iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,120 
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Post by iowgirl on Jul 30, 2016 14:25:16 GMT
My DS just broke up with is girlfriend, and boy do I feel bummed.  They are both so young and have a few years of age difference between them, he is in college, and she is just starting, but gosh I just loved her. I knew this would probably happen sooner or later and could tell that there was some distance growing between them this summer.... It was his choice, and I think she is pretty sad about it too. He is firm in his decision. I have always thought that you grow so much as a person from when you graduate high school and move on and experience life in so many ways. I know I changed so much from age 18 to about my mid 20's as a person. I always felt that I wanted my kids to be able to do this also - so in that respect I am thinking it will be a good thing for both of them in the grand scheme of life... But damn it... I just get so teary-eyed thinking about it. She is just the best kid, and I know we will still see each other and be friends... oh here come the tears again... It feels like I lost one of my family...  Thanks for letting me vent a little.... I ♥ the Peas! LOL |
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Post by malibou on Jul 30, 2016 14:26:34 GMT
Hugs.
J
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,612
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Jul 30, 2016 14:28:06 GMT
It is a hard time - especially if you like the partner. Unfortunately one of life's lessons and they will grow from it. It will take time there is a grieving process to go through but you will come out the other side.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,626
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Post by valincal on Jul 30, 2016 14:29:11 GMT
Big hugs! Both of my sons (aged 22 and 20) have been with their girlfriends for over three years each and I'd be devastated too! Take care.
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
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Post by marimoose on Jul 30, 2016 14:33:00 GMT
I just went through this last week too. My daughter is about to turn 21 and has been dating this young man for 5 years. He has been around our family for a solid 6 years and it was rare to have more than a couple days go by without his presence unless he was on vacation with his own family. He was a part of our family as much as any of my own kids. He went on vacation with us in April. He was included in every family event we attended. he is an awesome young man and they always talked about their lives down the road and of all my 4 kids, somehow I thought they probably would be together. He is her best friend and though she is the one who did the break up, she is even mourning the loss of her friend. I ahev no idea what the future holds for them but I do know she has agreed that she wants to talk to him again to see if they can be friends down the road. Like you, I have shed many tears but know this is where I back off and she will need to do what she needs to do and learn form this experience. Still so sad.
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
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Post by pridemom on Jul 30, 2016 14:42:54 GMT
I was talking to my friend about this same issue. if only they would consult us. We have a much better understanding of what they need. Ya know?
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
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Post by julieb on Jul 30, 2016 14:43:11 GMT
I get it!! Feel sad - it does suck.
My ds broke up with his girlfriend because she lived in NYC and he graduated and moved home to Chicago. They were never close in proximity (he went to school in Iowa), but were able to see each other about once every 6 weeks. Distance broke them up. I only met her two times, but he was in love with her. Breaks my heart too.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,726
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Post by purplebee on Jul 30, 2016 14:57:28 GMT
Oh, that is difficult. But you can't live their lives for them. I have to zip my lip a lot with my 21 yo ds, I so want to micro manage!!!!
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 30, 2016 14:58:58 GMT
BTDT. I learned not to get too attached to DS's girlfriends. Then he got married. We adore her. After nine years, they divorced. DH and I consider ourselves collateral damage.
Luckily we are still close to her.
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Post by Zee on Jul 30, 2016 15:15:06 GMT
I still kind of miss one of DDs boyfriends, but I know he wasn't right for her.
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Post by ilikepink on Jul 30, 2016 15:15:46 GMT
One of my sons dated a Wonderful girl in high school, and they made it until his sophomore year of college before they broke up. Love her; she's engaged and I was probably more upset for my son than he was.
It's all a learning experience for all of us.
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Post by mom on Jul 30, 2016 15:21:44 GMT
BTDT. I learned not to get too attached to DS's girlfriends. Then he got married. We adore her. After nine years, they divorced. DH and I consider ourselves collateral damage. Luckily we are still close to her.This is such a good thing. I cannot stand xDH. But his dad? His dad is a rare and special guy.His mom is great too - but I really got along with his dad. We still send each other Christmas cards, etc. |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jul 30, 2016 16:01:37 GMT
My neighbor liked his son's ex girlfriend so much that she had her stay with her when she was in town along with her whole family (married with kids). This happened even while the son was still home! I hope your son and the girl can eventually be friends and realize this was for the best even though it's hard at this time.
