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Post by workingclassdog on Feb 15, 2017 0:10:14 GMT
So very good friends of mine have fostered kids on and off over the last 10 years... they just started again (they moved to another state) and got certified (or whatever you have to do to be a foster family)... These wonderful people are just so awesome with kids, so dad posts this on his FB page this morning. "Sarah" arrived last night at 1:00am (some kind of emergency)... So in the conversation two girls are sisters and Sarah is the little one that arrived in the night. Here's what he said:
----------------- I'm in my office listening to the girls' conversation in the kitchen.
Isabella asked Sarah (our most recent kiddo), "So why are you here? Does your mom do drugs too? And did she leave you?"
Sarah didn't respond...
Then Zoey (Isabella's 6 year old sister) piped up and said, "Yeah, was your mom running from the cops too? Ours was..."
Zoey said, "Were you crying when you had to leave your home? I was. So was Isabella."
So incredible. A conversation that should never have to happen. =( That being said, I'm grateful and thankful they can relate and be there for each other. Truly a "me too" moment. Powerful connections. -----------------------
I just can't fathom that kids this age (they are all probably 10 and under) or any age having to have this kind of conversation. I KNOW it happens all the time... but in reality, I am so far from drugs, cops, all that kind of stuff.. it's hard to think these little innocent girls just live life like this. I wish I had the means to help in fostering, but it's not in my cards..... but I do pray and pray for them!!
Also, this husband just got trained in finding children that have been sold into slavery. He hasn't been on a mission yet, but is waiting for his first rescue!!
PS.. I did change all names!
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Feb 15, 2017 0:14:24 GMT
It is scary what children have to deal with in their life. I am so glad there are so many willing to be there for them in so many ways.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 15, 2017 0:14:39 GMT
It takes really special people to step up for kids like that. I wish them well in their efforts.
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Post by anniefb on Feb 15, 2017 0:23:42 GMT
It is scary what children have to deal with in their life. I am so glad there are so many willing to be there for them in so many ways. Yes, it's not something I've dealt with personally, but know there is a huge need here as well.
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Post by AussieMeg on Feb 15, 2017 0:24:34 GMT
Oh those poor little girls! It's so sad that they've had to experience such awful things.
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Post by jenjie on Feb 15, 2017 0:29:14 GMT
😢
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Post by myboysnme on Feb 15, 2017 0:31:07 GMT
Am I misunderstanding? He didn't put their conversation on facebook did he? He sounds wonderful and caring but if he is disclosing publicly about children in foster care this could be problematic. Maybe encourage him not to disclose what the children say and do on forums like facebook. I'm a social worker who worked in child welfare for many years.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 5, 2024 8:50:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 0:36:10 GMT
Wow! Children that young should never have thoughts like that. Yet it's a reality for so many. Fostering is so great! I don't think I could ever do it though. It takes a very special type of person to do that. Much love to your friends! And for the husband! I can't believe that's even a thing! Makes my heart hurt just thinking about it.
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Post by Fairlyoddparent on Feb 15, 2017 0:42:27 GMT
I work in situations like this everyday and, nearly everyday, my heart is broken for the trauma these kids have experienced. Those who do Foster care are special people and I admire then so much.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Feb 15, 2017 0:47:44 GMT
The prevalence of substance abuse amongst parents, esp alcohol, is shattering.
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Post by rst on Feb 15, 2017 0:48:53 GMT
I agree with myboysnme -- while I am sure these are wonderful and caring people, even with name changes, posting this online is a really bad idea.
My sister and BIL are foster parents. They have to be scrupulous to not post anything that includes a photo or any identifying information about the kids they foster, even relationships of the kids (sisters) or ages. There's very good reason for it. With one of their kids, a dad was intent on trying to get his kid back and did all kinds of crazy stalker stuff to try to find out where my DS and BIL lived, including online stalking (they have a rather unusual last name, and their bio son had an instagram account in which a photo gave some clues to their location and routine.) The dad then tried to put a tracking device on their van -- it fell off, they put it in a ziplock bag and showed it to their social worker who got police involved.
Even beyond that, it's a betrayal of these girls' expectation of privacy in a conversation that they had no way of knowing would be overheard. Kids with a background like that need to have modeling of careful and thoughtful boundaries, since they probably haven't experienced them in their lives thus far. True, they may never know that the dad posted this, but FB being what it is, and the web being what it is, there is a pretty good chance that someday down the road they will see that posting, and it has potential to break trust.
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 15, 2017 1:09:29 GMT
Am I misunderstanding? He didn't put their conversation on facebook did he? He sounds wonderful and caring but if he is disclosing publicly about children in foster care this could be problematic. Maybe encourage him not to disclose what the children say and do on forums like facebook. I'm a social worker who worked in child welfare for many years. I'm a CASA and foster parents don't know the whole history of the kids they take in. I know the kids talk and share, especially amongst themselves, but for him to post a conversation he overheard on FB is just not right.
