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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jul 18, 2016 0:31:06 GMT
My parents live out of state, about 4 hours away. My in-laws live in NYC. We have no family here. For quite awhile now I have been feeling like I just need a break and some time at home alone. Until January, my husband worked most weekends and I also work full-time. I have taken the kids to my parents' for the weekend and DH stayed home due to work but I have never had time to myself. Mostly what I want to do is to clean the house with no interruptions and nobody coming behind me making more of a mess. To have some time to think and get things done that have been put off for a long time.
My mom is retired and my stepdad does not work in the summer. I'm thinking of asking them to take the kids for a long weekend. They are hands on grandparents and do a good job with the kids. They also have a lot of inside and outside space that the kids can play and have fun. They have taken the older two (separately) for a week in the summer in previous years, but have never initiated more than that.
In this situation, would you ask? If your kids go to stay with grandparents, how old were they when they first went? My kids are 13, 11, 7 and 4.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 18, 2016 0:34:16 GMT
Oh gosh yes. For over nights, weekends, weeks in the summer time, when the boy or boys would call to get away from me (  )...whenever. My mom is about 25 minutes away though and they started going as babies. Even as teenagers the boys would call me and say they were spending the night with mimi just because they enjoy spending time with my parents and would arrange it themselves. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 18, 2016 0:36:22 GMT
I have no kids, but I have wonderful memories of spending the weekend with my grandma when I was an older kid and a teenager. She lived alone so she really loved having the company. I would definitely ask!
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Post by stampinbetsy on Jul 18, 2016 0:39:16 GMT
My kids were probably in elementary school when they started spending a few days with my parents in the summer. I think with the ages your kids are, they would be fine.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 18, 2016 0:39:42 GMT
Well my mom is a hands on grandma. She has had overnights and weekends with my kids since they were little. I have never once asked my dad to keep my kids more than a couple of hours, he is just not that kind of grandpa. But if I really needed it, he would be there for me. If your mom is a hands on grandma, ask her. Your kids are not toddlers. I think grandma could most likely handle them at their ages and quite frankly if she's anything like my mother, she'll probably be thrilled you asked. I hope to be that kind of grandma. I want my grandkids to come spend weekends with me.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 18, 2016 0:41:18 GMT
We moved out of state. My SIL lived 3 hours away and somehow we took care of her 3 kids repeatedly for several years while they took as many vacations and cruises as possible. Then my other SIL wanted to send her boys to sports camps in our city for 7 years. We had them for two weeks at a time. I asked ONE TIME for my SILs to return the favor and they were both too busy. I was pissed. Then first SIL wanted us to watch her grandkids. Hell no. She also wanted my boys who were now teenagers to come up to her house and watch the grandkids. Hell no. My parents both passed away before my kids were born and my MIL never offered. My husband and I tag teamed watching them so the other one could have some me time away. It is kind of a touchy subject for me.
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quiltz
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Jul 18, 2016 0:44:29 GMT
I am a young (56) grandma of 2. I sometimes have the 1 (other one is under 3) come for a weekend & overnight. I go over to their home a lot.
It is a LOT of work especially if you don't know the routine & likes/dislikes of the children. 4 are a lot to handle (at one time). Since they haven't initiated that they would like more than 1 child at a time, maybe they think that it might be overwhelming for them.
How do you think your kids would be, at an unfamiliar place overnight? Are there any sleep issues? Can your children look after their personal needs? If so, I would be careful of having this conversation.
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Deleted
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May 13, 2024 2:03:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2016 0:46:05 GMT
My mom passed before my kids were born and my father and step-mother have made it perfectly clear that taking my DDs is not an option.
Whatever.
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milocat
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Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on Jul 18, 2016 0:48:20 GMT
Of course I'd ask, that's a grandparents job! I stayed at both sets of grandparents houses, lots of great memories. My kids started sleeping over at my parents when they were 2.5 years old and 6 months old. My mom will take both my girls and both my sister's girls too, all at once. She takes the kids all the time. A Friday night would often turn into Saturday and they would be there the whole weekend!
