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Post by craftedbys on Oct 18, 2016 0:45:38 GMT
Her university doesn't do rush until after mid-terms. Greek life is HUGE on her campus and rush is incredibly intense. It started last Sunday with 1800 (yes 18 HUNDRED) girls rushing 11 sorority houses. The top three houses cut over 1000 girls the first night. About 400 girls were removed from rush because of grades and another 100 to 200 were removed or removed themselves for stupid stuff like not going to a party they were invited back to (guess they weren't interested in that house or thought it wasn't "good enough" for them) or they were cut from the houses they wanted.
It was a very emotional week, although DD had a wonderful attitude throughout the entire thing, even when she was cut from a house she really liked. I was so worried that she wasn't going to get a bid or, more correctly, get a bid from a house that she was comfortable with and felt like she fit in. The cuts were brutal, and she went from 11 to 4 to 2 and only was invited to one pref party. And it's funny, that house was not at the top of her list throughout the week, but she kept and open mind and kept meeting people, and she finally talked to girls she clicked with and she realized they liked her for HER, not for her looks, her clothes, or how much money her daddy has.
I went down on Saturday to see her before the pref round when she didn't know who/how many she was invited back to. I just wanted to give her a last minute "so proud of you, you're amazing, enjoy the experience" pep talk and help calm her nerves. Her roommate had been cut from all but one sorority earlier in the week, and she was a little nervous too.
I stayed in town and went back to campus to pick the girls up after ranking and take them to dinner so I got to see a huge number of girls around the houses and at ranking. There were some that were gorgeous (and acted like they knew it) and were dressed beautifully, and some looked like they were going clubbing in way too tight, WAY too short dresses, a few were even wearing romper type short shorts. Really different than in my day. (Gosh I sound old.) I saw some of the actives at the houses as I drove down sorority row and they were truly beautiful in their matching dresses and the houses were all decorated.
After taking DD and her roommate and her friend to dinner I drove home and then stayed up until almost 5 am making a Bid Day gift for DD and her roommate. (They each only had one pref, so I figured the gift would either be right or I would just not give it to them). I had also shopped all week to fix a "sorry you didn't get a bid but we still love you" basket with goodies for DD just in case she got cut.
Yesterday DH & I went down for Bid Day. I knew it was a big deal, but I didn't realize that it was a BIG DEAL. Lots of parents had come to be there for their daughters, and lots of other students. I was trying to go past this one group of parents, and this woman was on the phone saying "I already told her that if she didn't get the house she wants, we would transfer her to xxx school". Seriously?
There was the Gamma Chi reveal where all of the Gamma Chis were on the stage and together sang each houses chant while the ones from that house came forward and took off their rush t-shirt to reveal their letters. I must say, it was a sight to behold to see around 1200 girls in the Grove opening their bid envelopes and the screaming and cheering and crying that ensued. Then they were called by houses to "run home".
We were among the last to leave the Grove, and I we passed this girl sobbing on her Gamma Chi's shoulder. I mean sobbing like her parents and her dog had died. All because she didn't get a bid to her first choice. We ended up passing a couple of girls crying like that and at least one dad was telling his daughter that he would transfer her to wherever she wanted. I asked DD about it later, and she confirmed that yes, transferring to another school where it is easier to get in a house IS a thing, and she had talked to at least four girls who were already making plans to transfer if they were cut from the house they wanted. This is actually why they moved rush to after the middle of the term rather than having it the week before school starts.
The more I thought about it, the more that kind of attitude irked me. Like they felt they were too good for the house that DID want them, like their life was over if they didn't get one of the top houses. And what about the girl that truly wanted a bid but didn't get one to the house that they are turning their nose up at? Spoiled, entitled brats.
Anyway, I must say DD was overjoyed to get a bid, and after going to the house and seeing the sisters I knew that she was definitely in the right house. At some of the houses on campus the girls all looked the same. Not kidding, one house was almost exclusively blonde and another didn't have anyone over a size 4. I looked at the girls at DD's house and they were all shapes and sizes and there were blondes, brunettes, and yes, my DD with pink hair! And the best part of all, DD's roommate got a bid to the same house!
So that is my account of rush at a major Southern university. It truly is a sight to see.
