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Post by Pahina722 on Aug 24, 2014 17:03:07 GMT
DH teaches at the same school that DS attends. Over the weekend, DS broke up with his girlfriend. In talking to us about his decision, DS said that it really bothered him that his ex was telling him (before the breakup) that he stressed her out so badly that she was "going to have to do something to relieve the stress." Then he let us know that she has been a cutter in the past, most recently during finals last May. Although she didn't say that she was going to cut again, he knows that is what she means.
Although he doesn't want to date her any more, he is concerned about her possibly turning to cutting again. And DH can't figure out what HE should do since he would be a mandatory reporter if the girl had told him. She is one of DH's former students. And we don't know her parents' phone numbers to contact them.
What say the Refupeas?
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Deleted
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May 6, 2024 10:17:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2014 17:06:21 GMT
Since dh heard the news second hand, and no one knows for a fact she IS cutting can't he just give the school counselor a heads up? Then the counselor can follow up with the girl and her parents.
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Post by mcscrapper on Aug 24, 2014 17:12:55 GMT
Does the school have a policy about this type of thing? I mean, I realize he is a mandated reporter for "first-hand" knowledge but there should be something in place for a teacher that hears these types of things through the grapevine. Given the climate of teens today, I would think there is some proper follow-up the school counselor has initiate.
How was it handled in the past when she cut herself? Any intervention through the school?
m
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Post by Pahina722 on Aug 24, 2014 17:15:33 GMT
Since dh heard the news second hand, and no one knows for a fact she IS cutting can't he just give the school counselor a heads up? Then the counselor can follow up with the girl and her parents. Yes, that is their plan. DS has the text on his phone, so DH is planning to go with DS to the counselor to bring it up. What concerns them both is that the school has anonymous "concern" boxes all over for students to report issues like this. Last year DS reported that he was afraid one of his friends was suicidal. The kid was never contacted by a counselor or administrator and hanged himself a few weeks later. |
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Post by dulcemama on Aug 24, 2014 17:24:08 GMT
Since dh heard the news second hand, and no one knows for a fact she IS cutting can't he just give the school counselor a heads up? Then the counselor can follow up with the girl and her parents. I agree with this approach. I would also make sure that you let your DS know that he is not responsible for any negative choices she makes after he break up. |
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Post by Lexica on Aug 24, 2014 17:26:33 GMT
Since dh heard the news second hand, and no one knows for a fact she IS cutting can't he just give the school counselor a heads up? Then the counselor can follow up with the girl and her parents. Yes, that is their plan. DS has the text on his phone, so DH is planning to go with DS to the counselor to bring it up. What concerns them both is that the school has anonymous "concern" boxes all over for students to report issues like this. Last year DS reported that he was afraid one of his friends was suicidal. The kid was never contacted by a counselor or administrator and hanged himself a few weeks later. That is so sad. Your son did what he thought was the right thing to do, notify the school personnel. I wonder if there is a set time for all of these boxes to be checked and messages read? I would want to know why it wasn't addressed. They could then reevaluate their procedures and make sure it didn't happen again. And good for your son for sharing this with you so you can make sure this girl gets help. I do have a thought. Was your son comfortable around this girl's parents? Could he speak to one of them to let them know his concerns? |
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Deleted
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May 6, 2024 10:17:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2014 17:30:34 GMT
How very sad on the suicide. I'd think that may play into his feelings about responsibility for this girl in some way even though he has no responsibility for her actions.
We have an anonymous box at work for any kind of issue. Problem turns out to be no one checks them daily so by the time they get around to it next week or next month it is too late sometimes.
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Deleted
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May 6, 2024 10:17:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2014 17:34:03 GMT
Since dh heard the news second hand, and no one knows for a fact she IS cutting can't he just give the school counselor a heads up? Then the counselor can follow up with the girl and her parents. Yes, that is their plan. DS has the text on his phone, so DH is planning to go with DS to the counselor to bring it up. What concerns them both is that the school has anonymous "concern" boxes all over for students to report issues like this. Last year DS reported that he was afraid one of his friends was suicidal. The kid was never contacted by a counselor or administrator and hanged himself a few weeks later. That's heartbreaking! It sounds like your son has had quite a rough year.  That is sad about the girl. It sounds like she could use some extra support. |
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Post by cmpeter on Aug 24, 2014 18:38:55 GMT
You don't have a way to get the parent's number? Dd had a friend confide that she was cutting herself. Dd asked that I contact the parents. We had the number from the school PTSA directory. I called and let them know what dd had been told. They were very grateful. I am also happy that dd and her friend are still friends, as dd knew that she was risking the friendship by telling me. Not sure if the parents ever told their dd that it was me that called.
