johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 7, 2016 21:10:01 GMT
Ds (kindergarten age) has befriended the little boy next door (they moved in in the spring), they're in the same class. That's all good, I'm glad they have a friend close by. Neighbor has a little brother, age 3. A couple of times friend has been over and mom has asked if little brother can come as well. I don't have an issue with that except sometimes, especially when brothers are involved, threes a crowd. The older two want to do their own thing w/o little brother trailing along. I kinda got myself into a pickle today because mom asked me to babysit a couple hours this afternoon because she was in a jam. So they're both here and I find myself constantly reminding the older ones to stop running and hiding from the little one. I've already learned my lesson about babysitting  But as for regular playdates/visits wwyd? Would you say something to mom about the little guy coming too? Would you let it work itself out (the other day the little one kept getting irritated and walked out the door and went home, without telling me, twice!)? Would you force them to play with him? FWIW my kids are really far apart in age so ds isn't used to dealing with brother-stuff but I'm the oldest and remember how annoying little siblings are when you have a friend over. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 7, 2016 21:14:51 GMT
My boys are 22 months and one grade apart. When they were little they each needed their own friends and their own space. I don't think it's fair to always make the 3 year old tag along w/his older brother. I can see it when the mom is in a jam and needs a babysitter in that moment, as long as it's not a habit. However, I would set boundaries now. Let the mom know that you cannot have the 3 year old sneaking back home. Let her know that you're happy to have her 5 year old over for playdates, only.
FYI, in high school they did share a friend or 2, but they are entirely different personalities and each have their own friend group and interests.
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Post by leannec on Nov 7, 2016 21:15:22 GMT
That is not a playdate ... that's a situation that requires payment  A playdate is two children playing together ... having fun and out of your hair except for the odd snack  If you have to continually monitor the three of them it is no longer a playdate it is babysitting and she should pay you  |
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christinec68
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Location: New York, NY
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Post by christinec68 on Nov 7, 2016 21:21:35 GMT
Send your son to her house for the play dates.  |
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georgiapea
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Post by georgiapea on Nov 7, 2016 21:27:09 GMT
It's not a 'Playdate' when the little brother tags along. It's free babysitting. Just tell the mom that the boys need to enjoy their time as friends without the little one.
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MizIndependent
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Quit your bullpoop.
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Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Nov 7, 2016 21:30:33 GMT
Send your son to her house for the play dates. And when they do come to your house, let her know that while you have enough bandwidth and attention for your DS and her oldest DS, you do not have the right attention to give to a 3 year old. She probably doesn't think that it's that much trouble to just include the youngest...but what she's really doing is instilling entitlement in her youngest and I'm telling ya, that little kid needs to learn that sometimes he can go with his big brother and sometimes he just can't. That's life. The sooner he learns it, the better. |
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IAmUnoriginal
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Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Nov 7, 2016 21:31:03 GMT
I'd speak up and let her know that the younger one needs to stay home. The two kindergarten boys are old enough to play on their own without a lot of supervision or intervention. Adding a three year old to the mix means you have to be far more involved in the boys' play than you are willing to be.
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PaperAngel
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Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Nov 7, 2016 21:37:52 GMT
As the only mom of a sibling-less child in many groups, I'm familiar with this scenario (although not as a neighbor which has the potential to be exponentially worse than my experience). Note having a friend's younger sibling tag along is easier than an older one because you know what to expect, have toys to entertain them, & don't have to hear constaint complaints that everything is boring or babyish. You need to set boundaries, expect her to reciprocate, & hope this mom respects your future invitations extended only to her eldest son; otherwise, you'll become the free babysitter every time she needs a break, haircut, tennis lessons, manicure, massage, shopping spree, etc.
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 7, 2016 21:51:00 GMT
And when they do come to your house, let her know that while you have enough bandwidth and attention for your DS and her oldest DS, you do not have the right attention to give to a 3 year old. She probably doesn't think that it's that much trouble to just include the youngest...but what she's really doing is instilling entitlement in her youngest and I'm telling ya, that little kid needs to learn that sometimes he can go with his big brother and sometimes he just can't. That's life. The sooner he learns it, the better. I think that's the best bet because of this: although not as a neighbor which has the potential to be exponentially worse than my experience) DS does go over there often as well(and actually prefers to go there, but don't all kids prefer their friend's house?) but I don't allow him to invite himself over so if he wants to initiate then he has to invite friend here. |
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freebird
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'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Post by freebird on Nov 7, 2016 22:21:53 GMT
"Our rule is one friend at a time unless it's a birthday party."
