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Post by Really Red on May 6, 2017 21:44:23 GMT
They are not sexually active, but I imagine they are playing a bit of baseball, so to speak. I do not want them going 'round all the bases right at this moment. They've been dating a few months and she's very sweet, but a bit more experienced than my son (his first GF).
I have made promises to her parents that I will always be home (I am), but would not promise to be in the same room with them. My son is FAR FAR FAR nicer when he's with her. I want to keep her happy, but I also seriously do not want angry parents on my doorstep.
What's the right amount of times to make my presence known, if any?
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Post by hop2 on May 6, 2017 21:46:26 GMT
I walk thru any time it's real quiet.
1st pass is to ask if they want snacks after that I find various excuses lol
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Post by Sam on May 6, 2017 21:48:38 GMT
I don't know, but the leave them alone because it will only be two hours kind of made me laugh in a very cynical way!!  |
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Post by hop2 on May 6, 2017 21:49:53 GMT
Also our basement door is very loud so I'll move it like I'm coming down every so often, I figure they'll stop because they don't know when I'm moving the door or when I'm coming down.
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Post by anxiousmom on May 6, 2017 21:58:18 GMT
So y'all know I tend to be a bit of a free-rangy kind of parent...but in this scenario it might surprise you to know I was one of the votes for wandering through the room at random intervals. We don't have basements down here in Florida, but the rule at my house was no time in your room with the door closed and the only tv was in a 'hearth room' off the kitchen so really I had all kinds of reasons to be in proximity. And I was.  My feeling was that the SS Sex ship had likely already sailed, but I wasn't going to make it easy for them.  |
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Post by utpea on May 6, 2017 22:07:09 GMT
They are not sexually active, but I imagine they are playing a bit of baseball, so to speak. I do not want them going 'round all the bases right at this moment. They've been dating a few months and she's very sweet, but a bit more experienced than my son (his first GF). I have made promises to her parents that I will always be home (I am), but would not promise to be in the same room with them. My son is FAR FAR FAR nicer when he's with her. I want to keep her happy, but I also seriously do not want angry parents on my doorstep. What's the right amount of times to make my presence known, if any? I'm saying this as kindly as possible, but I was a seemingly goody two shoes. I had a boyfriend all through high school and no one knew that I was having sex with him (not even my close friends). Just saying... |
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Post by padresfan619 on May 6, 2017 22:10:57 GMT
You have no clue if they are sexually active or not. Come down and make your presence known. So much can go on under blankets.
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Post by MichyM on May 6, 2017 22:12:47 GMT
They are not sexually active, but I imagine they are playing a bit of baseball, so to speak. I do not want them going 'round all the bases right at this moment. They've been dating a few months and she's very sweet, but a bit more experienced than my son (his first GF). I have made promises to her parents that I will always be home (I am), but would not promise to be in the same room with them. My son is FAR FAR FAR nicer when he's with her. I want to keep her happy, but I also seriously do not want angry parents on my doorstep. What's the right amount of times to make my presence known, if any? I'm saying this as kindly as possible, but I was a seemingly goody two shoes. I had a boyfriend all through high school and no one knew that I was having sex with him (not even my close friends). Just saying... That. And also, I voted for traipse through the room a few times. And ask super embarrassing questions of your son  Ok, don't....but it would be fun! |
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Post by hop2 on May 6, 2017 22:42:17 GMT
I'm saying this as kindly as possible, but I was a seemingly goody two shoes. I had a boyfriend all through high school and no one knew that I was having sex with him (not even my close friends). Just saying... That. And also, I voted for traipse through the room a few times. And ask super embarrassing questions of your son Ok, don't....but it would be fun! When I was a kid, my parents 'used' me to be chaperone for my older sisters lol. I learned from what happened to my sisters about what NOT to do. Haha We had a camper in the yard and my older sister had the brite idea that maybe it would be 'quieter' for my parents if they went to play board games in the camper.( her & 3 friends 2 boys 1 other girl ) My dad said sure, go ahead, sounds good. So my sister got the board games, sodas & snacks and set up the camper for her friends and just before her friends came dad set a box of condoms on the table and told my sister that either I went with them to the camper or he'd hand a condom to each guest as they arrived. So all the stuff came back in the house and into the family room. Lol By the time I was older I learned you camp out alone in the trailer and sneak out after they go to bed duh ( although I didn't sneak out for sex, I snuck out just because ) |
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StephDRebel
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Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on May 6, 2017 22:46:33 GMT
That. And also, I voted for traipse through the room a few times. And ask super embarrassing questions of your son Ok, don't....but it would be fun! When I was a kid, my parents 'used' me to be chaperone for my older sisters lol. I learned from what happened to my sisters about what NOT to do. Haha We had a camper in the yard and my older sister had the brite idea that maybe it would be 'quieter' for my parents if they went to play board games in the camper.( her & 3 friends 2 boys 1 other girl ) My dad said sure, go ahead, sounds good. So my sister got the board games, sodas & snacks and set up the camper for her friends and just before her friends came dad set a box of condoms on the table and told my sister that either I went with them to the camper or he'd hand a condom to each guest as they arrived. So all the stuff came back in the house and into the family room. Lol By the time I was older I learned you camp out alone in the trailer and sneak out after they go to bed duh ( although I didn't sneak out for sex, I snuck out just because ) Same. Older cousins. I was the campingest teenager ever when I was visiting my dad in the summers. Funny, I never finished the book I was reading in that tent all alone and I never got a single mosquito bite! |
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Post by myshelly on May 6, 2017 22:58:54 GMT
Am I the only one who would just leave them alone?
