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Post by leftturnonly on Aug 13, 2016 2:22:22 GMT
{{{hugs}}} sweetie.
I know you don't feel well and you're exhausted inside and out.
Sending you tender wishes and lifting you up in prayer.
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 13, 2016 2:22:55 GMT
zella, I completely understand and know what it's like to live w/a horrible digestive disease. The pain, nausea and constant feeling of fatigue and overwhelm are beyond anything I could describe. I really hope they'll do motility tests as well as your colonoscopy, but I've nagged you about that before. It's truly boring to be stuck at home w/an illness. However, there are things you can do to alleviate the boredom. Solo hobbies that don't require a lot of effort are a very good thing for you right now. Most importantly, think about what happens when you finally have a diagnosis and treatment. You will feel better,just not right now. When you have those really bad days know that you have hope and doctors are working on your behalf. Right now life is the pits, for me as well. However, I am starting my tube feeds and soon I'll have some energy. Honestly, I'll never feel good, but that doesn't mean my life is over. It means I have to treasure the good stuff in life. Do not give up hope and do not choose to have it be over, because you have a lot of life left and treatments are progressing for digestive diseases. You are at the beginning of this issue and once you have answers and treatment you'll feel better about things, because you'll have a plan of action. If I haven't quit yet, then you certainly can't quit. I am a foodie who can't eat on top of my other health issues. Yet, I find ways to laugh every day. You need to find reasons to smile no matter how small or silly. Life isn't going to be the same for you. You won't be healthy and running marathons, but you can make the most out of your life and find a place that is good. I wish you wellness and mental health wellness.
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Post by kels99 on Aug 13, 2016 2:54:33 GMT
I know this seems counter-intuitive, but what about trying to keep a small amount of food in your system all the time? If I go for even a few hours without eating or drinking something, I get sick once I do eat, so I've been trying to constantly sip on water/tea or nibble on something small between meals and it's made a HUGE difference. I don't know why it works, but it really does for me. The two things I eat/nibble on most often are the "Food Should Taste Good" multi-grain chips and biscotti. I know you're feeling absolutely crummy, but maybe it's worth a try to have just a bite of cracker or something every few minutes instead of waiting until you're so hungry that you have to eat. And....The Seahawks start tomorrow. (I think I remember that you're up here near Seattle and are a Hawks fan.) LOL, yes, we live outside of Seattle and are definitely Seahawks fans at our house. Don't know that we'll be able to watch the game (no cable tv). I'm currently sipping on Perrier, the kind with lime. Hubby came home and his first action was to get me a new drink. He's good about that. I might try what you're suggesting as far as eating; it's not going to make me worse, I think. It's so frustrating because the food I want is cooked vegetables, potatoes, fruit. But the veggies and fruit just don't do well with me right now. Maybe some mashed potatoes for dinner. The Hawks are on Ch 13 tomorrow. Hopefully, that's one that you get.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Aug 13, 2016 3:00:06 GMT
I've been in a very similar state of mind. The only things that kept me alive were my personal belief about suicide and Heaven, and the fact that I could NOT do that to my son. So, you are right for thinking of how that would hurt your loved ones. So, scrapmaven once wrote a phrase on here and I wrote it out on a post-it note. It said, "Keep going until the light shines again." I can't tell you how much that became my mantra, even though I had my doubts that it ever would shine again. But it did! I'm still sick every day, but I've accepted the loss of my best friend who died in her sleep unexpectedly one night, and my marriage is better than ever. I've finally started to actually feel joy at things again, something I thought was lost forever. Please keep posting here. There's always someone around to hang out with you! Xoxo Ugh, you're another one with a hard life. I'm sorry you are sick. I like that mantra. I've written it on a sticky note and put it on my bathroom mirror. My marriage is actually better since I've been sick; I know it puts a heck of a lot of strain on hubby, but he doesn't want to lose me.
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Post by freeatlast on Aug 13, 2016 3:28:24 GMT
Thinking of you, dear zella. I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. When I was having gut issues, one of the few foods I could tolerate was rice. Plain, boring rice and only a couple of tablespoons at a time. Keep checking back in with us. We'll be here for you.
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Aug 13, 2016 3:59:34 GMT
Sending you hugs and positive thoughts. You are important and you are loved.
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Post by Belia on Aug 13, 2016 4:01:39 GMT
I am so very sorry, Zella. I hope things starting looking up for you soon.