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psiluvu
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Posts: 3,217 
Location: Canada's Capital
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Post by psiluvu on Oct 18, 2016 0:55:14 GMT
Congrats to your daughter. Hope she is happy. It sounds like quite the process. As far as I know we don't have anythinbg like that at Canadian universities.
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Post by txdancermom on Oct 18, 2016 0:57:43 GMT
I am glad your dd found a house that she will be happy with. It is a hard process, been there, and at first I didn't get one of the houses I though I wanted (I was a legacy to 2 houses) and spring rush went to another house, and realized that I would have been very unhappy in the legacy houses.
one of my grandmother's was upset I didn't get into her house - she complained I found out later, but I have no regrets.
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Post by annaintx on Oct 18, 2016 0:58:54 GMT
I am happy for your daughter and hope it's everything she hopes it to be. At the same time, I SO HOPE my daughter doesn't want to do this!!  |
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Oct 18, 2016 1:01:49 GMT
Reading that gave me anxiety.
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Post by polz on Oct 18, 2016 1:05:27 GMT
I'm so glad rush is not a thing in New Zealand.
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Post by Neisey on Oct 18, 2016 1:08:37 GMT
Another Canadian here...no judging, I know that's how it's been for generations 😉, And I know life isn't fair lol, but I am very glad this doesn't happen regularly here. And I know there are lots of great volunteer activities, bonding experiences, etc...but your description just makes me cringe a little for all those girls who don't make it. And the stress!! isn't first year stressful enough 😜?
Denise, who went to a university with TOTAL 2500 students...go X go!
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Post by leannec on Oct 18, 2016 1:28:24 GMT
Another Canadian who is stressed just reading your post  Congratulations to your dd though because this was obviously something important to her  My dd#1 will be entering university next year and I'm quite thankful that we won't have to go through that ... I would be one of the people in tears  |
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Post by beachbum on Oct 18, 2016 1:37:12 GMT
I know what you mean, one of our DD's went to Auburn, not too far from you (the Grove gave it away!). It was a madhouse. She's been out of college for a few years but the same things happened around her even several years ago. I was shocked to hear girls telling their parents they would transfer if they didn't get a bid from the house of their choice. Not asking if they could, telling them they WOULD. Spoiled little brats. It was a madhouse.
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Belle
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Posts: 4,309
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Post by Belle on Oct 18, 2016 1:47:14 GMT
Ole Miss??
When I rushed there were no parents around. Interesting to hear how things are done in other parts of the country! We also rushed before school started. I like the idea of waiting ipuntil after midterms.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 18, 2016 2:07:46 GMT
wow!
It was nothing like that when I went through rush.
Though my mid size state university, my sorority took close to 100 pledges this year. They had 99% acceptance rate so they had 10 more than they intended to take.
I can't imagine my daughter handling that kind of stress.
I am glad your daughter is happy with her house.
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Post by kitkath on Oct 18, 2016 2:22:32 GMT
I went through a less stressful version of that 5 years ago at a Big10 school. DD got 3 pref parties but was only interested in one, which was her first choice since day one. She was cut from the other ones that she liked after the 3rd round. She elected to do a "suicide bid" and luckily it worked out. Phew! She got her one and only choice and loved her sorority. She has friends from all over the country and they are still very close. She graduated and her roommate now is a sorority sister.
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Post by Sassenach on Oct 18, 2016 2:34:23 GMT
Things have really changed since I was in college and went through rush. I remember the anticipation, but it definitely wasn't as intense as what you just described. I don't remember any parents being there either. Honestly, I think it's a little weird to have the parents there...
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Post by Really Red on Oct 18, 2016 2:40:59 GMT
Wow. I believe you when you say that all happened. It makes me overwhelmingly sad to read what you wrote. I know how kids feel and here is my old self thinking the whole thing is just so stupid.
FWIW, my daughter did rush and had a couple of choices. I do not believe it was the insanity of which you write, even though she's in a southern school. I know that Rush week is crazy, but in her school none to possibly a few parents came along. It sounds so debutanty, you know? It just makes me sad and weary that that is what college is for kids. I wish this wasn't that important.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Oct 18, 2016 2:45:16 GMT
So glad this was never on my radar lol
My first thought was Ole Miss as well.
