Is my marriage over? Update #2 08/12
Aug 8, 2014 0:21:59 GMT
*Scrapper*Stamper* and stepht5 like this
Post by myhearthurts on Aug 8, 2014 0:21:59 GMT
Anonymous here but I've see the Peas give great advice over the years.
DH gave me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" line the other day. He is currently away for work and I am trying to get myself together. I have bought a few books on this exact subject and some say it is the death of it all while others give some hope. I was aware we had been growing apart (kids, jobs, etc) but never expected this. He says it has been brewing for him for a while. There is a female friend that I know he texts with and while he says she did not come between us, which is probably true as this is a new development, that she is just a good friend (I know, I know!) but I know there is interest there. He says he will use this time away at work to do some thinking.
We celebrated our 19th anniversary days before his proclamation. I am angry at him, at me, sad, hurt regretful and a thousand other things. I start counselling next week.
I will gladly take advice, resource recommendations, been there-done that stories, etc. I love him with all my heart but if this is the end on his part I need to prepare myself for that.
Thanks.
Aug 11/14
Thanks for thinking of me. No real updates at this point. My husband is on a military exercise and will be home in about 4 months. We have been talking via Skype, FaceTime etc. but without really good connections so mostly just chat about what we are doing in our daily lives. I have been in contact with a Pea who has been through a similar experience and have benefited from her perspective. Also had a long phone conversation with an out of town friend who has been helpful. Have my first counselling session tomorrow, have an appointment with our financial advisor and setting up an appointment with a lawyer. Not making any solid moves at this point but getting myself organized. As I said, I do love him, marriages have survived worse, and I am committed to trying to save ours. I know many of you would not do the same, and I may come to that conclusion myself someday, but for right now that is where my heart and mind are. I still appreciate all of your advice and insight.
Aug 12
You are all going to think I am a troll looking for attention when I fill you in today, but most of it isn't really marriage related.
My husband left on Wednesday, the 30th and on the 31st DD15 ended up in the hospital for 4 nights with cellulitis from a "walking in the woods with flip flops incident" from the Saturday before. Ended up having minor surgery and removing 4 pieces of wood from her foot. It was never life threatening - the hospital was very proactive, care was good, but you can imagine how I was feeling with all the other crap going on in my life. Plus I pretty much abandoned DD 13. I spent one night in the hospital as DD didn't even get admitted to her room til almost 1 am (had to change hospitals - small town where we go to ER doesn't have a kids unit, had to go to the city 20 minutes away) and had called friends earlier in the night to take younger DD. Usually when DH is away I get something simple like a flat tire or broken furnace
Anyway, DD is fine, we were back to the surgeon Friday and she still has an open wound but can walk on it. Was supposed to go on vacation (family lives near the beach) this week but due to the open wound and hobbling around we postponed. She has to go back again to check on healing.
So...you figure I had enough to deal with??? Not to be! FIL had a heart attack last night. Connected with DH via FB in the very early am. At this point his father is stable in a hospital about 4 hours from us but it looks like they will be moving him to a hospital about 1 hour from us. DH is unsure of what is up for him as we are waiting more test results. Things seem good as heart attacks go. He also has Parkinson's and really needs to be in assisted living so maybe this will be the point at which he finally gives in.
I had my first counselling session today. Lots of tears but I got to tell my story. She had some good words for me to think about. I shouldn't be shouldering the blame. He is tossing me nuggets (as many of you mentioned), no need to go to a lawyer, needs time to think about it, etc. Hedging his bets in case he changes his mind. I am a bit conflicted as I told her I wanted to work on saving my marriage and she seemed to be preparing me for divorce - although I too am preparing in case that is the way we go. Anyway, we have decided I am going to work on me. Seems I have some self esteem issues. Stop blaming myself, etc. which will prepare me for whatever happens. I cannot make him change his mind. He would need to change it on his own. And while I still hope that can happen I will be as strong as I can be either way.
Thanks for listening (reading) again!
DH gave me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" line the other day. He is currently away for work and I am trying to get myself together. I have bought a few books on this exact subject and some say it is the death of it all while others give some hope. I was aware we had been growing apart (kids, jobs, etc) but never expected this. He says it has been brewing for him for a while. There is a female friend that I know he texts with and while he says she did not come between us, which is probably true as this is a new development, that she is just a good friend (I know, I know!) but I know there is interest there. He says he will use this time away at work to do some thinking.
We celebrated our 19th anniversary days before his proclamation. I am angry at him, at me, sad, hurt regretful and a thousand other things. I start counselling next week.
I will gladly take advice, resource recommendations, been there-done that stories, etc. I love him with all my heart but if this is the end on his part I need to prepare myself for that.
Thanks.
Aug 11/14
Thanks for thinking of me. No real updates at this point. My husband is on a military exercise and will be home in about 4 months. We have been talking via Skype, FaceTime etc. but without really good connections so mostly just chat about what we are doing in our daily lives. I have been in contact with a Pea who has been through a similar experience and have benefited from her perspective. Also had a long phone conversation with an out of town friend who has been helpful. Have my first counselling session tomorrow, have an appointment with our financial advisor and setting up an appointment with a lawyer. Not making any solid moves at this point but getting myself organized. As I said, I do love him, marriages have survived worse, and I am committed to trying to save ours. I know many of you would not do the same, and I may come to that conclusion myself someday, but for right now that is where my heart and mind are. I still appreciate all of your advice and insight.
Aug 12
You are all going to think I am a troll looking for attention when I fill you in today, but most of it isn't really marriage related.
My husband left on Wednesday, the 30th and on the 31st DD15 ended up in the hospital for 4 nights with cellulitis from a "walking in the woods with flip flops incident" from the Saturday before. Ended up having minor surgery and removing 4 pieces of wood from her foot. It was never life threatening - the hospital was very proactive, care was good, but you can imagine how I was feeling with all the other crap going on in my life. Plus I pretty much abandoned DD 13. I spent one night in the hospital as DD didn't even get admitted to her room til almost 1 am (had to change hospitals - small town where we go to ER doesn't have a kids unit, had to go to the city 20 minutes away) and had called friends earlier in the night to take younger DD. Usually when DH is away I get something simple like a flat tire or broken furnace
Anyway, DD is fine, we were back to the surgeon Friday and she still has an open wound but can walk on it. Was supposed to go on vacation (family lives near the beach) this week but due to the open wound and hobbling around we postponed. She has to go back again to check on healing.So...you figure I had enough to deal with??? Not to be! FIL had a heart attack last night. Connected with DH via FB in the very early am. At this point his father is stable in a hospital about 4 hours from us but it looks like they will be moving him to a hospital about 1 hour from us. DH is unsure of what is up for him as we are waiting more test results. Things seem good as heart attacks go. He also has Parkinson's and really needs to be in assisted living so maybe this will be the point at which he finally gives in.
I had my first counselling session today. Lots of tears but I got to tell my story. She had some good words for me to think about. I shouldn't be shouldering the blame. He is tossing me nuggets (as many of you mentioned), no need to go to a lawyer, needs time to think about it, etc. Hedging his bets in case he changes his mind. I am a bit conflicted as I told her I wanted to work on saving my marriage and she seemed to be preparing me for divorce - although I too am preparing in case that is the way we go. Anyway, we have decided I am going to work on me. Seems I have some self esteem issues. Stop blaming myself, etc. which will prepare me for whatever happens. I cannot make him change his mind. He would need to change it on his own. And while I still hope that can happen I will be as strong as I can be either way.
Thanks for listening (reading) again!