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Post by malibou on Aug 13, 2016 4:11:37 GMT
Always thinking of you.
Another who wonders if some marijuana would benefit you?
J
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Post by SallyPA on Aug 13, 2016 4:15:21 GMT
I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad.
You are valuable. You are important. You matter. You are loved. Please call the hotline number if need be.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Aug 13, 2016 4:23:28 GMT
zella , I completely understand and know what it's like to live w/a horrible digestive disease. The pain, nausea and constant feeling of fatigue and overwhelm are beyond anything I could describe. I really hope they'll do motility tests as well as your colonoscopy, but I've nagged you about that before. It's truly boring to be stuck at home w/an illness. However, there are things you can do to alleviate the boredom. Solo hobbies that don't require a lot of effort are a very good thing for you right now. Most importantly, think about what happens when you finally have a diagnosis and treatment. You will feel better,just not right now. When you have those really bad days know that you have hope and doctors are working on your behalf. Right now life is the pits, for me as well. However, I am starting my tube feeds and soon I'll have some energy. Honestly, I'll never feel good, but that doesn't mean my life is over. It means I have to treasure the good stuff in life. Do not give up hope and do not choose to have it be over, because you have a lot of life left and treatments are progressing for digestive diseases. You are at the beginning of this issue and once you have answers and treatment you'll feel better about things, because you'll have a plan of action. If I haven't quit yet, then you certainly can't quit. I am a foodie who can't eat on top of my other health issues. Yet, I find ways to laugh every day. You need to find reasons to smile no matter how small or silly. Life isn't going to be the same for you. You won't be healthy and running marathons, but you can make the most out of your life and find a place that is good. I wish you wellness and mental health wellness. I'm so sorry you are dealing with digestive issues that are bad enough you have to be tube fed. Horrible. I knew things had got really bad for me when, a couple of days ago, I realized that having a colostomy or ileostomy would be a relief if it ended my symptoms. That's huge, because I've cared for people with these, and have a real hard time doing so; I find them utterly disgusting (please don't anyone take offense at this; it's just my issue. I've always felt that it's bad enough that I have frequent bowel accidents; having a colostomy or ileostomy feels like ALWAYS having an accident).But right now, I just want to feel well. And it's been too long and I've been through too much. I just don't have an endless supply of energy and hope. One thing that's frustrating me is that I haven't been able to sort out my scrappy room so that I can start crafting and selling again. I've had to take the contents of 2 rooms and put them into one, and I've not been well enough to spend enough time in there to get things sorted out. So I've been binge watching Survivor and YouTube videos; those are my current thing. And when I'm at my worst, just watching or listening to a tv show is all I can manage. Although I'm only now starting to get some info that will hopefully lead to a diagnosis, I have been dealing with these issues most of my life. I have always had flares of my GI symptoms. This is the longest, and most severe, and has led to the greatest weight loss. Into my early 30's, I was so thin already (high 90's at 5'4") that I didn't tend to lose much weight when I got sick.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Aug 13, 2016 4:35:16 GMT
I do think of you often and pray that you will get relief. You are valued here. Please know that. I am so proud of you for asking this of us. I know how hard it is to reach out, and that is what I am supposed to do when my own depression gets bad. I hope you feel like you won a battle just now because you did. You are a rock star for asking for help while your demon has you down. We have your back. PS This has been an exceptionally bad week for me with depression, and yesterday I had a full blown panic attack for the first time in 7 years. It WILL get better, and we are strong. ❤ Hey, hon, I'm sorry you've had such a bad week. Did something trigger the particularly bad depression and anxiety? It's truly frustrating when you think you've put panic attacks behind you and one hits. I know. Been there. I didn't have panic attacks for years, but they started showing up from time to time last year. I take clonazepam, which works well for me. It lasts longer than xanax, so it keeps me calm most of the time. Thank you for your kind words. I feel very strongly that we MUST, as a nation, as a world, take mental illness out of the closet, brush off the dust, and expose it to the light of day. I refuse to feel ANY shame that I am depressed and anxious. Yes, I have enough stuff going on to make many people feel that way, but it's also because I have a genetic predisposition to mental illness. My brain doesn't work as well as those blessed with "normal" brains. And, on top of that, I was a super sensitive child saddled with a mother who only allowed me to be happy. I wasn't allowed to express negative feelings. No wonder I have problems! AND on top of that, I've had some traumas that I haven't been able to fully get over; my counselor and I are working on those. I know some of the traumas, but I suspect there are others I've forgotten. We had a pea named "broken brain." I wonder about her, what happened to her. I totally understood her user name. That's me, too.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Aug 13, 2016 4:43:27 GMT
