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Post by jemmls4 on Nov 17, 2016 2:55:26 GMT
This is an epic rant...no need to read or respond, but I need to type this all out so I can purge some of the rage I'm feeling now. I know I've posted before about my mom. As I have gotten older I have realized she's a closet racist and bigot. she's the kind of person that will tell a story and if it's about anyone who is not white, she'll whisper "he was black, Spanish, insert ethnicity here". She loved her GP (Indian doctor) until he told her things she didn't want to do and his prices went up. Then he was out to make a buck. I tried to help her (we live about 150 miles apart) by finding docs in her area that she might want to switch to. Didn't like any of the highly qualified doctors I found. Why? They we women, not white, or both. Finally got herself into a doctor she loves because he's white and Irish. She's been a democrat all her life until President Obama ran for office. You can imagine why she doesn't like him. A few years ago she spoke of him very derisively, mocking his name and sneering while saying it. My kids were older teens at the time. I rarely stand up to her, because it's just not worth it, but I told her whether she liked it or not, she needed to respect the office of president and I didn't appreciate the disrespect in front of my children. Just like a bully, she got all defensive and pulled the "who me?" And backed down. Called her today to settle Turkey day plans and she goes off on me, completely serious, about how she was expecting a call from me after the election to congratulate her on her candidate winning. WTF. 1. I have never, ever in my life ever called her before and congratulated her on her candidate winning. 2. She has never called me to do the same. 3. Why in the wide, wide world of sports would I be happy about a white supremacist winning the election?  She had the gall to tell me that she had no idea where I had heard that. Woman watches news 24/7. Going on how she loves her candidate and isn't that Mike Pence such I nice-looking and wholesome guy. I wanted to frakking throw up. My DD, her first grandchild, and the favorite of my mother's, is gay. She told us last Christmas. She wanted to tell us at Thanksgiving, but because we were celebrating her grandmother's 80th birthday (and my dd's birthday) and we were all together she didn't. DD said she waited because "I don't think nana will take it well." That broke my heart because I know she's right. My mom would not react well. She'd probably pull crap like "are you sure?" I will never, ever, ever in a million years ever out my DD to my mother. But wonder what she'd think of her "wonderful" candidate if she knew his buddy would like nothing more than to lock her granddaughter up and strap electrodes to her and shock the gay away?? Bewteen the shit and her forcing her Jesus Calling book and Joel Osteen down my throat I am going to lose it. I just keep telling myself it's only a couple of hours. Told my BFF I may have to give her some money so she can bail me out of jail when I snap. Thanks to all who read this. I was the one that suggested not talking about politics and she kind of laughed and said OK. There will be one warning and then we'll be gone if it continues. DH's side of the family are all Trump supporters. To the point that out of the blue my one SIL began raging about something...I mean turned red, veins popping out of her neck and spittle flying. And no, I had not said anything political. I think I was talking about DD registering for college. So I just shut up and grit my teeth for the most part. What saddens me is both my DD and her two cousins (SIL above is their mom) are gay and while DH's family has been very cool and accepting they still think this guy is awesome. It's the tacit approval their voting for a guy that thinks less of them gender- and orientation-wise that has me shaking my head. Their prerogative,but it makes me sad and it's scary too. I just hope Trump was serious about not trying to repeal the SCOTUS decision on gay marriage. |
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,229
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Nov 17, 2016 3:11:52 GMT
((HUGS))
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MsKnit
Pearl Clutcher
RefuPea #1406
Posts: 2,648
Jun 26, 2014 19:06:42 GMT
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Post by MsKnit on Nov 17, 2016 3:23:39 GMT
(((Hugs))) definitely.
Best thing I ever did was decide to let my mother slip out of my life. Didn't need that negativity. Just saying.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Nov 17, 2016 3:28:36 GMT
HUGS. Big ones!
