|
Post by refugeepea on May 24, 2016 1:56:05 GMT
I'm curious about the family dynamics. In mine, cousins tend to hang out with each other more than spending time with adults. One year I allowed my son to bring a friend because his 2 closest cousins in age did things together and rarely included him. I still do not think it's good to bring a girl, but I guess I could understand if he brought a guy friend.
|
|
Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
|
Post by Mystie on May 24, 2016 2:09:17 GMT
Who's paying on this vacation rental? Everyone? Just Grandma? I think the person paying has the final say. I still would not want it to happen. I can't imagine a mother wanting this to happen. I just wouldn't want to worry about them going off somewhere and having sex. Not on my watch. We're all chipping in, so my sister-in-law does technically have the right to bring whom she wishes. A romantic vacation in the woods seems like the fastest way to become a grandma. Well apparently she lets them hang out in the basement together with the door closed...so...yeah. I love my SIL, but she did not get the common sense gene in that family. As the mother of a 13 year old.. there is no way in HELL she would go on vacation with her boyfriend... not that she has one.. not at 14 not at 15 maybe 17 or 18... but I would not even consider it before. Who ever is responsible needs to say NO family only. Unfortunately, my sister-in-law has disrespected my MIL's wishes before (about not having alcohol at these get-togethers) for years, so I doubt she will put much stock in her objections on this. And MIL is reluctant to lay down the law, their relationship can be touchy.
|
|
Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
|
Post by Mystie on May 24, 2016 2:11:45 GMT
I'm curious about the family dynamics. In mine, cousins tend to hang out with each other more than spending time with adults. One year I allowed my son to bring a friend because his 2 closest cousins in age did things together and rarely included him. I still do not think it's good to bring a girl, but I guess I could understand if he brought a guy friend. My nephew is the only boy and oldest child--the kids are 15, 14, 13 and 12. There are lots of things he can do with his sister and cousins, and he has a grandpa and two uncles who would love to spend time with him. We swim, hike, play games, cook, shop, play mini golf, and there are tons of other things to go and do.
|
|
|
Post by CarolT on May 24, 2016 2:20:12 GMT
Honestly, I'm not even a fan of kids bringing friends on family vacations. To me, a family vacation is an opportunity for families to spend time together, without other people. When my kids were growing up, it never occurred to us to invite friends along and they were never invited along to go on vacation with other families. I think it's different if families vacation together.
This summer, ds's girlfriend will be joining us for a week in the Smoky Mountains - ds is 26, and he and his gf have been dating for 2 years, living together for a year and I'm hoping they will get married soon! This is the first time we've ever had a friend, gf, or bf join us on vacation.
|
|
|
Post by refugeepea on May 24, 2016 2:36:02 GMT
Unfortunately, my sister-in-law has disrespected my MIL's wishes before (about not having alcohol at these get-togethers) for years, so I doubt she will put much stock in her objections on this. And MIL is reluctant to lay down the law, their relationship can be touchy. Since you don't live that close you could become that "bitchy" SIL who lays down the law and your MIL will secretly thank you.
|
|
|
Post by mikewozowski on May 24, 2016 2:40:11 GMT
i think a 14 year old girlfriend is too young to invite on fam vacay.
|
|
Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
|
Post by Mystie on May 24, 2016 2:40:29 GMT
Unfortunately, my sister-in-law has disrespected my MIL's wishes before (about not having alcohol at these get-togethers) for years, so I doubt she will put much stock in her objections on this. And MIL is reluctant to lay down the law, their relationship can be touchy. Since you don't live that close you could become that "bitchy" SIL who lays down the law and your MIL will secretly thank you. No thanks!
|
|
|
Post by breakfastattiffanys on May 24, 2016 2:43:51 GMT
I'm curious about the family dynamics. In mine, cousins tend to hang out with each other more than spending time with adults. One year I allowed my son to bring a friend because his 2 closest cousins in age did things together and rarely included him. I still do not think it's good to bring a girl, but I guess I could understand if he brought a guy friend. My nephew is the only boy and oldest child--the kids are 15, 14, 13 and 12. There are lots of things he can do with his sister and cousins, and he has a grandpa and two uncles who would love to spend time with him. We swim, hike, play games, cook, shop, play mini golf, and there are tons of other things to go and do. So the gf would be the same age and close in age with the 3 other girls? She'd probably spend time with them and he'd end up being left out anyway. I have a 14 yo girl and I'd laugh hysterically at being asked if she could vacation with a boy.
|
|
|
Post by Scrappyhappy on May 24, 2016 2:44:02 GMT
No way.
|
|
|
Post by k8smom on May 24, 2016 3:11:19 GMT
We always took my dd and ds's boyfriend / girlfriend on family vacations without ever having any issues, even at that age.