At the risk of getting flamed, and this may be controversial, but have you tried Marijuana. Not sure if it's legal where you are but it may help relax you. Your brain could probably use a break and when that happens to me I put on the classical music radio station. Then I meditate. Some might call it daydreaming but I star in my own little private happy movies. And please note the 2 suggestions are separate but can be used together. I also try and read funny stuff on pinterest because laughing does help body and soul. I'V been there with the mental issues so I want to tell you I'm pulling for you. No flaming from me. Marijuana is legal in WA state, where I live. I also have a "green card," meaning I can buy pot for medical purposes. I have not had good luck with pot at all. I've tried a bunch of different edibles, as well as smoking. I'm not, never was, a smoker, and I hate the smell and taste of pot. Also turns out I detest the sensation of being even a little bit high. I haven't, as of yet, been able to find anything that contains enough of the one ingredient to get rid of the nausea and pain; and not enough of the other ingredient that I feel high. I did try a marijuana vape for the first time two days ago. I had bought it for my daughter (who suffers from chronic daily migraines). I've used it twice, and it did seem helpful, though I haven't tried it at my worst, yet. Did you know that too much pot use can backfire and cause intractable nausea and vomiting? I didn't until my doctor told me (the same one who gave me the green card). So pot can help, but it can also make things worse. Weird. I need to start meditating. I know I do. It's on my "things I need to do" list. I'll take any suggestions from people about a good way to get started. I generally find trying to think of nothing incredibly boring. Silly me.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Aug 13, 2016 4:46:37 GMT
kels99, thanks for the info; I'll pass it on to hubby. He may well go to the bar to watch the game, though. I don't know offhand if we can ever pick up channel 13.
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Post by hollymolly on Aug 13, 2016 5:00:56 GMT
I do think of you often and pray that you will get relief. You are valued here. Please know that. I am so proud of you for asking this of us. I know how hard it is to reach out, and that is what I am supposed to do when my own depression gets bad. I hope you feel like you won a battle just now because you did. You are a rock star for asking for help while your demon has you down. We have your back. PS This has been an exceptionally bad week for me with depression, and yesterday I had a full blown panic attack for the first time in 7 years. It WILL get better, and we are strong. ❤ Hey, hon, I'm sorry you've had such a bad week. Did something trigger the particularly bad depression and anxiety? It's truly frustrating when you think you've put panic attacks behind you and one hits. I know. Been there. I didn't have panic attacks for years, but they started showing up from time to time last year. I take clonazepam, which works well for me. It lasts longer than xanax, so it keeps me calm most of the time. Thank you for your kind words. I feel very strongly that we MUST, as a nation, as a world, take mental illness out of the closet, brush off the dust, and expose it to the light of day. I refuse to feel ANY shame that I am depressed and anxious. Yes, I have enough stuff going on to make many people feel that way, but it's also because I have a genetic predisposition to mental illness. My brain doesn't work as well as those blessed with "normal" brains. And, on top of that, I was a super sensitive child saddled with a mother who only allowed me to be happy. I wasn't allowed to express negative feelings. No wonder I have problems! AND on top of that, I've had some traumas that I haven't been able to fully get over; my counselor and I are working on those. I know some of the traumas, but I suspect there are others I've forgotten. We had a pea named "broken brain." I wonder about her, what happened to her. I totally understood her user name. That's me, too. Thank you for asking after me. I've had chronic depression for as long as I can remember, but diagnosed at age 30. It definitely runs in cycles for me. I had a major depressive episode 7 years ago, but have been doing pretty well in the 6 years since I recovered. Not without depression, but it's been controllable. I normally cycle down around Feb- March, again in July, then again in October. This time I started getting down in December, which is very atypical for me, and just never pulled out of it. It's been slowly getting worse since then, and this week was when I reached the lowest point since my breakdown. It's not a major depression yet, but will be if I don't get help. The doctor I used to see won't see me again because her patient load is too large now. Her recommended alternative was closed today, so I will call Monday. That makes me feel like a rock star. That I actually called a doctor, and followed up. Calling a doctor and making an appointment when I'm depressed is like walking up a flight of stairs with a broken leg. I agree, the stigma must go away. It keeps so many from treatment, like my ex-husband. My parents wouldn't even discuss it for years, but they are very supportive and understanding now. I feel so proud when I "control it on my own," but that's just silly. I don't feel proud when I squint really hard and can see something without my glasses. I just wear my glasses. I need to just take my meds and keep seeing my doctor.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Aug 13, 2016 7:08:28 GMT