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
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Post by brandy327 on Jul 18, 2016 0:50:10 GMT
Yes but it's only started recently. My mom lives 600 miles away (my dad died in 2001) so there's no asking her. My in-laws always wanted to have the kids but they lived in a super small place and MIL is something of a craft hoarder so their spare bedroom was overrun with crap and no room for the kids. After FIL passed away in Feb 2015, she got new living room furniture (loveseats that recline) so they have a place to sleep (yeah, not a very comfy place to sleep but they make it work). They've gone quite a few times over the last 6-8 months...usually for 2-3 days at a time. Most recently they went for 3 days and MIL took them to an amusement park. That was the day I took me, myself and I to the beach while dh was at work. It's a little odd not having the kids here but MIL LOVES having them and the kids usually have a good time.
In your case, yeah, I'd ask them. The most they'll do is say no.
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Post by bearmom on Jul 18, 2016 0:52:50 GMT
My parents are 3 hours away and my in-laws are 8 (same state) and both sets of grandparents took the kids for extended weekends/full weeks at a time.
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Post by leannec on Jul 18, 2016 0:53:34 GMT
My dd's stayed with my mum often ... she would have them every weekend if she could Now that oldest dd#1 is 17 she is no longer interested but dd#2, age 13, goes over from time to time  I think that MIL had them over a couple of times but it was not a frequent thing ... I do know that if I had asked her to take care of them for a weekend she would have been happy to though |
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Deleted
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May 13, 2024 2:03:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2016 0:54:11 GMT
My parents were young grandparents (early 50s') when the girlies were born. They did watch the girlies a few times for us, but always at our home -- usually mom stayed overnight but dad went home and was only there during some of the day. My kids rarely stayed overnight at my parents' home. Just not kid friendly.
MIL also stayed with them at our home, but as they got older and DS was born and a bit older, they would go back and forth between our home and hers. But that was about a 15 mile/30 minute drive.
But I never stayed at home with no kids except the one time DH took all three to see his dad in Michigan for a week and honestly I hated the quietness!
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 18, 2016 0:58:01 GMT
I have never had my parents stay with all of my kids overnight, because I have had five since they moved here (and now have six), and that seems like a lot for them given their ages -- they have definitely stayed overnight a few times with some of the kids, though, and they and the kids have a nice time.
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Anita
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Post by Anita on Jul 18, 2016 0:59:01 GMT
No, they never have. You can ask, but four at once might be overwhelming when they aren't used to it. Don't be hurt if the answer isn't what you want.
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
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Post by pridemom on Jul 18, 2016 0:59:06 GMT
Our kids have not stated with grandparents. We tried to arrange stays with my IL's, just two of the kids, but they made it clear they were "too busy." My mom is unstable medically and mentally, so I would not allow it.
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Post by mom on Jul 18, 2016 0:59:08 GMT
Oh my goodness! Yes! My parents (before my mom died) were always taking my kids for a long weekend, holiday, whenever. They lived about 2.5 hours away for most of the time, but then moved to my town about 1.5 years before my mom passed.
Now that mom is gone, Dad and his wifey have had the boys spend the night. But the boys dont like it as much because the wifey isn't 'their grammy'.
Girl, call your mom and pack the kids up. They need to go spend some time with the grandparents! They get to make memories and you get a break!
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grammanisi
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Post by grammanisi on Jul 18, 2016 1:00:55 GMT
I'm the gramma/great gramma and I have my grandkids over night all of the time(for weeks at a time, too) and I have since they were all babies.
My youngest granddaughter is coming on Wednesday for 2 weeks. When she goes home her brother will come. They are 12 and 13 and argue to much for me to enjoy having them both at the same time! My great grandson just turned one and he stays overnight and the whole weekends often.
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Deleted
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May 13, 2024 2:03:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2016 1:14:58 GMT
ask them - don't hesitate - the least they could say is no
My mom was good about watching the kids - she and her husband would take the older ones on 1-2 weeks vacation every summer. They were so good with the kids and the kids all adults now still have fond memories.
My inlaws on the other hand couldn't be bothered. Humans are not their thing but if we asked them to watch our animals they'd be all over that.