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on May 24, 2016 6:32:09 GMT
A recipe for disaster. Nope.
|
|
|
Post by gar on May 24, 2016 8:12:36 GMT
No, not necessary at that age. Difficult situation for you though, in how to 'enforce' it or encourage your MIL to stand her ground.
Is SIL asking for opinions or is she just going to do it if she wants to?
|
|
|
Post by maryland on May 24, 2016 10:43:07 GMT
At that age, I'd probably veto the idea of girlfriends going along. However, I've hosted plenty of girlfriend visits in our home overnight at older ages though. I have taken a girlfriend along to a Navy boot camp graduation and subsequent visit to the same Navy boy. And we're having a girlfriend join us while we rent a beach house in Florida in a couple of weeks. So... I am not at all opposed to the idea of girlfriends being included. With four sons, we either have to make our peace with girlfriends or see less of the boys! KWIM? But at 14-15 years of age? I do think I might discourage that one. I agree! I have three girls, so I know what you mean about including the boyfriends or not seeing the daughters. We adore our 16 yr. old daughter's boyfriend and would include him on our family beach trip and they may include her on theirs. They haven't been dating long, but have been good friends for almost a year. My 13 yr. old was invited to go to Bahamas with a girl she is barely friends with this spring. We completely trust the parents, but this girl hasn't always been nice to our daughter so we didn't even consider letting her go. The trip was too far away and for a week, so not something we were comfortable with.
|
|
|
Post by disneypal on May 24, 2016 10:55:07 GMT
I am with your MIL and you. I don't think the GF should come along.
|
|
peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,620
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on May 24, 2016 10:56:11 GMT
Whatever happened to bringing a GameBoy along when you're bored?
|
|
eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
|
Post by eastcoastpea on May 24, 2016 11:07:40 GMT
No to the girlfriend.
|
|
raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
|
Post by raindancer on May 24, 2016 11:41:30 GMT
I agree with everyone else. As the mom of a 14 yo nope.and I am also pretty open about this stuff.
That being said I have a friend who would do this and her reasoning would be how amazingly mature her child is. She truly, deeply believes her child is miles ahead of all the other children developmentally and in maturity. S/he is not. But there is no convincing her. S/he went through puberty early but s/he has a lot of privileges that most 16 amd 17 year olds dont have and for good reason.
The girl/boyfriend on vacation would not even be in her radar. Truly. And she would simply chalk it up to her family being out of touch with her kid.
|
|
|
Post by melanell on May 24, 2016 11:52:02 GMT
At that age? No. If this was a long time girlfriend of someone older, then absolutely. But 14 & 15? My answer would be "no" unless there were some extreme circumstances to convince me otherwise.
|
|
|
Post by melanell on May 24, 2016 11:54:42 GMT
Oh, and I'm also going to throw out there that I went on family only vacations throughout my entire teen years and managed to never die of boredom without a friend or boyfriend there to entertain me. Plus, the 15 year old is not so much older than the next youngest kids that he can't hang out with them if the adults cramp his style too much. Most state parks have numerous things for someone to do, so perhaps he can check those things out.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 21, 2024 23:55:24 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2016 12:01:24 GMT
Our family's reunion (normally around 30-40 people) is a week-long beach vacation. Over the years many of the children/teens have brought friends and they just jump in and are one of the gang. Sometimes the "friend" is actually a similarly aged cousin from the other side of their family. For us, my immediate family, I made a rule that you could not bring a boy/girlfriend until age 18. The closer my children got to 18, I changed the rule to they must be out of high school. Unfortunately, medical and financial (because of medical reasons) we have not made the trip for some years... but the family still does this trip and has for over 75 years!!
