AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jul 20, 2016 2:41:37 GMT
Well, really more an expectation than invitation...
We're invited to a college graduation party - friends' son. When my husband RSVP'd, Party Husband (PH) asked that we bring food or beer/wine.
[PH is notoriously - even comically - frugal. It's both a lifestyle and a schtick.]
We don't have grad parties for our own kids, but I go to plenty of them, $50 check in hand. I''ve never offered to bring anything, but I do for many other types of parties.
We'll bring what was promised, but I suspect my husband thinks I'm being petty by rolling my eyes about it. I see a distinction between parties to commemorate an event (a.k.a. come bearing gift) and other parties. Have I mistakenly assumed this cultural norm or is PH just being PHish?
What say y'all?
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Post by alissa103 on Jul 20, 2016 2:42:42 GMT
I think PH is cheap!
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Post by SockMonkey on Jul 20, 2016 2:43:27 GMT
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 5, 2024 23:47:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2016 2:44:12 GMT
There's frugal and then there's cheap.
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Post by just PEAchy on Jul 20, 2016 2:45:29 GMT
I would never host a party at my home and ask guests to provide food or drinks. PH is a cheapo.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222 
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Post by caro on Jul 20, 2016 2:45:56 GMT
Cheap! Have a party like this, provide the food unless it is super casual and small where everyone knows everyone. Then maybe it could be BYOB.
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GiantsFan
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Posts: 8,291
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Jul 20, 2016 2:52:38 GMT
Cheap.
I have to say that whatever type of party we are invited to (birthday, grad, friends BBQ, Family dinner, etc) I always call the hosts and ask what I can bring. And when hosting I never expect anyone to bring anything.
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kate
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Posts: 5,516
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jul 20, 2016 2:54:25 GMT
Cheap. I have to say that whatever type of party we are invited to (birthday, grad, friends BBQ, Family dinner, etc) I always call the hosts and ask what I can bring. And when hosting I never expect anyone to bring anything.  |
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jul 20, 2016 2:57:25 GMT
I have to say that whatever type of party we are invited to (birthday, grad, friends BBQ, Family dinner, etc) I always call the hosts and ask what I can bring. And when hosting I never expect anyone to bring anything. See, this is what gives me pause. I've never offered for a grad (or birthday) party. Since most hosts are not PHish, they wouldn't ask if I didn't bring it up. I'm wondering if other guests are always offering - even if the offer is declined - and I'm not. Make sense? PH has triggered introspection. |
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Post by mom on Jul 20, 2016 3:00:08 GMT
PH is cheap.
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GiantsFan
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Posts: 8,291
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Jul 20, 2016 3:07:44 GMT
I have to say that whatever type of party we are invited to (birthday, grad, friends BBQ, Family dinner, etc) I always call the hosts and ask what I can bring. And when hosting I never expect anyone to bring anything. See, this is what gives me pause. I've never offered for a grad (or birthday) party. Since most hosts are not PHish, they wouldn't ask if I didn't bring it up. I'm wondering if other guests are always offering - even if the offer is declined - and I'm not. Make sense? PH has triggered introspection. Actually, I'm a germaphobe and if I bring something then at least I know one thing is safe to eat. So don't read too much into it!  |
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Anita
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Posts: 5,643
Location: Kansas City -ish
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Post by Anita on Jul 20, 2016 3:08:40 GMT
It's not you, it's PH.
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Loydene
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,639
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
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Post by Loydene on Jul 20, 2016 3:09:43 GMT
I have to say that whatever type of party we are invited to (birthday, grad, friends BBQ, Family dinner, etc) I always call the hosts and ask what I can bring. And when hosting I never expect anyone to bring anything. See, this is what gives me pause. I've never offered for a grad (or birthday) party. Since most hosts are not PHish, they wouldn't ask if I didn't bring it up. I'm wondering if other guests are always offering - even if the offer is declined - and I'm not. Make sense? PH has triggered introspection. I believe there is a clear distinction between family dinner, backyard/friends BBQ, even a dinner party with/for friends and an "event party" - graduation, birthday shower. For the first, one calls and asks what one can bring -- maybe since there is no gift "expectation". For the event, and it really might hinge on the gift part, it is a totally hosted event -- it wouldn't occur to me to ask what I could bring. |
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jul 20, 2016 3:11:03 GMT
Actually, I'm a germaphobe and if I bring something then at least I know one thing is safe to eat. So don't read too much into it! ![:D]() And I'm the type who would eat the leftovers a week later, no matter who brought them.  |
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Post by justkat on Jul 20, 2016 3:15:33 GMT
Wait, what? They're having a party to which you're expected to bring a gift *and* they want you to bring a dish?