My kids are 19 and 16 and we haven't gone through this yet but I could see it happening.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2016 16:02:55 GMT
Hugs.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 30, 2016 16:21:24 GMT
I adore my ds's girlfriend, but she's the first and sadly, I know that the first is often just that, the first. I'll be so sad if they break up, but they both have to grow up and move on. I feel for you. It really sucks when you like their partner. It's a breakup for you, too.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jul 30, 2016 16:48:16 GMT
((((HUGS)))) I had a 6-year relationship with a guy before I met and married DH. (DH and I met the same day XBF met his wife!) 31 years later, his mom and I still correspond at Christmas time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 29, 2024 8:19:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2016 17:20:28 GMT
I remember when my HS boyfriend broke up with me (he was older and in the military) and my mom was so upset. She was more concerned for her own feelings than mine! He even came to visit her after some time passed. I guess it was his way of telling her goodbye. My DD20 has been dating a young man for 4-5 months. He seems wonderful but I am realistic about the slim chance he "is the one" so I have not gotten close to him. If/when this ends, I do not want to be like my mom was all those years ago. I guess we will see how this goes.... if it goes on much longer, I guess I will HAVE to get to know him.  Hang in there OP... hugs to you. |
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Post by jackie on Jul 30, 2016 17:32:42 GMT
I'm going through the same thing. My 20 year-old ds broke up with his boyfriend (who did not want to break up). I'm heartbroken. He sent me a text telling me that I'm like a mother to him and he is very thankful for the love and support I gave him (his parents are very strict conservative Christians and do NOT accept his sexual orientation). He is just such a sweet and loving person. He fit right in with our family and would often hang out with us even when my ds wasn't here.
I recently found out his dog of 17 years just passed away AND he lost his job. I just want to comfort him!
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supascrappa
Shy Member
Posts: 29
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Post by supascrappa on Jul 30, 2016 17:58:34 GMT
I was talking to my friend about this same issue. if only they would consult us. We have a much better understanding of what they need. Ya know? I don't know.. what do you mean? Consult you prior to becoming a couple? Or before breaking up? I'm confused.. I guess I don't think I know any better than my kid does when it comes to her love life. |
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 30, 2016 18:11:39 GMT
My DS just broke up with is girlfriend, and boy do I feel bummed. They are both so young and have a few years of age difference between them, he is in college, and she is just starting, but gosh I just loved her. I knew this would probably happen sooner or later and could tell that there was some distance growing between them this summer.... It was his choice, and I think she is pretty sad about it too. He is firm in his decision. I have always thought that you grow so much as a person from when you graduate high school and move on and experience life in so many ways. I know I changed so much from age 18 to about my mid 20's as a person. I always felt that I wanted my kids to be able to do this also - so in that respect I am thinking it will be a good thing for both of them in the grand scheme of life... But damn it... I just get so teary-eyed thinking about it. She is just the best kid, and I know we will still see each other and be friends... oh here come the tears again... It feels like I lost one of my family... Thanks for letting me vent a little.... I ♥ the Peas! LOL YES I have been down this road as well with my DD... Two boyfriends now we all really liked and then they break up... I was probably sadder than she was.. LOL...it's hard because with DD boyfriends, I had their phone numbers and could text them whatever I wanted... one of them always helped with big yard stuff, like taking down a tree, etc.... Another one was just a sweet kid... and it's funny I am still friends with his mom and my youngest goes over to their house to play with the ex's siblings... |
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Post by Outspoken on Jul 30, 2016 18:20:14 GMT
I was talking to my friend about this same issue. if only they would consult us. We have a much better understanding of what they need. Ya know? I don't know.. what do you mean? Consult you prior to becoming a couple? Or before breaking up? I'm confused.. I guess I don't think I know any better than my kid does when it comes to her love life. I read pridemom post with sarcasm. Maybe it wasn't intended that way, but I though she was just being playful with her comment. |
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Jul 30, 2016 18:26:36 GMT
My DS just broke up with is girlfriend, and boy do I feel bummed. They are both so young and have a few years of age difference between them, he is in college, and she is just starting, but gosh I just loved her. I knew this would probably happen sooner or later and could tell that there was some distance growing between them this summer.... It was his choice, and I think she is pretty sad about it too. He is firm in his decision. I have always thought that you grow so much as a person from when you graduate high school and move on and experience life in so many ways. I know I changed so much from age 18 to about my mid 20's as a person. I always felt that I wanted my kids to be able to do this also - so in that respect I am thinking it will be a good thing for both of them in the grand scheme of life... But damn it... I just get so teary-eyed thinking about it. She is just the best kid, and I know we will still see each other and be friends... oh here come the tears again... It feels like I lost one of my family... Thanks for letting me vent a little.... I ♥ the Peas! LOL It is difficult when you've come to love them like your own. My oldest dated one wonderful girl for 5 years. Couldn't imagine them apart. She's now happily married to someone else and they have 4 kids. Many of my Sons's ex-girlfriends are friends with me still. In fact my DIL told me that he told her that she'd love me "because all of my girlfriends did and still do." It made me laugh. |
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Post by krazykatlady on Jul 30, 2016 19:01:12 GMT
It took me three years to get over my oldest son's breakup. He's newly married and I love my DIL and I know now she's really a much better fit.
