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Post by pierkiss on Oct 18, 2016 12:49:37 GMT
Congrats to your daughter! I'm sure she is super excited.
This entire post is exactly why I stayed as far away from the sororities as possible while at school. I don't get it. I don't understand why anyone would want to go through months of all of that. It seems like a whole lot of added stress and anxiety just to find a group of "friends".
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,174
Location: Alabama
Jan 29, 2015 16:24:49 GMT
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Post by janeinbama on Oct 18, 2016 12:51:03 GMT
I remember those times well. DDs went to southern schools were sororities were popular but not all consuming. One DD worked in recruitment after graduation and explained that the sororities do not reject girls as much as other sororities want a particular girl more. It is stressful for all involved. Your daughter ended right where she belonged.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 10, 2024 0:14:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2016 13:07:17 GMT
To me, this sounds absolutely horrendous Sorry I'm going to be really blunt here...it makes me think of a cattle auction......what a very negative way of welcoming someone to a college campus by making a bid for who will fit in or not. I'm glad that such exclusivity isn't a general part of students life over here.
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Post by brina on Oct 18, 2016 13:07:24 GMT
I hope you don't mind a few questions. Of the 1200 girls opening envelopes, how many are being offered a place? For girls who turn down spots because what was offered wasn't their first choice, do those spots get offered to other girls? For some of these girls it sounds like getting into a sorority is a bigger goal than getting into their dream school. If they transfer to another university, are they questioned about going through rush at the first school? Do the chapters talk to each other about why their were rejected? If a girl declines her bid, I'm not sure how the house decides to give the bid to. Personally, I think it is incredibly rude and in poor taste to decline a bid. That's basically saying to the chapter that you don't think they are good enough for you. And quite frankly, if all a girl cared about is one house and didn't have any intention of taking a bid from her second choice, she should have just suicide bid. You have said or alluded to this multiple times - but I don't get it. If the whole process is about making a good match, why is declining a bid from a house rude? Is not offering a bid to a girl also rude? I went through rush over 30 years ago, but at a school where it is much more low key. I don't think a single girl's mother was present at any point in the process. SaveSave
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Post by farmdpea on Oct 18, 2016 13:20:36 GMT
Congrats to your daughter! I'm sure she is super excited. This entire post is exactly why I stayed as far away from the sororities as possible while at school. I don't get it. I don't understand why anyone would want to go through months of all of that. It seems like a whole lot of added stress and anxiety just to find a group of "friends". Amen, sister. My daughter goes to Vanderbilt and thank the Lord opted not to rush. Also, frankly, we don't have the money. Waaaay too expensive. Same here. I was never interested in being in a sorority, but we couldn't have afforded it anyway. Thankfully, it was never really even on my radar despite going to a big SEC school. I had my plate full with a challenging degree and part-time job.
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Post by utmr on Oct 18, 2016 13:41:54 GMT
Remember that not all schools are as big or as competitive as Ole Miss, Alabama, Texas etc. At some schools rush is much smaller and lower pressure.
The reductions are unfortunately needed. If 1200 girls participate and quota is 100, each house has to cut 1100. If there are girls that are definitely not going to make it, it's kinder to release them early so that they can focus on finding their best fit, instead of letting them get their hopes up for a house that isn't going to work out.
At DD1's school, there are 26K students but only 4 sororities and only about 200 women participate. Recruitment takes place in September after several "information socials" to encourage women to participate. DD didn't rush, but enjoyed the social, met some nice girls and came away with a positive impression of the Greek system.