Why would I want to stop them from making out and messing around?
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iluvpink
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Posts: 4,298
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Post by iluvpink on May 6, 2017 23:14:13 GMT
My sister lost her virginity in my parent's basement. So I vote for checking on them a few times. Once early on so they are warned and maybe won't even try but then few more times to be sure.
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Post by Really Red on May 6, 2017 23:16:53 GMT
I know for now they are not. There are a lot of secrets I am certain my son would keep from me. Not this one. Because I already told him it is my opinion he is too young, but if and when he decides to do it, I need to know because he is a boy and that is the reality we live in today. He understands that completely. I told him when he told me there would be no further comments from me, except the repetitive one "be safe!" which I already say on a weekly basis. He told me he'd tell me and he always keeps his word. This one can have huge repercussions, so he wouldn't fool around with it, particularly because he knows I, too, keep my word and I would not say one further word about it. I can see where he might keep it a secret if he thought I'd be mad or stop him, but he knows I won't.
That said, he's going to have to work for it and it and I'm not planning on making it easy. I stomped a bit, yelled down and asked for snacks, went down to grab something, yelled down again to see if they wanted to watch the Derby. My son was completely confused on that one as I have never ever in my whole life asked him to watch a horse race!
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peaname
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Post by peaname on May 6, 2017 23:21:53 GMT
Why would you need to know if he's sexually active? My parents were cool and I felt comfortable telling them anything and I still kept it a secret when I became sexually active. And I'm pretty sure my mom would have said exactly what you said. Don't fool yourself.
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Post by 950nancy on May 6, 2017 23:22:53 GMT
Am I the only one who would just leave them alone? Why would I want to stop them from making out and messing around? Having two grown boys, I can tell you I didn't want to become a grandma before my boys were ready to be fathers. I know kids can find places to have sex, but I didn't want it happening "on my watch." Perhaps one day, when one of your kids comes to you and tells you that she is pregnant (or he is going to be a dad), you will feel like you should have done more to help prevent it. I know for me, it was pretty rough. Thankfully the girl made it up, but at the time, it was quite real. Babies are great and if one happens to come along, then you can deal with it, but offering a safe haven for kids to mess around and go further that doesn't sound like something I would want to do. I am not a prude. We have taken my son's gf with us on several vacations, but we just haven't given them the closed door policy that they might have enjoyed. |
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Post by myshelly on May 6, 2017 23:34:32 GMT
Am I the only one who would just leave them alone? Why would I want to stop them from making out and messing around? Having two grown boys, I can tell you I didn't want to become a grandma before my boys were ready to be fathers. I know kids can find places to have sex, but I didn't want it happening "on my watch." Perhaps one day, when one of your kids comes to you and tells you that she is pregnant (or he is going to be a dad), you will feel like you should have done more to help prevent it. I know for me, it was pretty rough. Thankfully the girl made it up, but at the time, it was quite real. Babies are great and if one happens to come along, then you can deal with it, but offering a safe haven for kids to mess around and go further that doesn't sound like something I would want to do. I am not a prude. We have taken my son's gf with us on several vacations, but we just haven't given them the closed door policy that they might have enjoyed. I get that, but that's not what the OP asked. She's sure they're not having sex and was only asking in terms of them messing around. |
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Post by leannec on May 6, 2017 23:34:57 GMT
I'm in the freewheeling camp ... stomp around upstairs but leave them alone ... It sounds like you have a great relationship with your ds so try to trust him to respect your values ... I'm kind of in the same boat with dd#1 but they are both 18 now ... I leave them alone because I have a life and I really think that she has a good head on her shoulders ... Raising teens is so hard!  |
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Jun 10, 2024 7:26:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2017 23:36:19 GMT
I would be doing massive amounts of laundry. Like all the blankets in the house.
