AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jul 20, 2016 12:51:19 GMT
I have to wonder if PW knows he is asking this of the guests. Yeah, you and me both. Background: PW and I are friends (lovely woman), but the husbands socialize much more frequently. PH might not have asked ME. Like I said: schtick - but more the buddy version in this instance. My husband said PH did some grousing about how much PW is spending on the party. Think Fred Flinstone at the lodge. I'm guessing PH will tell PW we offered, and I'm happy to go along with any ruse for her sake. With a much closer friend, I might find some "innocent" way now to let her know what he's up to.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,363
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Jul 20, 2016 13:10:47 GMT
PH is cheap. How much beer & wine are you planning to bring?
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 20, 2016 13:25:41 GMT
Agreed! Embarrassingly cheap! People won't even remember his son's party for his son's accomplishments, they will remember how cheap his father was!
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jul 20, 2016 14:38:52 GMT
PH is cheap. How much beer & wine are you planning to bring? I don't know WHAT we're bringing. Didn't ask. I was too busy rolling my eyes... ...and composing my post in my head.
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Post by silverlining on Jul 20, 2016 15:05:44 GMT
I feel bad for PH's kid.
Some people are going to be less generous in their gift to the graduate if they are also buying food or drink for the party. And some people might decide they have something better to do that day than go to a potluck, bring food, and a gift.
There's a huge difference between close friends asking if they can bring something, and the host giving assignments.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 20, 2016 15:24:33 GMT
Since it's his schtick, you knew to expect it. Is it going to be a small group of close friends?
I think it's inappropriate, but can see a group of guy friends proceeding this way if it's the running gag. IF he's sort of a lovable cheapskate that is generous in other ways.
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 20, 2016 15:31:05 GMT
On my mom's side of the family, potlucks seems to be the norm, even for celebrations. However, that is typically family only and I think it stems from many in my generation having kids very early (15, 18, 20) so they couldn't afford the parties if they didn't get help.
I wouldn't be asking friends to bring stuff and for our parties, we usually request family bring chips and if they want something special to drink, but only if they ask.
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Post by kimpossible on Jul 20, 2016 15:41:18 GMT
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Post by refugeepea on Jul 20, 2016 15:51:32 GMT
I don't know. It seems cheap, because you aren't family. In my family everyone is expected to contribute to things like an Eagle Scout ceremony, college graduation, a person's birthday, a baptism, a blessing, or a missionary homecoming or farewell. The general rule is the family provides the meat and they ask everyone else to bring a salad or dessert. Sometimes it bothers me unless we are getting together for my mom's birthday or a holiday dinner.
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Post by refugeepea on Jul 20, 2016 15:54:33 GMT
I wouldn't be asking friends to bring stuff and for our parties, we usually request family bring chips and if they want something special to drink, but only if they ask. I think that's what bothers me. A mass e-mail sent out saying this is when the event is, if you are coming please bring a salad or dessert. The one who does it the most has more money than I do!
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jul 20, 2016 16:07:06 GMT
Since it's his schtick, you knew to expect it. Is it going to be a small group of close friends? I think it's inappropriate, but can see a group of guy friends proceeding this way if it's the running gag. IF he's sort of a lovable cheapskate that is generous in other ways. They invited 40 people. (This factoid was part of the grousing.) You might be onto something. No, I wouldn't necessarily expect the request from PH if he had been talking to me, but maybe PH invoked Crabby Buddy Privileges with my husband and who-knows-who-else. More of a covert operation among a Band of Brothers... More generally, I'm going to have to rethink this offer-to-bring distinction of mine. Maybe I should just do the dance - always offer and then (mostly) expect it to be declined for events/celebrations.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 20, 2016 16:27:49 GMT
Lol, Crabby Buddy Privileges!
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jp1989
Junior Member
Posts: 60
Oct 28, 2014 2:15:35 GMT
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Post by jp1989 on Jul 20, 2016 16:34:37 GMT
Invitation to a party where a gift is expected, host should supply food & drink. If people offer to bring something, I think it's okay to accept or not accept. But, no, they shouldn't be asked to bring anything.
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Post by FLA SummerBaby on Jul 20, 2016 16:36:10 GMT
Cheap and tacky. peabay said it best!!
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Post by deshacrafts on Jul 20, 2016 16:41:07 GMT
I would be mortified if I found out my DH was telling people what to bring. When I have get togethers, not graduations or birthdays, my friends always offer to bring stuff. Sometimes I say I've got it covered and they bring stuff anyway.
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Post by genny on Jul 20, 2016 16:44:40 GMT
He's cheap. I would never ask a guest to bring food to that type of party. When DS graduated last year the only person who brought food was my mom and sister cause that's what we do in our family, we help out when one of us has an event. Everything else was on me, as it should be.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 20, 2016 16:48:04 GMT
Bring a case of beer and a $40 check.
