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Post by luvmygirls on Oct 26, 2016 0:26:40 GMT
My DD who is a Senior drives her friend to school every day. Her friend lives in our subdivision and she only takes her to school. Friend takes the bus home. Friend doesn't drive so my DD takes her everywhere. Friend has never given DD money for gas and DD feels bad asking. Today Friend got mad at DD for not going to McDonalds to get breakfast before school. DD was upset that friend doesn't appreciate what she does for her. I told DD to ask for money but again DD feels bad.
Does anyone have a son or daughter that drives? Do they ask for gas money? If so how much? The school of about 5 miles from home.
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Peal
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Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Oct 26, 2016 0:33:40 GMT
DS drove to school his senior year. He didn't leave early enough to pick anyone else up, but he often would drive his friend home. And everywhere else they went. His friend did not have a license. He never asked for gas money and often treated his friend. DS could afford it, friend could not. But I don't think his friend ever gave him a hard time about where they did or did not go.
Friend did offer knowledge in return. They were both computer geeks who knew different things, so friend helped DS with stuff he wasn't strong on. He saw it as a fair trade.
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smcast
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Location: MN
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Post by smcast on Oct 26, 2016 0:40:29 GMT
It would be nice if the friend would buy your dd something at McDonald's then. She should say something like, "I will drive you to McDonald's and I'd like "such and such" in exchange.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 26, 2016 0:44:01 GMT
I would 'run late' and be unable to pick her up for a few days and turn it into 'sorry, I can't pick you up' thing...it doesn't sound like friend is so much a friend than a mooch. Even when I was in Jr. High, if a friend's sibling was willing to drop me and friend off at the mall, we each chipped in a dollar or two for gas (gas was under a buck a gallon at this point in time, so it was a reasonable amount).
ETA: I don't think I'd ask for gas money if she'd be making the drive anyway (subdivisions aren't usually THAT big...most are under a few hundred houses, but one my former employer managed was 810, so it's possible it's large)...but a detour, absolutely...or friend buys your daughter's meal. But only with a nice please, not an attitude of expectations when being given a free ride!
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Post by Basket1lady on Oct 26, 2016 0:44:39 GMT
DD is a senior and is only allowed one non related person in the car. She does occasionally drive friends, but we pay for her gas and I don't think it's ever occurred to her to ask for money. When she wasn't driving, I did give friends $20 every now and then for gas because I knew the kids were paying for the gas themselves.
It doesn't take anymore for your DD to take her friend to school, so I would not offer (or ask) gas money for that. As for McDonald's, was it out of the way? Did they have enough time to go before school? If yes, I'd probably just say that she has to pay for gas money and only drives the route to and from school.
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Post by maryland on Oct 26, 2016 0:48:27 GMT
My daughter's best friend lives 3 min away and often drives my daughter to dance (they are in the same class). We give her a gas card every so often. I volunteer to drive when her mom and I go out or things like that to make it more even. I try to take turns driving them so friend doesn't have to drive all the time.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Oct 26, 2016 0:50:50 GMT
Isn't that what friends are for? or do? It wouldn't have even crossed my mind to ask the poor kid. A good friendship is a gift.
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Post by luvmygirls on Oct 26, 2016 0:56:58 GMT
Wow I'm surprised at some of the comments. When I was in high school and my neighbor drove to and from school every day I paid her a set amount each week. That not only covered gas, it was also for insurance and wear and tear on her car. Yes she would have to drive with or without me but it showed appreciation for her taking the time to pick me up and drop me off at home.
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ellen
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Post by ellen on Oct 26, 2016 1:03:26 GMT
My daughter had a car when she was going to high school and was often was the driver. I don't ever remember her talking about getting $ from other kids or being bothered by it. We never felt like any kids took advantage of her. There were a couple times when she was in college where she gave rides to and from home to a couple kids from our area. I told her not to feel funny about taking money from them because she was doing them a huge favor. She pays for all expenses related to having a car. Paying $20 for a 7 hour round trip car ride is a bargain for taxi service in comparison.
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Oct 26, 2016 1:10:47 GMT
My son drives a friend home almost every day. It's about 5 miles out of the way. He doesn't ask for gas money and I don't think I would allow him to. If the friend offered, I guess he'd take it, but my kid likes it and their friendship doesn't seem one sided, so it just seems like what they do. Tonight my son wanted to go to a football game of a neighboring school district (my guess is there was a girl he wanted to see) but I wasn't too comfortable with him going alone to a game with all kids he didn't know. He asked this kid if he'd go just so he didn't need to go alone. He was happy too... If it was a one sided relationship based on driving, I would question that too, but if they are genuine friends, that girl may provide a support your daughter needs.