Greek life varies by campus and chapter. For every crazy story you hear, there are other examples of philanthropy and academics that you don't hear about.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 18, 2016 14:07:40 GMT
Honestly, that sounds absolutely horrible and elitist.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 18, 2016 14:10:25 GMT
On another note, one of my "nieces" was in a sorority, became pregnant just before her senior year and had to go alum. Oddly enough, her boyfriend/father of the baby was in a fraternity and did not have to go alum. That double standard bothers me.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Oct 18, 2016 14:26:36 GMT
On another note, one of my "nieces" was in a sorority, became pregnant just before her senior year and had to go alum. Oddly enough, her boyfriend/father of the baby was in a fraternity and did not have to go alum. That double standard bothers me. There are two different governing bodies for sororities and fraternities, and the member organizations set the rules for both, so I wouldn't call it a double standard. They are playing by different sets of self-imposed rules. That said, this wouldn't even be a universal across all NPC sororities. If anything, that organization - and possibly only that chapter - determined her status. There is no set rule on this in my organization. I can't even think of a way an active member would be forced to go alum or even that she could move to alumnae status if she wanted to do so. Oh - unless she dropped to part time hours in school - that can be a reason for a status change. Also, if she got married, she would get to make a choice about her status. Save
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Post by bostonmama on Oct 18, 2016 14:32:29 GMT
Remember that not all schools are as big or as competitive as Ole Miss, Alabama, Texas etc. At some schools rush is much smaller and lower pressure. The reductions are unfortunately needed. If 1200 girls participate and quota is 100, each house has to cut 1100. If there are girls that are definitely not going to make it, it's kinder to release them early so that they can focus on finding their best fit, instead of letting them get their hopes up for a house that isn't going to work out. What makes a girl "definitely not going to make it"?
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Post by myboysnme on Oct 18, 2016 14:37:20 GMT
Honestly, that sounds absolutely horrible and elitist. I have the same feelings. I got a masters degree as did my husband, my two sons are currently in college. None of us ever tried to do any kind of Greek thing. Thank God! While the OP's post was very interesting and informative, it made me realize that there is an entire world that I absolutely cannot relate to in 2016.
I had to work 2 jobs when I was in college. A sorority was never on my radar. I just think of college and university as being education focused so spending an entire week trying to get into a house? Horrible and elitist is exactly what I think as well.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Oct 18, 2016 14:43:07 GMT
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happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
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Post by happymomma on Oct 18, 2016 14:57:36 GMT
Weird.
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Post by utmr on Oct 18, 2016 15:00:04 GMT
Remember that not all schools are as big or as competitive as Ole Miss, Alabama, Texas etc. At some schools rush is much smaller and lower pressure. The reductions are unfortunately needed. If 1200 girls participate and quota is 100, each house has to cut 1100. If there are girls that are definitely not going to make it, it's kinder to release them early so that they can focus on finding their best fit, instead of letting them get their hopes up for a house that isn't going to work out. What makes a girl "definitely not going to make it"? It's just a numbers game. If there are 1200 girls and quota is 100, then somehow each chapter had to reduce their invitation list to match their availability. If quota is 100, and there are 75 legacies going through, and another 100 girls who are friends of existing members from back home, and another 25 who are already friends with members from somewhere else, then those 200 girls are much more likely to prefer a certain house over someone with no prior interest. That is 200 girls (out of say 1200 total) with only 100 openings. Sweet Suzie with no ties is unlikely to get into that house. It's not fair to have her waste her time attending their party and getting her hopes up, when she could concentrate on finding a house that is more likely to be a good fit *for her*. It doesn't mean that's she's not a great girl who will be very happy at house that will be thrilled to have her. It's a big process to work through all the potential new members and help them find the right place for them. At most schools, women who go through with an open mind, and maximize their opportunities every round, will get a bid at the end of the process. But if you go in with your heart set on a certain house, you may be disappointed and also miss out on an opportunity to be happy somewhere else.
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Post by debmast on Oct 18, 2016 15:07:11 GMT
My daughter is a Junior at an SEC school. She went in with one opinion about sororities (mostly from TV/Movies, as I had no experience to offer her) and did not rush. She was fortunate that this year one sorority was returning to her university after many years away, and opened rush to all.
