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Post by pierkiss on Nov 17, 2016 16:29:17 GMT
I wouldn't be able to handle having Thanksgiving in that situation. I would conveniently come down with the Norovirus the day before Thanksgiving. Highly contagious, lasts for a week, and NOBODY wants to catch it. They wil thank you for staying home and not sharing those germs. And they will not randomly pop over to your house. Win win.
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casii
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,461
Jun 29, 2014 14:40:44 GMT
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Post by casii on Nov 17, 2016 16:59:05 GMT
I'm really sorry. This election has elevated the ugly.
I hope your DD feels she can truly be herself 100% of the time sooner than she can imagine.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Nov 17, 2016 17:52:48 GMT
Please distance yourself from your mother. Move further away for one, and limit communication with her. I had racist in-laws and am so much happier now that they are dead. Gone, out of our lives. Horrible people.
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Post by cade387 on Nov 17, 2016 18:14:11 GMT
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm dealing with something similar, although not nearly as bad. I've told my DH that if one word of politics comes up that I'm taking the kids and heading to a hotel, because I refuse for them to hear that type of nonsense. We will be there for 5 days.
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Post by mlynn on Nov 17, 2016 20:53:38 GMT
Perhaps this should be the year that your household takes a short trip over the Thanksgiving weekend and cannot attend the celebration with either family. By next year, all of this stuff should have settled down.
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Post by ladytrisha on Nov 17, 2016 22:17:01 GMT
You CAN walk away and just not go. And you'll be fine and you'll start a new tradition of really enjoying Thanksgiving because you're with all the people who love and accept everyone at the table.
As others have said, try it for this holiday season (you certainly won't be alone). Everyone can relax, you don't have to dress or eat what you don't want.
I SO understand the stress, but the best thing is to not even put yourself in the situation. You take control of what you can take control of - and yeah, if you have a stomach virus then that helps explain it.
Good luck - and big hugs.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Nov 18, 2016 0:50:51 GMT
Baby boomers are the worst generation ever. The world will be a better place when they all die off.
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Post by peano on Nov 18, 2016 0:59:11 GMT
Baby boomers are the worst generation ever. The world will be a better place when they all die off. Geez fucking Louise! That's a mighty big paintbrush you're wielding there, Krazy Kat Lady!!! I'm a tail-end boomer and I sure as hell don't resemble the OP's mother in any way, shape or form. I think you're letting your own family dynamics get in your way.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 18, 2016 2:26:19 GMT
Baby boomers are the worst generation ever. The world will be a better place when they all die off. Geez fucking Louise! That's a mighty big paintbrush you're wielding there, Krazy Kat Lady!!! I'm a tail-end boomer and I sure as hell don't resemble the OP's mother in any way, shape or form. I think you're letting your own family dynamics get in your way. Me too. I thought I was until I saw that it only goes to 1964. I missed it by 6 months or so! I don't resemble the OP's mom either.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Nov 18, 2016 2:59:48 GMT
If you can seperate yourself more do so! It's no fun when don't know what's coming. I have long complicated relationship with my mom. She used to really go off on me about politics and religion. Even though she raised me (and 6 siblings) with more conservative values growing up. She's totally the opposite now. It gets really conflicting sometimes. Especially since my siblings are half and half in that area as well. It's no longer discussed at the dinner table unless my brother has too much to drink. Then sometimes it gets tense. We've learned our boundaries now. And live in a different state, so that's a little easier. She was like your mom this time too. We didn't tell her who we voted for until a few weeks before but she knows where we stand in that area she I think she figured it out.Even after being undecided for a long time. Dh and I decided not to go for Thanksgiving and we're doing it here with his cousins. It's hard to sometimes seperate family or still be yourself if they are so different but it's also given me a totally different prespective and helped me deal with others who have different views. In real life and on here. You have to decide how much you can tolerate in your life and what you want your relationship to be. It doesn't mean be a doormat and let her do it either. Just don't engage or learn to know when to cut the conversation. If that makes sense? I agree with trying your own for a season and see how it goes. You might really like it! I hope it goes okay whatever you have to deal with.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 18, 2016 3:13:06 GMT
Wow she's a real live wire. Most of my family have the opposite political views as mine, and I'm happy we are all still pals.
