StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,665 
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Dec 2, 2016 16:52:26 GMT
1 in 3 girls & 1 in 5 boys will be sexually assaulted at some point in their life. As a parent you can do one SIMPLE thing to cut your child's risk of sexual abuse by over 50% Please make a point to teach your kids the correct anatomical terminology for their genitals as soon as you teach them the names for their nose, ears, and toes. Routinely talk to them about sex in a factual, comfortable, and relaxed way. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. The words Penis & Vagina are not DIRTY WORDS any more than the words arm or leg. By whispering and using code words like 'Cookie' 'Down There' 'Privates' 'NoNo Spot' ;Twig & Berries', we are showing them that their genitals are so shameful that we can't even name them out loud. In doing so, we also teach them (by implication) NOT to talk about it when something awful and shameful is done TO them. This is important. Make sure you are giving them the gift of language that can help empower then to protect themselves.  |
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 2,991
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Dec 2, 2016 17:10:33 GMT
It's a good reminder thanks for doing that  |
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Post by anxiousmom on Dec 2, 2016 17:22:34 GMT
I read something like this when my boys were young.
The bonus, I learned, was that because we were using the right words and talking about sex and sexuality from early ages (I was one of those that also thought that every question deserves and answer) it was SO much easier on all of us as that topics became more complex. Still a little embarrassing, but a whole lot less (I believe) than it would have been had we not had the ongoing discussions.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,437
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on Dec 2, 2016 17:36:14 GMT
My DDs school just had a presentation about sexual abuse awareness. They divide the K-8 into 3 groups and talked to them in age appropriate ways. Which touches are good to date rape. They even came and made a presentation to the parent council. As one parent of a kindergarten kid pointed out she was sad that her kid that still believes in Santa now needs a presentation about someone forcing you to touch their private areas. But she knew it was important, just sad, especially since most often abuse is by someone the child knows.
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Post by gar on Dec 2, 2016 17:40:34 GMT
Well said. So important!
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Dec 2, 2016 19:00:40 GMT
Very important.
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Post by workingclassdog on Dec 2, 2016 19:02:16 GMT
I'm guilty for calling my DD vagina her "privates" I guess I said 'privates' because I am trying to tell her that her "privates" are HER privates and those areas are not for inappropriate touching other than mom/dad investigating a problem in those areas (if she had an itch or whatever, it is okay for us to see what is going on, but not a stranger).. So not to use it in a cutesy way, but trying to make sure she knows what areas are off limits to strangers. Edited to add that we didn't say 'privates' in a whisper or in a way that it was a bad thing or a secret thing.
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
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Post by M in Carolina on Dec 2, 2016 19:44:09 GMT
I'm guilty for calling my DD vagina her "privates" I guess I said 'privates' because I am trying to tell her that her "privates" are HER privates and those areas are not for inappropriate touching other than mom/dad investigating a problem in those areas (if she had an itch or whatever, it is okay for us to see what is going on, but not a stranger).. So not to use it in a cutesy way, but trying to make sure she knows what areas are off limits to strangers. Edited to add that we didn't say 'privates' in a whisper or in a way that it was a bad thing or a secret thing. Adding to what Stephanie and Workingclass dog said: An important correlation to teaching your young kids about good touch/bad touch is that *they* are allowed to tell anyone else they can't look or touch there if they're not comfortable. Not a doctor, not mom, not dad-- if there's a *need* to investigate, make the child feel as comfortable as possible. People forget that children are *very* sensitive to what's going on around them, even if they can't completely understand everything. So forcing them to be around others that they don't feel comfortable around makes the child feel like they aren't *allowed* to say no. Or that they won't be listened to. Sexual predators do groom children to feel comfortable around them, but they also target children that don't have full autonomy. The ones that won't yell 'NO!' and run to mommy or daddy immediately. The ones that can be manipulated a bit. It's ok for me to do ____ because I'm your doctor, or our relationship is 'special'. It's manipulation in grey areas, not force--not brute force. The ones are in the middle of family turbulence/crises anyways so if the child is withdrawn or acts different, the behaviour will be chalked up to the big crisis going on. When I was raped, my parents were dealing with my brother's behaviour/learning disabilities from foster care/adoption. My mom hyperfocuses on everything anyways. I learned quickly that staying out of the way and being the *good girl* was better for all involved. (my brother held that against me for years, but staying quiet wasn't just for *my* benefit. Mom wasn't as short tempered with him because she was having to also deal with me) When I tried to tell the 'counselors' after my K5 presentation on these topics, I was interrupted as soon as I said the word doctor. My dad was *very* good at reading people--I think he had a natural gift that was honed in law enforcement. I'm really good at reading people as well. He saw the horrible things men did for sexual gratification. He always encouraged me to have a woman doctor. When I was away at school in high school, I started having ovarian cysts. There was clinic that the faculty and staff used, where the school took the boarding students. One of the doctors was the father of two of my schoolmates. I didn't feel comfortable around him, and I definitely didn't want him doing a pelvic. He.was.NOT.pleased.I.said.no.  I couldn't get out of there fast enough. He told me I shouldn't feel uncomfortable because he was a male. "I do my daughters' pelvics"   Um, that explained a lot about them. They were really withdrawn. Some of the families were just ultra religious, ultra strict, 'good children are mindless obedient robots'. I did tell them that there dad doing that *wasn't normal* and *wasn't ok*. I also told dh's mom. He didn't stay a doctor there long. These guys get away with this because people are afraid to stand up, to complain, to question. There's that fear of "what if I'm wrong". Investigating isn't the same as accusing, and good doctors, especially pediatricians etc. don't want children to feel uncomfortable. I'm always curious when people get defensive--especially when their reaction is a huge over reaction to something that isn't personal. My issue with that doctor at school wasn't with *him*. But his reaction made me skittish. Then he started ranting in front of other people. So when dh's mom complained about him, she wasn't the only one. The women in his office at the time were all too. |
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Dec 2, 2016 20:03:25 GMT
I'm really surprised by the amount of ADULTS that give you a shocked face when you say penis or vagina.