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Post by AussieMeg on May 6, 2017 23:42:42 GMT
Why would you need to know if he's sexually active? My parents were cool and I felt comfortable telling them anything and I still kept it a secret when I became sexually active. And I'm pretty sure my mom would have said exactly what you said. Don't fool yourself. Exactly. DD and I talked a lot about sex before she was active, and she always said she would tell me when then time came. Of course she didn't tell me, not until I asked her outright. I think that I would tell them upfront that I will be checking in regularly and then do just that. I certainly wouldn't sneak around spying on them. |
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Post by Really Red on May 6, 2017 23:53:04 GMT
I would be doing massive amounts of laundry. Like all the blankets in the house. Haha. I am. Except my laundry is upstairs! I get that, but that's not what the OP asked. She's sure they're not having sex and was only asking in terms of them messing around. Not quite. I know they're messing around. I'm okay with that. I just don't want it to accidentally go too far. I do not expect to be told before the fact, FWIW. |
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Post by 950nancy on May 7, 2017 0:26:55 GMT
Having two grown boys, I can tell you I didn't want to become a grandma before my boys were ready to be fathers. I know kids can find places to have sex, but I didn't want it happening "on my watch." Perhaps one day, when one of your kids comes to you and tells you that she is pregnant (or he is going to be a dad), you will feel like you should have done more to help prevent it. I know for me, it was pretty rough. Thankfully the girl made it up, but at the time, it was quite real. Babies are great and if one happens to come along, then you can deal with it, but offering a safe haven for kids to mess around and go further that doesn't sound like something I would want to do. I am not a prude. We have taken my son's gf with us on several vacations, but we just haven't given them the closed door policy that they might have enjoyed. I get that, but that's not what the OP asked. She's sure they're not having sex and was only asking in terms of them messing around. Hahahahahha! Been there. Done that. Nope, messing around without any worry of someone walking in leads to much more. |
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Post by freecharlie on May 7, 2017 0:36:48 GMT
I know for now they are not. There are a lot of secrets I am certain my son would keep from me. Not this one. Because I already told him it is my opinion he is too young, but if and when he decides to do it, I need to know because he is a boy and that is the reality we live in today. He understands that completely. I told him when he told me there would be no further comments from me, except the repetitive one "be safe!" which I already say on a weekly basis. He told me he'd tell me and he always keeps his word. This one can have huge repercussions, so he wouldn't fool around with it, particularly because he knows I, too, keep my word and I would not say one further word about it. I can see where he might keep it a secret if he thought I'd be mad or stop him, but he knows I won't. That said, he's going to have to work for it and it and I'm not planning on making it easy. I stomped a bit, yelled down and asked for snacks, went down to grab something, yelled down again to see if they wanted to watch the Derby. My son was completely confused on that one as I have never ever in my whole life asked him to watch a horse race! I don't thinking matters if he knows how you will react. He might be embarrassed to talk you about it no matter how cool about it you think you will be. Fwiw, I said leave them alone since you let them go down there to begin with. I can't imagine a kids first time is going to be during the day with his mom upstairs. |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 7, 2017 0:38:51 GMT
Well, no blankets, and roam in and out and through the room as you see fit.
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Post by laureljean on May 7, 2017 1:26:18 GMT
Haven't read other comments, so this may be repetitious:
Having been a teenager and a parent of teens once (long, long ago): there is no way on earth you are going to prevent sexual activity (whatever it may be) in teens. It happens. However, you can make "certain things" more difficult at your house.
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Post by scrapmaven on May 7, 2017 1:41:00 GMT
My son and his gf hang out in our living room and watch netflix shows or movies. I pop in every now and then to see if she is hungry or thirsty. Look, if teens are determined to have sex they're going to do it w/or w/o our blessing. Though I would prefer that they wait until they're older, I know that I have no control over that. So, I have had extensive talks w/ds about using a condom, that condoms break, etc. If they are doing it then I hope he's being very safe and would tell me if there was a problem.
Parents, keep an open relationship w/your teens. Be the person that they come to when they need a soft place to land. I always tell my boys that I might get angry in the moment if they tell me about something they've done that isn't OK. However, that fades and I'll always have their backs. Knowing that, they both tell me when they screw up and we handle it together. Fingers crossed, they'll keep doing so. However, I have my doubts. I was also a teenager.
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 7, 2017 1:54:31 GMT
I allow my kids to entertain their boyfriends and girlfriends with closed doors but they always know that I can pop in at any time. For the most part I leave them alone though.
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Post by kernriver on May 7, 2017 2:25:43 GMT
The first choice is hysterical. They'll only be there for 2 hours? The 16 yo boy could have sex about 5 times in that length of time!
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Post by kristi on May 7, 2017 5:59:56 GMT
They can be sexually active at school, in a car, lots of places.
I would say leave the door open and let them know you will be checking in. I'm not sure I would really check in though. At 16 & 17, I would expect them to move around the bases. Seems like a natural progression for dating teenagers.
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tiffanytwisted
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you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
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Post by tiffanytwisted on May 8, 2017 20:22:18 GMT
Yeah, an ongoing topic in our house. I voted for popping in periodically. I still do that, even though my older son will be 21 tomorrow & his girlfriend is 20. It's not the age thing (hell, she's away at college and he visits her all the time - ample opportunity), I just really don't want them doing it when I'm home.
I'm one who talks about sex w/her boys all the time - much to their mortification - and is well aware that they can do it anywhere at any time, but like other's have said, I'm not making it easy for them.
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ginacivey
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Post by ginacivey on May 8, 2017 22:41:41 GMT
but a bit more experienced than my son (his first GF). He told me he'd tell me and he always keeps his word. This one can have huge repercussions, so he wouldn't fool around with it, particularly because he knows I, too, keep my word and I would not say one further word about it. I can see where he might keep it a secret if he thought I'd be mad or stop him, but he knows I won't. i'm gonna say don't be naive gina |
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Ok, don't....but it would be fun! 