How old is she? My mom got super argumentative when she was in the early stages of Alzheimer's.
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Post by pjaye on Nov 18, 2016 3:22:23 GMT
I know I've posted before about my mom. As I have gotten older I have realized she's a closet racist and bigot. she's the kind of person that will tell a story and if it's about anyone who is not white, she'll whisper "he was black, Spanish, insert ethnicity here". Sorry I have no advice on dealing with your mother & politics...I have no real advice on that front. But I have noticed this in general with people who get older. I'm not sure why it suddenly becomes important what nationality/race/skin-color they are/have but it seems to. My mother is 72 and I've noticed the same thing with her over the last few years, even when she's being nice about someone she has to mention their ethnicity "there was a lovely Asian lady who helped me" or "I saw a dress I really liked on a black lady" or "Asian people have such cute children". It drives me nuts. 99% of the time their ethnicity has nothing to do with what she's telling me, but she adds it in anyway. I've tried to explain why it's problematic but she just doesn't "get it" and thinks it isn't a problem because she's saying something nice. I've had similar conversations with my friends and we've come to the conclusion that it's one of those unexplainable old people things...but I get the frustration!
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Post by jemmls4 on Nov 18, 2016 4:58:26 GMT
Thanks for all your replies. She's turning 81 next week and other than late onset diabetes, and atrial fib and going deaf, she's OK.She thinks she's on the brink of death's door and that no one has had more horrible medical issues than her. She said to me a few years ago "you have no idea what it's like living with a horrible disease like diabetes". She said this to me after my year of hell...gall bladder removal and diagnosis of an untreatable liver diagnosis (I will eventually need a liver transplant if liver cancer doesn't pop up first), and then having to have my entire colon removed, temporary ileostomy, and then j pouch surgery and reversal of ileostomy. All because my ulcerative colitis (which I have had for 30+ years). But I have no idea what it's like. I had no words. Although I live fairly close, we go up maybe 2-3 times. My brother lives several states away, but he's made more of an effort to come up, even if it's only him and not his family. Generally I can handle it and it's only a few hours. If it was all weekend long, yeah, somebody would end up in jail.LOL. I know many of you know exactly what I'm going through. Sad that there are so many with bat-shit crazy people in our lives. So hugs to all of you awesome ladies! An old friend posted this today and I think it's relevant to all of us dreading getting together with family. Selfsgiving
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 18:21:52 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2016 15:36:56 GMT
If her racism bothers you on a fundamental level, it's ok to take her out of your life. I have come to realize that just being a parent isn't enough. I'm a mom and I base how I expect my mother to treat me the way I treat my children and I would never call my children after their dad died and they were devastated, to tell them what a piece of shit he was. My mom did that and I realized I have no use for her in my life.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 18, 2016 16:01:13 GMT
jemmls4, I have ulcerative colitis too. Just as a slight o/t, wanted to offer my sympathy and support; it's an awful disease.
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Post by not2peased on Nov 18, 2016 16:07:55 GMT
it's hard when the ugliness comes from someone we love, isn't it? so sorry your mom is this way
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Nov 18, 2016 18:59:34 GMT
Baby boomers are the worst generation ever. The world will be a better place when they all die off. Are you fucking kidding me? Who do you think was behind fight for reproductive rights? The abolition of Jim Crow? The women's' march for equal rights? "worst generation" indeed...