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Post by snugglebutter on Feb 15, 2017 1:16:49 GMT
Am I misunderstanding? He didn't put their conversation on facebook did he? He sounds wonderful and caring but if he is disclosing publicly about children in foster care this could be problematic. Maybe encourage him not to disclose what the children say and do on forums like facebook. I'm a social worker who worked in child welfare for many years. I completely agree with this. It's not his story to tell.
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Post by workingclassdog on Feb 15, 2017 1:46:33 GMT
Well I am not a social worker and I am not his parent to scold him what is right or wrong. Maybe he did change it up. Maybe the people they work for will let him know. I'm not going to disclose anything else.. It's not my place.
Haven't we all heard kids talking and saying things cute? In this case not cute... but nevertheless we adults 'hear' all kinds of stories from kids and share. I was just posting (and I made changes as well) sharing how sad it is that these little kids have so much trouble in their lives. To me that was sharing to open other people's eyes as well and seeing it from their point of view.
Sorry to offend anyone, that was not my point at all.
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Post by jamielynn on Feb 15, 2017 2:02:34 GMT
I'm a plain Jane and can't imagine posting something so private about my biological child let alone one I was fostering out of a difficult circumstance. I hope someone has suggested he remove that as it's a public invasion of all the kids privacy.
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Post by jenjie on Feb 15, 2017 2:13:33 GMT
workingclassdog I don't think anyone is questioning you. I do agree that your friends should not have shared on social media.
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Post by fredfreddy on Feb 15, 2017 2:14:41 GMT
I have friends who fostered with the plans to long term adopt children they had. Their first was my youngest's age and they are good friends. In the end they adopted 3, all with backgrounds you wish children didn't have to deal with (though all are too young to remember) and all have learning disabilities. They are amazing.
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imsirius
Prolific Pea
Call it as I see it.
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Post by imsirius on Feb 15, 2017 2:19:53 GMT
DH and I fostered for 6 years. I've heard many conversations like this and worse. It broke my heart to see what these kids go through.
Sending a child back to a home that wasn't ready because of cuts or a worker who needed to lighten a caseload was the worst. I couldn't deal with that and it was one of many reasons we chose to stop fostering.
We adopted our dd through fostering though. That's the best thing for sure.
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,405
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Feb 15, 2017 2:29:26 GMT
I KNOW it happens all the time... but in reality, I am so far from drugs, cops, all that kind of stuff.. it's hard to think these little innocent girls just live life like this. I wish I had the means to help in fostering, but it's not in my cards..... I'm too well exposed to this. I had to turn my great nephew over to fostering which turned into adoption due to his mothers drug use, and less than a year later his baby sister. Both born drug addicted with multiple issues from it. It's terrible. Courts returned him numerous times to their Mom, and at one point even gave guardianship to my sister. It's inconceivable what went on in their young lives. Privacy is huge with fostering and I too am shocked someone trained as well as he seems to be would be posting stuff like that.
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theshyone
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Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Feb 15, 2017 2:29:58 GMT
I KNOW it happens all the time... but in reality, I am so far from drugs, cops, all that kind of stuff.. it's hard to think these little innocent girls just live life like this. I wish I had the means to help in fostering, but it's not in my cards..... I'm too well exposed to this. I had to turn my great nephew over to fostering which turned into adoption due to his mothers drug use, and less than a year later his baby sister. Both born drug addicted with multiple issues from it. It's terrible. Courts returned him numerous times to their Mom, and at one point even gave guardianship to my sister. It's inconceivable what went on in their young lives. Privacy is huge with fostering and I too am shocked someone trained as well as he seems to be would be posting stuff like that.
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tanya2
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Refupea #1604
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Post by tanya2 on Feb 15, 2017 2:37:43 GMT
that was my first thought too, did he really post this on FB??? Very very wrong
Now that being said, I'm so sad that those girls have had to be in that situation in the first place. Just heartbreaking. And glad that there are people out there like your friends that are able to help
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jayfab
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 21:55:15 GMT
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Post by jayfab on Feb 15, 2017 2:53:51 GMT
Aww, that's so heartbreaking.
