|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 13, 2016 15:22:25 GMT
So my ex husband cancels on my kids all the time. He said some pretty shitty things to my son which was so upsetting my son doesn't want to see him. My kids have been to see their dad once since New Year's. So last week, he was drunk and called me at work yelling and screaming at me about how I ruined his life, he never sees his kids, it's all my fault, etc. He even told me he prays that when the kids grow up they cut me out of their lives so I can feel what it's like.
So I completely rearranged my schedule and my DD completely rearranged her schedule so my kids could go visit him for two days this week while he's on vacation. I even talked my son into going. Asshat contacts me yesterday and says, you need to bring the kids all the way to my house. He lives about an hour away. My DD doesn't get out of work until 9:00 so basically if I have to bring the kids all the way, I won't get back home until like after 11:00. I ask him if he would consider meeting me halfway instead. He replies with, do you want to reschedule? Seriously, after the way he talked to me last week and we rearranged everything so they could spend time with him, he wants to reschedule because he doesn't have gas money? What a jackass! Seriously, he really doesn't care if he sees the kids, he just likes getting drunk and starting shit with me. I bend over backwards to try to get the kids there. And I will again tonight. I am driving them all the way there. But I told him, gas money no excuse, he needs to bring them all the way home on Friday because I have to work and DD has to be to work at 5:00.
I just seriously almost fell off my chair after the fit he threw last week about how I ruined his life and he never gets to see his kids and we rearranged everything to do so this week, he asks me if I want to reschedule because he's too cheap to use enough gas to meet me halfway. I will be so glad when I don't have to deal with him anymore. |
|
|
|
Post by gailoh on Jul 13, 2016 15:27:22 GMT
WOW...I don't blame you...he is something else....how do the kids really feel about him? Hugs to you for putting up with this...I will be glad for you when you do not have to put up with it anymore...
|
|
ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685 
|
Post by ginacivey on Jul 13, 2016 15:29:50 GMT
on the bright side....you'll always know that you did everything that YOU could to make sure they saw their dad
i realize gas money is an issue but please don't mention it in front of the kids
kids have a weird way of internalizing things
(i realize you might already know this - but i remember hearing shit like that growing up and thinking that 'I' wasn't worth a tank of gas to either parent)
and honey - you'll deal with him for the rest of time! weddings, babies, spliting holidays with grown children - it's the joy that never ends (i deal with my husbands ex - way too frequently for my liking!)
gina
|
|
|
|
Post by fredfreddy on Jul 13, 2016 15:30:27 GMT
My husband has a pretty shitty ex-wife. She just moved to Mexico to live with deported husband #4. She left my daughter (her bio-daughter, I raised her) in "charge" of her 2 children she left behind: a 20 year old daughter who has no job and a 17 year old son who needs to get through his senior year and probably won't. Neither was a license and she is supposed to be their driver as well. Apparently it is dd's job to be mother to her siblings because biomom's need to live with husband is more important.
|
|
oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
|
Post by oldcrow on Jul 13, 2016 15:33:39 GMT
My first husband was sort of like that. We had agreed because of the age of our children that they could decide when they wanted to visit him.
I did not have a car so the 1 hour drive was a no go for me. So he says put them on the train which I did. Next time they were headed his way he reminded me that I should buy return tickets for them. That way he didn't have to get out of the car when he dropped them off. And of course, it saved him some money.
|
|
|
|
Post by workingclassdog on Jul 13, 2016 15:42:46 GMT
Someone close to me has a pretty shitty soon to be ex... He can't kick the porn habit no matter what the close friend has done to try to help him. She has done therapy with and without him, lost weight, had boob job, tummy tuck, supported the kids while he worked. He's basically a good guy with a very bad problem and this isn't just regular looking at a Playboy, there is some disgusting stuff involved (thankfully not kid related!) It's sad because in any other way he supports them and is a nice guy. Finally 20 years later she is done.
To me though when you start being shitty to the kids though.. that is even worse...