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conchita
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,141
Jul 1, 2014 11:25:58 GMT
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Post by conchita on Nov 17, 2016 4:02:03 GMT
I got nothing but {{HUGS}} for you. I've got my own toxic parent. I decided that too many of those "it's just a couple hours" added up to too much abuse and unhappiness. I'm in a good place right now. Unfortunately it means she has no part in my life. But I can breathe and I've never enjoyed life and my family more. Seriously, {{HUGS}}!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 17, 2016 4:08:14 GMT
All I can say is I'm so sorry you have to put up with that for five minutes, much less a whole holiday.  Hugs. That kind of stuff gets old really fast. |
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Post by malibou on Nov 17, 2016 4:12:40 GMT
Ugh. So sorry.
J
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Post by lucyg on Nov 17, 2016 4:22:13 GMT
ugh. I'm sorry. Hope you all survive turkey day without fireworks.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Nov 17, 2016 5:03:47 GMT
Ugh. I can relate so much to your post. My mother called me out on FB calling me "stupid" and then called like 4 hours later after I put her - and her friends- on blast. One of the friends sent me a PM apologizing but not my mother. I purposefully called when I knew she'd be out so as to appear I wasn't avoiding her. But I don't have a lot of nice things to say right now.
I hope the few hours you have to spend are distracted by other things than politics. Or hate talk. My mom knows I will shut her up in person, guess she forgot I'd do the same on FB. She knows I have zero tolerance for bigotry and hate - my children are watching.
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Post by leftturnonly on Nov 17, 2016 5:27:54 GMT
Called her today to settle Turkey day plans and she goes off on me, completely serious, about how she was expecting a call from me after the election to congratulate her on her candidate winning. WTF. 1. I have never, ever in my life ever called her before and congratulated her on her candidate winning. 2. She has never called me to do the same. "Mom, I won't talk politics with you and I will not listen if you try to talk politics with me." Period. Then quickly change the subject to something much more enjoyable to you both. I know you're venting here, but you sound every bit as extreme as you say your mother is. ETA - If you were my daughter or my DIL, I'd say the very same thing to you as I suggested you say to your mother. In person. Face to face and put my arm around you as I changed the subject to.... getting out the special dishes or something else entirely. |
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,760 
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Post by scrapngranny on Nov 17, 2016 5:32:57 GMT
I'm so sorry. I'm so thankful I will never be that grandma. I'm hoping for you, your Thanksgiving is peaceful.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Nov 17, 2016 5:36:40 GMT
You don't need this person in your life. Best thing I ever did was to cut my mother out of mine.
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Post by miominmio on Nov 17, 2016 5:58:57 GMT
((Hugs))
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Post by scraphollie27 on Nov 17, 2016 6:05:47 GMT
I'm sorry about your mom but I had a childhood flashback at your wide, wide world of sports reference so I'm grateful that you posted.
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,608
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Nov 17, 2016 6:12:57 GMT
Sorry but mother or not there is no way I would subject my children to this type of behaviour and there is no way I would expect them to put up with it.
Me, I wouldn't and couldn't spend half an hour let alone half a day with such a toxic person. I would BoE distancing myself from her and not let her spoil my life anymore.
Hugs to to you and yours.
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,608
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Nov 17, 2016 6:13:23 GMT
Sorry but mother or not there is no way I would subject my children to this type of behaviour and there is no way I would expect them to put up with it.
Me, I wouldn't and couldn't spend half an hour let alone half a day with such a toxic person. I would BoE distancing myself from her and not let her spoil my life anymore.
Hugs to to you and yours.
