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Post by myboysnme on Feb 15, 2017 13:35:18 GMT
Well I am not a social worker and I am not his parent to scold him what is right or wrong. Maybe he did change it up. Maybe the people they work for will let him know. I'm not going to disclose anything else.. It's not my place. Haven't we all heard kids talking and saying things cute? In this case not cute... but nevertheless we adults 'hear' all kinds of stories from kids and share. I was just posting (and I made changes as well) sharing how sad it is that these little kids have so much trouble in their lives. To me that was sharing to open other people's eyes as well and seeing it from their point of view. Sorry to offend anyone, that was not my point at all. I wasn't offended and I didn't mean to offend. I was just saying in some circumstances it could compromise his ability to foster and that would be a great loss on many levels.
I understand about the things kids in foster care have to deal with that they just shouldn't have to. I know that's where you are coming from.
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Olan
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Post by Olan on Feb 15, 2017 13:57:37 GMT
These foster parents sound like the type who take in children for the accolades. I grew up with a woman who loved parading her foster children around and sharing their troubling stories in social settings often times asking the foster kids to confirm how accurate her story-telling was.
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Post by workingclassdog on Feb 15, 2017 14:23:24 GMT
I went back and looked at his setting out of curiosity and they are locked down.
olan.... They do NOT do this for 'accolades'. I can tell you that right off. That is a really crappy thing to say.
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Olan
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Post by Olan on Feb 15, 2017 15:18:58 GMT
I went back and looked at his setting out of curiosity and they are locked down. olan.... They do NOT do this for 'accolades'. I can tell you that right off. That is a really crappy thing to say. I think it's incredibly crappy that a foster family would compromise the confidentiality of children left in their care. Who cares if his settings are locked down if you are his friend because look what you've shared here with us. If no one stopped you, you'd probably share as much second hand information you could glean from Facebook. The rules are put in place to protect already vulnerable children even if that means braggarts can't get attaboys for fostering children. |
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Post by anonrefugee on Feb 15, 2017 15:27:53 GMT
I went back and looked at his setting out of curiosity and they are locked down. olan.... They do NOT do this for 'accolades'. I can tell you that right off. That is a really crappy thing to say. You don't need to take her comment personally, she's reporting her experience. I understand why you posted the initial story, it's heartbreaking for all to read. It must have hit you extra hard since you're friend posted it. |
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Post by rst on Feb 15, 2017 15:29:08 GMT
There are real, complicated problems that come from breaking confidence. Kids learn that they get attention from victim status. Or they learn that whatever they share is told and retold, and they consequently shut down. It's not a negligible, victimless action to spread sad stories. It even affects the audience, inviting us to feel either much better than all of "those" families, or muffling our ability to share our own hurts when we see how people react with pity or horror.
Is it likely that a neglectful, drug using mother reading on FB or 2Peas will change her ways after seeing a post like that? That those will be the words that finally get through to her and make her reform? Not so much.
I think that many people with very good hearts and the best of intentions can become seduced over time by attention and shocked responses, and they can forget how very fragile trust is in a child who has lost all security.
I don't want to be handslappy. But I do feel strongly about the way deep discretion on the internet is needed in parents and foster parents, teachers, medical professionals, any number of people in positions of trust. It does affect us all, maybe in subtle ways, but it's a real loss when it becomes normal in our society to broadcast someone else's story without their premission.
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 15, 2017 15:30:39 GMT
OP didn't post it on FB. Someone else did. I really don't understand why anyone has to comment in that aspect of things. She's not going to go back and tell her FB friend not to be a douche, and it just serves to make OP uncomfortable about sharing this topic of discussion. What can be gained? Sigh.
It's sad to think about the lives children are forced to endure. I have two cousins who were adopted as toddlers. Their parents were alcoholics and they were found chained to a bed, hungry and cold and sitting in their own urine. A wonderful couple fostered them and eventually adopted them. Despite a very good life, it was very hard for the two children to get past that early trauma. I'm glad the courts intervene when they know children are in situations that are both dangerous and emotionally abusive. What can be gained is education.  Obviously some people posting here never thought about the confidentiality of the situation. For some of us that work in the foster care world, the thing that jumped out about the OP was the sharing of the foster kids' private conversation by a second party, the foster parent. As I've said in a previous post, the foster parents I work with know nothing about why the kids are in foster care unless the child chooses to share something with them directly. I've known foster kids that won't go to the same school as other kids in the home because they want anonymity. They don't want anyone feeling sorry for them or making judgements about their life and their parents' behavior. |
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Post by Zee on Feb 15, 2017 15:31:21 GMT
Well, there ARE people that just want the accolades and the pats on the back. I'm always wary of stories about people who take in large numbers of the sickest and most needy, as well. I'm probably jaded by people I've seen do it for the money and to hear what great people they are for doing it. I don't think it was out of line for Olan to post that. After all, she doesn't know these people. I wouldn't take it so personally.
