasm to under-handedly cut you down...but you think this person really *IS* a friend, however....she'll say you are "too sensitive" if you try to discuss this with her...and make it about you, rather than the fact that it is all about her. What would you do? (please note that I capitalized ALWAYS!) I haven't found that type of person is interested in changing no at all. I ignore, attempt a redirect if that doesn't work I remove myself from their presence for awhile. Frankly I don't think she is your friend. She can claim to be as much as she likes but the truth is she is probably incapable of having real relationships with people and therefore uses sarcasm to keep everyone at 'arms length' emotionally.
Let me guess everything has to be done HER way even if other ways are viable and correct? And obviously on her timetable too? ( though that timetable may not be revealed until it's not met )OH. MY. GOODNESS. This is exactly what I couldn't put into words! And yes, VERY controlling down to how to word a letter, when I have been a secretary for over 30 years and I am very good at paying attention to detail and do not need to be told to use a different word in a letter that means EXACTLY the same thing. The day she did that, I was shocked. AMAZED! I said, "oh sure!" and changed the letter, but it was basically the very same word....I wish I could remember what word/words they were! You would definitely get a laugh. I love all the advice I get here. I really do. I love how I don't really "know" any of you and I feel like most people don't sugar-coat anything. That's what I really like...well, sometimes NOT, but mostly I like it. lol! |
|
) But if you are using it as a way to just cut someone down, then you're doing it wrong. Time to cut off this so-called "friend," and just keep it strictly business. If she has no friends, sounds like it is of her own doing. 
Southern Side eyed Pea 