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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 9, 2014 12:03:44 GMT
Driving on a very busy avenue this morning, I saw a mother helping her 3/4 year old son pee in the grass on the side of the road. Both had their back to the traffic, but traffic from the perpendicular street could see them head on.
As I see the mother pull up her son's pull up and then his shorts, my eye is diverted to a diaper bag right at the bus stop very close to the actual road.
AND THEN I SEE THE INFANT CARRIER WITH A BABY SLEEPING INSIDE!
The mother didn't bother to even move the baby closer to where she was helping her son pee (maybe 4 feet away from the actual road). It would have taken one car to go six inches from where they should be driving to kill that baby.
And there was nothing I could do for it. The moment was over. She had already finished helping her son pee & was walking back towards her infant at the bus stop. The baby didn't need immediate saving. The boy was already decent again. I could do nothing but shake my head in disgust at her lack of parenting skills.
And for full disclosure: There were two gas stations & a 24 hour McDonald's at that intersection that she could have taken the boy to (it's a very busy intersection). Or she could have let him pee in his pull-up (I would have as an alternative to what she did).
Your thoughts?
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Madi & Me
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Jun 25, 2014 22:20:27 GMT
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Post by Madi & Me on Aug 9, 2014 12:24:46 GMT
Here are my thoughts... I do agree, the sleeping infant should have never been left alone (especially while in such an unsafe location). That was a dangerous and unnacceptable risk. However, the public urination thing isn't pinging on my radar. For all we know, the little guy was finally getting the hang of potty training (as suggested by the pull-up) and mom was trying to avoid a setback. Or maybe he's not even potty training and he simply has a medical need. Or maybe mom was a bit overwhelmed at the moment and felt she had no other option for the boy - sometimes children wait until the last minute to drop the "I have to pee now!" bomb. My lack of reaction to this may be due to the fact that this is something I saw all the time growing up (and every so often now). I know times have changed so I may be entirely off base with my feelings here.
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scrapaddie
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Post by scrapaddie on Aug 9, 2014 12:38:12 GMT
Small child peeling... I probably wouldn't notice.... I imagine a mother struggling with two kids, waiting for a bus ( no luxury of a car)... And suddenly little guy has to pee NOW. Mom looks around... if she takes him to the gas station, she misses the bus... the next bus is in a half hour and she`'ll be late for work AGAIN And lose her job this time! So she lets him pee now... after all, he's just a little guy. And the baby is on the ground where she set the carrier while she sat on the bench waiting for the bus.
Why are people, driving by in the comfort of their cars, so quick to judge?!
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Deleted
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Jun 3, 2024 8:35:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2014 12:41:42 GMT
I went out in public plenty with potty training children, or after they had newly learned, and we never once had to pee on the side of the street. There were a couple of times we had to rush in somewhere while they said "oh no, hurry!" and I said, "oh no, hold it!".
Just to be sure I understand correctly.. the baby was a few feet away in a baby carrier, on the ground? I'm not sure I consider that being unattended. I would not be comfortable having my baby be out of arms' reach in a situation like that. I suppose it's possible she put the baby down thinking the baby couldn't go anywhere but the little boy might run away if she left him to grab the baby, but it also seems like she should have just taken the baby carrier with her...
It's easy to judge what we'd do differently when viewing a situation as we drive by.
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Deleted
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Jun 3, 2024 8:35:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2014 12:42:25 GMT
Small child peeling... I probably wouldn't notice.... I imagine a mother struggling with two kids, waiting for a bus ( no luxury of a car)... And suddenly little guy has to pee NOW. Mom looks around... if she takes him to the gas station, she misses the bus... the next bus is in a half hour and she`'ll be late for work AGAIN And lose her job this time! So she lets him pee now... after all, he's just a little guy. And the baby is on the ground where she set the carrier while she sat on the bench waiting for the bus. Why are people, driving by in the comfort of their cars, so quick to judge?! This is a very good point. |
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Post by magentapea on Aug 9, 2014 12:51:58 GMT
It would have taken one car to go six inches from where they should be driving to kill that baby. And there was nothing I could do for it. Even if mom were sitting there with the baby, a car going six inches from where they should be could kill the baby, the mom, and the little boy. When you say there was nothing you could do for it, what do you mean? What would you have done? I don't see a problem with the little boy peeing. My kids were always telling me at the very last possible second that they needed to go NOW when they were potty training. And she was within a few feet of her baby? Probably not something I would do, but if she is comfortable with it, then not my place to judge. |
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Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 9, 2014 12:59:44 GMT
I think the mother used poor judgement.
