scrappert
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Posts: 7,781
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Jun 20, 2016 21:09:25 GMT
I will validate, also. My mom would go thru the same thing when she would host "up north" before they physically moved there. A lot of food was wasted by people bring more than enough. My parents did not stay there to finish the food and had a 5 hour drive to get home. They would only go up once every couple of weeks. Why would you want to cart around a cooler and have to mess with ice and containers that won't leak just to bring it back home? Along with the rest of your stuff, like dirty laundry? Nope.
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TheOtherMeg
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Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Jun 20, 2016 21:16:14 GMT
I know I personally am not good at planning exactly what food is needed for a certain number of people. If I was in charge of the burgers for example I would probably make 2 patties per person just in case someone wants more then one. How would I ration watermelon? I bring a watermelon to every cookout I go to. Sometimes I bring 1/2 a melon home, other times people are upset cause it all got eaten too fast. I always err on the side of having too much then not enough. I'm terrible at that, as well. I don't think bringing extra is a problem if you're willing to take home your leftovers.Exactly.
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 20, 2016 21:23:11 GMT
Ugh. I am sorry. That is frustrating. Is there a reason that they can't cart the food back out with them when they go?
I admit that I am 100% guilty of bringing food with me. For some reason, people seem to "forget" how many kids I have and think that since I have more than two, that kids #s 3-6 are all one extra kid, and after one too many times of "don't worry, we have dessert for everyone/oh I guess we only have enough popsicles for half the kids, I'm sure your kids won't mind, right?" I have started bringing along extra just in case. There was a famous time when I was told by a family member that there would be "steak for the adults and hot dogs for the kids" for dinner at their summer home, and it turned out that their adult dinner guests wanted the hot dogs and took them first, leaving us with a bunch of rare steaks for the confused preschoolers. But when I bring extra food, I offer to do whichever of leaving it or taking it with me that the hosts prefer, and I'm really apologetic about it (and can I tell you, I often don't have anything to cart back out).
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Post by mlynn on Jun 20, 2016 21:35:14 GMT
I totally get your frustration. She is demonstrating that she heard you, she understood you, and she could not care less. Very rude. I hate people like that.
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Post by breakfastattiffanys on Jun 20, 2016 21:36:22 GMT
I'll validate you too. My SIL is notorious for bringing/buying too much food, leaving a day early, and "donating" leftovers to the family. So we scramble to pack it up and fit it into the vehicles, along with her children and their luggage because they didn't want to leave early.
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Post by hop2 on Jun 20, 2016 21:48:37 GMT
I'll validate the OP
My MIL does this kind of thing. If we have a gathering at our house she will bring 6 desserts. Great FWP! I know. It is. Totally.
BUT I do not need the extra calories, we mostly don't like the desserts she brings, they all require refrigeration so I've got cake boxes in my fridge for a week until I finally throw it all out regretfully. I hate wasting food and most of these items usually have 1-2 mangled pieces cut out of them at the event and then sit for a week. My kids are not cake people.
The kicker is none of it is home made, she really can not afford it, especially to have it thrown out because we won't eat it. She refuses to take it home with her. I always feel so horrible throwing it out after because I know she can not afford it.
And no we can't donate it to a soup kitchen NJ changed its laws about 4 years ago and they can no longer accept stuff like that. Neither DH nor I work in an office setting to bring it there either. It's really just a waste of about $80-$100 and it freaks me out every time.
ETA: we have asked her not to she doesn't listen or care.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 20, 2016 21:49:20 GMT
I'm afraid I'm guilty of this and it makes my parents crazy. When we go Up North, we coordinate our meals and then I tack stuff on. I know it makes my parents crazy, but dad's wife never had kids and has no idea how much teens can eat. Plus, we are all outdoors all day hiking and swimming and everyone is hungry! And in the beginning, my kids were young and liked things like Gogurt, milk, and fresh fruit, which they didn't eat.
I do have our own cooler and we do bring that stuff home in our car. And it's nice to have there-I fill it with kid stuff and drinks and they stay outside and don't let the bugs in. Dad just can't understand why they talk with the door open. Um, because they've never lived where there are mosquitos at night! And we try to teach the kids to look at us when they are talking.
We're a military family and go home every summer for 2-3 weeks. There are 4 of us, plus extra relatives that come over to see us. So I always try to buy groceries so that I'm not mooching off my parents. When we leave, there's always something left that we didn't eat. If it's non perishable, I tell them to donate it to the food shelf. Perishables, I tell them to eat what they want and co post the rest.
OP, grit your teeth and dump the stuff in the trash before you leave. It's better than them never bringing anything!