|
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 13, 2016 15:45:29 GMT
WOW...I don't blame you...he is something else....how do the kids really feel about him? Hugs to you for putting up with this...I will be glad for you when you do not have to put up with it anymore... My son doesn't even want to see him. He's been struggling with mental illness and my ex said some really hurtful things to him. It took a lot of convincing just to get him to agree to go this week. My DD is a very sensitive kid. I told her dad was upset and we worked together to rearrange things so she could go. She's been so busy lately, both babysitting and she has a job. She is basically taking her one day off, when she really wanted to go to the fair to go see him. She does miss him. Both kids have phones, he could call them or text them and he just doesn't. He doesn't make an effort with them at all. Even my DD said last week, Dad needs me. She doesn't need him, he needs her. It's just sad. I can't believe I chose so poorly for my kids. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 13, 2016 15:49:46 GMT
on the bright side....you'll always know that you did everything that YOU could to make sure they saw their dad i realize gas money is an issue but please don't mention it in front of the kids kids have a weird way of internalizing things (i realize you might already know this - but i remember hearing shit like that growing up and thinking that 'I' wasn't worth a tank of gas to either parent) and honey - you'll deal with him for the rest of time! weddings, babies, spliting holidays with grown children - it's the joy that never ends (i deal with my husbands ex - way too frequently for my liking!) gina I don't care about the gas money. And I would never tell my kids that he wanted to reschedule over not having gas money. I think they got the shitty dad lottery so I try to keep as much as I can from them. I just wish he would communicate with them, instead of me. When they are grown, I will have no obligation to talk to him anymore. I think he purposely communicates through me because he's still not over the divorce. Some of the things he says to me would make me uncomfortable if I was his new wife. It's clear he still isn't moving on. |
|
ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
|
Post by ginacivey on Jul 13, 2016 15:53:36 GMT
i sure hate it for you
it's hard to understand men who use children as a pawn
how much longer do you have to deal with him?
gina
|
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 13, 2016 16:00:27 GMT
i sure hate it for you it's hard to understand men who use children as a pawn how much longer do you have to deal with him? gina My son will be a freshman in high school this year. DD is a junior. The amount of involvement he has in their lives is minimal so it gets less and less. Just every once in while he gets to drinking (he's an alcoholic) and then he starts thinking about how miserable his life is and he just lashes out at me. |
|
|
|
Post by MichyM on Jul 13, 2016 16:06:22 GMT
I am so very sorry, I cannot imagine dealing with that, and the fallout with my kids. What an awful way for you and your children to have to live your lives. If I was his child I would feel heartbroken. When I read things like this I am beyond grateful that my (adult) son says he considers his dad and I the "poster children for divorce." Helps that neither of us is a drunk....
Hugs!
|
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jul 13, 2016 17:47:43 GMT
It sounds like going to visit an alcoholic wouldn't be much fun. You know that they are much better off with you.
|
|
|
|
Post by FLA SummerBaby on Jul 13, 2016 18:05:40 GMT
So sorry you are having to deal with this. I have one of my own too -- he has definitely caused me frustration and aggravation through the years. I just continually reminded myself to "do the right thing" for DD during all those moments where I wanted to just shriek! She is 20 now and she thanks me for all the positive stuff I brought to a negative situation. She doesn't really have a relationship with her dad anymore, but that's on him. Hang in there.
|
|
MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,539
|
Post by MerryMom on Jul 13, 2016 18:11:38 GMT
OP,
I am sorry for the issues, but you will never go wrong in taking the high road...even with gritted teeth at times. At the point, the ex called me at work drunk and after the first yelling work, click would go my phone.
I work for children services and unfortunately, there are worse shitty fathers and quite frankly, shitty mothers. In addition to shitty grandmothers, shitty stepmothers, shitty stepfathers, shitty girlfriends, shitty boyfriends, etc. etc.
ETA: I'm having a bad day at work with a child fatality, the result of the ultimate "shitty parent".
|
|
scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,811
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
|
Post by scrappert on Jul 13, 2016 18:12:03 GMT
Oh, I have the stories and this is SO's daughter's mom. I will just paint a little picture of what we go through. Mom is an alcoholic and drug addict. SO has legal custody of child, visitation is 60-40. She pays child support (she has no job but agreed to an amount that she could pay each month - and it's minimal at best). She has child every other weekend plus every other Wednesday during school. She has child all summer (one week after school is let out and returned one week before school starts). This has been the order for 4 years.
First year she followed the orders, second year she did the summer only third and fourth years nothing. She had a warrant for her arrest for a no show to court on a DUI charge, FOR 2 YEARS. So, she stops seeing daughter in fear of going to jail. Tells daughter she is working on getting her stuff together so she can see her, blah blah blah. Gets caught, is staying at a rehab house and now starts with wanting to see daughter. Texts at last minute, we have things we are doing, daughter does have plans, no. And, no she is not going to the rehab center to visit you.
She decides SO is refusing her to see her daughter, hence the court date. My only hope is that this judge will look at this and realize what a PITA this mom is and tell her to go F off. I know this won't happen, but I can hope. She has not made any effort in 2 YEARS! And now, because we have a life and plans we have to rearrange everything for HER?
I feel for you. This is such a struggle. It was nice for us to have a couple of years without drama.
