Friends as adults

I'm fortunate to say I have many. And I know as they all stepped up when I needed them most and I would do the same for them.

I a m in the same boat. I work full time, but from home so I don't have that work outlet for socialization. I don't go to church every Sunday. I want to be involved with my kids before they take off on their owns lives. Since they are 16 and 12 there is not a lot of time left with them. I have acquaintances but no real friends.

I didn't feel like I really had any "good" girl friends as an adult for quite some time. But in the last year or so I made a new friend after her cousin/longtime friend of dh and mine passed away. If he hasn't been afraid of letting people see him (due to an infection he had and his shame due to how much weight he put on) we would have met much sooner. It was surprising how much we had in common (she even lurked on TwoPeas for a while!) and we just really clicked. It has been a very good friendship. We've commented that it was his gift to us.

I have my very very best friend. We have known ea other our whole lives. We live about 300 miles apart though. We get together about 2x a yr for a long wkend together. just us 2. We have been there for ea other for everything. We text every day. Here at home I have 2 close friends. My go-to's. Can call them up for anything and they will be there. We don't get together as much as we used too, but it's life. We all have busy lives, and work full time jobs. I have found that having work friends as your go-to friends, does NOT work. Maybe it's just my job. But there just seems to end up being too much back stabbing, back stories, looking out for themselves. So I am friendly with my co-workers but I wouldn't say good friends.

I have many people in my life that I consider "good friends" but I think I have a much different outlook or maybe expectations on adult friendships. I know if I needed something, I could call several people and they'd be more than happy to help with whatever needed. But I don't expect them to help with the day to day...that's what my husband and teen/adult children are for. We're ALL busy with work, family, whatever obligations so while we would certainly help each other out...we're not talking about a mom with a new baby and a couple toddlers who really needs an extra pair of hands. Or maybe we all suck as friends and we're just birds of a feather who have found one another?

I am very close to a handful of friends.

twoboyzmom, it's normal to have a little bit of depression after surgery. You're coming down from some pretty powerful medicine and might still be on your pain meds. I'm sorry that you're feeling sad right now. Perhaps the women w/whom you work are closer friends than you thought.

I actually was in a position where I was meeting new people and began forming a friendship with two ladies. Both hated each other. I completely ended contact with the one who was judgmental, needed constant affirmation and only showed up when she needed something. I don't need any codependent relationships. Had that with my Mom growing up and now I know better, so I do better. The other lady? She's a perfect friend match for my introverted self. We only live a few blocks away but we stay in touch intermittently. No crowding one another, both of us secure and independent but we get together and have a great time. It's not a stereotypical friendship, but it's what works for us both. We just aren't the girly, go shopping, cocktail drinking types. That's great if you are, but we prefer coffee, chatting about books and life while in the comfort of our own homes. Our kids also get along great, so that's an extra bonus. She's a very good person and friend but my bestest friend is still the man I have been married to these past 18 years.

Anyway, I hope you have a quick and comfortable recovery. I also hope you find a good friend you can rely on and have fun with. They're very rare!

I have a few really good friends that I could count on in a pinch along with another group of people I'm friendly with that I see socially at school events and things. I'm also friendly with most of the wives of DH's friends and sometimes we all do things together as a group. I don't see any of my good friends on any regular basis though. We text, call or email every couple weeks and get together a few times a year. The problem is that everybody is so busy with life that it's just really hard to carve out the time to spend much meaningful time together very often.

Friends as adults are hard.

It took moving to an all adult/retirement community to find a wide variety of friends without all the drama that kids, jobs, competition, etc. bring into friendships.

Right now my closest friends would be family, with the exception of my bff, who lives out of state. On a day to day basis we can't offer what we once did but I KNOW she is there for me when needed. The rest would be my sis in law (hubbys sis), my sis in law (youngest brothers wife), two sisters, a cousin and a cousins wife.

I have other family members, that if I had to "circle the wagons" they would def be there but the ones above are my day to day support.

Now that I am going through a divorce, one thing I notice that is painfully clear...I didn't take time to nurture my own friendships. Most women I know are connections through the kids, STBXH or his family. Every holiday was spent with his side so now I'm not sure what I'll end up doing other than work. My mom may have something for the bigger holidays but that's a whole 'nother dysfunctional situation.

I think it's important for women to take time for their own friends.

I have a childhood friend who has lived across the country for much of our adult life ... that's probably why we are still friends   

I went for years without many friends ... I'm an introvert ...

Then I decided to get out of my shell and started a meetup.com group!   I host Book Club at my place, Movie Night and a couple of Coffee Breaks every month ... I've met so many great women ... only a few weirdos   

The best part is that I met my bff through my Book Club ... we originally had almost nothing in common but we just clicked   

Keep your options open   

I have one very close friend locally. She's my neighbor and is probably my best friend. My BFF lives 8 states away, has kids to take care of, and I rarely see her. I love her dearly, but our relationship has changed over the years. I would do anything for her, and vice versa, but it's hard from so far away.

That's pretty much it for me. There is no 'group go besties'. I'm totally ok with it though. I enjoy my alone time, and I enjoy the time I spend with my neighbor friend.

Same for me. It's just not worth getting crapped on, taken advantage off, etc. and I have NO time for extra drama in my life.