Too many things could have happened - car jacking, accident. It would have been much safer to drive to the rest stop options ahead.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 9, 2014 13:02:22 GMT
Well, I guess I got put in my place.
I stand by how I feel.
I don't own a car. I walk or take the bus myself. This morning I was taking my father somewhere in his car and returning it to his home.
I guess I feel entitled to feel judgey, because I have been in that woman's place, toting around multiple children on a bus, and never once would I have felt okay with leaving my infant in a carrier by the extremely busy street, or letting my toddler son pee in public when there was the option of using three different business restrooms or peeing in his pull-up.
Yup, so I'll own my judgey pants.
Thank you for posting your thoughts. It's good to hear others' perspectives.
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Post by ljs1691 on Aug 9, 2014 13:35:04 GMT
Honestly, I probably would have had the same reaction as you initially but when you think about it, letting that boy pee outside was far cleaner than those bathrooms you mentioned. I asked the naked neighbor kids question the other day and I did it to get a different perspective than my own. That is what I love about this place. No right or wrong mostly, just difference of opinion.
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Nink
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Post by Nink on Aug 9, 2014 13:38:22 GMT
I think the mother used poor judgement. Too many things could have happened - car jacking, accident. It would have been much safer to drive to the rest stop options ahead.Carjacking what? And what rest stop ahead? The lady was at a bus stop. Not sure what I'd have done in her shoes so I won't second guess her. |
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Post by myshelly on Aug 9, 2014 13:46:11 GMT
Z
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Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 9, 2014 13:49:25 GMT
Nink I misread the OP. I thought the mom was driving and pulled over near the bus stop. The car jacking came to mind as this happened recently in my area. A realtor had her carjacked and the b@stards ran into a group of people selling fruit to raise money for their church. Three children were killed, all from the same family. Their mom was in the hospital for a week, she was not told her children had passed, she joined them yesterday in heaven. Given the circumstances, she could have carried the infant carrier with her. I would never leave an infant unattended - not even for a second. So, I am still in the judgment and second guessing column.
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Post by moveablefeast on Aug 9, 2014 13:50:51 GMT
I'm guessing either junior expressed it was a major emergency (that age they do that - when they realize they have to go, they have to go NOW) or mom was trying not to miss the bus and be late wherever she was going, or at least not haul baby, toddler, purse, diaper bag to and from mcdonalds.
Or she wasn't going to buy anything at mcd's and figured she would get the stink eye for using the toilet without buying anything.
Or she was trying not to have him use the pull up, or she didn't want junior to have to sit around in a wet pull up on the bus until they got to a place where he could be changed.
Or she had a tired addled mom moment and when junior said he had to go, she just looked around and said, grass is as good a place to pee as any. God alone knows I have had a lot of tired addled mom moments.
Sure, she could have moved the baby carrier. I agree. But really - haven't you just had one of those times where you could have done something better but didn't realize it in that moment? Because your brain was busy with other things? Am I really the only one who ever slaps my forehead and goes, damn, I shoulda done that instead of this?
Since I don't know what really happened, I should probably not judge because I don't want people judging me in a parenting moment they really don't have context for.
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sharlag
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Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 9, 2014 13:54:38 GMT
I can see your fear at the baby sitting so near the road.
I cringe when I see people walking on sidewalks that are very near busy streets. I don't know, however, if the mom had been standing very near the baby and the hypothetical car veered toward the baby, if mom would have had the reflexes to snatch up the baby to safety. Just to play devil's advocate...
It sounds like a scenario with definite risks, and I can see why you thought of a couple, better alternatives as you witnessed it.
I can see the point of the responders who defended her though. I guess there's really no point in this answer....