Daughter is going to be 11. I think she realizes that she can't live with her mom, she would never have the life she has now, simple things like her own bed (and room), her own phone, food and clean clothes. She would be the babysitter to her younger sister (1 year old). But this mom has something to prove and to hell with the daughter.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 3, 2024 3:02:39 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2016 18:14:04 GMT
I'm sorry for you and the kids.
My ex has said some really cruel things to our kids so they don't contact him (he went nuts about my daughter being "too fat" when she was 8 months pregnant. She wasn't fat she was big with a pending baby!)
In a lot of ways I am glad we didn't divorce until the kids were out of the house. I'm sure he would have pulled similar stunts as your's.
|
|
|
|
Post by manomo on Jul 13, 2016 18:52:15 GMT
On the positive side, jeremysgirl, you won't be putting your precious children in a vehicle with an alcoholic behind the wheel.
Unfortunately, your son will still have to deal with whatever emotional/verbal abuse his father may subject him to this visit. I'm so sorry for that.
|
|
Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,677
|
Post by Rhondito on Jul 13, 2016 19:01:46 GMT
If he doesn't have gas money I'd be worrying about him having money to feed the kids while they're with him.
|
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 13, 2016 19:02:55 GMT
Oh, I have the stories and this is SO's daughter's mom. I will just paint a little picture of what we go through. Mom is an alcoholic and drug addict. SO has legal custody of child, visitation is 60-40. She pays child support (she has no job but agreed to an amount that she could pay each month - and it's minimal at best). She has child every other weekend plus every other Wednesday during school. She has child all summer (one week after school is let out and returned one week before school starts). This has been the order for 4 years. First year she followed the orders, second year she did the summer only third and fourth years nothing. She had a warrant for her arrest for a no show to court on a DUI charge, FOR 2 YEARS. So, she stops seeing daughter in fear of going to jail. Tells daughter she is working on getting her stuff together so she can see her, blah blah blah. Gets caught, is staying at a rehab house and now starts with wanting to see daughter. Texts at last minute, we have things we are doing, daughter does have plans, no. And, no she is not going to the rehab center to visit you. She decides SO is refusing her to see her daughter, hence the court date. My only hope is that this judge will look at this and realize what a PITA this mom is and tell her to go F off. I know this won't happen, but I can hope. She has not made any effort in 2 YEARS! And now, because we have a life and plans we have to rearrange everything for HER? I feel for you. This is such a struggle. It was nice for us to have a couple of years without drama. Daughter is going to be 11. I think she realizes that she can't live with her mom, she would never have the life she has now, simple things like her own bed (and room), her own phone, food and clean clothes. She would be the babysitter to her younger sister (1 year old). But this mom has something to prove and to hell with the daughter. That is terrible. As a mother it's even more shocking to me when it is the mom who is the craptastic parent. That poor kid. Good thing she has you. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 13, 2016 19:05:04 GMT
On the positive side, jeremysgirl, you won't be putting your precious children in a vehicle with an alcoholic behind the wheel. Unfortunately, your son will still have to deal with whatever emotional/verbal abuse his father may subject him to this visit. I'm so sorry for that. That's the real reason he does not want to drive at 9 pm. It's not gas money. It's an excuse because hes on vacation and he wants to spend the day drinking. One good thing is that he doesn't drink and drive. I knew the gas money excuse was an excuse from the get go. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 3, 2024 3:02:39 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2016 19:08:30 GMT
My ex is an ass but he isn't shitty. He has hasn't talked to our oldest for 6 years, see's the youngest 1-2 times a year (he lives 7 miles away). The boys want nothing to do with him and fortunately he doesn't fight them or I on it (the boys were too much work according to him when he knocked up my best friend and moved in with her). He does pay child support so he gets a 1/2 point for that.
Sorry your ex is such a jerk.
|
|
|
|
Post by not2peased on Jul 13, 2016 19:45:03 GMT
My ex and my s/o's ex were both really, really shitty. now that the kids are all adults-we don't have to deal with the exes at all-which is such a joy!
|
|
|
|
Post by betsyg on Jul 13, 2016 21:12:44 GMT
Let's just say I have a parental alienation advocate on retainer right now. It's very heartbreaking. Narcissist and covertly-manipulative are the nicest things I can say about this man.
|
|
flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
|
Post by flute4peace on Jul 13, 2016 21:26:15 GMT
He sounds like my former BIL. My sister got remarried so they had to re-figure the child support, and the case manager wanted to try to do it with both of them there together. Bad idea.
Former BIL flipped his lid when sister offered to put the children on new husband's insurance. It was a legitimate thing - and a clear benefit to the children.
He didn't care. He actually said - loudly - in front of the court-appointed case manager:
I don't care what's best for my children, I am NOT going to let them be on his insurance!!!!