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
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Post by pridemom on Jul 30, 2016 19:17:55 GMT
I don't know.. what do you mean? Consult you prior to becoming a couple? Or before breaking up? I'm confused.. I guess I don't think I know any better than my kid does when it comes to her love life. I read pridemom post with sarcasm. Maybe it wasn't intended that way, but I though she was just being playful with her comment. Exactly spiffie. I was being sarcastic. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 29, 2024 8:19:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2016 19:21:53 GMT
This is why I never wanted to get involved with the people my kids dated until the proposal happened and wedding plans were underway. I didn't need my heart broke also. It was also easier to be a landing spot for my kid's emotions if mine weren't also hurt.
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Post by papersilly on Jul 30, 2016 19:45:29 GMT
I know what you mean. We adore nieces' boyfriends. Just great and kind young men. Sure would miss either of them if the went away. younger niece's boyfriend even said we (my sister and DH and I) could live with them when we get old. We like to tease niece that we will still go live with him even if they are long broken up. Lol
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
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Post by marimoose on Jul 30, 2016 20:06:01 GMT
My DS just broke up with is girlfriend, and boy do I feel bummed. They are both so young and have a few years of age difference between them, he is in college, and she is just starting, but gosh I just loved her. I knew this would probably happen sooner or later and could tell that there was some distance growing between them this summer.... It was his choice, and I think she is pretty sad about it too. He is firm in his decision. I have always thought that you grow so much as a person from when you graduate high school and move on and experience life in so many ways. I know I changed so much from age 18 to about my mid 20's as a person. I always felt that I wanted my kids to be able to do this also - so in that respect I am thinking it will be a good thing for both of them in the grand scheme of life... But damn it... I just get so teary-eyed thinking about it. She is just the best kid, and I know we will still see each other and be friends... oh here come the tears again... It feels like I lost one of my family... Thanks for letting me vent a little.... I ♥ the Peas! LOL It is difficult when you've come to love them like your own. My oldest dated one wonderful girl for 5 years. Couldn't imagine them apart. She's now happily married to someone else and they have 4 kids. Many of my Sons's ex-girlfriends are friends with me still. In fact my DIL told me that he told her that she'd love me "because all of my girlfriends did and still do." It made me laugh. This really says something about you  . You must be even more special than we all know and you always come off as pretty great. |
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Post by Outspoken on Jul 30, 2016 20:09:42 GMT
This is why I never wanted to get involved with the people my kids dated until the proposal happened and wedding plans were underway. I didn't need my heart broke also. It was also easier to be a landing spot for my kid's emotions if mine weren't also hurt. I don't find this as a good idea! Just my opinion. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 29, 2024 8:19:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2016 20:14:32 GMT
This is why I never wanted to get involved with the people my kids dated until the proposal happened and wedding plans were underway. I didn't need my heart broke also. It was also easier to be a landing spot for my kid's emotions if mine weren't also hurt. I don't find this as a good idea! Just my opinion. My kids weren't allowed one to one dating until old enough to marry. I don't think dating at a young age is a good idea. I think it stunts individual growth to become invested to early in one other person. Save |
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Post by peasapie on Jul 30, 2016 20:19:16 GMT
I remember that w my son. He dated the same girl throughout HS and when he broke up with her it felt so sad to me. I loved her and her family. I kept hoping they would go back, through college years and after, but they grew apart.
He just got engaged to a lovely young lady who is quickly stealing my heart. I say this just so you know there is light at the end.
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. You must be even more special than we all know and you always come off as pretty great. 