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Post by peasapie on Feb 15, 2017 21:13:00 GMT
OP didn't post it on FB. Someone else did. I really don't understand why anyone has to comment in that aspect of things. She's not going to go back and tell her FB friend not to be a douche, and it just serves to make OP uncomfortable about sharing this topic of discussion. What can be gained? Sigh.
It's sad to think about the lives children are forced to endure. I have two cousins who were adopted as toddlers. Their parents were alcoholics and they were found chained to a bed, hungry and cold and sitting in their own urine. A wonderful couple fostered them and eventually adopted them. Despite a very good life, it was very hard for the two children to get past that early trauma. I'm glad the courts intervene when they know children are in situations that are both dangerous and emotionally abusive. What can be gained is education. Obviously some people posting here never thought about the confidentiality of the situation. For some of us that work in the foster care world, the thing that jumped out about the OP was the sharing of the foster kids' private conversation by a second party, the foster parent. As I've said in a previous post, the foster parents I work with know nothing about why the kids are in foster care unless the child chooses to share something with them directly. I've known foster kids that won't go to the same school as other kids in the home because they want anonymity. They don't want anyone feeling sorry for them or making judgements about their life and their parents' behavior. You are repeating what has already been said, several times, on this thread. Again. Perhaps you think I didn't understand the first, second and third time I read similar comments. I did. And I don't disagree that the guy on Facebook shouldn't be talking about private things. But my point was that it's hard on people who mean well when they post something and get many negative comments like this - especially when the OP isn't the one who said it to begin with and didn't invade anyone's privacy by discussing it with us here. It also derails the intention of the thread and is one reason why many lurkers have said they are afraid to post something here.Maybe starting a separate thread about something related might have been a better idea so she doesn't feel she has to come back and apologize. |
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Post by workingclassdog on Feb 15, 2017 22:00:04 GMT
OMG I get it.. I am SORRY for even posting. Like I said it was not meant to harm anyone. I see over and over again and my hand is slapped, been slapped so much it HURTS. What should I do at this point? I don't know. Thanks for those who just listened to my story and thanks to those who nicely put that it shouldn't been on FB.. but again, I am not his mom, not his care taker, none of that. I am not going to him and telling him what he should or should not do. I'll leave that to the social worker. In fact, I see that someone who is part of the foster care program is on his post so they are very well aware of any posting from what I can see.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 22:07:25 GMT
OMG I get it.. I am SORRY for even posting. Like I said it was not meant to harm anyone. I see over and over again and my hand is slapped, been slapped so much it HURTS. What should I do at this point? I don't know. Thanks for those who just listened to my story and thanks to those who nicely put that it shouldn't been on FB.. but again, I am not his mom, not his care taker, none of that. I am not going to him and telling him what he should or should not do. I'll leave that to the social worker. In fact, I see that someone who is part of the foster care program is on his post so they are very well aware of any posting from what I can see.  And this is exactly what peasapie meant. OP...don't be sorry. You have done nothing wrong. And as far as most of us can tell, neither did your friend. I'm sure if the agency he went through told him not to post anything regarding his foster children, he would have done so. Those kids could have had the same conversation on the school bus, the playground or anywhere anybody could have overheard. I do not see it as a breach of confidentiality. They were in the kitchen, as opposed to the bedroom where some amount of privacy is expected. The foster dad changed the names. workingclassdog changed the names again. Quit beating on her!  |
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 15, 2017 22:20:12 GMT
What can be gained is education. Obviously some people posting here never thought about the confidentiality of the situation. For some of us that work in the foster care world, the thing that jumped out about the OP was the sharing of the foster kids' private conversation by a second party, the foster parent. As I've said in a previous post, the foster parents I work with know nothing about why the kids are in foster care unless the child chooses to share something with them directly. I've known foster kids that won't go to the same school as other kids in the home because they want anonymity. They don't want anyone feeling sorry for them or making judgements about their life and their parents' behavior. You are repeating what has already been said, several times, on this thread. Again. Perhaps you think I didn't understand the first, second and third time I read similar comments. I did. And I don't disagree that the guy on Facebook shouldn't be talking about private things. But my point was that it's hard on people who mean well when they post something and get many negative comments like this - especially when the OP isn't the one who said it to begin with and didn't invade anyone's privacy by discussing it with us here. It also derails the intention of the thread and is one reason why many lurkers have said they are afraid to post something here.Maybe starting a separate thread about something related might have been a better idea so she doesn't feel she has to come back and apologize. Hey, you're the one that made the comment you didn't understand what could be gained by the discussion on confidentiality and I thought I was answering that question. I was hoping my smiley face would show I was just trying to answer that question sincerely and not handslap anyone. Was it a rhetorical question? Because your post I answered didn't copy in the quote, I'll quote it here: TBH, I don't think anyone was handslapping workingclassdog on this thread, or confusing who posted the conversation on FB, only pointing out that her FB friend did something many of us viewed as inappropriate. If you want to keep the discussion going, we can talk about the difficulty these kids face in changing schools and answering the questions of curious new classmates. As I said in the post you quoted, I've worked with kids who refuse to go to the local school with other kids in the foster/group home because they don't want to be labeled as a foster child. |
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River
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Post by River on Feb 15, 2017 22:23:31 GMT
Their conversation SHOULD be talked about. People need to see what kind of situations are just around the corner from the life they live. Without it being talked about, it's easy for us to turn a blind eye to it. There are SO MANY children in foster care, yet it can take years to actually adopt from the foster care system. This system needs so much support, in all ways!