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Post by krazykatlady on Jun 20, 2016 22:10:28 GMT
Pull all the leftovers out as well as a trash bin. Then one by one ask them if they plan to take it home. If they answer No, toss it in the trash right then and there. They will either stop you or let you carry on, but I guarantee they will get the message. This is what you need to do
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Post by Really Red on Jun 20, 2016 22:18:06 GMT
I remember my mom having a party and I brought hors d'oeuvres. After it was all over, all my hors d'oeuvres were gone and she said to me I brought too much (my mom had specified how much I should bring and I brought more) because my aunt brought some too and no one ate hers.
So even though I am a person who believes more is good and leftovers don't bother me and none of that would bother me, I see exactly what OP is saying. I still feel a bit guilty to this day about bring too many hors d'oeuvres!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jun 20, 2016 22:22:21 GMT
I can see both sides. Stuff that requires refrigeration is going to be harder to transport home. I'd rather keep the chips and cookies and send any produce in excess of what we could finish home with them. I'm sure they were just trying to be helpful, but ended up inconveniencing you. That's the thing, we have post after post of people coming to any type of gathering, vacation, etc. and not contributing. So either way it's a no win situation The older people I know rarely, if ever go to a gathering without bringing something. It's just something they do and just something we know they are going to do. But I can also say I'm pretty casual and don't get upset about much. We go camping and bring home a ton of food, ours, others and who knows what or where we got some!
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Post by hop2 on Jun 20, 2016 22:34:56 GMT
I can see both sides. Stuff that requires refrigeration is going to be harder to transport home. I'd rather keep the chips and cookies and send any produce in excess of what we could finish home with them. I'm sure they were just trying to be helpful, but ended up inconveniencing you. That's the thing, we have post after post of people coming to any type of gathering, vacation, etc. and not contributing. So either way it's a no win situation The older people I know rarely, if ever go to a gathering without bringing something. It's just something they do and just something we know they are going to do. But I can also say I'm pretty casual and don't get upset about much. We go camping and bring home a ton of food, ours, others and who knows what or where we got some! You can come to a one single event gathering and bring 1 maybe 2 dishes but 6 refrigeration requireing dishes? Not fun. Also, if staying with someone over a period of time if someone communicates space/transport issues with you ahead of time and you ignore then perhaps be prepared to transport the extras back. It's just the chips comment, to me, means the mil heard her but didn't care. Which is a bit rude. and about the tossing the stuff in front of the mil item by item asking if she wants it, that just seems to me like it is also rude and could cause hurt feelings. Not sure if be willing to cause hurt feelings over an issue like this. I'm my inlaw family it would fester and cause drama. I'd bite my tongue and pack the car at the end of the vacation and let DH deal with his moms extras as he sees fit.
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Post by Zee on Jun 20, 2016 22:58:34 GMT
I truly don't understand why some of you would grumble and complain and pack it all up. Throw it out on the last day and move on. If MIL doesn't want it to go to waste, she'll pack it up herself I guess.
This is such a non-issue to me.
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Post by happymom on Jun 20, 2016 23:06:26 GMT
I get it... I often say no thanks when people offer extra food. If the cabin has limited storage things like chips and crackers just sit on the counter There also may not be storage containers for leftovers.
Plus a lot of people in my family have weight issues...and yes too much food is BAD. Even fruit
And some places may have rules on garbage and taking everything with you. #bearproblems
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 20, 2016 23:21:44 GMT
I can see both sides. Stuff that requires refrigeration is going to be harder to transport home. I'd rather keep the chips and cookies and send any produce in excess of what we could finish home with them. I'm sure they were just trying to be helpful, but ended up inconveniencing you. That's the thing, we have post after post of people coming to any type of gathering, vacation, etc. and not contributing. So either way it's a no win situation The older people I know rarely, if ever go to a gathering without bringing something. It's just something they do and just something we know they are going to do. But I can also say I'm pretty casual and don't get upset about much. We go camping and bring home a ton of food, ours, others and who knows what or where we got some! I think it's one thing if people are asking for contributions to a meal, it's another thing entirely when people are not. Usually when DH and I host something, we completely expect to provide plenty of food and beverages for everyone attending and we typically overbuy just to make sure we won't run out of anything in case the 25% of people who didn't RSVP properly happen to show up anyway. When we say, "Just bring yourselves!" we mean just that. No one's kids will go without hotdogs or Popsicles or juiceboxes and we're not going to run short of buns, ketchup, salad or anything else. We even go out of our way to provide stuff for the non-red meat eaters, the vegetarians and anyone else that has a dietary restriction we know about. And there is no way at all that I'm going to run out of dessert! Not on my watch anyway.