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TXMary
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Post by TXMary on Oct 26, 2016 1:10:53 GMT
Wow I'm surprised at some of the comments. When I was in high school and my neighbor drove to and from school every day I paid her a set amount each week. That not only covered gas, it was also for insurance and wear and tear on her car. Yes she would have to drive with or without me but it showed appreciation for her taking the time to pick me up and drop me off at home.  When I was a freshman/sophomore way back in the dark ages, I rode to school with the girl across the street until I could drive myself. My mom always gave her money to help offset expenses and show appreciation. |
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Oct 26, 2016 1:12:54 GMT
Wow I'm surprised at some of the comments. When I was in high school and my neighbor drove to and from school every day I paid her a set amount each week. That not only covered gas, it was also for insurance and wear and tear on her car. Yes she would have to drive with or without me but it showed appreciation for her taking the time to pick me up and drop me off at home.
Were you friends or neighbors? To me there is a difference...
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 26, 2016 1:16:11 GMT
I am sure the friend isn't seeing it like that. Friend is just getting a ride in a car that is going in that direction anyway. Teens don't always think of others. While I wouldn't have asked for cash, I would have said no to McDonalds too. It doesn't seem like a hill to stand on, but the friend does need to be reminded that she is receiving a favor every morning. If she likes, maybe her parents could drive her.
My boys both drove a year before their friends could. They never asked for money, but they also didn't drive them anywhere they didn't need to go. A couple of weekends ago, my son's friend was joking with him about how stingy he was with his car. My son said it wasn't his car, gas, or insurance.
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smcast
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Post by smcast on Oct 26, 2016 1:49:23 GMT
That friend will see it in a whole new light once he is the driver. Things change real fast. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 26, 2016 1:49:37 GMT
Oldest ds rides to college twice a week w/a neighbor. Ds only has his learners permit. He normally takes the bus, but neighbor has class in the same building as ds at the exact same time. Neighbor and parents were adamant that they wouldn't take any money. So, we slip gas gift cards into his car when they park once per month.
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NoWomanNoCry
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Oct 26, 2016 1:53:27 GMT
I drove my Jr and Sr year and never asked for money from people...I just felt like "these are my friends and it's what you do for friends" especially when it came to picking friends up for school because we're all going to the same place anyways and they were on my way (most of the time).
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milocat
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Post by milocat on Oct 26, 2016 1:55:25 GMT
DS drove to school his senior year. He didn't leave early enough to pick anyone else up, but he often would drive his friend home. And everywhere else they went. His friend did not have a license. He never asked for gas money and often treated his friend. DS could afford it, friend could not. But I don't think his friend ever gave him a hard time about where they did or did not go. Friend did offer knowledge in return. They were both computer geeks who knew different things, so friend helped DS with stuff he wasn't strong on. He saw it as a fair trade.Agreed, as long as it's a fair trade. Not just a one sided relationship. If the non-driving friend doesn't have something to really trade back then they could just offer money. I think giving the ride from the same subdivision and not asking for money is fine. But going out of your way, well that may be different. How often does it happen? How far is it? Does this friend ever do anything for your DD to make up for it? Around here we're in a rural area and I wouldn't think anything of my daughter driving (that's not until next year) or riding miles without compensation. You get rides, you give rides it all evens out. |
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 26, 2016 2:01:30 GMT
That friend will see it in a whole new light once he is the driver. Things change real fast. I always see that light in my kids' eyes when they finally get it. Sometimes it is a very dim light.  |
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 26, 2016 2:04:37 GMT
Well I am sure that times have changed, but when I was in school I had a couple of friends that drove most of the time to wherever. I never remember really offering money for gas. If they needed gas we would pool our money, or give what we could, or buy them lunch... but I don't remember giving $ for just getting a ride to someplace they were driving to already. But we were all really close friends so maybe that was the difference.
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Post by jackie on Oct 26, 2016 2:08:59 GMT
I think the your dd's friend's mom should have coached the friend to offer gas money. I don't think kids think og such things. If they aren't driving they don't understand the amount of money you have to put into a car each week to get places. I know that sounds silly, but they just don't think about it.
My dd doesn't drive but she has a friend that does. They don't go to the same school, but friend will drive places sometimes. I just had this discussion with my dd a few days ago. Her friend was driving over and was going to take them to a haunted house and then IHOP after for hot chocolate and back to my house for a sleepover. I gave my dd money and said please give this to your friend for gas or pay her parking or something. If she won't take that, tell her we're taking her out to breakfast the next day (which that was what what we ended up doing).