Thank you workingclassdog for bringing this out in the open to be discussed. I hope we can turn this thread around and focus on the issues of children in foster care and ways we can help this system.
With every abortion/pro-life/Planned parenthood thread, there should be one discussing how to help the foster system and the children in it. That's not the case though and this subject rarely gets the attention it needs.
In my state, the dad could/should not have posted that on facebook, even to a private group. That's not our issue here, it's his alone. In my opinion, our issue should be discussing the conversation workingclassdog read. |
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Post by papersilly on Feb 15, 2017 22:29:31 GMT
it always saddens me to know about stuff kids go through at such a young age. and to be able to discuss in regular conversation. always makes me wish they didn't have to go through things like that.
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Post by sean&marysmommy on Feb 15, 2017 22:42:19 GMT
As a former teacher in a Title 1 school, I have heard similar comments and stories that would make your heart hurt. |
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Post by workingclassdog on Feb 16, 2017 2:08:31 GMT
 It does hurt my heart for these girls... thanks for the posts again... I am much calmer now than I was before. I am not going to discuss the side issue of the FB but instead focus on the girls and others out there... sometimes we can just get wrapped up in our own little lives and don't think about a girl or boy who's parents are drugged out or not even home... At my school that I worked at for a little over a year, I only saw one or two cases that were out and out obvious and we had to be on alert if the parent showed up drugged/drunk/etc..and get backup support. I am sure there were others but nothing we dealt with (just the professionals) cause you don't want them to stand out and have other kids see what is going on. Anyways.....
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Post by scrapsotime on Feb 16, 2017 2:20:03 GMT
I'm late to the this, but I have family members that fostered. The only thing they couldn't do on social media was post pictures of the child. I'm sure this family was told what they could and couldn't do. I wouldn't let other people who are probably from a different area that has different rules rain on your parade.
I've always said that people on TwoPeas view the whole country as being the same as their tiny little portion of it and nothing could be further from the truth.
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twinsmomfla99
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Feb 16, 2017 9:29:13 GMT
I'm late to the this, but I have family members that fostered. The only thing they couldn't do on social media was post pictures of the child. I'm sure this family was told what they could and couldn't do. I wouldn't let other people who are probably from a different area that has different rules rain on your parade. I've always said that people on TwoPeas view the whole country as being the same as their tiny little portion of it and nothing could be further from the truth. Regardless of what the laws are where OP lives, the foster father should not have posted what he did. It was an intimate conversation among these little girls in which they shared agonizing details of their young lives. Now EVERYONE on the foster father's Facebook page knows those details, and while OP changed the names, there is no indication that he did. Even if he did, the post included their relative ages so anyone remotely acquainted with the family could figure it out. If you were one of those girls, would you want that information out there on the internet forever? We preach to our kids about not posting embarrassing information because once it's out there, you have lost control, no matter how secure you think your settings are. How many of us have had FB accounts hacked? That frequently results in wide-open security settings or friend invitations to people you might not want to have access. Or you can end up with someone like the OP who shares it elsewhere but unlike the OP, takes takes no steps to hide their identities. And it doesn't even have to be shared online to be a problem--now they can be the topic of discussion at school or neighborhood gatherings. You cannot determine whether or not someone did the "right thing" by just looking at whether or not it was legal. Just because he can do something doesn't mean he should. These girls were already going to be "gossip fodder" for those who get off on discussing such things, just by virtue of being foster kids. Now the gossip mongers have lurid details to work with. |
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Obviously some people posting here never thought about the confidentiality of the situation.
It does hurt my heart for these girls... thanks for the posts again... I am much calmer now than I was before. I am not going to discuss the side issue of the FB but instead focus on the girls and others out there... sometimes we can just get wrapped up in our own little lives and don't think about a girl or boy who's parents are drugged out or not even home... At my school that I worked at for a little over a year, I only saw one or two cases that were out and out obvious and we had to be on alert if the parent showed up drugged/drunk/etc..and get backup support. I am sure there were others but nothing we dealt with (just the professionals) cause you don't want them to stand out and have other kids see what is going on. 
