garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,734
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Jul 18, 2016 14:05:52 GMT
In my circles, young grandparents are in their late 30s or early 40s. It's a little funny to hear "young grandparents" in their 50s. I think the 50s are a great age to be grandparents. My parents are older grandparents, in their 60s. My mom is my paid babysitter, so I hate asking her to watch my kids on the weekend. My in laws have a social life, so we couldnt always count on them. My MIL has significant health problems, so I really don't want to ask anymore. But they would totally say yes. All of my grandparents died before I was 5, so it's important to me that my kids know their grandparents. And we are at both houses all the time, so they are comfortable at both. DH and I usually need one or two weekends a year.
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Post by lbp on Jul 18, 2016 14:08:56 GMT
My son stayed a couple times at my in-laws, but never with my Dad or his wife. I just don't like his wife. I hate that because I have wonderful memories of staying with my grandparents growing up. I would sometimes stay for 2 weeks in the summer.
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Post by Belia on Jul 18, 2016 14:11:50 GMT
How helpful / agreeable are your oldest two kids? Would they be helpful with the two younger kids? Maybe that could be how you "sell" it to grandma.
I agree that you should ask- everyone needs a break sometimes and you have nothing to lose by asking.
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Belle
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,309
Jun 28, 2014 4:39:12 GMT
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Post by Belle on Jul 18, 2016 14:50:05 GMT
My dad and his wife have never babysat my kids...even for an hour let alone a weekend or longer period of time. They aren't interested at all and are pretty self focused.
My in-laws have my kids over a couple of times a year. In February, we tried 2 nights in a row but got a call around 11:45pm that DD wanted to come home.
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Post by Minty118 on Jul 18, 2016 15:03:05 GMT
I live in the same house as my mother, and she shows very little interest in my kids now that she isn't able to dress them in matching outfits and get herself attention. Even when they were small, she acted like she was doing us an immense favor by watching the kids so DH and I could go out to dinner. She took them for a weekend only once in their entire lives.
My dad is the opposite. He's not much of a small kid person, yet he is getting a kick out of hanging out with them now that are older.
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Post by compwalla on Jul 18, 2016 16:59:27 GMT
If the grandmas had their way, I'd never see my children.
My mother has always lived far and she could not wait until the kids were each five years old so they could fly unaccompanied to see her. My oldest flew alone to see her starting at age five and would spend a few weeks with her every summer and spent many spring breaks with my parents. They did all kinds of stuff - went to tour the White House with my mom's friend who worked in the West Wing, went to Hershey Park in PA. One summer they got all the grandkids old enough to fly (three of them at the time) to come visit and they went on a three week RV trip to the Grand Canyon and parts thereabout.
My MIL is much closer and takes them for weekends once a month or so. My big kid isn't as keen on sleeping over with her as he used to be (he's 19) but when he was younger he went all the time. My younger one still loves going over there. When we lived outside Texas the kids would fly to see her, too and spend a week or more with my husband's parents.
So you should ask. They maybe are wondering why you never have before. Since your kids are bigger there isn't as much work to do.
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Grom Pea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,944
Jun 27, 2014 0:21:07 GMT
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Post by Grom Pea on Jul 18, 2016 18:48:50 GMT
No but they live across the country, my kids are still young and my parents never had my grandparents watch me. That being said my niece has stayed overnight with them but she lives next door and she was at least 8 when she started staying over. As an older mom whose mom was an older mom, I don't think it'll ever happen, even if we did live close by, by the time the kids are old enough I don't think my mom would be able to deal with two boys.
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Post by polz on Jul 18, 2016 22:14:07 GMT
My parents don't live here and MIL is not that kind of grandparent. I was blessed beyond measure to have my Nan in DD's life until DD was 13. She lived close by and would scoop DD up right from a baby for sometimes a week at a time. I remember one Saturday she popped in to collect DD in the morning. At 5pm DD rings 'We are in Gisborne'. This is three hours away from us. I am very grateful.
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Post by finally~a~mama on Jul 18, 2016 22:51:39 GMT
Glad you posted this thread. I've been inspired. LOL I sent my mom an email to ask about watching my children overnight this fall while DH & I go for a short getaway. Mine are 7 & 3. She has never had them overnight, but does watch them on occasion for us.