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Post by craftedbys on Oct 18, 2016 2:58:17 GMT
Yes, she's at Ole Miss. They take Greek Life very seriously down there, although it's not quite a religion like football is.
I had never thought that parents took part in rush, much less Bid Day, but apparently there were some moms who were there all week helping their daughters with their wardrobe, hair, nails, etc.
One girl my DD talked to said ahead had spent about $500 on rush for clothes, nails, a spray tan, and hair. In. Sane. When DD told me about it, she said it was all she could do not to tell her she was stupid.
But then again, my DD has never bought into all of the "I must always be runway ready" mentality. DD doesn't have a problem going out in public without makeup and doesn't always try to dress exactly like everyone else. I joke with her and ask her if she forgot to sign up for the daily "outfit of the day" notification, because how else do you explain hundreds of girls wearing the exact same thing? Of course then they go on and on about their "individuality ", LOL.
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Judy26
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Post by Judy26 on Oct 18, 2016 2:59:33 GMT
All I could think of, reading your post, was Hogwarts. I kept picturing a talking hat yelling out names. The whole process sounds archaic but I'm glad your daughter is pleased with her outcome.
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 18, 2016 3:00:16 GMT
I hope you don't mind a few questions.  Of the 1200 girls opening envelopes, how many are being offered a place? For girls who turn down spots because what was offered wasn't their first choice, do those spots get offered to other girls? For some of these girls it sounds like getting into a sorority is a bigger goal than getting into their dream school.  If they transfer to another university, are they questioned about going through rush at the first school? Do the chapters talk to each other about why their were rejected? |
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 18, 2016 3:07:33 GMT
Yes, she's at Ole Miss. They take Greek Life very seriously down there, although it's not quite a religion like football is. I had never thought that parents took part in rush, much less Bid Day, but apparently there were some moms who were there all week helping their daughters with their wardrobe, hair, nails, etc. One girl my DD talked to said ahead had spent about $500 on rush for clothes, nails, a spray tan, and hair. In. Sane. When DD told me about it, she said it was all she could do not to tell her she was stupid. But then again, my DD has never bought into all of the "I must always be runway ready" mentality. DD doesn't have a problem going out in public without makeup and doesn't always try to dress exactly like everyone else. I joke with her and ask her if she forgot to sign up for the daily "outfit of the day" notification, because how else do you explain hundreds of girls wearing the exact same thing? Of course then they go on and on about their "individuality ", LOL. There was a group of women on Shark Tank a few years ago pitching a company to provide dresses for sorority rush weeks and events. I remember at the time not knowing this was a thing and being amazed that Barbara and Kevin both invested. Frill Clothing is the company. |
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Post by originalvanillabean on Oct 18, 2016 3:23:23 GMT
The more I thought about it, the more that kind of attitude irked me. Like they felt they were too good for the house that DID want them, like their life was over if they didn't get one of the top houses. And what about the girl that truly wanted a bid but didn't get one to the house that they are turning their nose up at? Spoiled, entitled brats. Totally agree with you on this. Interesting read and it sounds like you were really supportive, no matter of how it was going to turn out - great job mom! |
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Post by craftedbys on Oct 18, 2016 3:27:14 GMT
I hope you don't mind a few questions. Of the 1200 girls opening envelopes, how many are being offered a place? For girls who turn down spots because what was offered wasn't their first choice, do those spots get offered to other girls? For some of these girls it sounds like getting into a sorority is a bigger goal than getting into their dream school. If they transfer to another university, are they questioned about going through rush at the first school? Do the chapters talk to each other about why their were rejected? Everyone who was there and got an envelope got a bid to one of the two houses they went to during the pref round, or if they only got 1 they kind of knew who they got. Anyone who was cut from all houses was either called (during the earlier rounds) or had their Gamma Chi come to their room to break the news in person. If a girl declines her bid, I'm not sure how the house decides to give the bid to. Personally, I think it is incredibly rude and in poor taste to decline a bid. That's basically saying to the chapter that you don't think they are good enough for you. And quite frankly, if all a girl cared about is one house and didn't have any intention of taking a bid from her second choice, she should have just suicide bid. And yes, there are girls there that have grown up with one goal in mind: being a Tri-delt (or KD or Chi O) at Ole Miss. To them that is the be all, end all,and anything less is a failure. Of course, they didn't come to that on their own, that idea had been put in their heads as soon as they were born by their mothers, who grew up thinking the same thing thanks to THEIR mothers. <eyeroll> |
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Post by anonrefugee on Oct 18, 2016 3:36:23 GMT
Wow, that is amazing. Congrats to you and your DD for finding a place to fit in.
