Deleted
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May 9, 2024 20:26:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2016 19:39:47 GMT
Is this "done"?
I'm attending the viewing for the baby of our high school choral/drama director. The baby was born at 29 weeks and after almost 4 months of open heart surgeries and complications, his little body had no more fight in it.
The memorial service is tomorrow.
I know both mom and dad very well. I've taken pics for him for years and did their maternity shoot back in November.
Should I ask them if they want me to do a few photos at the memorial service tomorrow or should I leave it alone, them knowing that I do photos and if they wanted some, they would've asked me.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 9, 2016 19:42:05 GMT
If you were to ask me I would say no, I don't think it's appropriate. My family has experienced full term infant loss and we didn't take any photos at the event at the request of the parents.
There's no harm in asking, if they want them done I'm sure they would appreciate it.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jul 9, 2016 19:44:03 GMT
I wonder if down the road they will regret if no photos were taken? If you are close and feel comfortable asking, I would ask.
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Post by dulcemama on Jul 9, 2016 19:44:49 GMT
I think you see this more and more. I don't think it hurts to ask. MIL asked me to do photos of the flowers at FIL's funeral last year. That was all she wanted pictures of but I know she is happy that she has those.
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Deleted
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May 9, 2024 20:26:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2016 19:51:26 GMT
I wonder if down the road they will regret if no photos were taken? If you are close and feel comfortable asking, I would ask. That was my thought too...the regret. |
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Post by txdancermom on Jul 9, 2016 20:04:05 GMT
We took a lot of family photos before and after the services for my father. dh took pictures of the flag and urn before the urn was put in the vault, they are hard to look at now, but some day I will be glad I have them.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jul 9, 2016 20:08:12 GMT
The choice to take photos at a memorial service or funeral is incredibly personal. There is no wrong or right. I would offer. It is very kind of you to think of this. How sad that their baby died so young.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,698
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Jul 9, 2016 20:13:28 GMT
I think you see this more and more. I don't think it hurts to the ask. MIL asked me to do photos of the flowers at FIL's funeral last year. That was all she wanted pictures of but I know she is happy that she has those. I asked a close friend to take photos of the flowers for fami.y members funerals. As many floral tributes were shared/given away after the service, I was grateful to have a picture with the small florist card to help me when doing acknowlegement cards later. Perhaps you could ask tne funeral director for a few minutes prior to guests arriving. I would't take "casket" pictures. Pics of tne memorial board pictures could also be taken. I am sorry for the loss of this child. |
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Post by nurseypants on Jul 9, 2016 20:17:52 GMT
Many times hospitals have arranged for formal photography just prior to or just after death. There are several organizations that do this with volunteer professional photographers. I would ask other family members discreetly if they have had it done. If not, you might consider offering it.
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Post by llinin on Jul 9, 2016 21:16:54 GMT
That is really sweet of you. Since it is such a delicate topic, maybe ask if they would like for you to get pictures of the flowers and cards and anything else if they'd like. It leaves it open ended and doesn't put them on the spot.
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scrappinspidey2
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,511
Location: In the Parlor with the Fly
Mar 18, 2015 19:19:37 GMT
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Jul 9, 2016 21:50:42 GMT
I have taken photos at several family members services. I was asked to do it by someone at each service I felt could make that call. Each time was met with thanks by the surviving family. Beware that it won't be announced you will be taking photos and there will be some who are offended. I was approached once by another family member who thought it was rude. I calmly told them that the immediate family had requested it and I would stop only if they requested that I stop. It was their call, not this persons. I was glared at for a while, but they got over it.
When it was my turn to be the immediate family I asked for a photographer. I gave them control over what to take photos of as I knew I wouldn't look for a long time. She did an amazing job and put together a nice disk for me to share with everyone. Im very glad I have those photos even though they hurt like hell. It reminds me of the people that showed up and how much he was loved. I have only looked at them once so far but knowing I have them is enough for now.
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Deleted
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May 9, 2024 20:26:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2016 22:14:33 GMT
Personally, I'd leave it alone especially if your relationship has been friendly, but mostly on a professional level it can come across as a money grab (even if you say no fees will be charged) it looks like a chance to advertise what you do.
If you have a social relationship, take some discrete unstaged cell phone photos of flower arrangements and other guests outside of immediate family.
In my family it is normal to take photos, even of the casket but having a professional or outside of the family take them would be weird. Each family member takes the photos they want to have. Later we may share them ( "Hey, I missed getting a photo of uncle Clyde, did anyone get one of him" sort of thing )
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Post by mlynn on Jul 10, 2016 6:28:15 GMT
Can you take the picture during the visitation hours? Then hold it back unless/until she says she wish she had it?
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Post by myboysnme on Jul 10, 2016 10:33:07 GMT
It is a very personal decision but please make the offer. Some people like me would be very appreciative.
I do take photos at funerals of very close family, like my grandpa and my stepdad. Step dad's daughter had her camera too. I also scrapbook the photos. My son has no interest in the casket photos so I usually put a piece of vellum over those in his scrapbook.
I have helped two ladies who lost babies scrap their infant loss into beautiful memory books and they have found great comfort in them. I am very interested in historical post mortem photography. Somewhere in the last hundred years we have just become so uncomfortable with death when even in the 1930's people were still laid out at home in many cases and a photo after death was sometimes the only photo.
It can't hurt to offer.
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Deleted
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May 9, 2024 20:26:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2016 12:44:04 GMT
I saw Volt's response after I arrived home from the Viewing and was taken aback. In all the years of taking photos for the choir/drama director, I've never charged him a dime. Not even for the maternity shoot I did for them...I told them it was a gift I could give them. (was getting ready to divorce and didn't know that I'd have the funds to go out and buy stuff...also told them that I'd be there to take pics of the baby whenever/whereever they wanted, when they were ready)
I do photos for the program because it's meaningful for not only the program (who can then use nice photos for publications, programs, calendars, yearbooks) but because they are important to the STUDENTS. Last night at the Viewing, I saw a student who graduated with my eldest...in 2012. I called him by his name and said hello, he recognized me and called me by my name. Honestly, I was kind of surprised that he recognized and remembered me AND my name, but it was my involvement with the program and the pictures I've captured for years that means something to these kids. George gave me a gift last night because it again reminded me that they'll remember fondly what I'm giving them. It means something to them.
Back to the subject at hand...at the Visitation, they had a woman there taking pictures. Initially, I had planned to first speak to one of the mother's sisters to kind of ask if I should approach the parents or not...but once I saw someone at the visitation taking pics, I know that they're "thinking" of pics...and if they want them at the actual service, they've either asked that same woman OR they would've asked me.
The casket last night was so small. It was an open casket. Probably one of the saddest things I've ever seen.
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