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Post by betty on Nov 17, 2016 6:44:48 GMT
Good for you for getting it off your chest!  I will never, ever, ever in a million years ever out my DD to my mother. But wonder what she'd think of her "wonderful" candidate if she knew his buddy would like nothing more than to lock her granddaughter up and strap electrodes to her and shock the gay away?? I know you are venting but even liberal leaning SNOPES says this isn't true. I'm surprised none of the peas up thread pointed it out. Dh and I both have gay family members so it doesn't help to spread untrue information. Stick to the real fight. I deal with this type of drama from MIL all the time, but from the other side, and completely sympathize with the family drama. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 27, 2024 17:07:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2016 8:05:44 GMT
Hugs to you. Rant away. My Mother is a racist too. She will proudly proclaim it. All the above things your Mother says plus this person is yellow, a chink, fag, the N word & her personal favorite Okies. She was born in the Dust Bowl years. She is from a state that was the Dust Bowl. My brother was gay. He died in the early 90's of AID's complications. She won't even speak his name. It is a shame she had a faggot for a son she said to me. I better never become a lesbo. I have heard all these horrible things all my life. She loves her Indian doctor too even though he's from India but it is OK since he is educated. Her words. I can go on and on how she women shames. Don't start on religious people with her especially Evangelical's. She really hates them with a passion. She will always go out to dinner with one if they are paying. I always say I am so happy I am adopted. I haven't seen her since the election. I hardly can wait to see her. She will tell me how much she is happy that Donald Trump won. That was her favorite politician ever. He understood he is racist too. Her words. When I told her that I thought she was missing the point about why he was popular with so many conservative voters and that was his platform. She is adamant that his platform is racism. Guess one of her friends tried to talk to her about Trump's platform and she is convinced it is racism. I don't spend Thanksgiving with her. She rather spend it with her friends. Even though most have dropped spending time with her. Probably due to when she told a friend last year quite loudly at Cracker Barrel Thanksgiving "If you were not a vegetarian then maybe you wouldn't look like an albino." I am her only living relative so I do take care of her. I have to keep my distance too. She knows I don't share her sentiments. I don't scream at her. I have tried to educate her but she wants to be this way. She is actually proud that I am so opposite. She tells everyone that I am very sweet and love everyone. How fair I am. She is my Mom & I love her. I am grateful she raised me when my real Mom died. My two Mom's are cousins. I hope you can find some peace about your Mom. Distance is lovely. You don't have to do a couple of hours. My Mom is in her 80's too. I do really understand. I tell my Mom the truth that I love her but I can't. Give her a kiss on the cheek and hug her. She has told me she was sorry a few times then started right up again like two minutes she lasted. Sending you big hugs. Remember when they go low, we go high.  |
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Post by roberta on Nov 17, 2016 8:52:47 GMT
I hope you feel at least a little better (after your rant).
Sorry your mom is so toxic.
Stay strong and be the better person.
Hugs.
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pyccku
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,817
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Post by pyccku on Nov 17, 2016 12:12:15 GMT
I know it's common to say that you should never let politics get between family members, but I'm seeing a lot of exactly that after this election. We are going through the same thing this year with MIL. She's always been quietly racist, but now she's not even hiding it. Every problem in America is caused by "those people." Whatever problem it is, there is a group of people who singlehandedly caused it. Nothing ever happens for any other reason - it's not technology that cut back on jobs, or global competition in the drive for shareholder profits - no, it's "those people" who came and took our jobs.
The crazy thing is, she's an immigrant. With a THICK accent and a minimal command of the English language. She spent her time working in a job where she was one of the only two non-Mexican workers. She looked down on them the entire time she worked there - because she wasn't one of 'those Mexicans' - she was better than them. And then she got mad because they didn't treat her as friendly as she would have liked. FIL speaks better English, but he still has an accent and with his hair and mustache, he looks very much like either a Middle Eastern or Mexican person. He also has a better grasp on the situation and is willing to find out new information on things. She, on the other hand, listens only to Fox and refuses to hear anything different.
I don't think she realizes - to a lot of people, she IS one of 'those people.' She is counting on the fact that she's white - that's what makes her a good immigrant rather than one of the dirty/bad ones. I'd hate to burst her bubble, but I have students who are Muslim or Mexican-American who are more American than she is - they were born here (sometimes 3 or more generations!) and they don't have accents.
While we love her, we're not going to spend time with them on Thanksgiving. We probably wouldn't have anyway, but this made our decision easier. I wouldn't spend time with friends who said things like this, I'm not going to give someone a pass just because they're family.