MIL has kept the oldest once overnight. It was last winter & I am not keen on it happening again anytime soon. DD got scared & wanted to come home. MIL wouldn't let her call us. AND MIL has made several "jokes" about it since then.. Pisses me off.
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Post by peasapie on Jul 18, 2016 23:05:03 GMT
We take our daughter's kids overnight and/or for the weekend; three boys ages 3 and 4. They need a break and we don't mind, even if our house does look like a hurricane came through after they leave. You should absolutely ask. Couples need many opportunities to connect without kids to keep their marriage healthy.
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Jul 18, 2016 23:06:59 GMT
My kids have done it very occasionally with my parents. Like 3 or maybe 4 times total Never with the in laws. We have always lived so far away that it wasn't feasible. Now we live within 30 minutes of all the grandparents. My parents would take them in a heartbeat. But the kids aren't interested. They are 18, 15 and 11. And at this point, after some recent-ish events, I wouldn't probably allow it.
My in law's health isn't good enough right now to be having to care for grandkids for any extended length of time. And probably never will be again.
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edie3
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,498
Jun 26, 2014 1:03:18 GMT
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Post by edie3 on Jul 18, 2016 23:21:48 GMT
My MIL would come to visit us for a week or so at a time, but my only child (at that time) would go to day care every day. MIL would however, watch her only grandchild on video tapes.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 6, 2024 21:32:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2016 3:17:04 GMT
My parents lived 12 hours from us, but they took the kids at least one week every summer, two weeks if they could. DS was 2 and DD was 1 the first time they did, and it became a much-beloved tradition for all of them.
I used to jokingly ask what happened to the parents I grew up with, the ones who didn't let us eat ice cream for breakfast, or jump on the bed, or graze on junk food all day long. Because my kids did ALL of that at their house. Sadly, when my dad became ill, the summer visits stopped (I think 2012 was the last year) because my mom had to focus on taking care of him. I'm glad they all those wonderful memories of him and how he spoiled them.
My in-laws have never taken the kids, even though they live much closer. They adopted 2 of DH's nieces who are younger than our kids, so they didn't have the time or energy to handle two more.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jul 19, 2016 4:41:44 GMT
My parents looked after DS when he was in grade 3 for 3 months. That nearly killed them. He was pretty self sufficient other than making his lunch he was not a high needs kid for them. I went to Mexico with BFF 3 years ago and they fed him for a week then, too.
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paigepea
Drama Llama
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Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Jul 19, 2016 6:42:48 GMT
My parents take my kids all of the time!
Sometimes just for sleepovers - maybe 5 times a year. And regularly so DH and I can take vacations. We habe an annual Vegas trip with friends and we often extend dh's business trips with a vacation. This year we went to Washington DC for a week and it was great. It takes a lot of organizing but it's always worth it. As the kids get older - try are 10 and 7 - it gets easier.
We left both kids for the first time at 18 months. DH couldn't wait for me to stop breastfeeding both times!
P.
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mlana
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,523
Jun 27, 2014 19:58:15 GMT
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Post by mlana on Jul 19, 2016 8:18:21 GMT
If they have never had all four at one time, I think a "long" weekend is too much to start out with. Ask her to take them Saturday morning to Sunday evening and see how it goes. I'm very hands on with my dgd and would agree to take her two half siblings (ages 4 and 18 months) (not mine) because I love them all but I don't think I'd be wanting all of that for 4 days when I've never had them all for even one overnight. That amount of time would not be worth the drive. Even when we all visit, we make sure to leave on a Friday early in the day (or earlier in the week). By the time I drove them down there Saturday morning, drove myself home and then did the same thing the next day, I would have no time to get anything done at home. . I was just talking to my mom and at the end of the conversation she said we would have to figure out a time for us to go down to visit. I said, "I'm thinking the kids could stay with you for a few days" in a lighthearted way and she just laughed. I am going to talk to DH about it and if he agrees, I will talk to her more seriously. I do think the kids would love it and I hate that they don't have the opportunity to see them more. I was just thinking about my grandparents--until I was 10 my grandma (moms mom) lived down the street. I stayed at her house at least once a week. Then we moved and that stopped. I'm not sure why? We only lived an hour away. However, my parents were divorced so maybe since my mom didn't have us every weekend she didn't want to give up more time? Or it could be that my grandma got remarried and her maybe her husband didn't want kids over? I'm not sure. My MIL used to say she wanted the kids to come to her house for the whole summer (that was when the older two were really young and we only had two,lol). She got really upset that we wouldn't let them fly out to stay with her. IMO, that was a completely different scenario since the kids only see her every few years, she is not around kids much, and the distance is such that we couldn't go get them if they were homesick. What about meeting halfway? My folks live 4 hours away and we would meet at a small town about halfway between our homes. My folks loved having the kids in the car where they could enjoy talking with them. I loved the ride back home after picking them up because I'd get to hear about their time together. Marcy
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Post by 2peafaithful on Jul 19, 2016 12:37:20 GMT
If we are on a trip they will but they don't just spend the night there for the sake of staying over.