I have sons so this doesn't apply, but reading this makes me glad my school did this before school started for the girls. That's too much interruption for students with intense schedules, I would have been the cheerleader tossed because I had physics test or some such mundane thing.
How enlightening that Dads attend now too! It's very much a mom and dot thing still in our universe.
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,454
Location: So Cal
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Post by caangel on Oct 18, 2016 3:50:48 GMT
I would have never joined my sorority if recruitment had been like that. Thankfully that intensity is not the norm.
Also FWIW we have several chapters in Canada. I am not familiar with how their recruitment process differs from here in the states.
OP I'm glad you DD found a chapter she loves. I am still heavily involved as an alumna and an thankful for what an amazing experience I had in college.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 18, 2016 3:53:31 GMT
I hope you don't mind a few questions. Of the 1200 girls opening envelopes, how many are being offered a place? For girls who turn down spots because what was offered wasn't their first choice, do those spots get offered to other girls? For some of these girls it sounds like getting into a sorority is a bigger goal than getting into their dream school. If they transfer to another university, are they questioned about going through rush at the first school? Do the chapters talk to each other about why their were rejected? Everyone who was there and got an envelope got a bid to one of the two houses they went to during the pref round, or if they only got 1 they kind of knew who they got. Anyone who was cut from all houses was either called (during the earlier rounds) or had their Gamma Chi come to their room to break the news in person. If a girl declines her bid, I'm not sure how the house decides to give the bid to. Personally, I think it is incredibly rude and in poor taste to decline a bid. That's basically saying to the chapter that you don't think they are good enough for you. And quite frankly, if all a girl cared about is one house and didn't have any intention of taking a bid from her second choice, she should have just suicide bid.And yes, there are girls there that have grown up with one goal in mind: being a Tri-delt (or KD or Chi O) at Ole Miss. To them that is the be all, end all,and anything less is a failure. Of course, they didn't come to that on their own, that idea had been put in their heads as soon as they were born by their mothers, who grew up thinking the same thing thanks to THEIR mothers. <eyeroll> It can also mean they just don't want it bad enough. Being in a sorority is a huge time and financial commitment. The Pref parties are intended to create an emotional attachment, if you felt it with one house and not the other, and you didn't the bid you really wanted, it makes sense to turn it down. Pretending you are excited about the house you realize you really don't want is fake. I think you may not even realize it until you open that bid card and don't see the house you want. I agree with the Pea who said they should do it before school starts.. that's what my university does... it makes it so much easier. I went through Rush went to 2 houses for Pref, did not get a bid from either. I was upset. Two weeks later a new sorority announced they were looking for girls to start a chapter. I pledged that house and it was the absolute best thing for me. These things have a way of working themselves out. |
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Oct 18, 2016 4:04:46 GMT
Ahhh the memories! Although it wasn't quite as crazy when I rushed there in 1975. I just had an email from my chapter saying they pledged 137 girls yesterday. We had between 40 and 45 in a pledge class. The school was much smaller then. Also, parents didn't show up for Bid Day, other than a few multi-generational sorority families. So glad your DD found a group of girls that is a good fit for her. DD doesn't have a problem going out in public without makeup and doesn't always try to dress exactly like everyone else. I joke with her and ask her if she forgot to sign up for the daily "outfit of the day" notification, because how else do you explain hundreds of girls wearing the exact same thing? It's been that way forever! To this day I won't leave the house without makeup, much less go anywhere other than the gym in workout clothes.  When my oldest niece was in Kindergarten, she told her teacher that she dressed like her Aunt. Turns out she went to Ole Miss as well! Save |
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Post by auntkelly on Oct 18, 2016 4:21:07 GMT
Congrats to your daughter. I'm happy things worked out for her and I hope she enjoys sorority life. I certainly did.
My daughter went through rush four years' ago and it was a very stressful time but it ended well and she loves being in a sorority.