I admit I find this American custom of bringing food to a party a bit odd. I mean feeding your guests is part of throwing a party. But whatever. :-) I guess it's better than being the person of whom he's asked to bring the decor. lol
In this case I think the party host is being cheap. Especially given the nature of the function.I'd bring a gift or a dish but not both. Well I'd bring both as you've said you would but, yeah he's cheap.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jul 20, 2016 3:18:59 GMT
Good news-- so is Two Buck Chuck! (Or is it three buck chuck now? I dunno, I don't drink wine.) |
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Post by mom23sweetpeas on Jul 20, 2016 3:33:34 GMT
I too think if it is a party that you are expected to bring a gift for then the food and drinks should be provided by the host- so a grad , birthday, baby shower, wedding,
the only exception is family christmas- as all are bringing gifts and it shouldn't be one persons job to provide all ( even though I have sone it for 15 years- can you tell I am bitter!)
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 20, 2016 3:35:33 GMT
PH is a tightwad. I think it's pretty rude to ask people to bring food when there is also an unstated expectation for a gift as well.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jul 20, 2016 3:48:50 GMT
It's the norm for me that people bring things to parties. However when it comes to something like this I personally would not ask someone else to bring anything BUT I would offer to bring something (if I was attending) because it's just how things are where I grew up.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Jul 20, 2016 3:53:33 GMT
PH is cheap and tacky. You don't throw a party and ask people to being things...it's not a potluck!
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Post by mlynn on Jul 20, 2016 3:54:22 GMT
PH is cheap and a bit tacky. I think that if you want a gathering to be potluck, you say so on the invitation. Not when the person RSVP's. Nope. Having it potluck can affect a potential guest's choice of whether to attend. And I REALLY think asking guests to bring alcohol (unless BYOB) is extra tacky.
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anniebygaslight
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I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 20, 2016 6:24:54 GMT
Tacky.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jul 20, 2016 10:01:40 GMT
Count me in: cheap and tacky. If you are throwing a party to celebrate someone, YOU throw the party. You don't ask others to.
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eastcoastpea
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Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Jul 20, 2016 10:23:59 GMT
Make sure you bring your own chairs too! |
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Post by dewryce on Jul 20, 2016 10:27:45 GMT
I have to wonder if PW knows he is asking this of the guests.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 20, 2016 11:02:57 GMT
Two kids successfully graduated, many graduation parties attended and thrown. RSVP's often were accompanied by the question 'can I bring anything' and answered by either a 'gosh, aren't you sweet! I have it all covered' or 'sure, can you pick up some extra sweet tea.' Regardless of the answer, if I ask, I shouldn't be surprised if the answer is yes and I don't really think of it as being cheap...and the ask/answer thing is very dependent on the relationship I have with the party giver. Parents of one the boy's friends that I have never met? Likely not to even ask. The boy's girlfriend's parents? I will absolutely ask. A good friend's child? Again, absolutely I will ask. So if the question is more global than this specific incident, then you shouldn't worry. Most people don't send out party invitations with the expectation that someone is going to ask what they bring. Maybe your good friends will, and then you may or may not be given a task-but it isn't the norm to send an invite and pray that people will ask. If your husband rsvp'd, and PH asked, it could be that he was just hoping that y'all would bring the good whiskey that PW (party wife) had vetoed and if you bring it then she can't say no.  |
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 20, 2016 11:32:28 GMT
It's him not you!
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Post by littlemama on Jul 20, 2016 11:50:14 GMT
1. I've never heard of anyone having a college graduation party
2. Telling someone to bring food and drinks after they RSVP yes is tacky tacky tacky. So is telling them to bring food and drinks at any point, but at least if it's in the invitation, you can say no.
3. I think I would "forget" to show up to this one.
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,218
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Post by Peamac on Jul 20, 2016 12:09:59 GMT
Normally my first thought would be that PH is being cheap. However, I can't help but wonder if PW (Party Wife) told him "Now if anyone asks what they can bring to the party, they can bring beer/wine or (some specific food that PH didn't remember). But ONLY if they ask- this is party after all, and we're planning to feed all the guests. But you know how your mom is- she always wants to help out with the food." But PH only heard "they can bring beer/wine or food."
The reason I say that is because we recently had an open house for DD and new SIL. DH's family couldn't make it all the way across the country where the wedding took place, and neither could DD's friends from here. We had a casual open house ("light refreshments" were served), and each of DH's siblings and one of my friends asked what food they could bring. Of course I told them it was kind to offer, but they didn't need to bring anything. I would never expect any of the guests to bring food to something like that (although in retrospect, they may have thought it would be like other times we've gotten together and I ask the hostess what I can bring, but that's just family getting together while we're all in town).
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 20, 2016 12:30:37 GMT
It's fine to have a potluck for a family event. It's weird to ask guests to bring food to a grad party. He's cheap!
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