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Post by auntkelly on Jun 21, 2016 0:45:41 GMT
We love to have friends stay with us at our lake house, but I have to admit I get cranky over the leftover issue. People act like they are doing us a favor by leaving the leftovers, but in reality they do not want to deal w/ them. They go flying out the door when the weekend is over and my husband and I are left cleaning out the Tupperware containers before we can leave on our eight hour drive home. We then have to haul the trash to the dumpsters, which are a couple of miles from our house.
Sometimes we let our family and close friends use our lake house when we are not there. My instruction sheet specifically says to take home any food or drinks brought to the house, but I can't tell you how many times we have arrived at our lake house to find that we have to throw out a bunch of food someone left in the freezer to make room for what we want to put in the freezer.
It doesn't ruin our weekend when people leave leftovers at our lake house, but it is more work for us to deal with and as I said, it makes me cranky!
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Jun 21, 2016 1:22:41 GMT
OP - I validate your vent and agree whole-heartedly. I didn't read all the responses so this may already have been said. It's not the idea of having been given leftovers, it's the problem of you having to deal with them and schelp them all home.
I have the same problem with my aunt who brings food to family dinners. She brings way to much (and extra stuff we don't eat) and doesn't want to take any of it home. Drives me crazy.
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freebird
Drama Llama
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Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jun 21, 2016 1:29:30 GMT
Is there other cabins nearby? Can you ask a neighbor if they'd like some fresh fruit as you can't take it home? My husband totally loves free food. ha!
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Deleted
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May 14, 2024 16:29:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2016 1:31:51 GMT
I totally get it.
It's a house that you're probably in for a few days at a time? Maybe not even yours? And if it's several hours away, depending on what car you drove, taking home leftovers is a PITA.
Here, "up north" is pretty much anything that's more than 2 hours north of where you live. My MIL has a house "up north." It's about 4 hours or so from here and pretty rural. During the winter, they only go up on select weekends. They buy what they need for those 2 days and nothing more. The only stuff that gets left behind is stuff that will keep in the fridge for a few months. No produce, etc. No one wants to haul home more than what they took up there. When we go up to visit, we ask what can we bring. Often it's buy your own drinks and please pick up some (fill in the blanks). I know who's going to be there. I have an idea of who's going to eat how much. The only time I take something with the intention of leaving it behind is the salsa I make. MIL or BIL always want the leftovers. I never bring that back.
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Post by txdancermom on Jun 21, 2016 1:51:31 GMT
sounds like a conversation I had with my sil when we are all at my dad's and I said I didn't want any leftovers - the food had to be eaten. But guess who was left throwing it all out at the end of the week!
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Post by shanni on Jun 21, 2016 2:43:54 GMT
I truly don't understand why some of you would grumble and complain and pack it all up. Throw it out on the last day and move on. If MIL doesn't want it to go to waste, she'll pack it up herself I guess. This is such a non-issue to me. My problem is the cabin we go to is pack in, pack it out. So even if I'm throwing all away, I have to haul it home to throw it away. It is terribly inconvenient to have very many leftovers in that situation. I don't know if that is the case for the op, but for me, I would be very irritated because simply throwing it all away before we leave isn't an option.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 21, 2016 3:12:40 GMT
I truly don't understand why some of you would grumble and complain and pack it all up. Throw it out on the last day and move on. If MIL doesn't want it to go to waste, she'll pack it up herself I guess. This is such a non-issue to me. My problem is the cabin we go to is pack in, pack it out. So even if I'm throwing all away, I have to haul it home to throw it away. It is terribly inconvenient to have very many leftovers in that situation. I don't know if that is the case for the op, but for me, I would be very irritated because simply throwing it all away before we leave isn't an option. Before we had trash service in town at the lake, we used to have to haul home ALL of our trash or make a special (and inconvenient) trip to the dump. Not only is it not fun to bring home a week's worth of stinky food garbage, it's even more fun trying to do so with two big dogs in the back of the truck with it. More than once we've had to clean up shredded garbage once we got home. We were SO happy when we could finally get weekly trash pickup there!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jun 21, 2016 3:37:35 GMT
I truly don't understand why some of you would grumble and complain and pack it all up. Throw it out on the last day and move on. If MIL doesn't want it to go to waste, she'll pack it up herself I guess. This is such a non-issue to me. My problem is the cabin we go to is pack in, pack it out. So even if I'm throwing all away, I have to haul it home to throw it away. It is terribly inconvenient to have very many leftovers in that situation. I don't know if that is the case for the op, but for me, I would be very irritated because simply throwing it all away before we leave isn't an option. This is exactly how it is at my BIL's cabin. Well minus the irritated part. We just send the food with people or we toss it. And yes, we also have to bring our trash back out with us. Just bag it up and put it in their car for them. Or keep getting annoyed since in-laws change so easily
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Post by AussieMeg on Jun 21, 2016 4:08:00 GMT
I truly don't understand why some of you would grumble and complain and pack it all up. Throw it out on the last day and move on. If MIL doesn't want it to go to waste, she'll pack it up herself I guess. This is such a non-issue to me. Like others have already said, it becomes an issue when you can't just "throw it out on the last day". At the place where we spend most of our time away you are not permitted to leave any rubbish, you have to take it home with you. I wouldn't want to be lugging a whole lot of food home that I had specifically asked the in-laws not to bring in the first place.
