|
Post by disneypal on Jun 16, 2016 16:43:48 GMT
While I think your dad did have kind of a point....I also think your mother was just trying to teach you the proper way to wash the dishes.
|
|
luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
|
Post by luvnlifelady on Jun 16, 2016 16:47:45 GMT
Dad's comments would've frustrated the hell out of me if I were mom. That's how moms get stuck doing the majority of the work. Everyone thinks that if they do a bad enough job, mom won't be happy and they'll be off the hook. As a mother, I would show the child how to do it and then help them learn the technique. My 19 yo DD sometimes washes dishes (her version of it). I wish I had my kids helping with chores earlier. However, I was a SAHM and thought it was my "job" to take care of things. Ugh. Luckily, I learned and did better with my 16 yo DS but they both needed more responsibility as younger kids.
|
|
georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
|
Post by georgiapea on Jun 16, 2016 17:29:24 GMT
Your dad should have stayed out of it. At 14 you were certainly old enough to properly wash dishes. And you only had to wash those you are from? Probably if they had "residue" after being washed I'd just make sure that plate and silverware were what you ate from next time.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jun 16, 2016 17:38:15 GMT
I currently have three men in my house who dishes the dishes better than I do. One will wash and if the towel boy doesn't like it, it gets tossed back. If it goes to the third man who puts it away and he doesn't like it, it gets tossed back.
|
|
|
Post by papersilly on Jun 16, 2016 17:51:39 GMT
I currently have three men in my house who dishes the dishes better than I do. One will wash and if the towel boy doesn't like it, it gets tossed back. If it goes to the third man who puts it away and he doesn't like it, it gets tossed back. man, that is some excellent quality control. I love it!
|
|
|
Post by KiwiJo on Jun 16, 2016 17:53:22 GMT
I am a bit puzzled about this.
When someone is doing "the dishes" it usually isn't difficult to properly clean the plates, knives and forks; it's usually things like pots and pans that take a bit more scrubbing.
But you say your DD has to wash her own dishes - so, her own plates etc? Do you fill up the sink with hot soapy water and each person washes their own? Doesn't seem very efficient - what's your reasoning?
|
|
|
Post by femalebusiness on Jun 16, 2016 18:03:08 GMT
It is not her husband, he is her boyfriend. If he is not the child's father I'd tell him to butt the hell out.
|
|
mlana
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,523
Jun 27, 2014 19:58:15 GMT
|
Post by mlana on Jun 16, 2016 18:22:02 GMT
Ok, it sounds to me like you have 2 different issues going on.
First is that you have a 14 yo who was careless in doing a basic chore. Since clean dishes aren't important to her, next time save one for her eat off of. It's amazing how fast their attitude will change, especially if you save one that had something strong flavored so it smells as they go to put the new food on the plate. I did this once with each of mine (DH, too) because I was tired of them not rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher when they knew our dishwasher wouldn't get dried on food off. I let everyone choose their own special dish for meals, that they alone were responsible for rinsing before putting in the dishwasher. If it came out nasty because they hadn't rinsed it, they had to eat off of it. DS decided he'd show me, and ate out of his dirty bowl once. Did you know dw soap clings to the food particles, even if it doesn't remove them? Yeah, soap flavored food is not tasty. They got the point really fast and were smart enough to know that I would follow up exactly as I'd said, so the problem was solved fast here.
Second is that someone who may or may not be a permanent fixture in your DD's life (boyfriend is the title you gave him, not DH or SO, sonot sure what he is to your DD) disagreed with how you handled a discipline situation in front of your DD. We didn't do that; we asked to speak to the other person in private, later if the situation wasn't an emergency, and expressed our disagreement then. In front of the kids, we were Team MomandDad. Period. If this man isn't a permanent fixture in your DD's life, he needs to keep his mouth shut. If he is a permanent fixture, he needs to keep his mouth shut until the two of you are in private.
Marcy
|
|
|
Post by secondlife on Jun 16, 2016 19:21:04 GMT
I am a bit puzzled about this. When someone is doing "the dishes" it usually isn't difficult to properly clean the plates, knives and forks; it's usually things like pots and pans that take a bit more scrubbing. But you say your DD has to wash her own dishes - so, her own plates etc? Do you fill up the sink with hot soapy water and each person washes their own? Doesn't seem very efficient - what's your reasoning? you don't really need a full sink of hot soapy water to wash a plate and a glass. You can just put some soap in a wet sponge and wash your stuff. In my house, my expectation is that if we have had a family meal then the person whose night it is will fill the dishwasher and run it and do pots and pans if there are any. If we have had individual meals such as we do on weekends, you can either put your own dishes in the dishwasher or hand wash them but you may not leave them in the sink for someone else to deal with later because I think that's rude. Sometimes circumstances make it hard to do that and that's fine - life is like that and if you need to eat and run then I'm not upset by that. But my reasoning is you should take care of the dishes you dirty up, that's all.
|
|
|
Post by mymindseyedpea on Jun 16, 2016 21:51:26 GMT
No food specks, no grime. But mom would run her fingers on each dish in the drying rack and if it didn't have the "squeaky sound" it would get dumped back in the grimy water. Well hot water only lasts so long, the cooler it is the less likely you are going to get that "squeaky sound". It drove me insane. Simple supper dishes could take hours to do to her satisfaction. That's what I do. I check each dish in the drying rack by running my finger around them. I don't check for the squeaky sound though. I just check for the specks and grime.
