used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034 
|
Post by used2scrap on Nov 22, 2016 8:15:48 GMT
How would you handle a toxic relative, whom you've cut out of your life for abusive, painful reasons, just showing up at your home?
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 29, 2024 8:50:08 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2016 8:17:30 GMT
Don't let them in. Simple as that.
|
|
conchita
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,141
Jul 1, 2014 11:25:58 GMT
|
Post by conchita on Nov 22, 2016 8:56:43 GMT
Abusive and painful reasons? I would not answer the door. I would call the cops and have the person escorted off my property with a trespass warning. Next time they show up they leave in cuffs. I definitely would not engage in any conversation.
Are you okay?
|
|
|
|
Post by mlynn on Nov 22, 2016 9:21:21 GMT
My former neighbor and I had a number of conversations on this subject. We put in place plans for what to do if certain members of my "family" were to show up. (None live in the area.) I also told her who to look at if I was ever murdered.k
|
|
|
|
Post by roberta on Nov 22, 2016 9:35:09 GMT
The abusive and painful sounds scary. If you already told them to stay away (which it sounds like you did) don't let them in or ask them to leave. If you did not already tell them now. If you are in any danger, please get help, call the police.
Only talk to them if you think it might be helpful to you (for whatever reason)
Hope you are ok. Stay strong.
|
|
|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Nov 22, 2016 10:44:37 GMT
Are you okay??
Do not let them in.
If you already did, tell them they need to leave right now.
It is not time to be polite, it is time to protect yourself.
If they won't leave, call the police. You can step outside, telling them you are ordering pizza.
Seriously, protect yourself.
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
|
Post by used2scrap on Nov 22, 2016 13:12:43 GMT
Thank you all for caring. There's not any physical danger, decades long emotional abuse. Saw messages to my kids that the relative planned to surprise visit, told the relative in no uncertain terms no, then yesterday saw a Facebook post (unrelated) that had location on in showing they are in my area, literally across the country from where this person should be. Just trying to anticipate the inevitable confrontation. Narcissists truly suck!
|
|
Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
|
Post by Nink on Nov 22, 2016 13:15:46 GMT
Sounds like thankfully you have a bit of a "heads up". Keep doors locked at all times and don't answer. If they won't leave then call police.
|
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Nov 22, 2016 13:26:04 GMT
Thank goodness you have some warning. You can formulate your plan. I'm all for not answering the door and telling them to leave. It's perfectly acceptable to call the police, as well.
I hope they don't stop by.
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Nov 22, 2016 14:04:29 GMT
Send them packing.
|
|
msliz
Drama Llama
The Procrastinator
Posts: 6,419
Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
|
Post by msliz on Nov 22, 2016 14:12:19 GMT
If it's a serious enough situation, you might consider talking to the police before the potential confrontation occurs, just so they know your side of the story. ( Disclaimer, I live in a small town, and it wouldn't be considered a nuisance to talk to the police ahead of a possible situation. I'm sure a larger town or city wouldn't want you to bug them. )
|
|
|
|
Post by anonrefugee on Nov 22, 2016 14:20:14 GMT
This made me tense just reading. Glad you have advance warning and can make a plan. Good luck.
|
|
|
|
Post by epeanymous on Nov 22, 2016 14:49:51 GMT
I am sorry. How old are the kids? How do they get to and from school? One thing I would add to everything people have posted is a head's up to their teachers and their schools in case the relative tries to circumvent you by showing up at the school--you might want to let the schools know that the kids aren't to be released to Relative X.
|
|
dawnnikol
Prolific Pea
'A life without books is a life not lived.' Jay Kristoff
Posts: 7,857
Sept 21, 2015 18:39:25 GMT
|
Post by dawnnikol on Nov 22, 2016 14:55:37 GMT
I am sorry. How old are the kids? How do they get to and from school? One thing I would add to everything people have posted is a head's up to their teachers and their schools in case the relative tries to circumvent you by showing up at the school--you might want to let the schools know that the kids aren't to be released to Relative X. I'd also block whatever method they had to communicate with my kids. Some people will do anything to stick around. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I totally agree with calling the police if they show up on your doorstep. I'd give them one warning "go away or I'm calling the police" and then call if they don't move. |
|
|
|
Post by papersilly on Nov 22, 2016 15:15:55 GMT
If you have a heads up they are coming, put a heads up to them that they are not welcome to come. Put it out there and maybe they will catch a clue and not show up.
|
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 22, 2016 15:37:10 GMT
The person knows you don't want them around so I wouldn't even give them a warning. I would just call the police and let them deal with it. And letting your kids' schools know not to release your kids to this person wouldn't be a bad idea either.
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
|
Post by used2scrap on Nov 23, 2016 14:22:20 GMT
I spoke to middle school child about relative not being approved to pick up from school, and the elem school has very strict access--photo idea and buzzer to get into building, photo verification and password to sign child out. Relative is not on the approved list or have the password. Looking into blocking ability to message the kids.
|
|
momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
|
Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 23, 2016 14:42:18 GMT
I spoke to middle school child about relative not being approved to pick up from school, and the elem school has very strict access--photo idea and buzzer to get into building, photo verification and password to sign child out. Relative is not on the approved list or have the password. Looking into blocking ability to message the kids. How are they contacting kids that young? When my kids first got facebook I did block a relative that I believed to be toxic. Not at all a fan of an adult trying to get info out of a child. |
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
|
Post by used2scrap on Nov 23, 2016 15:25:00 GMT
I spoke to middle school child about relative not being approved to pick up from school, and the elem school has very strict access--photo idea and buzzer to get into building, photo verification and password to sign child out. Relative is not on the approved list or have the password. Looking into blocking ability to message the kids. How are they contacting kids that young? When my kids first got facebook I did block a relative that I believed to be toxic. Not at all a fan of an adult trying to get info out of a child. Texting the high school and middle schooler, old fashioned letter sent to the elem age. |
|