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 9, 2014 13:55:45 GMT
I'm not a huge fan of seeing children urinating in public, bit I can think of worse things. For instance, when I clicked onto the thread, I thought someone had seen an adult peeing in public. Now that I would object to.
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Nink
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Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
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Post by Nink on Aug 9, 2014 14:00:29 GMT
Nink I misread the OP. I thought the mom was driving and pulled over near the bus stop. The car jacking came to mind as this happened recently in my area. A realtor had her carjacked and the b@stards ran into a group of people selling fruit to raise money for their church. Three children were killed, all from the same family. Their mom was in the hospital for a week, she was not told her children had passed, she joined them yesterday in heaven. Given the circumstances, she could have carried the infant carrier with her. I would never leave an infant unattended - not even for a second. So, I am still in the judgment and second guessing column. Oh my goodness, that's awful. That poor family.  |
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marimoose
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Post by marimoose on Aug 9, 2014 14:56:45 GMT
Gosh, there are so many ways to look at this. It is a little boy. Little kids are notorious for holding it until it is too late. They may not have had time to scoot to a nearby bathroom considering she was on foot, carrying a baby carrier, holding another's little hand. Far easier to deal with it. No one saw anything, we aren't talking about a grown man on the side of the road. It isn't like she had the child peeing on the road. She tried to be somewhat discreet. Thinking that maybe she could say go in your pull-ups might setback potty training by a lot. Not to mention uncomfortable and smelly for a bus ride, which we assume she was about to take. I seem to remember being on road trips where my parents had to do the same thing with my little brother AND we were traveling by car, not foot. As for the baby, it doesn't sound like she was far from the carrier, and the baby was in a carrier, not set on the ground. She obviously is responsible enough to travel with the carrier, not carry the baby in her arms. Based on the info provided. saying that a car could have careened off the road seems drastic. In that thinking, the mom must have been standing with her little boy in the same area prior to the potty break so they all could be hit. Should she have been standing somewhere else with both kids. It is so easy to sit in judgment when you aren't the one in the situation. I doubt that this woman was really putting her children at risk, not intentionally. I am sure we have all made rash decisions that others might question, especially if they are on the outside looking in. I would have not given this scene a secod thought, other than to be thankful I am past those days  . The bottom line is nothing happened. |
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Post by brina on Aug 9, 2014 15:04:26 GMT
It is possible the mother was sitting there with the baby when the bigger boy suddenly jumped up, pulled his pants down and started peeing and what you saw was her jump up and run over to try to stop him/get him to cover up.
So glad that you are comfortable judging and not even willing to see any other point of view.
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Post by peasapie on Aug 9, 2014 15:12:43 GMT
Little boys urinating publicly don't bother me. She shouldn't have left an unattended infant, though.
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Post by stampbooker on Aug 9, 2014 15:19:47 GMT
You would rather a child pee in his pull-up and sit in his own urine for who knows how long, than have him pee in the grass? Gross! Pull-ups are for accidents, not convenience.
Julie
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Post by juliet on Aug 9, 2014 16:10:35 GMT
Could have been me.
Sometimes, my potty-training 3-year-old needs to go NOW. I have a 10-month-old in a baby carrier. I only have two hands, and believe me, they are full with these two littles. Sometimes, in retrospect, I should have done things differently, but I try to do my best.
So you go on and "shake your head in disgust at her lack of parenting skills". I believe that a little compassion goes a long way.
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Post by pastlifepea on Aug 9, 2014 16:18:02 GMT
I often mis-read titles in the morning before my coffee has kicked in. I saw this as "public urination on an unattended infant this morning".
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Post by lesleyanne on Aug 9, 2014 17:28:57 GMT
No comment on the OP. But here's the thing: we women are always doing this. Pulling each other down and judging because we know better. "It wasn't like that for me, so it should be for you." I think we have enough problems without tearing each other up and making things hard for one another, and that can be as simple as a dirty look at a crying toddler in a restaurant. My experience is that other women are usually way more judgy than most of the rest of the population. Let's pull together instead.