I do think you are being a little harsh on the girls who were crying because they didn't get the house they wanted. As you said, it's a very emotional week. I think it's understandable a girl may be hurt if she didn't get her first choice. A girl may be crying because she thinks she has let her mother down by not getting into her mother's sorority, when her mother doesn't feel that way at all. A girl could be crying because she wanted to be in the same house as her best friend and just found out that isn't going to happen.
I've known girls over the years who were very sad at first because they didn't get the bid they wanted and shed some tears over it. However, they went ahead and pledged the house that offered them the bid and it turned out to be the perfect choice for them.
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Post by belgravia on Oct 18, 2016 4:41:49 GMT
To me, this sounds absolutely horrendous
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Post by Sassenach on Oct 18, 2016 4:49:21 GMT
Personally, I think it is incredibly rude and in poor taste to decline a bid. That's basically saying to the chapter that you don't think they are good enough for you. And quite frankly, if all a girl cared about is one house and didn't have any intention of taking a bid from her second choice, she should have just suicide bid. Do you see the hypocrisy in this statement? Why is it OK for a chapter to tell hundreds of girls that they are "not good enough" to join their sorority, but it is "rude and in poor taste" for a girl to say "No" to a sorority? I think it is OK for a girl to wait and see how the chips are going to fall before she makes her final decision. Maybe she wants to see where her friends end up before she makes a decision. SaveSave |
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Post by brynn on Oct 18, 2016 4:57:20 GMT
Congratulations and best wishes for DD. Rush was not that stressful for me 25 years ago, and as an alumna, I can say it's not that stressful now.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Oct 18, 2016 12:35:16 GMT
I'm so glad your DD found the house where she fits in. It sounds like she will do great in her new chapter! The process at these big schools is brutal. This year was a little odd at Ole Miss, too, because they are using a new release methodology that has worked well at other SEC schools, and they had two new sororities. The huge cuts at the beginning are by design, for the record. It benefits everyone if the most competitive groups release more girls early so that those girls can concentrate on finding a different house rather than being strung along until the end and being surprised on bid day. I am fascinated by the release numbers process - it is amazing how it all comes together. I hope you don't mind a few questions. Of the 1200 girls opening envelopes, how many are being offered a place? For girls who turn down spots because what was offered wasn't their first choice, do those spots get offered to other girls? For some of these girls it sounds like getting into a sorority is a bigger goal than getting into their dream school. If they transfer to another university, are they questioned about going through rush at the first school? Do the chapters talk to each other about why their were rejected? Everyone who was there and got an envelope got a bid to one of the two houses they went to during the pref round, or if they only got 1 they kind of knew who they got. Anyone who was cut from all houses was either called (during the earlier rounds) or had their Gamma Chi come to their room to break the news in person. If a girl declines her bid, I'm not sure how the house decides to give the bid to. Personally, I think it is incredibly rude and in poor taste to decline a bid. That's basically saying to the chapter that you don't think they are good enough for you. And quite frankly, if all a girl cared about is one house and didn't have any intention of taking a bid from her second choice, she should have just suicide bid. And yes, there are girls there that have grown up with one goal in mind: being a Tri-delt (or KD or Chi O) at Ole Miss. To them that is the be all, end all,and anything less is a failure. Of course, they didn't come to that on their own, that idea had been put in their heads as soon as they were born by their mothers, who grew up thinking the same thing thanks to THEIR mothers. <eyeroll> The problem with suiciding is that the girl is no longer eligible to be a quota addition, even for the house she really wants (I think that is still the case - it has been a while since I was on the PNM side). That might work out for her if the house doesn't make quota or total and they can offer open bids, but a number of the houses end up with no open spots after recruitment. There is a social component to the "right" sorority as well. You hear in high school that Coast girls go Beta Beta Beta, Jackson girls go Gamma Tri, Magee girls go Tau Omega, etc. It really isn't true - all of the groups have girls from all over. It is probably mostly a recruitment tactic by the older girls. Save |
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If they transfer to another university, are they questioned about going through rush at the first school? Do the chapters talk to each other about why their were rejected?
When my oldest niece was in Kindergarten, she told her teacher that she dressed like her Aunt. Turns out she went to Ole Miss as well! 