She decided to rush and ended up getting in. She's 500+ miles away from me and used to doing things on her own now after 2 years away, so I was no part of it (other than updates). I don't think she found the process stressful. There were a lot of girls trying to get in, and she was happy to make the cut. And so far she's really enjoying it, I think even far more than she thought she would.
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Belle
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,309
Jun 28, 2014 4:39:12 GMT
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Post by Belle on Oct 18, 2016 15:19:07 GMT
What makes a girl "definitely not going to make it"? It's just a numbers game. If there are 1200 girls and quota is 100, then somehow each chapter had to reduce their invitation list to match their availability. If quota is 100, and there are 75 legacies going through, and another 100 girls who are friends of existing members from back home, and another 25 who are already friends with members from somewhere else, then those 200 girls are much more likely to prefer a certain house over someone with no prior interest. That is 200 girls (out of say 1200 total) with only 100 openings. Sweet Suzie with no ties is unlikely to get into that house. It's not fair to have her waste her time attending their party and getting her hopes up, when she could concentrate on finding a house that is more likely to be a good fit *for her*. It doesn't mean that's she's not a great girl who will be very happy at house that will be thrilled to have her. It's a big process to work through all the potential new members and help them find the right place for them. At most schools, women who go through with an open mind, and maximize their opportunities every round, will get a bid at the end of the process. But if you go in with your heart set on a certain house, you may be disappointed and also miss out on an opportunity to be happy somewhere else. When I went through rush, GPA also factored into those being invited back. If a girl rushes with a low GPA, that can really limit her choices. Generally, sororities want girls with good grades.
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daisydonna
Full Member
Posts: 265
Sept 5, 2015 11:45:16 GMT
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Post by daisydonna on Oct 18, 2016 15:24:28 GMT
Everyone keeps stating the expense of sorority. I'm not familiar at all...how much is it?
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Post by farmdpea on Oct 18, 2016 15:28:37 GMT
Everyone keeps stating the expense of sorority. I'm not familiar at all...how much is it? Total cost of first year: $1,900.00 (includes $300 facility fee) Total cost of each other year: $1,700.00 (includes $300 facility fee) From: this pageI suspect this is on the lower end for most schools in the southeast. Greek life is much less important at Auburn than other schools.
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Post by debmast on Oct 18, 2016 15:37:31 GMT
Everyone keeps stating the expense of sorority. I'm not familiar at all...how much is it? My DD's is $1900 for the year
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,838
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Oct 18, 2016 15:37:43 GMT
Congrats to your DD. My dd is freshman and I am VERY, VERY glad she has no interest in Greek life. There is already too much drama in these kids lives. Reading your post it sounds like the girls and parents put stock in their worth based on which house wants them. I'm not saying you are doing that. I read your post as a happy mom who is happy for her daughter. I hear how these kids live or die by which house they get into and I think that is totally wrong. My dd's university is enormous and has a large Greek presence but most kids do not go into them. They also don't let them rush until their sophomore year which I think is very smart. These kids are way too stressed to put them through that crap their freshman year.
My friend's son was going to rush until she pointed out that the cost also goes into paying for beer and parties at the frats. They all do this so don't tell me "my son's/daughter's doesn't". He was like "No way am I working my butt off to earn money to pay for their beer."
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Post by brina on Oct 18, 2016 22:16:24 GMT
Remember that not all schools are as big or as competitive as Ole Miss, Alabama, Texas etc. At some schools rush is much smaller and lower pressure. The reductions are unfortunately needed. If 1200 girls participate and quota is 100, each house has to cut 1100. If there are girls that are definitely not going to make it, it's kinder to release them early so that they can focus on finding their best fit, instead of letting them get their hopes up for a house that isn't going to work out. What makes a girl "definitely not going to make it"? overweight, unattractive, wrong race, wrong religion, wrong family, wrong background... That is not the reason for all of them, but a some sororities these reasons are true. When you see a group of 40 blonde, thin, pretty girls, that did not happen by accident. SaveSave
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,126
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
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Post by iowgirl on Oct 18, 2016 22:51:20 GMT
Wow.