Not meant as a handslap, OP. Just a general comment on these kinds of threads where we all gang up on another woman's decision.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 9, 2014 18:02:40 GMT
I guess I'm confused, but it doesn't sound as though the baby was "unattended" ... the mom was a few feet away, correct? And the carrier was right where it would have been anyway, if the mom had been standing with the baby?
I'm not crazy about allowing kids to pee outside, but this seems like an over-reaction to the whole situation to me. Unless I AM confused and not understanding the situation correctly.
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Dani-Mani
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Post by Dani-Mani on Aug 9, 2014 18:09:06 GMT
Children peeing in public is a major pet peeve of mine. I once lived in a town that cited people for this if their kids did it. Public urination is public urination, it doesn't matter who does it.
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Aug 9, 2014 18:34:19 GMT
I think if I was a mom with a baby in a carrier and a 3 year old, I'd be more worried about trying to navigate a busy intersection on foot than I would be stepping a few feet away from my baby to let the little one discreetly pee in the grass. I've never been a fan of boys peeing in public, but perhaps she thought that was the safest option.
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Post by chlerbie on Aug 9, 2014 18:58:38 GMT
My stepdaughter was in China for a year, where there's public urination by adults and by children all of the time. She eventually got numb to it.
I don't see a big deal about a child peeing--like others said, he might be potty training and peeing in his pull ups and trying to catch the bus could be a major deal when she's also dealing with an infant. I might chuckle when I saw it, but I wouldn't judge her parenting skills by this one incident.
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azredhead
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Post by azredhead on Aug 9, 2014 18:59:36 GMT
I'm not all for kids peeing in public either, but sometimes in these situations, desperate times call for desperate measures. Maybe she is struggling with two kids trying to catch the bus. I used to see it all the time when I took the bus - mom with little kids. I'd help them if I could. It would be not so good if she took them to one of the local chains and missed the bus. It's also summer time. In the heat that's awful! I don't have kids but nieces and nephews. I know when they gotta pee they gotta pee.. it's never convenient.
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Post by melanell on Aug 9, 2014 20:01:36 GMT
Sometimes you just don't think about things in the moment. Because you know, we're human and all.
You may have thought of the danger in this instance, and she didn't, but in some other instance in your life, you may have done something you later regretted and someone who saw you make that choice might have been shaking their head at you.
When my 1st son was an infant in a carrier, my grandparents' house was torn down. We had sold the house when my grandmother died and it was being used as an office. (It was on a busy main street.) We never knew the house went back on the market, and one day, on my way home was work, I saw it reduced to a pile of rubble. I knew my mom would be a mess over this. Her father built that house. I never even went home that day. I went straight to her house. She was watching my son that day. I walked in, wondering how I would break the news, and saw her face and knew that someone had beat me to it.
The first thing she said was that she wanted to go see if there was anything salvageable there. (Yeah, never mind the legality of that, it was purely emotion happening here.) So I bundled DS up, and drove the 35 minutes back in the same direction I had just come from to take her to see the house.
Now, the house was on a seriously tiny lot. There was enough room for the house and to walk it by it on both sides. And this is Main St. I'm not going to leave DS on the sidewalk. There is no driveway. And next door are a bank parking lot and a restaurant parking lot (which is who bought the house and tore it down) and I'm not going to leave him there, either.
So I climbed into the house rubble with the carrier in my hand. I set him down someplace sturdy looking and tried to comfort my mom.
The owners of the restaurant were very sweet by the way. They apologized but said that the business who owned the house had let it be foreclosed so they had no info about previous owners. But they had removed some things from the house before they had it demolished...fixtures & such, and they gave mom a few things. The next day her older sister went down and they did the same for her.
But anyway, besides the fact that I could have fallen with him, it didn't dawn on me until my mom pointed it out that the house had asbestos siding. So I carried my infant into a pile of asbestos. Brilliant parenting move, eh? I just didn't think of it. When you have a family you're constantly juggling and deciding whose immediate needs to deal with, and that day I was just focused on my mom and how distraught she was. And it didn't occur to me that I was exposing an infant to dangerous things or taking a chance on him being hurt if I fell.
So that mom could have walked back towards that carrier and realized what she did all on her own without anyone else's disgust at her mistake.
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. The bottom line is nothing happened. 
