Thank you for all the responses.
My sister and I let her stay home. To answer a few questions, my dad passed away in his sleep in March 2015. All my life my mother has said she does not want to be a burden to her children. We have tried every argument mentioned in the posts, but she can be very stubborn. We try very hard to let her be independent and sometimes it is hard. Today was hard, because yesterday she was so excited about going tonight. Today, she dug in her heels and so we let her stay home. It won't be long before she cannot drive anymore and she knows that.
We also know that pushing her to do something when she gets in this mood will only make her angry and accomplish nothing.
In 1990, the retina in her right eye tore and could not be repaired. The cataracts in her left eye are getting really bad.
The doctors have told her since she had a retina tear, there is a 90% chance of a tear when they try to remove the cataracts. We are not pushing the surgery, because we understand her fear (and maybe it is our fear as well) that she will not regain her vision.
Maybe she is manipulating us, I never looked at it that way. She was my best friend and it is difficult to see her become a totally different person.
Sorry to ramble on, but thank you for your advice and encouragement.
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My mother has limited vision and relies on my sister and I to take her to family events not held at her house and school events for my niece and nephew. We each live 20 – 30 minutes from her depending on traffic. For weeknight events, my sister picks her up (it is on her way) and I take her home. I take her home, because my sister’s day starts earlier than mine does and it is not a big deal for me to be out later. I am usually home by 10:00pm.
A few months ago, Mother started making comments about being “traded” around. So, my sister and I agreed that whoever picks her up takes her home. This is fine with us and has worked for several months.
My niece is a senior in high school and tonight is Senior Awards night. She is receiving an award, her counselor made a comment that she needed to be there because someone is coming to present an award to her.
This afternoon, Mother tells my sister she does not want to go, because it is “too much of a burden” for us to pick her up and take her home. No matter how much we assure her it is not a burden and we enjoy spending that time with her, she still feels bad because this is her life now that my dad is gone.
I am so frustrated and sad that she will not be there to see the award presentation. My sister and I are emailing and I do not know if she mentioned how disappointed my niece will be if she is not there.
No matter how much we assure her it is not a burden and we enjoy spending that time with her, she still feels bad because this is her life now that my dad is gone.
Other than using my niece's feelings a leverage, do the Peas have any other suggestions?