I have 4 grands myself - 4 month old, 15 month old 3.5year old and an almost 11 year old. I've had them all overnight except the newborn. Right now I have the 15 month old (I'm tired he wears me out) but mom and dad will be home by midnight to get him. I do watch them periodically though so the parents can have date night. I love watching the kids and should say no more often but I enjoy being with them. Making memories.
Makes me sad when grandparents aren't involved because some of my fondest memories are spending time at my maternal grandma's. I want to give my grands the same memores. My paternal grandparents were non existent.
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jul 18, 2016 1:23:55 GMT
They almost never offer. There's been a couple of times one or the other has stayed here if we're going out of town and we ask. My parents used to keep all the grandkids on NYE but it's stopped now and even then their "rule" was that the kids had to be picked up by 10 on NYD, we live an hour away, that made it pretty much useless to us. MIL asked DS5 if he wanted to come spend the night along w/ his 2 cousins (4 & 6) sometime this summer, I've yet to hear any more about it. ODS has spent a few nights there in the past, I think the last time was a week while I was pregnant w/ YDS. I'm learning a lot about what kind of grandma I want to be someday  (FTR, both sets of parents are still married and currently in their 60s) |
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Jul 18, 2016 1:32:48 GMT
No my mom never did shit she probably doesn't even know their birthdays.
Hubby's parents are split up and once in the whole time my kids were little did they each take the kids, pretty sad considering the 3 of them live within an hr of us.
They never even just babysat for an hr.
Their help would have been wonderful when our 3rd one was born with major health issues and was in the hospital for a month and a few months later another month.
I had to drive 2 hrs every day to see him and cart the other 2 with me when they weren't in school.
Yeah they all sucked lol.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 18, 2016 1:35:20 GMT
Yes!! They would spend a week down at my parents 4 hrs away in the summer. They loved being in a small town and being able to ride their bikes, and go to the swimming pool. All things we didn't have living in the country. My brother also took them for long wkends 5 hrs away, and we would go to the cities and do a concert, dinners, etc. Othertimes we have had my dh's sister, and mother take them. We also always did date night when my girls were smaller and we had a set babysitter that came every sunday. My dh was on a pitcrew that did modified racing all over. So that was our date night. Your kids are at a pefect age to do this.
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StephDRebel
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Post by StephDRebel on Jul 18, 2016 1:36:37 GMT
Mine have been with grandma since memorial day weekend :/
When they were little they would go for a week, then two and we bought a vacation cabin a few years ago so since then they go the whole summer to help with my nieces and nephew and to chase girls.
They're in heaven. I'm home Netflixing, depressed, snuggling with the dogs.
I would ask, what's the worst that will happen?
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~Lauren~
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jul 18, 2016 1:38:01 GMT
If they have never had all four at one time, I think a "long" weekend is too much to start out with.
Ask her to take them Saturday morning to Sunday evening and see how it goes.
I'm very hands on with my dgd and would agree to take her two half siblings (ages 4 and 18 months) (not mine) because I love them all but I don't think I'd be wanting all of that for 4 days when I've never had them all for even one overnight.
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eleezybeth
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Post by eleezybeth on Jul 18, 2016 1:47:38 GMT
My oldest is 9. MIL stayed one weekend with her at our house when she was 3. I've had 2 more children since then. MIL has never been alone with them. No offers, no desires. She didn't even meet #3 until she was over a year (her choice). She loves to spend time with her son but not the grands. My mom would if I asked her. She enjoys coming to our house and having the girls one on one. All 3 are a bit much for her. But if I told her I needed her too do it, she would. FIL/new wife - no. He isn't really capable for overnights. They wear him out quickly and he is pretty set in his routine which is very similar to the 3 year old. Of course, if I set them ALL in front of a TV with a bin of peanut butter cups they'd be alive when I returned and probably wouldn't move. LOL!