I mean if you had a co-worker who didn't drive and you took her to work every day, wouldn't you expect her to give you some gas money? Listen, if you truly don't need the money and the other person is not in a good place financially, it's fine to say "no, you don't owe me anything", but the offer should at least be there.
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Oct 26, 2016 2:13:43 GMT
If it's a fun thing between friends, then exchanging $ for it seems weird. Certainly *asking* for $ seems weird.
It would seem appropriate for the friend to pick up the tab at McDonald's or something like that, but again, weird for your DD to ask her to do so.
If DD is feeling put out by driving the friend, then she should stop. Money is not going to change her being put out, KWIM?
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scullybean
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Jun 26, 2014 0:29:52 GMT
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Post by scullybean on Oct 26, 2016 2:18:26 GMT
My daughter gets a ride home everyday from school from a friend (not someone super close). While it's just a couple miles out of the way for her friend, DD does pay her about $10/ week. It seems fair and I don't have to brave the high school parking lot. |
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Post by cadoodlebug on Oct 26, 2016 2:20:51 GMT
When I was in college a friend down the hall had an old car that she left the keys under the mat for anyone to use. We put a piggy bank in the glove box and when someone used the car, they would put some money in.
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georgiapea
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Post by georgiapea on Oct 26, 2016 2:28:06 GMT
I would suggest your DD say "Sure, I'll drive if you buy".
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 26, 2016 2:34:51 GMT
I think the your dd's friend's mom should have coached the friend to offer gas money. I don't think kids think og such things. If they aren't driving they don't understand the amount of money you have to put into a car each week to get places. I know that sounds silly, but they just don't think about it. My dd doesn't drive but she has a friend that does. They don't go to the same school, but friend will drive places sometimes. I just had this discussion with my dd a few days ago. Her friend was driving over and was going to take them to a haunted house and then IHOP after for hot chocolate and back to my house for a sleepover. I gave my dd money and said please give this to your friend for gas or pay her parking or something. If she won't take that, tell her we're taking her out to breakfast the next day (which that was what what we ended up doing). I mean if you had a co-worker who didn't drive and you took her to work every day, wouldn't you expect her to give you some gas money? Listen, if you truly don't need the money and the other person is not in a good place financially, it's fine to say "no, you don't owe me anything", but the offer should at least be there. I agree that it is a nice gesture and that it is good trait to instill into your kids, to think about what the other person is doing for you and to at least offer.
However, I drove a coworker home for many years (it was kind of on my way home) and it never once crossed my mind that he should offer me money for gas. I know that he appreciated the ride and that was enough for me, and I would have been a little put out if he kept offering. I guess sometimes it is more about what type of relationship that you have and if you feel used...which I never did. But again I agree that it is nice if they offer and if you start to feel unappreciated or used then it is time to re-evaluate things.
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sweetpeasmom
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Oct 26, 2016 2:39:45 GMT
I'm of the mindset that if I'm going that way, it's not a big deal. Last year, I took a kid in our neighborhood home. We have known them since ds was in K. It wasn't out of my way as I was coming home anyways.
DD has a friend that she goes to school and cheers with. Her mom works full time and not close to the house. So she knows if she ever needs me, I will be there for her. I have to pass their neighborhood on the way home. I also know that she'll grab dd from events if needed.
DS is in 9th and is starting to go to different events. If there are kids driving from school that are going the same way, they will offer to take anyone that needs a ride.
It takes a village. I wouldn't ask for gas money from any of these people.
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craftykitten
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Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Oct 26, 2016 8:03:00 GMT
I think it's rude of the friend to demand that she is taken to places your DD doesn't want to go.
If your DD asks her for gas money, will the friend feel that she has the 'right' to be taken where she wants?
I'd probably be 'unavailable' for morning rides for a bit. Friend should definitely offer something as a token of appreciation, even if it isn't gas money - buy your DD a drink or a meal or something. As someone said up-thread, is it a two-way friendship? Does your DD feel it is fair? If she feels taken advantage of then she needs to stand up for herself.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Oct 26, 2016 9:45:51 GMT
"Friend" is using your DD for her wheels. And is being a shit to boot.
I would not want DD to have a friend like that.
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momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Oct 26, 2016 11:47:13 GMT
dd just mentioned this the other day that one friend always tries to give everyone gas money when they go out - she thought it was odd and no one wants to take it.
With that said, your dd is being nice and picking her to school every day. I'd be upset by the friends lack of appreciation too.
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Post by gar on Oct 26, 2016 12:17:46 GMT
The time for asking for petrol money has passed...if that was going to be he arrangement it should have been so from the beginning. How it's handled from here on in is a different matter and depends on how good their friendship is really.
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