BTW: Here's a short list of baby boomers whose deaths you think would make the world a better place: Hillary Clinton Elizabeth Warren Ariana Huffington Keith Ellison Condoleeza Rice Pete Staley Sonya Soto Mayor
Steve Wozniak Erin Brockovich Deepak Chopra PLUS A good many peas (or their parents)
OP, sorry to momentarily derail your thread. I'm really sorry you have to deal with your mom, I can't imagine how difficult it must be. Love the idea of Selfsgiving! TFS!
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Nov 18, 2016 19:57:41 GMT
My mother is 72 and I've noticed the same thing with her over the last few years, even when she's being nice about someone she has to mention their ethnicity "there was a lovely Asian lady who helped me" or "I saw a dress I really liked on a black lady" or "Asian people have such cute children". i've noticed this in older people as well do you think they use race just as a descriptor? it doesn't sound like blatant racism but just a way to describe peope - that makes younger people cringe but seems acceptable in older crowds and tbh....if i am describing someone to someone else...i have included their race it's a fact - it's part of who we are - not all of who we are - but still an integral part my black gfs - when describing me always include the fact that i'm white gina
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Post by annabella on Nov 18, 2016 20:07:29 GMT
Curious what a Jesus Calling book is? lol
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Nov 18, 2016 20:14:55 GMT
If her racism bothers you on a fundamental level, it's ok to take her out of your life. I have come to realize that just being a parent isn't enough. I'm a mom and I base how I expect my mother to treat me the way I treat my children and I would never call my children after their dad died and they were devastated, to tell them what a piece of shit he was. My mom did that and I realized I have no use for her in my life. It doesn't even have to be racism. Just because someone is a blood relation doesn't mean they get to mistreat you at all. It sounds like at 81, OP, your mom might be too old to care to learn new tricks (i.e. setting ground rules for her to respect boundaries), but you don't have to expose yourself to it. The only reason I actually mourn losing my dad is because I distanced myself from him as soon as I was old enough to be able. If I hadn't, I would only feel resentment towards him. My mental health took precedent over being a 'good daughter' and putting up with his crap. You do yourself no favors by forcing yourself to be polite to get through seeing people you know would never do the same for you.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Nov 18, 2016 20:15:29 GMT
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Post by annabella on Nov 18, 2016 20:18:58 GMT
Thanks Gina, I thought it was another name for a Bible.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Nov 18, 2016 21:30:29 GMT
Baby boomers are the worst generation ever. The world will be a better place when they all die off. Are you fucking kidding me? Who do you think was behind fight for reproductive rights? The abolition of Jim Crow? The women's' march for equal rights? "worst generation" indeed...
BTW: Here's a short list of baby boomers whose deaths you think would make the world a better place: Hillary Clinton Elizabeth Warren Ariana Huffington Keith Ellison Condoleeza Rice Pete Staley Sonya Soto Mayor
Steve Wozniak Erin Brockovich Deepak Chopra PLUS A good many peas (or their parents)
OP, sorry to momentarily derail your thread. I'm really sorry you have to deal with your mom, I can't imagine how difficult it must be. Love the idea of Selfsgiving! TFS! I stand by my post. They are the most racist, homophobic, self-absorbed, consumeristic, debt-laden, obese, and planet-destroying generation this country has ever known. Sure, there have been some good things to come from them, but the bad outnumbers the good. Here are some of my favorite articles on the topic: www.huffingtonpost.com/gene-marks/this-is-why-the-baby-boom_b_4441735.htmlwww.salon.com/2014/10/20/baby_boomers_ruined_america_why_blaming_millennials_is_misguided_and_annoying/www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/11/05/baby-boomers-are-whats-wrong-with-americas-economy/?utm_term=.afe8ad44a46b
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Post by scrapsotime on Nov 19, 2016 0:54:53 GMT
Baby boomers are the worst generation ever. The world will be a better place when they all die off. If you are speaking of the OP's mother, she is not a baby boomer.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Nov 19, 2016 5:45:18 GMT
OP, you need to remove this woman from your life. Every minute you don't you're sending your own daughter the wrong message.
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