I am really glad my girls were fiercely and proudly GDI's.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 18, 2016 23:00:44 GMT
The whole thing is so completely foreign to me. It sounds like something from another world. I'm glad your daughter was chosen (or whatever the correct terminology is) and that she's happy.
I am so grateful that sororities and fraternities are not a thing here. It sounds so horrendously exclusive and over the top.
ETA: OK, I feel bad that people - including me - have posted negative comments on your thread, when you were obviously excited for your daughter. I'm sorry for that. I am happy that your daughter has been accepted into a sorority and it sounds like she's found the house that is perfect for her.
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Post by monklady123 on Oct 18, 2016 23:06:20 GMT
Everyone keeps stating the expense of sorority. I'm not familiar at all...how much is it? Total cost of first year: $1,900.00 (includes $300 facility fee) Total cost of each other year: $1,700.00 (includes $300 facility fee) From: this pageI suspect this is on the lower end for most schools in the southeast. Greek life is much less important at Auburn than other schools. Wow, my dd's sorority is not nearly this! wow. We paid $400-something for this first semester but for spring semester it will be less because there will be more girls to split the cost among. My dd told me that it's much more expensive for chapters that live in official houses. Dd's school doesn't have houses. All the sororities have a section of a dorm, or they live off-campus. Dd chose to get an apartment with three other girls last year and this year. In fact all four of them are from different sororities, so they call themselves the poster children for the Pan Hellenic Council. lol What the OP described is in no way what goes on at my dd's school, thankfully. And mothers never get involved, except for a very few "extreme ones". Dd's words, because I asked her before I wrote this reply. lol At my dd's school the focus of most of the sororities seems to be friendship, service, and scholarship. There's a strict GPA requirement, and they have to participate in the philanthropy somehow. It's been wonderful for dd, especially how much it's taught her about her potential as a leader.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Oct 18, 2016 23:47:40 GMT
My dh told my kids that if they joined a sorority or fraternity, we would not pay their tuition (I think he was half joking). DH went to a Big 10 school and was well versed in the cost and goings on. He was also worked in the kitchens for several sororities and has nothing good to say about the girls and the way they treated "the help". Thankfully, it was never on our kids' radars to join. They all had great college experiences and made many good friends.
It makes me incredibly sad when I hear from friends that their dd's were "rejected" from a sorority. Thankfully they have all gone on to have good college experiences also.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Oct 18, 2016 23:55:29 GMT
Where were all of you during the last Sorority thread where I spoke up and said it was all those things??
I would rather my dd spent her time volunteering with other students of race, color, religion, and backgrounds then a bunch of women who think they are that special. No thanks. Yea, yea, they do all these great things, and make life time friends, and it's been done for generations in our family. It's just a sad thing that needs to go away. Esp this latest thread where the Mom's spent the week doing the girls hair and make up for them? Good lord??!!!
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Post by monklady123 on Oct 19, 2016 0:05:11 GMT
Where were all of you during the last Sorority thread where I spoke up and said it was all those things?? I would rather my dd spent her time volunteering with other students of race, color, religion, and backgrounds then a bunch of women who think they are that special. No thanks. Yea, yea, they do all these great things, and make life time friends, and it's been done for generations in our family. It's just a sad thing that needs to go away. Esp this latest thread where the Mom's spent the week doing the girls hair and make up for them? Good lord??!!! But as I said in my reply, it isn't always "all those things."
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,034
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:10 GMT
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Post by artbabe on Oct 19, 2016 0:25:46 GMT
I think the whole process is shallow, elitist, and cruel.
I have no idea why someone would want to do this other than to appear and feel "better" than the people who aren't picked.
I think parents being involved in the process is insane.
