grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Jun 16, 2016 15:47:41 GMT
This is so timely for me. It will be my first Father's Day without my dad, too. I thought I was handling it well, until like lainey , I started looking at Father's Day cards. I always get one for DH because I want him to know how much I appreciate him being a great dad to our kids. Then my eyes wandered over to the cards addressed To Dad from your Daughter....that's what I always got my dad. I didn't completely lose it in the store, but boy, did I let it out in the car! I'll be staying home from church as well. I know I'll cry when they start talking about fathers, and I prefer to grieve privately right now. Frankly, I don't care how anyone else feels about that. They're not me, they don't get to tell me how I should handle Father's Day. That was me too at the store. Except I had to go to several stores to find a good card for fil. It's not "from your daughter who grew up in your home", it's not "from both of us". I finally found a generic Father's Day card that seemed to fit. I did a good job of steering away from the husband cards. But in the generic cards was one that would have been perfect for my dh. I ALMOST completed that task without feeling miserable... I absolutely refused to do anything with cards this year. If my hubby wants to give his father or grandfather a card, that's his task. I'm not buying any more Father's Day cards. It actually surprised me how much anger (though that's a bit much... irritation, I guess) when the whole card thing came up (not with him, if anything my hubby is the only one that gets it... his faaaaaaaamily brought it up. They really like traditional gender roles) and I think I really shocked them with my refusal. Don't care though. My life, my choice. If anything, that's a lasting legacy from my father that I am super proud of. He taught me to be me and not bow to pressure... especially faaaaaaaamily.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jun 16, 2016 15:52:53 GMT
I have had to do the same It has been almost 10 years since I lost my Mom and mother's day was so tough for so long.
My sister lost her husband just over 2 years ago, she and her children, both adults in their 20's decided that they would spend all major holidays for the first year away from home doing something their Dad would love.
On his birthday they went on a boat on Lake Michigan, for Christmas a group of us rented a Condo in Downtown Chicago.
I think that creating your Option B in your terms is the most important thing you can do.
I think it is a life lesson. There are big and little disappointments we face all the time learning how to kick the hell out of Plan B will help you in life.
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Post by jenjie on Jun 16, 2016 15:54:58 GMT
I admire your restraint. I'm feeling quite "punchy" these days too. Hahaha! Thanks. I know my patience is at an all time low right now. And I knew that it would not solve anything, other than just poke the bear in an already tense situation. I'm pretty much avoiding most of the Father's Day stuff... at least the traditional stuff. The advertisements piss me off, though I have found good deals for stuff that we need around the house. "telling me that I "needed closure because I didn't have the right kind" which means the kind she thinks is appropriate. " You hit the nail on the head with this right here.
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Post by ilikepink on Jun 16, 2016 15:56:12 GMT
Sometimes I think my whole life has been Plan B-although I must be up to R or S by now....lol
While I think the phrase "it is what is is" is overused = it's accurate. What is here, right now, is what you have. Not what you wanted for the first choice - or even second choice - but making the best for your out of what you have at the moment.
If I'm busy, I'm ok; it's when nothing is planned and I end up feeling horrible all alone. I lost my dad last year in April. We had a memorial for him in June, on his birthday, so that got me through last year. His birthday was Tuesday this week; I had friends over for dinner to honor my niece who's birthday was last week and was pretty shitty. Sunday I'm going to powerwash my porches and/or put a new floor in my bathroom (that should keep me busy!).
When life changes all the normal things we did also change. And it sometimes takes a very long time before there is a new normal in life--that in between time really, really sucks.
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Post by jenjie on Jun 17, 2016 4:56:56 GMT
"What is here, right now, is what you have. Not what you wanted for the first choice - or even second choice - but making the best for your out of what you have at the moment. " Yep. ilikepink . I'm sorry you had such a hard time on your dad's birthday. I hope your plans for Sunday will be an appropriate distraction. Hugs to you.
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