I was talking to my husband's granddaughter the other day (she's 12) and made some comment... I think we were talking about health class she'll be required to take. I said the word penis and she came unhinged. Seriously, it's a WORD. I told her it was a medical term and she's have to get used to it... especially in health class.
Armchair quarterbacking here. I failed to teach my kids properly. Having said that, I don't want a do over. I think they've figure out the body parts on their own pretty well.
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Post by chaosisapony on Dec 2, 2016 20:13:00 GMT
I never understand why people find the words "penis" and "vagina" so cringe worthy. They are anatomical terms!
Slightly off topic but a few weeks back I had to have the vet out to look at my horse. I mentioned the horse had a large abscess on his penis I was concerned about. The vet had students with him and the student doing the exam had this horrified look on her face and stuttered "It's... where??" I know she was just a student so still learning but if we cannot discuss the health of my animal using proper terminology how am I to trust you with his care?
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Post by Zee on Dec 2, 2016 21:25:44 GMT
While you're at it, moms, teach your daughters that ONLY THE INSIDE is your vagina. NOT THE WHOLE AREA.
Pet peeve!
So peevey, in fact, that I preferred using the term "your parts" or "your private parts" when talking to my young DD. so I'll cop to using euphemisms, though we did discuss proper terms.
I don't think there's anything wrong with referring to the genitals with another term, as long as it's not done out of pure embarrassment.
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Post by bc2ca on Dec 2, 2016 22:12:53 GMT
While you're at it, moms, teach your daughters that ONLY THE INSIDE is your vagina. NOT THE WHOLE AREA. Pet peeve! So peevey, in fact, that I preferred using the term "your parts" or "your private parts" when talking to my young DD. so I'll cop to using euphemisms, though we did discuss proper terms. I don't think there's anything wrong with referring to the genitals with another term, as long as it's not done out of pure embarrassment. My biggest pet peeve is not teaching all the correct names for the genitalia to our kids, including scrotum, testicles, and labia. I also don't have a problem using other common names as long as they know the correct terminology. When DS was little and we used to play name the body parts (i'm going to tickle your nose, tickle your elbow, etc.), he once asked me why I never tickle his penis. We started the conversation about private parts early in our house. |
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Dec 2, 2016 22:15:46 GMT
While you're at it, moms, teach your daughters that ONLY THE INSIDE is your vagina. NOT THE WHOLE AREA. Pet peeve! So peevey, in fact, that I preferred using the term "your parts" or "your private parts" when talking to my young DD. so I'll cop to using euphemisms, though we did discuss proper terms. I don't think there's anything wrong with referring to the genitals with another term, as long as it's not done out of pure embarrassment. My biggest pet peeve is not teaching all the correct names for the genitalia to our kids, including scrotum, testicles, and labia. I also don't have a problem using other common names as long as they know the correct terminology. When DS was little and we used to play name the body parts (i'm going to tickle your nose, tickle your elbow, etc.), he once asked me why I never tickle his penis. We started the conversation about private parts early in our house. Thanks for the giggle. Kids are so funny. |
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Dec 2, 2016 22:42:42 GMT
Hear, hear!
And I'm another vote for penis/testicles and labia/vagina.
It's kinda' astonishing how many women call their labias vaginas. I heard someone describe camel toe as "When you can see the outline of a woman's vagina through her clothes."
Quite the parlor trick, that.
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 2, 2016 23:12:56 GMT
I had a friend who taught her daughter that it was her front butt. Oh, so wrong! We taught all of the boy parts to my sons just like other body parts. On day while on the way to Sunday School, I was preventing my 3.5 year old from going to the bathroom as we walked down the steps (very slowly behind a very old person), my son yelled out, "Mom! My penis says it has to go potty!" Chuckles rang out throughout the stairwell. After that, I figured nothing could embarrass me.
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I couldn't get out of there fast enough. He told me I shouldn't feel uncomfortable because he was a male. "I do my daughters' pelvics" 
Um, that explained a lot about them. They were really withdrawn. Some of the families were just ultra religious, ultra strict, 'good children are mindless obedient robots'. I did tell them that there dad doing that *wasn't normal* and *wasn't ok*. I also told dh's mom. He didn't stay a doctor there long. 
Southern Side eyed Pea 