zella , I completely understand and know what it's like to live w/a horrible digestive disease. The pain, nausea and constant feeling of fatigue and overwhelm are beyond anything I could describe. I really hope they'll do motility tests as well as your colonoscopy, but I've nagged you about that before. It's truly boring to be stuck at home w/an illness. However, there are things you can do to alleviate the boredom. Solo hobbies that don't require a lot of effort are a very good thing for you right now. Mosts importantly, think about what happens when you finally have a diagnosis and treatment. You will feel better,just not right now. When you have those really bad days know that you have hope and doctors are working on your behalf. Right now life is the pits, for me as well. However, I am starting my tube feeds and soon I'll have some energy. Honestly, I'll never feel good, but that doesn't mean my life is over. It means I have to treasure the good stuff in life. Do not give up hope and do not choose to have it be over, because you have a lot of life left and treatments are progressing for digestive diseases. You are at the beginning of this issue and once you have answers and treatment you'll feel better about things, because you'll have a plan of action. If I haven't quit yet, then you certainly can't quit. I am a foodie who can't eat on top of my other health issues. Yet, I find ways to laugh every day. You need to find reasons to smile no matter how small or silly. Life isn't going to be the same for you. You won't be healthy and running marathons, but you can make the most out of your life and find a place that is good. I wish you wellness and mental health wellness. I'm so sorry you are dealing with digestive issues that are bad enough you have to be tube fed. Horrible. I knew things had got really bad for me when, a couple of days ago, I realized that having a colostomy or ileostomy would be a relief if it ended my symptoms. That's huge, because I've cared for people with these, and have a real hard time doing so; I find them utterly disgusting (please don't anyone take offense at this; it's just my issue. I've always felt that it's bad enough that I have frequent bowel accidents; having a colostomy or ileostomy feels like ALWAYS having an accident).But right now, I just want to feel well. And it's been too long and I've been through too much. I just don't have an endless supply of energy and hope. One thing that's frustrating me is that I haven't been able to sort out my scrappy room so that I can start crafting and selling again. I've had to take the contents of 2 rooms and put them into one, and I've not been well enough to spend enough time in there to get things sorted out. So I've been binge watching Survivor and YouTube videos; those are my current thing. And when I'm at my worst, just watching or listening to a tv show is all I can manage. Although I'm only now starting to get some info that will hopefully lead to a diagnosis, I have been dealing with these issues most of my life. I have always had flares of my GI symptoms. This is the longest, and most severe, and has led to the greatest weight loss. Into my early 30's, I was so thin already (high 90's at 5'4") that I didn't tend to lose much weight when I got sick. I remember when my grandad was ill, visiting him in hospital and seeing old men with stoma bags and think I would rather be dead than have to deal with that. Fast forward 6 years to my own bowel cancer episode and of course I ended up with an ileostomy.. Which I alternately hated, and loved because it saved my life and meant I could EAT. Sometimes we don't know what we can cope with until we are forced to. Thimking o f you Zella and I hope you can get comfortable. I used to play a lot of really mind numbing games and get to ridiculous levels....puzzle games that didn't take much actual brainpower. And I find watching sports a great way to zone out and forget what's going on. When I was really at my sickest I watched a lot of late night snooker. I wouldn't wish that on anyone! 😊
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Post by scrappintoee on Aug 13, 2016 7:32:02 GMT
Many, many ((( hugs ))))) to you, Zella !!!!!!!!
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Post by welshjenni on Aug 13, 2016 8:22:53 GMT
I am so very sorry that you are struggling so much zella and hope that a diagnosis is imminent and the right treatment can be started. Would a scrambled egg be easy for you to digest? i have no idea whether eggs are a good idea with your sort of symptoms but if I am ill and don't feel that I can cope with food then an egg is a good option. So sorry that some others are going through a bad patch too - at least there is usually someone around here 24/7 so that you can chat and kill some time.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 13, 2016 9:30:47 GMT
Hi zellaJust wanted to offer (((hugs))) I'm sorry you are at a low point, and I know it isn't easy. But you are very brave, very strong, and we've got you.