|
|
|
Post by mymindseyedpea on Jun 16, 2016 21:59:21 GMT
First, from the perspective of a parent of teens with a healthy relationship with them: There have been many times over the years that a chore has been assigned and because teens can be a pain in the ass, the chore was completed with less than stellar results. Dishes being done in a half ass manner just to be contrary is pretty par for the course. When that happens, the yes, of course they are going to do it again until the dishes are clean. Learning to do a job right the first time (and basic housekeeping skills) are a life skill that has to be learned. If it takes 47 times, then by golly you will stand in front of the sink washing the dishes until your fingers prune for all I care. BUT at some point during those 47 time the onus is on me to teach that child what clean is, how to do it correctly, and probably why it has to be done. If on the other hand, I assign a chore like washing dishes and I do not have a healthy relationship with my children and I am requiring that they do the dishes over and over and over again because I am channeling Joan Crawford and there will never be a point where I am satisfied that the job is well done, then yes-someone needs to step in and shut me down. Yes dd totally does them half ass. And I feel she knows it, and I make her do them over and over until they are clean. As for your 'other hand' sadly that's what I feel SO thinks, that I will never be satisfied. ( he's the one that's never satisfied though so that's where that comes from )
|
|
|
Post by mymindseyedpea on Jun 16, 2016 22:11:44 GMT
Actually at 14 my grandmother was raising me and she did all the dishes. My only chore was the recycling. I didn't start doing the dishes till I was 16. Talk about taking a crash course in responsibility. Your kid is 14? They should be able to "properly" wash dishes at that age without close supervision. Leaving "a lot" of food residue? Does this happen a lot? Demonstrate how to do it correctly so that the expectation is clear. There's no reason why an able 14 year old can't properly clean a dish. The comment about crash course in responsibility makes me think there's a lot of pressure on getting the dishes done just right. SO used his training process on how I teach dd to do the dishes. He said to first show her how it's done while she watches. Next, assist her in how it's done while she washes. And finally watch her while she washes. Dishes still come out grimy. By the time she does her dishes, the food is caked on. I have a major pet peeve with washing dishes with food caked on them. Whenever I notice dd putting a dish of hers in the sink and begins to walk away I tell her to wash it so the food doesn't end up getting caked on, and make it harder to wash.
|
|
|
Post by crimsoncat05 on Jun 16, 2016 22:16:57 GMT
^^^ that scenario (food dried or caked on) is easier to handle if you're washing an entire sink full of dishes at a time, rather than just one individual plate / dish / set of silverware. If you do an entire sink of dishes, they can soak in the water to loosen the stuff as you're washing other items. If you do only one at a time, you end up using a ton more water and elbow grease than is really necessary.
(just my two cents worth, from how my Mom has always done dishes.)
And, FWIW, from the scenario you described, it does sound like she's not getting them totally clean, which is not exactly the same (to me) as the super-neat-freak type of thing.
|
|
|
Post by mymindseyedpea on Jun 16, 2016 22:26:25 GMT
I am a bit puzzled about this. When someone is doing "the dishes" it usually isn't difficult to properly clean the plates, knives and forks; it's usually things like pots and pans that take a bit more scrubbing. But you say your DD has to wash her own dishes - so, her own plates etc? Do you fill up the sink with hot soapy water and each person washes their own? Doesn't seem very efficient - what's your reasoning? The efficiency we are going for is when someone is done with a dish they take it to the sink and wash it and put it in the drying rack. I do the pots and pans and let them soak overnight. But there should be no reason why there are any other dishes in the sink. But I'm beginning to think that only exists in a perfect world.
|
|
|
Post by mymindseyedpea on Jun 16, 2016 22:30:19 GMT
It is not her husband, he is her boyfriend. If he is not the child's father I'd tell him to butt the hell out. He is her biological father.
|
|
|
Post by dewryce on Jun 17, 2016 1:36:43 GMT
I don't see how anyone could be considered "picky" or to have higher standards than someone else. As far as I'm concerned, dishes are either clean or they are not clean. One little food speck = not clean. This is how I feel as well, either it is clean or it is not. And I would have an issue if my DH said that in front of my child.
|
|
Grom Pea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,944
Jun 27, 2014 0:21:07 GMT
|
Post by Grom Pea on Jun 17, 2016 2:57:30 GMT
This reminds me of my bil. Imho his parenting skills leave a little to be desired since my niece is spoiled and is daddy's little girl. If my sister ever says anything to my niece then my bil tells my sister off in front of my niece, eg niece is pouting because she can't have something and my sister said "don't make that face" and her husband says, "if you don't like her face then move" I think that's poor parenting because it favors the child and shows the child that the father doesn't respect the mother and the child can then pit them against each other. Also the child grows up entitled and thinking she's the one running the show. If this were me I'd be having a frank discussion with dh about having a united front in front of the kids, he doesn't have to agree with me, but he should support me and talk to me in private later about it. Luckily my husband doesn't do this and was actually the one who said in the car later "can you believe what bil said to your sister?!" This is my husband in relation to my daughter. She can do no wrong. We have even gone to counseling over his favoritism. Added to this scenario is how harsh he is with my twin boys (20yo). It sucks and he is not doing my daughter any favors. And he's losing the relationship with his sons - they want very little to do with him. I'm so sorry, that sounds awful :-( My parents were always fair with my sister and me. It's always tough to hear when someone got short shrift compared to a sibling :-(
|
|