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Post by jamielynn on Nov 7, 2016 22:47:05 GMT
I have one child and this drives me nuts too.
I wouldn't be available in the future to babysit. I too have been asked and mention we have plans but have offered child of the same age is welcome to join us if that is helpful (and not said anything about younger sibling of diaper/toddler age).
Is it possible to say you'd be happy to send them all over as you were getting things done? Or say you can send them all out as the big kids are playing with toys not appropriate for a 3 year old?
I'll be following this one too.
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Post by msdintz on Nov 7, 2016 23:22:25 GMT
When my son was little he had a friend who had a younger sister( quite a bit younger, she was like 4 yo) EVERY TIME the boys had a play date here the mom tried to drop off the girl too(!!) I wasn't having it, that is called free babysitting and trying to take advantage of a situation. That mom had some clanking brass ones, let me tell you!! Lol
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caangel
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Post by caangel on Nov 8, 2016 0:44:13 GMT
The supervision needed by a 3yo is very different from a 5/6yo. As the younger one gets older it would be easier to have all 3 together, but for now I would limit it. My kids are 2 years apart and my neighbor has 3 kids, between the 5 of them there is about 4 years age difference, currently 6-10yo. They play together wonderfully but when they were younger it was too hard to have them all at one house. At this point there isn't much difference between having 3 here or 5.
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Post by myboysnme on Nov 8, 2016 0:50:27 GMT
I have mixed feelings about it. I have two boys and remember when they were that age. They frequently went to play at other houses together. And I remember that several other brother teams came to our house as well. Eventually they didn't do thatm uch but at 3 and 5 that was definitely the norm for my boys and their friends.
If your son doesn't want the little brother then you have to let the other mother know not to send the 3 year old, but in some families brothers just do things together at that age.
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Post by breakfastattiffanys on Nov 8, 2016 1:03:03 GMT
Maybe it was just in my circle, but at 3, we never had play dates where the child got dropped off. The mom always stayed. If the child did get dropped off, it was considered babysitting. At 5, we started drop off play dates.
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Post by jamielynn on Nov 8, 2016 3:07:05 GMT
Maybe it was just in my circle, but at 3, we never had play dates where the child got dropped off. The mom always stayed. If the child did get dropped off, it was considered babysitting. At 5, we started drop off play dates. That's what she's mentioning. The 5 year old comes over invited or impromptu but mom sends the 3 year old over to "play" or calls to ask if he can join too. |
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Post by annabella on Nov 8, 2016 3:17:35 GMT
"No I'm sorry I can't babysit your 3 year old."
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suzastampin
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Post by suzastampin on Nov 8, 2016 4:38:14 GMT
I'm sure mom is thrilled to send the 3 year old over so she can have some free childless time. Since the 3 year old left without you knowing, it's a perfect time to tell her that he can't come over. What if he had gone out the door into the road instead of going home? A 3 year old needs more supervision and if you have things you want to do, it's hard to get them done when you have to keep checking on him.
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Post by gar on Nov 8, 2016 9:03:48 GMT
I would definitely make the point that sometimes the older children need to play together, just the two of them. If you don't speak up soon it will just become an assumed right and harder to deal with.
Maybe you could invite her over and let her see how toddler follows the older two around.
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Post by Florida Cindy on Nov 8, 2016 12:59:55 GMT
If it's not a scheduled playdate, then it's work. You are paid for work-before you accept the kids.
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 8, 2016 13:30:36 GMT
I would definitely make the point that sometimes the older children need to play together, just the two of them. That's exactly what I said last night when she picked them up. I said I told the older boys that maybe next time the older one could come alone so they could "do big kid stuff". I'm trying to tread lightly because our choices for friends around here are very limited. Almost everyone on our block is older couples/singles, there's one young family across the street but for multiple reasons I would prefer ds not become close with them. |
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 8, 2016 13:43:26 GMT
I'm sure mom is thrilled to send the 3 year old over so she can have some free childless time. Since the 3 year old left without you knowing, it's a perfect time to tell her that he can't come over. What if he had gone out the door into the road instead of going home? A 3 year old needs more supervision and if you have things you want to do, it's hard to get them done when you have to keep checking on him. I don't think she's purposely trying to make more work for me or trying to be mean (she doesn't seem that way). But this is a good idea and an excuse I will use in the future. Yesterday they were here about 2 hours and I got done about a third of what I'd hoped to (I cleaned out the broom closet and started dinner.....both very close to the preferred escape route) and I was exhausted.......1 6yo is far less work and noise than 3 kids under 7 |
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