Adult children living at home

Sit down and make a contract with them. I lived at home after college for a year and paid rent. Set the boundaries NOW or it's going to get worse. If they don't like it--they can move.

Been there done that. Had to kick one out because it was causing too much drama. And you know what, he has survived! If they can't act like responsible adults and appreciate and respect what you are doing to help them, it is time to go.

Why are they not paying rent? The minute I left school I got a job and immediately paid monthly rent until I moved out.

Your kids need to understand responsibility, this includes not only paying your way but also cleaning up after themselves. Don't enable them. They have a choice, either live by your rules or move out.

DD moved back home. She's applied to grad school and has been working and saving her money for that. She uses her own spending money and we don't charge her for rent or food. We know what she's working and saving towards so we are okay supporting her in that way as long as it's not a major hardship on us. She is expected to help around the house and knows that the requirement for living at home is that she has to be working towards achieving something. If she wasn't or was taking advantage of the situation, we would definitely charge her rent.

If you act like an adult, you will be treated like an adult. If you act like a 12 year old, I will treat you like a 12 year old and leave you a to-do list every day. Your choice.

Unfortunately DD decided to act like a 12 yo. She is an incredibly hard worker and pulls more than her weight...everywhere outside of our household. So we asked her to move out. And it was the best thing for her and for our relationship with her. She is thriving and doing wonderfully.

I had a chat with DD when she came home after uni. I told her that she wasn't my 'little girl' any more, but a fully grown, fully functioning adult sharing our home and she needed to take her share of the responsibilities. She'd lived away so she knew how a house functioned so if a bin needed emptying I expected her to do it, I expected her to clean the bathroom sometimes, vacuum sometimes and so on. She pays rent....I don't consider it does an adult child any favours not to. It's not full rate and she'll get it back but she doesn't know that:smile:

When I was a very young adult living at home with my parents, from the moment I started working I had to pay them 15% of whatever I earned. It was not much when you consider rent and other living expenses, but it help me learn to start to take responsibility. It also helped them a little with the extra money. Also it was their house, their rules. If I was disrespectful either of their home or them, I would have been in trouble. I plan to do the same with my own kids. If they are living at home, and they work (and they will be expected to work through college) they will be expected to contribute, and be respectful.

My best advice is to decide what you want or can/cannot live with and let the rest go. Three of my four are adults and they all still live here. They are all fairly easy to live with although it wasn't always the case.

Just last summer my now 19 yo and I were at each other's throats and he was out of the house for about 4-5 months. He came back like a new person - he is much more respectful and at the same time I realized I had a few changes to make too.

Mine are all abnormally neat (aside from 1.) His room is very cluttered, but not unsanitary (he keeps the door closed, which is probably for the best, lol.) Sometimes they need a reminder to clean the shared bathroom, but I just tell one that is around when I notice to do the cleaning and it gets done (I do specify it should be done that day.) Otherwise they're all good about cleaning up after themselves (washing dishes used, etc.)

We are sometimes hit or miss with the oldest and whether she texts if she's out all night. I think it's just common courtesy...i'm a worrier and like to know that they aren't in a ditch somewhere. The big deal around here is not making me worry, if you aren't coming home, just send a text. Cleaning up after yourself is another. On occasion they're annoying, but for the most part I enjoy having them around still.

My 20 year old lives at home, works part time and goes to college full time. He's not great about proactively doing things but will gladly help out with whatever I ask. His bedroom and bathroom are downstairs, so I don't see those often.

He can live at home rent free until he graduates. He's welcome to stay longer as long as he continues to be a respectful contributing member of the family. It's really not his nature to be any different though.

I say implement the fee and if they balk, they can feel free to be more independent and find a new place.

I don't like young adult mooches. It just rubs me the wrong way. Your first apartment is supposed to be non-palatial and slightly uncomfortable. That's what motivates you to make something of yourself and move on up.

My son will be out of luck if this is his plan.

 Exactly ~

I have 2 home right now. One is home on college summer break, and going back in the fall. She does really good. She helps out around the house, and is working 3 jobs for tuition. No way would I charge her rent. oldest dd graduated from college last May. She worked about 7 mo's at a min wage job, and just 3 mo's ago got a good salaried career job. She will live at home until she can save up some money to get an apt and pay the deposit, and buy some furniture, etc. She is also paying her college private and federal loans. She has chores here at home, stuff she is in charge of. She is not the best housekeeper. Her room is usually a mess, and she needs some reminders, but we actually love having her. She can't wait to move out on her own, but she understands the reality of it.

I have a DS home from college for the summer. He hasn't found a job, so he's doing a ton of stuff around the house. Basically DH's jobs, plus some extra things I want to get done while I'm off for the summer. We are moving next summer and I'm cleaning out closets and such. His job is to list things on Craigslist/ebay/consignment sales and I'm giving him a cut of the profit. He wants to live in a nicer dorm next year and he has to pay the difference, so he is motivated to do the work.

We make a basic plan for the week, then I let him get it done on his timeline. Which is usually the last minute, but it's done. His mess stays in his room. I'll do his laundry if he bring it to me when I'm doing the rest of the family's laundry. Otherwise he does his own.

I usually do a 15 Minute Tidy Up around dinner time. Everyone picks a chore and we work for 15 minutes. It seems to motivate both the kids, as we are all working. They take turns cleaning their bathroom once a week. It's not up to my standards, but I don't use it either. We had some work done on the shower a few weeks ago and I made them scrub until the room was spotless. Other than that, I figure it's not any dirtier than a college dorm bathroom.

I have a 20 year old working college student living at home. He is a joy to live with, and I never want him to leave. His bathroom is probably a disaster, but I don't have to go up there and look at it, so that's on him. Often his girlfriend will clean it up for him whenever it gets too gross for her. Not my business. I tend to the other bathrooms in the house. He comes and goes as he sees fit. He was my child who didn't go away to school, and I want him to have the same freedoms the others had living a campus life. He is saving me a boatload of money!!!!