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 15, 2017 3:55:58 GMT
Well I am not a social worker and I am not his parent to scold him what is right or wrong. Maybe he did change it up. Maybe the people they work for will let him know. I'm not going to disclose anything else.. It's not my place. Haven't we all heard kids talking and saying things cute? In this case not cute... but nevertheless we adults 'hear' all kinds of stories from kids and share. I was just posting (and I made changes as well) sharing how sad it is that these little kids have so much trouble in their lives. To me that was sharing to open other people's eyes as well and seeing it from their point of view. Sorry to offend anyone, that was not my point at all. Sorry if I sounded handslappy with my first post. Working with foster kids, the need to maintain confidentiality is drilled into us. I can't even talk to the foster parents or group homes about the history of kids I am assigned to help. I can only talk openly with their social worker and attorney. I do outreach for our organization and speak to different groups about the role of the CASA and have mastered speaking in vague generalities. The bottom line is there is never a good reason for a child to be in foster care and most of them live in a very different world than the one I have been raised in and have raised my kids. Most also desperately love their parents and want to be reunited with them as quickly as possible.
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Feb 15, 2017 7:36:52 GMT
My friend is a foster carer. The back stories that come with some of her fosterlings are barely believeable. The general public really have no idea about what goes on in some homes and the things these children have witnessed and experienced. In a 'civilised' society.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Feb 15, 2017 10:34:21 GMT
It's heartbreaking to realize that such young children should have to know about that type of life.
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 8:50:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 11:08:49 GMT
I understand the necessity for privacy in the foster care environment. I can see how posting their conversation on Facebook is not the best way. But their dialogue is eye-opening, on how these children view their world. Wouldn't it be beneficial for people to hear or read their conversation to understand better how their children are being hurt by their actions?
Plus, unless he posted it publicly, the only people who would see it would be his family and friends. Even if they shared his post, the only people who would still see it would be their mutual friends. If any of you stumbled onto my Facebook page, you would not see anything. Just my profile pic which is not identifying, and my cover photo. You won't see any other photos, my friends list, or anything. If someone copied and posted, with their names changed, it still wouldn't lead people to them. So don't crucify the dad. He probably just wants people to realize what these children go through. What they see...what they know. We all want our children to stay innocent as long as possible. Those kids, their innocence was stolen from them at such a young age. Drugs, criminal activity...that's their world. That's what they know.
Even with workingclassdog re-posting it here, I don't know her. Some of you might, but most of us don't. Even if you do know her, you probably won't know the family she posted about unless you are really close. My point is...if just one parent saw the harm they are doing to their child because of their drug use or criminal activity, they may decide to finally get the help they need. And that would be worth it.
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Peamac
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Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Feb 15, 2017 11:24:05 GMT
@jigglypuff- I think the point is that (at least in my state) he should not have posted anything AT ALL about the girls. As in, per foster parenting rules you do NOT talk about or post about things like that. It may be different where he lives, but as I was reading the OP, my thought was, "why is he putting that on Facebook?!!?".
I have a friend who fostered for a while and then adopted one of the kids. Not only was she not told about the kids' home lives (by CPS or whoever brought the kids to her), she was not able to discuss much of what she did know with others. And she wasn't allowed to put anything on facebook about them, either.
That said, yes, it is incredibly sad and disturbing what kids go through these days. Foster parents can have such a great positive impact on their foster kids' lives!
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 8:50:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 11:57:07 GMT
Peamac - Yes, I get that. I have some friends who fosters kids too. I get to see their pictures, their adventures with their foster family...their stories...all laid out on Facebook. So it is probably different from state to state. And I suppose that is why I don't get the shock. Like anniebygaslight said, the gen pop has no idea what goes on in some homes. Maybe they should know.
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Post by doxiesx3 on Feb 15, 2017 12:46:01 GMT
Every state differs on the rules/laws pertaining to foster children. I do Title Iv-E Foster Care/Adoption at my Social Services and I am a foster mom and while what he posted may be betraying the girls by posting their private conversation to a public forum, he did not break any of my agency rules. It is walking a thin line but nothing we would speak to him about. I do monitor my foster parents socail media accounts, if I know about them. Mainly I do this, because I want to see how the kids are, want to see them grow... Foster parents are allowed to post pictures with their foster kids in them to a private facebook account. When I became a foster parent, I went thru my facebook and removed all the 2peas "friends" and other online friends from my facebook. But, every state is different, every agency is different. Private agencies tend to be very lenient. Social services tend to err on the side of caution.
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Post by peasapie on Feb 15, 2017 12:55:51 GMT
OP didn't post it on FB. Someone else did. I really don't understand why anyone has to comment in that aspect of things. She's not going to go back and tell her FB friend not to be a douche, and it just serves to make OP uncomfortable about sharing this topic of discussion. What can be gained? Sigh.
It's sad to think about the lives children are forced to endure. I have two cousins who were adopted as toddlers. Their parents were alcoholics and they were found chained to a bed, hungry and cold and sitting in their own urine. A wonderful couple fostered them and eventually adopted them. Despite a very good life, it was very hard for the two children to get past that early trauma. I'm glad the courts intervene when they know children are in situations that are both dangerous and emotionally abusive.
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