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by trollie on Aug 24, 2014 18:43:34 GMT
Since dh heard the news second hand, and no one knows for a fact she IS cutting can't he just give the school counselor a heads up? Then the counselor can follow up with the girl and her parents. This is what I'd do. Tell the counselor. |
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trollie
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Post by trollie on Aug 24, 2014 18:46:11 GMT
After reading this, I'd probably contact the parents directly to let them know...
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back to *pea*ality
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Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 24, 2014 18:50:39 GMT
I am not sure that is news to give on phone. As hard as it would be to do, I would knock on their door and disclose what you have been told. It could save her life. If it were me I would rather handle this privately than through the school system especially since you know they failed another student.
edited to add since your DH works for the school I would ask report it to the administration as a CYA.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 24, 2014 19:53:36 GMT
Since dh heard the news second hand, and no one knows for a fact she IS cutting can't he just give the school counselor a heads up? Then the counselor can follow up with the girl and her parents. This is a good idea. |
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Post by Really Red on Aug 24, 2014 20:55:50 GMT
I am sick that your son left a message about his classmate and nothing happened. Are you certain about that?
In the meantime, I'm not sure that your DH is mandated to report something he didn't hear/see himself. All that is beside the point, of course. I am really surprised you don't know the parents' numbers and have no way of getting them. You know where they live, right? If they're not in the white pages and only have cells, then I'd ask your son who his XGF's friends were. You must know some of them. I'd call and find the parents' numbers. Cutting is bad, but it's not a suicide threat. You should find a way to contact the girl's parents or at the very minimum the counselor.
Sounds like your son is a really good kid worried about his classmates.
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Post by christine58 on Aug 24, 2014 21:01:29 GMT
Since dh heard the news second hand, and no one knows for a fact she IS cutting can't he just give the school counselor a heads up? Then the counselor can follow up with the girl and her parents. Yes, that is their plan. DS has the text on his phone, so DH is planning to go with DS to the counselor to bring it up. What concerns them both is that the school has anonymous "concern" boxes all over for students to report issues like this. Last year DS reported that he was afraid one of his friends was suicidal. The kid was never contacted by a counselor or administrator and hanged himself a few weeks later. My advice to any student would be to NOT use a box like that if they thought someone was suicidal. Who knows how often those are checked?? Your DH should just tell the counselor. |
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Post by Pahina722 on Aug 25, 2014 1:14:41 GMT
I am sick that your son left a message about his classmate and nothing happened. Are you certain about that? In the meantime, I'm not sure that your DH is mandated to report something he didn't hear/see himself. All that is beside the point, of course. I am really surprised you don't know the parents' numbers and have no way of getting them. You know where they live, right? If they're not in the white pages and only have cells, then I'd ask your son who his XGF's friends were. You must know some of them. I'd call and find the parents' numbers. Cutting is bad, but it's not a suicide threat. You should find a way to contact the girl's parents or at the very minimum the counselor. Sounds like your son is a really good kid worried about his classmates. Yes, we are sure that the boy who committed suicide never was contacted. His parents had no idea, had never heard from a counselor. Yes, we know where the girl lives (on the other side of town), but there is no listing for them in the phone book. Unfortunately, because DS's school is a magnet school, kids come from all over the county. He will try to get their number from one of her friends, but her friends aren't his friends, so it isn't like he's close to them. Thanks for the advice, everyone. |
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 25, 2014 1:37:38 GMT
The counselors are the best bet. She might just be trying to get attention, and she might not. My hubby taught high school where my boys attended. Stuff like this can get a little dicey. Hard to know the exact right thing. My hubby knew so many things about my sons' friends. It just isn't easy.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
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Post by scrapaddie on Aug 25, 2014 2:42:12 GMT
Just because the parents were not contacted does not mean the counselor did not talk to him. There are many kids that will make anonymous reports, often as a joke. The counselor talks to the kid and tries to determine if It is a valid report. Often they will ask teachers if they are aware of anything .
If I were concerned about a friend , I would do as any kids do.... Talk to the counselor directly
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Country Ham
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Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Aug 25, 2014 3:18:30 GMT
I mean, I realize he is a mandated reporter for "first-hand" knowledge but there should be something in place for a teacher that hears these types of things through the grapevine. That's a strange type of mandated reporter. I fall under the category of mandated reporter and we are to report for any suspected abuse. Either another person or self abuse. Do you know how hard "first hand" knowledge of abuse is? It would essentially have to be witnessed by the reporter. |
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tiffanytwisted
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Aug 25, 2014 4:41:03 GMT
My first thought would be to contact the parents. My son was in a similar situation and luckily he had the girl's mother's phone number, so after he came to me w/his concerns over her text, I called the mother. I'll admit, I was very nervous. She was quite grateful for my concern, so I am very glad I contacted her.
If you absolutely have no way to contact her parents, then I agree w/those who said your husband should talk to the counselor at school.
So sorry your son went through that with his friend.
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That is sad about the girl. It sounds like she could use some extra support. 