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Deleted
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May 14, 2024 16:29:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2016 5:09:59 GMT
I can't help but shake my head at this classic 'First World Problem'. Only in America would you find a complaint about too much food! While Venezuela is collapsing as we speak because people have no food, we have too many leftovers here.
It's kind of crazy, don't you think?
With that observation expressed, I do get the OP's point in a way. My IL's used to winter down here and their last stop before heading back up north was with us. They would always bring 3 month's worth of leftovers and unused staples and bestow them upon us. While appreciated, I really didn't need nor have the room for 10 bags and boxes of their leftover groceries. But, I put it all away and when they left, I kept what I could use and disposed of the rest. In their minds, it was a kindness and I treated it as such.
That's all you need to do, really.
L
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jun 21, 2016 5:31:54 GMT
Here's an idea - take it to a homeless shelter.
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Post by gryroagain on Jun 21, 2016 7:10:55 GMT
Actually, this is a vent for me too! The food waste system here is very cumbersome- special food waste bags, that are tiny, no garbage disposal so it must be scraped out and disposed of not in the sink. Wasted food is a big PITA. When we lived here before we had a lab who fi owned our plates and leftovers, but now we have a Pyrenees who is picky as all get out as he was raised eating Korean food waste so he won't eat ours, he drools over dried seaweed and kimchi, but leftover chicken is a mystery to him, lol.
Dh makes a big weekend breakfast and packages the leftovers...which sit in the fridge u til I clean it out. Just cook a small amount and eat it! No one eats leftovers! And the clean up is such a pain.
I wouldn't want to haul even produce home because I'd be thinking of those 4 plums no one has eaten that will completely fill a (expensive) food waste bag, and oh yeah- the pit can't go in with it so I have to remove it...no thanks.
The time cost is more than the extra food savings, for me. No leftovers, please!!
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Post by hop2 on Jun 21, 2016 11:06:41 GMT
Here's an idea - take it to a homeless shelter. If she lives in NJ she can only bring UNopened food prepared in a certified commercial kitchen to a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. Politicians in their infinite 'wisdom' outlawed home made foods or 3/4 left over sweet 16 cake etc. even if brought directly from catering hall to soup kitchen!
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Post by Scrapbrat on Jun 21, 2016 11:12:11 GMT
"Up North" does that mean at a vacation place? Like a cabin or similar? Maybe a neighbor would really like to have those sorts of leftovers. Seriously. Examples of leftovers I don't want: some sort of mystery casserole that I managed to graciously pick at through dinner...and then again the next day at lunch. But fresh produce, water, chips or even most cookies would not fit in that category. I am guessing that the OP is in Michigan? Because "up north" is a Michigan term.
I would eat whatever you eat of the leftover stuff, and toss the rest with no worries. I think people of your MIL's age are just accustomed to always bringing extra food (think of Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond) "just in case." It IS kinda funny that she's going to take the chips, though.
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iluvpink
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Post by iluvpink on Jun 21, 2016 11:38:26 GMT
Here's an idea - take it to a homeless shelter. Assuming she's talking about Northern Michigan, I doubt there are many homeless shelters up near the cabin, or many in that area in general. And taking it home to one would involve hauling it home which is a space/cooling issues etc. Plus, would they even take it (food safety reasons)?
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luckyexwife
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Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Jun 21, 2016 13:39:47 GMT
"Up North" does that mean at a vacation place? Like a cabin or similar? Maybe a neighbor would really like to have those sorts of leftovers. Seriously. Examples of leftovers I don't want: some sort of mystery casserole that I managed to graciously pick at through dinner...and then again the next day at lunch. But fresh produce, water, chips or even most cookies would not fit in that category. I am guessing that the OP is in Michigan? Because "up north" is a Michigan term.
I would eat whatever you eat of the leftover stuff, and toss the rest with no worries. I think people of your MIL's age are just accustomed to always bringing extra food (think of Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond) "just in case." It IS kinda funny that she's going to take the chips, though.
"Up north" is also a Minnesota term. While it is a FWP, I totally see why you are venting. We have a cabin, and there is only so much space in the refrigerator, as well as the issue of schlepping food back home, again, only so much space in a cooler. We have a second refrigerator, so it helps, but leftover food at the end of the weekend still needs to be dealt with.
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