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Jul 19, 2016 12:45:31 GMT
I think you should ask. We have friends that get a lot of alone time because the kids go to Grandmas house for overnights often.
My mom, who lives about 15 minutes away with traffic - never. My Dad & stepmom on occasion but never both kids together, only one at a time. My inlaws, never. The offer has never been extended from my Mom and Inlaws, just from my Dad & Stepmom.
My mom would babysit but it has to be on her terms, in the afternoon, if it not too hot, etc etc. My inlaws never offer so we don't ask.
They are all in their early 70s.
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Post by llinin on Jul 19, 2016 12:47:30 GMT
My parents live out of state, about 4 hours away. My in-laws live in NYC. We have no family here. For quite awhile now I have been feeling like I just need a break and some time at home alone. Until January, my husband worked most weekends and I also work full-time. I have taken the kids to my parents' for the weekend and DH stayed home due to work but I have never had time to myself. Mostly what I want to do is to clean the house with no interruptions and nobody coming behind me making more of a mess. To have some time to think and get things done that have been put off for a long time. My mom is retired and my stepdad does not work in the summer. I'm thinking of asking them to take the kids for a long weekend. They are hands on grandparents and do a good job with the kids. They also have a lot of inside and outside space that the kids can play and have fun. They have taken the older two (separately) for a week in the summer in previous years, but have never initiated more than that. In this situation, would you ask? If your kids go to stay with grandparents, how old were they when they first went? My kids are 13, 11, 7 and 4. You have posted about your Mom and her lung cancer diagnosis. Is she done with all treatments? Does she have any lingering fatigue or other side effects? Many folks I have known have taken a really long time to feel 100% again and some really never were. So, my answer depends on that. if she is completely, totally done with treatment, has no evidence of disease, and denies any side effects or issues and has resumed all of her activities back at 100%, I would maybe ask. Hope she is doing great and you can ask her!
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,622
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Jul 19, 2016 13:02:30 GMT
Nope. Never. And my in-laws never have either.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jul 19, 2016 13:07:22 GMT
My parents live out of state, about 4 hours away. My in-laws live in NYC. We have no family here. For quite awhile now I have been feeling like I just need a break and some time at home alone. Until January, my husband worked most weekends and I also work full-time. I have taken the kids to my parents' for the weekend and DH stayed home due to work but I have never had time to myself. Mostly what I want to do is to clean the house with no interruptions and nobody coming behind me making more of a mess. To have some time to think and get things done that have been put off for a long time. My mom is retired and my stepdad does not work in the summer. I'm thinking of asking them to take the kids for a long weekend. They are hands on grandparents and do a good job with the kids. They also have a lot of inside and outside space that the kids can play and have fun. They have taken the older two (separately) for a week in the summer in previous years, but have never initiated more than that. In this situation, would you ask? If your kids go to stay with grandparents, how old were they when they first went? My kids are 13, 11, 7 and 4. You have posted about your Mom and her lung cancer diagnosis. Is she done with all treatments? Does she have any lingering fatigue or other side effects? Many folks I have known have taken a really long time to feel 100% again and some really never were. So, my answer depends on that. if she is completely, totally done with treatment, has no evidence of disease, and denies any side effects or issues and has resumed all of her activities back at 100%, I would maybe ask. Hope she is doing great and you can ask her! She is doing well right now. She had surgery last Labor Day weekend and has been on an ALK inhibitor since then. She feels nauseous once in awhile now but overall has been feeling well and doing what she normally does. She will have another follow up PET scan in a month or so, so hopefully that will be all clear as well. Part of the reason I would like them to go (in addition to giving me a break) is for them to be able to spend as much time with my mom and stepdad while they can. I know that there is a good chance she won't be feeling well for very long, and regardless of the cancer neither of them are getting younger.
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