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Post by Freefallfast on Aug 13, 2016 9:38:51 GMT
I find meditating easier if I engage with thoughts more than trying to think of nothing. So i make up stuff or I use guided meditation.
I wish I was closer. I would totally come organize your craft room and visit with you! If you wanted if course. Lol!
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imsirius
Prolific Pea
Call it as I see it.
Posts: 7,661
Location: Floating in the black veil.
Jul 12, 2014 19:59:28 GMT
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Post by imsirius on Aug 13, 2016 13:24:24 GMT
At the risk of getting flamed, and this may be controversial, but have you tried Marijuana. Not sure if it's legal where you are but it may help relax you. Your brain could probably use a break and when that happens to me I put on the classical music radio station. Then I meditate. Some might call it daydreaming but I star in my own little private happy movies. And please note the 2 suggestions are separate but can be used together. I also try and read funny stuff on pinterest because laughing does help body and soul. I'V been there with the mental issues so I want to tell you I'm pulling for you. I was going to suggest the same thing. My uncle had advanced stage Crohn's and taking marijuana ( in brownies) really improved his pain and symptoms. This was before it was legalized here but it was the only thing that worked for him. He has since recovered after a resection. I hope you find relief and answers.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 13, 2016 13:54:58 GMT
Don't think about 5, 10, 15 years right now. Just get through today. I pray you find the answers to your health issues. You are loved and valued, dear Pea.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,748
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Aug 13, 2016 14:15:24 GMT
Just hugs from me. I do have an idea, but it would take effort and that's something that you can't spare at the moment. Keep posting, keep venting. X
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 13, 2016 17:39:49 GMT
I remember when my grandad was ill, visiting him in hospital and seeing old men with stoma bags and think I would rather be dead than have to deal with that. Fast forward 6 years to my own bowel cancer episode and of course I ended up with an ileostomy.. Which I alternately hated, and loved because it saved my life and meant I could EAT. Sometimes we don't know what we can cope with until we are forced to. Thinking of you Zella and I hope you can get comfortable. I used to play a lot of really mind numbing games and get to ridiculous levels....puzzle games that didn't take much actual brainpower. And I find watching sports a great way to zone out and forget what's going on. When I was really at my sickest I watched a lot of late night snooker. I wouldn't wish that on anyone! 😊 The past couple of years this has been my life, too. It gets depressing and I'm so bored. I am so tired of puzzles and ballgames, but I also know that I will soon have energy enough to do some more interesting things once in a while. It goes back to not giving up before you even have that treatment plan after diagnosis. It's slow going w/digestive diseases, but you will get your answers. Hope comes from knowing that you're not at the end. It sucks to be so ill. hollymolly, remember that depression is just a part of your brain that is tricking you into giving up. Don't succumb to it, because it's just a mind trick and not the truth. I'm glad you're seeking help. You'll feel better soon. You will.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 13, 2016 19:03:11 GMT
Hugs to you! I am bipolar and right now I am struggling with the depression end of it myself. I am also watching my son battle this illness and it's very stressful and sad. When I am struggling I find it best to give in to it a little instead of fight it. I cuddle up on my couch watch reruns of friends and crochet. I don't beat myself up about not cleaning my house, cooking, or anything else I don't have the energy to do. When I have to get in my car, I put on a grateful dead CD. I find their music to be uplifting to me. And I usually find that after a couple of songs I am singing along. And I make sure I tell everyone around me that I'm struggling. I am grateful for the grace they show me and the extra affection from my husband too.