|
|
|
Post by melanell on May 24, 2016 12:02:05 GMT
I asked DH and his answer was that it wouldn't matter to him if the mom asked the girl to go, because if the girl was his daughter there's no way in hell he'd let her go at that age anyway.
|
|
amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,334
Member is Online
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
|
Post by amom23 on May 24, 2016 12:10:02 GMT
I agree too young. We've taken DS girlfriend on many trips with us, but they were in college when that started and are now 23 year olds.
|
|
Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,770
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
|
Post by Kerri W on May 24, 2016 12:32:59 GMT
1. I would not and have not taken boyfriends/girlfriends on family trips. I may make a different choice if my child was the only young person going with a group of adults.
2. I wouldn't take kindly to my MIL or SIL telling me how my vacation, that I paid for, was going to go down. (I realize that's not what the OP is saying but seems many are suggesting)
3. I'm really surprised that so many are expressing that since they have *boys* the situation/rules are different or that you see them less. That wouldn't jive for me. I expect exactly the same from my DS as I do from my DDs and know my SILs family does the same whether it works for DDs schedule or not.
|
|
|
Post by mellowyellow on May 24, 2016 12:41:12 GMT
No way.
|
|
|
Post by coaliesquirrel on May 24, 2016 12:59:00 GMT
Never mind ages, never mind SIL's slackass parenting. This is a FAMILY vacation - time to spend with people you rarely see. Unless the girlfriend is on her way to becoming family (IOW, also a fiancee), she's got no business being on this vacation. No to same-gender non-romatic friends as well. If I was grandma, I'd absolutely put my foot down on this.
|
|
caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
|
Post by caro on May 24, 2016 13:43:04 GMT
14 and 15, way to young. I would let the boy bring a male buddy along if he is the only boy. We took many friends along on our family vacations but it was just our family not extended family.
|
|
|
Post by scrapmaven on May 24, 2016 14:55:51 GMT
I'd bring the girlfriend along this year and then you can bring the grandchild along next year. What on earth is SIL thinking? I would be happy to allow adult men to bring their girlfriends, but not 14 year old girls. Unfortunately, it's SIL's choice and I think she's making a mistake. 4 years ago this child was playing w/dolls. Does your SIL know that if you say NO to a child they won't faint?
|
|
Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
|
Post by Mystie on May 24, 2016 14:57:23 GMT
No, not necessary at that age. Difficult situation for you though, in how to 'enforce' it or encourage your MIL to stand her ground. Is SIL asking for opinions or is she just going to do it if she wants to? I think she'll just do what she wants to. It's not my place at all to enforce anything, that's on my MIL and my husband's other sister. I don't think his other sister is enthusiastic, either, so maybe SIL will listen to reason. I feel validated by y'all, though!
|
|
|
Post by jackie on May 24, 2016 15:09:43 GMT
I agree with SpongeMom. I think it's the age that's getting me. And yeah, if it's an annual family event and family that he doesn't typically get to see is there, time really should be spent with them.
Something similar to this came up with with my dd. She's 16 and will be 17 in July. Her bf is 18. He told me the other day that his family has a camper at a local campground and they spend a lot of time there in the summer. He wondered if my dd could come out and stay there with them sometimes.
I was caught off guard. I'm looking over at my dh for a reaction (this all happened while the three of us--bf, dh, and me were watching dd's softball game). I said "Welllll...I'll have to think about that Tyler. What are the sleeping arrangements, would adults be there to supervise? I told him my dh and I would have to talk to his parents. I'm kind of leaning toward yes. He's technically and adult and she's almost an adult. I trust her to make smart decision. I don't think they are sexually active at this point but it seems like engaging in that in a small crowded camper with his parents a few feet away might not be where they want to start. Plus, I do realize that if they want to do it, they'll find a way whether I let her camp or not.
This conversation wouldn't have even happened if she was 14 though. And I'm pretty liberal with that stuff.
|
|
schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
|
Post by schizo319 on May 24, 2016 15:24:40 GMT
You know your SIL is wrong when ALL the peas are in agreement! I'm pretty liberal about stuff like this, but 14&15 seems about 3-4 years too young to me. Hopefully the 14yo's parents will say no and it'll be a non-issue.
|
|