He continued to rant for the rest of the meeting, until the case manager finally dismissed him. He then apologized to my sister for not realizing just how bad the guy was until he saw it for himself.
The good news is, case manager is writing a report to the court. |
|
|
|
Post by mom on Jul 13, 2016 22:20:14 GMT
I am so sorry you and your kiddos are dealing with this.  My ex is a PITA, but Im pretty sure yours beats him on the shitty level. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 3, 2024 3:02:39 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2016 2:37:23 GMT
I'm sorry you're going thru this. It IS shitty!!! I'll give you a few examples of how shitty my ex is. The DAY we signed our Separation Agreement was the DAY he stopped paying our mortgage (I didn't realize it--------the house was in my name but he paid it...). He forced me out of the house, claiming I was always in and out anyway + his office was attached to the house & he'd win if we fought for it (he's a lawyer). I gave up at that point, let him stay in the house (thinking he was paying it), and left my kids to choose where they'd want to live. They chose their home (of course!) and I saw them very often......... Little did I know, while I was living apart from them, he was twisting things and belitting me. He even got my son to think that I drank alcohol while pregnant with him! WTF?  ? He destroyed so many memories and confused our children (they were 18 and 20 at the time)......... Eventually they saw things for what they were........ I finally find out that the house is now going to be foreclosed on (I wasn't getting all of the notifications because I moved and the ex was hiding everything he could!!), so I decided to have a shortsale to save my name/credit! This forced him out of the house........... He kicked DD out because he didn't want to deal with her cats anymore, so she moved down here with us. DS moved in with him into an apartment. DS was heavy into drugs at this point and my family and I were worried sick about him, daily. The ex gets him to sign as a co-Leasee on the Lease, since DS was working a lot! 2 months into the lease, the ex decides to move out because he claims they don't take care of the grounds and it's too dangerous (he had heart attacks), so he moves in with a new girlfriend. He leaves DS in the apartment, takes his share of the rent $ and claims he's still making payments. He's not! (See the pattern???). DS finally gets a letter on the door, saying they're being evicted b/c of non-payment, and he flips out! He moves down here with us (which saved his life, got him off of drugs and turned everything around). Long story short, the ex evaded the Judgment on the apartment and left DS to be responsible for it!!!!!!! The ex evades even the Feds. He left me on IRS debts when I wasn't even living in that State!! I fought it for a few years and now I'm off of it, but they can't "find" him! Same for the apartment people! My DS gets calls from collection agencies about the Judgment and freaks out! He calls his dad who claims, "Ooh, I settled that, so I don't know why they're bothering you.........." Calls stop and I even had DS check his credit score to make sure. Now, 2 years later, we go to check his score again, and what pops up? Yup, the Judgment!!!!!!! For over $8500!! Now we have to clear it up. What's suckier than leaving your ex-wife with nothing left of the house you shared for 30 years (and was in her name!) + IRS debt that wasn't hers........ and then leaving your son with a huge debt that should never have been there too?? I'd say pretty freakin' sucky!!!!!! And yet, STILL, I want them to be on good terms with him (being well aware of things, however) so that they'll never have regrets. I try not to speak badly about him because, IMO, he was a great dad for the first part of their lives........ It sucks to have an ex try to ruin your life or try to ruin your kids' lives, or to speak badly about you or to use the kids as pawns. Just man up (or woman it up in that case) and act fairly for the sake of the kids!!!!!!!!! I'll follow this thread to see if anyone else has crappy ex stories! |
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Jul 14, 2016 2:53:29 GMT
he was drunk and called me at work yelling and screaming at me about how I ruined his life, he never sees his kids, it's all my fault, etc. He even told me he prays that when the kids grow up they cut me out of their lives so I can feel what it's like. He's a Drama Queen. I don't care if he's straight or gay, that's what he is. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 14, 2016 2:55:58 GMT
he was drunk and called me at work yelling and screaming at me about how I ruined his life, he never sees his kids, it's all my fault, etc. He even told me he prays that when the kids grow up they cut me out of their lives so I can feel what it's like. He's a Drama Queen. I don't care if he's straight or gay, that's what he is. Do you want to know the icing on the top of the cake? When I dropped the kids off just now I told him he was never to call me belligerent again. And he didn't even remember making that phone call. He was that drunk. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 14, 2016 2:59:54 GMT
@bergdorfblonde...holy cow! I think you win. That is hands down one of the shittiest things I've ever heard. How could you screw your kid that way?
|
|
|
|
Post by refugeepea on Jul 14, 2016 3:00:04 GMT
These are some pretty shitty stories. I could share a few, but I'm still married.
|
|