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Post by lucyg on Jul 20, 2016 17:12:47 GMT
Since it's his schtick, you knew to expect it. Is it going to be a small group of close friends? I think it's inappropriate, but can see a group of guy friends proceeding this way if it's the running gag. IF he's sort of a lovable cheapskate that is generous in other ways. They invited 40 people. (This factoid was part of the grousing.) You might be onto something. No, I wouldn't necessarily expect the request from PH if he had been talking to me, but maybe PH invoked Crabby Buddy Privileges with my husband and who-knows-who-else. More of a covert operation among a Band of Brothers... More generally, I'm going to have to rethink this offer-to-bring distinction of mine. Maybe I should just do the dance - always offer and then (mostly) expect it to be declined for events/celebrations. I don't think there's anything admirable about automatically offering to bring a dish to a hosted party if it's clearly inappropriate, such as a graduation party, any formal event, or any party with gifts being an expectation. Casual BBQ with friends, sure. A close family member or very close friend is putting on the party and might need help, sure. But to me, in my family, in my circles ... it sort of denigrates the hosts' hospitality to assume they can't or don't want to provide for their guests. So please don't start randomly offering to bring something. Of course, I also object to the whole "don't show up empty-handed" premise. And please never, ever bring a dish if I told you not to. And yes, I am already aware my POV is unpopular. No need to vilify me again for it. (Not you, OP, but the general pea public.)
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 20, 2016 17:17:40 GMT
They invited 40 people. (This factoid was part of the grousing.) You might be onto something. No, I wouldn't necessarily expect the request from PH if he had been talking to me, but maybe PH invoked Crabby Buddy Privileges with my husband and who-knows-who-else. More of a covert operation among a Band of Brothers... More generally, I'm going to have to rethink this offer-to-bring distinction of mine. Maybe I should just do the dance - always offer and then (mostly) expect it to be declined for events/celebrations. I don't think there's anything admirable about automatically offering to bring a dish to a hosted party if it's clearly inappropriate, such as a graduation party, any formal event, or any party with gifts being an expectation. Casual BBQ with friends, sure. A close family member or very close friend is putting on the party and might need help, sure. But to me, in my family, in my circles ... it sort of denigrates the hosts' hospitality to assume they can't or don't want to provide for their guests. So please don't start randomly offering to bring something. Of course, I also object to the whole "don't show up empty-handed" premise. And please never, ever bring a dish if I told you not to. And yes, I am already aware my POV is unpopular. No need to vilify me again for it. (Not you, OP, but the general pea public.) I think we are all just wired a little differently and were brought up differently, so I wouldn't be offended if people did or didn't offer to bring something. Sometimes before we leave for a party, I will quickly call the hostess (seems like it is usually the female) and ask if there is anything they need more of or if I can bring a bag of ice. Most of the time everything is fine, but people do ask for more ice.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 20, 2016 17:29:27 GMT
1st off what kind of a party is it? Like, hey, lets get a bunch of friends together to celebrate this graduation? or is it a formal, sent out invitations, etc party? if it's the 1st, yes, I would bring something. If it's the 2nd one. ah..no. If you can't afford to give the party, but sent out invites and such. it's just tacky
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 20, 2016 17:31:31 GMT
Yea, I'd be calling up Wife, and saying, SAY, Oscar (the grouch) told us to bring something, what do you want? and just see what she says!! ha
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,218
Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Jul 20, 2016 17:44:39 GMT
PH is cheap. How much beer & wine are you planning to bring? I don't know WHAT we're bringing. Didn't ask. I was too busy rolling my eyes... ...and composing my post in my head. One beer- for PH. He can supply food and drinks for everyone else. Besides, if it's a high school grad party, most of the guests there will be underage and not supposed to drink.
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
Jun 26, 2014 15:57:39 GMT
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Jul 21, 2016 16:44:53 GMT
Wait, what? They're having a party to which you're expected to bring a gift *and* they want you to bring a dish? I admit I find this American custom of bringing food to a party a bit odd. I mean feeding your guests is part of throwing a party. But whatever. :-) I guess it's better than being the person of whom he's asked to bring the decor. lol In this case I think the party host is being cheap. Especially given the nature of the function.I'd bring a gift or a dish but not both. Well I'd bring both as you've said you would but, yeah he's cheap. This. And I will admit, when we had our pool party years ago, we asked people to bring 1 bag of chips. The reason is because everyone asked what they could bring and having invited 50+ people, it was easier to not have to keep track of all that. We provided beer, snax, dogs, burgers, baked ziti & breakfast the next morning for all those (at least 15) who stayed over. Not the same scenario as OP. And I whole heartedly agree that if you're bringing a gift, THAT'S IT. You don't contribute to the party. Sheesh.
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Post by leftturnonly on Jul 21, 2016 16:46:28 GMT
I say he sounds like someone who would ask people to bring desert to his wedding so he didn't have to buy a cake.
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