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Post by MsChiff on Aug 13, 2016 19:25:50 GMT
I have Crohn's and have dealt with gut issues for years now. It's not fun and at times is really painful and depressing. My first suggestion is to get that colonoscopy ASAP. Ask them to test you for celiac while they're doing the colonoscopy. If you can, drink things like ensure, gatorade and pedialyte (my dr recommended it as an alternate to gatorade because it has less sugar). Food wise, keep the BRAT diet in mind -- bananas (soft), white rice, applesauce, toast. Soft foods are best -- canned, cooked veggies; canned or jarred fruits; no skins or peels; avoid seeds. No popcorn. No "healthy" grains -- quinoa, brown rice, etc. As far as meats, eat well cooked chicken or turkey. Ground meat (beef, chicken, turkey) is easiest on the digestive tract. Avoid spicy and fried food. Drink lots of water. NO carbonated veggies. Avoid acidic foods. The basic idea is to stick to soft, bland food. Yes, it's boring to eat, but if it helps you, it's worth it.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Aug 14, 2016 4:15:13 GMT
Hey, hon, I'm sorry you've had such a bad week. Did something trigger the particularly bad depression and anxiety? It's truly frustrating when you think you've put panic attacks behind you and one hits. I know. Been there. I didn't have panic attacks for years, but they started showing up from time to time last year. I take clonazepam, which works well for me. It lasts longer than xanax, so it keeps me calm most of the time. Thank you for your kind words. I feel very strongly that we MUST, as a nation, as a world, take mental illness out of the closet, brush off the dust, and expose it to the light of day. I refuse to feel ANY shame that I am depressed and anxious. Yes, I have enough stuff going on to make many people feel that way, but it's also because I have a genetic predisposition to mental illness. My brain doesn't work as well as those blessed with "normal" brains. And, on top of that, I was a super sensitive child saddled with a mother who only allowed me to be happy. I wasn't allowed to express negative feelings. No wonder I have problems! AND on top of that, I've had some traumas that I haven't been able to fully get over; my counselor and I are working on those. I know some of the traumas, but I suspect there are others I've forgotten. We had a pea named "broken brain." I wonder about her, what happened to her. I totally understood her user name. That's me, too. Thank you for asking after me. I've had chronic depression for as long as I can remember, but diagnosed at age 30. It definitely runs in cycles for me. I had a major depressive episode 7 years ago, but have been doing pretty well in the 6 years since I recovered. Not without depression, but it's been controllable. I normally cycle down around Feb- March, again in July, then again in October. This time I started getting down in December, which is very atypical for me, and just never pulled out of it. It's been slowly getting worse since then, and this week was when I reached the lowest point since my breakdown. It's not a major depression yet, but will be if I don't get help. The doctor I used to see won't see me again because her patient load is too large now. Her recommended alternative was closed today, so I will call Monday. That makes me feel like a rock star. That I actually called a doctor, and followed up. Calling a doctor and making an appointment when I'm depressed is like walking up a flight of stairs with a broken leg. I agree, the stigma must go away. It keeps so many from treatment, like my ex-husband. My parents wouldn't even discuss it for years, but they are very supportive and understanding now. I feel so proud when I "control it on my own," but that's just silly. I don't feel proud when I squint really hard and can see something without my glasses. I just wear my glasses. I need to just take my meds and keep seeing my doctor. I've had a lot of the same experiences with my depression. I generally do better in the summer, get worse every winter, but like you I'd gone a long time without a prolonged major depressive episode. But too much happened last year, too many stressors. And at the same time my anti-depressant had stopped working, and I was trying med after med with no luck; either it worked but caused intolerable side-effects, or it didn't work. AND, like you, I need a new psychiatrist. I like my old one just fine, and he knows my history, but he left the hospital system and doesn't take our insurance anymore. GRRR! Yay to you for making a call to a doctor! I know exactly what you mean about it being so hard, believe me. Posting on here was hard, because it's so much easier to just sit at home and stew in my own depression. But I reached out. It's been a lot easier to do so since Rebecca became ill, because I received so much amazing support through all that, as did my sister. And it's also been a nicer place than the old 2 Peas, I think. Sure, we still have one or two people who are mean, but the vast majority of posters here are good people who care. Hang in there. Make sure you get that appointment. You rock!
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Aug 14, 2016 4:21:46 GMT
I remember when my grandad was ill, visiting him in hospital and seeing old men with stoma bags and think I would rather be dead than have to deal with that. Fast forward 6 years to my own bowel cancer episode and of course I ended up with an ileostomy.. Which I alternately hated, and loved because it saved my life and meant I could EAT. Sometimes we don't know what we can cope with until we are forced to. Thimking o f you Zella and I hope you can get comfortable. I used to play a lot of really mind numbing games and get to ridiculous levels....puzzle games that didn't take much actual brainpower. And I find watching sports a great way to zone out and forget what's going on. When I was really at my sickest I watched a lot of late night snooker. I wouldn't wish that on anyone! 😊 I'm amazed how many peas have cancer, colostomies, ileostomies, tube feedings, etc. Of course we lost Kathy from the wretched digestive diseases, didn't we? Yep, it's amazing what you can put up with in order to FEEL better. I had to chuckle at the late night snooker. Not something you see on American tv, but I totally remember it from when I was a kid and still living in the UK. I do play games, too. Always looking for new ones. I like puzzle games, but I don't want to have to think too much. But when I'm having my worst episodes, I can't even do that. All I can do is breathe and listen to something on my laptop (usually a tv show). And that's when I'm usually hoping for the sweet release of death. Thank you for sharing; and I'm glad you can eat!