And that is my opinion on that.
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Post by nicoleq on Oct 19, 2016 0:58:51 GMT
I'm so excited that your daughter pledged a house that it sounds like is perfect for her and she loves! What a fun 4 years she has ahead of her! (And even more as an alumna!)
Being a part of Kappa Delta was one of the highlights of my college... and it didn't stop there. I'm so proud of my sorority and the incredible, strong woman's organization it is.
Since 1981, KDs have raised and donated over $18 million for the prevention of child abuse. Last spring, my chapter alone raised over $50,000 in a single event called Mock Rock (air band competition) for a local women's and children's shelter. Every single dime went to that shelter.
In 2015-16 alone, we gave over 80 collegiate scholarships totaling almost $200,000.
in 1998 KD adopted Girl Scouts of America as one of our philanthropies and each year many young girls are mentored by collegiate all over the country... including this year my 8-year old niece who lives 1,000 miles from me will have an amazing connection with a new 'friend' in Kappa Delta.
In 2009, KD created "International Girls Day", which is observed around Nov 14. This day celebrates girls of all races, religions, interests and abilities with "She Can Do Anything". (usually hosting over 5,000 girls across the country at our various houses for a day a fun).
In 2006, KD joined with the Dove Campaign to open discussions about women and definitions of beautiful.
We've raised over $1.1 million dollars for grants for surgeons in the American Association of Orthopedic Surgeons.
Kappa Delta has strict grade policies and you must maintain a decent GPA or risk your membership. There are many programs put in place to help girls excel in their studies.
This is a small example of the incredible work that dedicated women do while in college when they join a sorority. And this is just one... there are 25 other just as amazing organizations in the the Panhellenic Council.
I know lots of you think ill of sororities... and I won't deny that Recruitment Week/Rush Week can be brutal... but I can assure you, there so much more to each organization!
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 19, 2016 2:52:51 GMT
I'm so excited that your daughter pledged a house that it sounds like is perfect for her and she loves! What a fun 4 years she has ahead of her! (And even more as an alumna!) Being a part of Kappa Delta was one of the highlights of my college... and it didn't stop there. I'm so proud of my sorority and the incredible, strong woman's organization it is. Since 1981, KDs have raised and donated over $18 million for the prevention of child abuse. Last spring, my chapter alone raised over $50,000 in a single event called Mock Rock (air band competition) for a local women's and children's shelter. Every single dime went to that shelter. In 2015-16 alone, we gave over 80 collegiate scholarships totaling almost $200,000. in 1998 KD adopted Girl Scouts of America as one of our philanthropies and each year many young girls are mentored by collegiate all over the country... including this year my 8-year old niece who lives 1,000 miles from me will have an amazing connection with a new 'friend' in Kappa Delta. In 2009, KD created "International Girls Day", which is observed around Nov 14. This day celebrates girls of all races, religions, interests and abilities with "She Can Do Anything". (usually hosting over 5,000 girls across the country at our various houses for a day a fun). In 2006, KD joined with the Dove Campaign to open discussions about women and definitions of beautiful. We've raised over $1.1 million dollars for grants for surgeons in the American Association of Orthopedic Surgeons. Kappa Delta has strict grade policies and you must maintain a decent GPA or risk your membership. There are many programs put in place to help girls excel in their studies. This is a small example of the incredible work that dedicated women do while in college when they join a sorority. And this is just one... there are 25 other just as amazing organizations in the the Panhellenic Council. I know lots of you think ill of sororities... and I won't deny that Recruitment Week/Rush Week can be brutal... but I can assure you, there so much more to each organization! I'm glad you posted this. While I had no interest in sorority life (I was anti school spirit in high school and it carried over), my niece just "ran home" (I don't really know what that means) but she is very happy. They just had a fundraiser to raise money for food for something or other. I gave moneyou. I am sure there are the shallow, self centered sororities out there, but I am sure there are some great ones as well.
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