It's funny, isn't it? All along we were hearing that Trump supporters weren't racist, they just had economic issues. Which may be the case for some people. But since the election, all of a sudden a person who was doing pretty well to hide her racism has now 'come out of the closest' with it. Obviously, she must feel that it is safer now than it was before. If it has nothing to do with the election of Trump, I'd be interested to hear some other theories as to why a woman who was not open about her disdain for other races hid it from the early 1950's until November 8, 2016 - and then suddenly on November 9, 2016 began to feel the need to share her views on 'those people' with all of her family members?
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 17, 2016 12:16:49 GMT
((HUGS))
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 17, 2016 13:19:36 GMT
Good luck! I'm glad you have someone to post bail, lol. I always say a true friend will help you hide the body . leftturnonly said it best: "Mom, I won't talk politics with you and I will not listen if you try to talk politics with me." Period. Then quickly change the subject to something much more enjoyable to you both. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 27, 2024 17:07:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2016 13:42:40 GMT
Rant away. It's helpful to get it out of your head sometimes.
You don't sound extreme to me. You sound like a loving mom whose first thought is for your kids. My mom is similar to yours and she knows that if she pushes it w/her views and starts proselytizing to the kids, it's relationship over, at least until they're adults and have more agency of their own.
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Post by melanell on Nov 17, 2016 13:44:54 GMT
Oh my gosh. I'm really sorry. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 27, 2024 17:07:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2016 14:04:42 GMT
Rant away! Very much warranted! I am so glad that my family for the most part, share my political views. However, I have quite a few friends who don't. We pretty much have agreed to not talk politics. However, I haven't been on my Facebook page in awhile since the election, due to some of my friends views. What they won't say to me personally, they have no problem typing it. Not as bad as it got on here, but here we are all mostly anonymous to each other. Not on FB...I actually know them. So it makes it worse. I am considering deleting everyone not family or close friend. I haven't done it yet, because I'm hoping in time things will calm down and we can go on.
I have some problems with my mom over the years. I now live about 3 hours away, and it is convenient now that I don't have to go over at minor holidays, etc. I will spend Thanksgiving with her but probably not Christmas. I can only take her in small doses. I love her, but she can sure push my buttons. So I totally understand your feelings and you are validated. I agree with an up-thread poster..."I will not discuss politics with anyone. It is a personal choice who we support, and respect your choice and expect you to respect mine."
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Post by destined2bmom on Nov 17, 2016 14:11:27 GMT
Hugs! I am sorry that your mom makes you and your family feel so bad.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 17, 2016 14:29:15 GMT
It doesn't sound like this is just about politics -- you mention that she also tries to push religion on you, and that your daughter doesn't want to come out to her because grandma may be pushy or disapproving about her sexual orientation too. I am sorry you are dealing with this.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
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Post by ginacivey on Nov 17, 2016 15:32:55 GMT
so i have to ask
why in the world was your mother a registered democrat?
these types of feeling and beliefs didn't happen overnight
she sounds racist, sexist, and homophobic....and i thought only republicans were those things?
gina
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 27, 2024 17:07:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2016 15:46:26 GMT
she sounds racist, sexist, and homophobic....and i thought only republicans were those things? gina Why would you think that? Those terrible stances are held by a lot of people...on both sides! In fact, I think it is only recently that more and more democrats hold a more tolerable stance. In history, Republicans were opposed to slavery, whereas Democrats wanted to maintain and expand slavery. The KKK was very involved with the Democratic Party. It wasn't until the 60s when the shift of that mentality steered towards the Republican party. |
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
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Post by ginacivey on Nov 17, 2016 15:53:55 GMT
It wasn't until the 60s when the shift of that mentality steered towards the Republican party. thinking about the probable age of her mom (just a guess) i'd think that it would be after the 60s that she affiliated with a party i still find it strange that someone with feelings as hers...was a member of the democratic party gina |
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Hugs. That kind of stuff gets old really fast.
Refupea #1142