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Aug 14, 2016 4:28:28 GMT
I have Crohn's and have dealt with gut issues for years now. It's not fun and at times is really painful and depressing. My first suggestion is to get that colonoscopy ASAP. Ask them to test you for celiac while they're doing the colonoscopy. If you can, drink things like ensure, gatorade and pedialyte (my dr recommended it as an alternate to gatorade because it has less sugar). Food wise, keep the BRAT diet in mind -- bananas (soft), white rice, applesauce, toast. Soft foods are best -- canned, cooked veggies; canned or jarred fruits; no skins or peels; avoid seeds. No popcorn. No "healthy" grains -- quinoa, brown rice, etc. As far as meats, eat well cooked chicken or turkey. Ground meat (beef, chicken, turkey) is easiest on the digestive tract. Avoid spicy and fried food. Drink lots of water. NO carbonated veggies. Avoid acidic foods. The basic idea is to stick to soft, bland food. Yes, it's boring to eat, but if it helps you, it's worth it. Are you on any treatment? I am waiting to hear from radiology to schedule my colonoscopy; I expect I'll hear from them on Monday, and I should be able to get the colonoscopy done within the next couple of weeks. Thank you for telling me they can test me for celiac during that; I actually did not know that. So I will make sure I bring that up. I don't eat meat at all. I do eat some fish, but I am picky (wild-caught not farmed, lower mercury levels). I've been vegetarian/pescatarian for two and a half years now. I do find it challenging to get enough protein. I actually really like Ensure type drinks, but they don't agree with me (maybe it's the dairy?). Anyway, it's ironic that I want to eat healthy and can't, since I spent so much of my life not eating healthy foods. Boy do I know not to eat popcorn! It sucks, because I really like caramel corn, and it's such a satisfying snack, but it rips up my insides.
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Post by Lexica on Aug 14, 2016 4:54:14 GMT
I am just checking in on you to see how you are doing. I have thought of you off and on all day today. I haven't done much myself due to a nasty headache. I don't get them too often anymore, so I can ride this one out.
I think this headache is probably due to too many hours in front of the computer. I did a job this week that should have been a quick and easy turn around, but everything under the sun went wrong. I've done this for over 20 years and I've never encountered some of the issues I had with these files this week. And of course, my boss needed them back as fast as possible because the client was asking about them.
I feel badly when I can't work as fast or as long of hours as I used to do, but if I could, I wouldn't be sitting at home on disability, would I? I've told my boss that I can't give him the same service I used to provide and that maybe I should just hang up my keyboard. He doesn't have anyone else that knows how to do this, so the poor man settles for my crappy performance over having no one. As long as he keeps giving me work and doesn't expect too much from me, I guess I will keep plugging away. But I am sure glad he doesn't have anything now for a few weeks. I need a break.
Many years ago when I was going through my divorce and stressed all the time, I went to a therapist to try to learn how to self calm without resorting to medication. He taught me how to take mental vacations. I find I still do that on occasion now, and the more you do it, the easier it is to slip into that peaceful state. I use it now while waiting for my pain medication to kick in. It works for me!
He had me close my eyes and instead of thinking of nothing, I was to picture myself going through the motions of a fantasy vacation. I could fly via my own arms or float or just snap my fingers and be in the location I wanted to be in. Whatever I felt like doing. Then I would imagine all the tiny details that would be around me if I were in that particular scenario. Say standing on warm sand in a tropical island - I would think of the smell of the water, the sound of birds chirping in the rain forest next to me, I would feel the warm wind blowing softly on my skin,etc. I would just let my mind go and see where it took me.
You might want to try something like that. I may feel strange at first, but it is really relaxing once you get into it. I have even pictured taking a trip under water where every step and arm movement was very slow and peaceful and floating. Of course, I could breathe normally under water. That is another part of it. Don't hold yourself to reality. Give yourself whatever power you need to accomplish that particular mimi vacation. Give it a try!
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 14, 2016 11:05:53 GMT
Hugs to you. Please know that you are important to us.
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