My point is... if I can meet the parents where they are, set my expectations realistically, then I can maybe get a night out of my mom, a few hours out of FIL and maybe a few minutes with MIL. If I needed it, I'd ask.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jul 18, 2016 1:48:43 GMT
If they have never had all four at one time, I think a "long" weekend is too much to start out with. Ask her to take them Saturday morning to Sunday evening and see how it goes. I'm very hands on with my dgd and would agree to take her two half siblings (ages 4 and 18 months) (not mine) because I love them all but I don't think I'd be wanting all of that for 4 days when I've never had them all for even one overnight. That amount of time would not be worth the drive. Even when we all visit, we make sure to leave on a Friday early in the day (or earlier in the week). By the time I drove them down there Saturday morning, drove myself home and then did the same thing the next day, I would have no time to get anything done at home. . I was just talking to my mom and at the end of the conversation she said we would have to figure out a time for us to go down to visit. I said, "I'm thinking the kids could stay with you for a few days" in a lighthearted way and she just laughed. I am going to talk to DH about it and if he agrees, I will talk to her more seriously. I do think the kids would love it and I hate that they don't have the opportunity to see them more. I was just thinking about my grandparents--until I was 10 my grandma (moms mom) lived down the street. I stayed at her house at least once a week. Then we moved and that stopped. I'm not sure why? We only lived an hour away. However, my parents were divorced so maybe since my mom didn't have us every weekend she didn't want to give up more time? Or it could be that my grandma got remarried and her maybe her husband didn't want kids over? I'm not sure. My MIL used to say she wanted the kids to come to her house for the whole summer (that was when the older two were really young and we only had two,lol). She got really upset that we wouldn't let them fly out to stay with her. IMO, that was a completely different scenario since the kids only see her every few years, she is not around kids much, and the distance is such that we couldn't go get them if they were homesick. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2016 1:52:54 GMT
Ask. You won't know until you ask.
My parents took the boys all the time. Even took them on a three week long trip. Now as teenagers, staying overnight at the grandparents isn't as fun but I know if needed, my parents will take them.
My ex's parents rarely did. My parents actually helped my ex out a few times because his parents wouldn't. As a result, they weren't as close. When ex's mom passed away, my boys were upset but didn't cry as much as their older cousins who knew her better did.
My in-laws? Nope.
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Post by Ramona on Jul 18, 2016 1:55:29 GMT
This mamaw lived for Camp Grandma and Grandpa. Our daughter's husband moved a lot in the beginning of his career. He promised no more than 3 months without seeing them. I think the first time the 2 grandsons stayed with us for a week, they were 4 & 2, they lived in upstate NY. I know is was hard for my daughter to let them visit the first time, but it became a summer tradition. No matter where they lived, the boys came for a week each summer. Finally they moved two hours away and the boys were in middle school and in many activities, visits slowed down. My son got divorced when his oldest daughter started Kindergarten, and needed help. Every Thursday, I drove to their house, two hours away, to spend the day with the girls. Last year was my last Thursday with the girlys, they grew up!!! I loved it when they came to visit, we had so much fun. Lucky for us, my daughter had a surprise baby, who is now 10 years old. He's coming this week to stay for a week. I'm in heaven.  |
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seaexplore
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Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 18, 2016 1:58:24 GMT
My parents (just under 2 hours away) would love to take my kids. They won't go. My outlaws (one is 45 minutes west, the other is an hour east) want to take them. They won't go. I'm not going to push it and am just fine with it.
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psiluvu
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Post by psiluvu on Jul 18, 2016 2:03:10 GMT
When my dd was born my MIL watched her week days from 6 months until she was 15 months. We never asked her to do weekends or nights although I am sure she would have. She was diagnosed with cancer when dd was 15 months old and passed when she was 19months. I think she would have been a grandma who had the kids all the time.
My dad also passed away when dd was 19 months. We live 3 hours from my mom but she would come visit often and insist on watching the kids while dd and I went out. The kids would go there for a week in the summer and loved it. She was diagnosed with a form of muscular dystrophy and is now wheelchair bound and in an assisted living home. We try to visit wvery 2 or three weeks. My kids have a great realtionship with her.
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)...whenever. My mom is about 25 minutes away though and they started going as babies.
(FTR, both sets of parents are still married and currently in their 60s)
My original pea date was November 1999 and my number was 1803
