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IVF vent
Jun 17, 2017 15:17:44 GMT
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Post by paperaddict on Jun 17, 2017 15:17:44 GMT
I am 42 years old and am at the end of my second cycle of IVF and will have pregnancy blood test on Thursday but I am spotting right now, which means I am most likely getting my period. I am so angry and frustrated with IVF process, my fiance, and myself. Why did I marry my ex who was definitely "not the one" and why the he'll did I stay with him so long? I should have ended the marriage 2 years earlier...maybe I would have met my current fiance earlier and my stupid eggs would still be decent "quality" so I can have children. I know that you are not suppose to dwell on past mistakes and who you are today is due to what you went through BUT I don't care!!! I endured daily injections and taking medications that cause me to vomiting, nauseous and have bad migraines...for nothing it seems now. The fertility doctor wants us to use donor eggs. When I was younger, I was planning to adopt so I have no issues regarding if the baby is mine biologically...i would still love the baby. I am upset that my fiance is OK with using donor eggs with his sperm before adoption...he is much more concerned about the baby being biologically his. Of course, he would like if the baby was biologically ours. I am feeling so defeated and blaming myself for it. Life is definitely not turning out the way I had wanted to. Life sucks sometime P.S. I am grateful for my family, friends, dog, and that we are in a financial position that we can afford IVF but I still feel shitty.
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Post by gigi333 on Jun 17, 2017 15:19:10 GMT
That totally sucks for you
I'm sorry you have to go through it
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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IVF vent
Jun 17, 2017 15:22:07 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Jun 17, 2017 15:22:07 GMT
I'm sorry for your heartbreaking struggles. Be extra gentle with yourself.
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Post by destined2bmom on Jun 17, 2017 15:39:47 GMT
Huge hugs and prayers! Hang in there! It may be implantation happening. Sometimes when they are burrowing in, you bleed. And if you have he heart to love an adopted child, you have the heart to love a child you carry. I don't know what to say about your fiancé. Do you two get counseling during the process? Maybe that can be talked about during a session.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 17, 2017 15:47:31 GMT
I can hear your pain and frustration. Don't beat yourself up over your past. You did the best you could at the time. Hugs to you
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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IVF vent
Jun 17, 2017 15:51:44 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jun 17, 2017 15:51:44 GMT
IVF is taxing in so many ways. Be gentle with yourself.
Sending huge hugs. Hang in there.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 17, 2017 16:26:44 GMT
It was a 2.5 year struggle for me. I hear you. I feel for you. You are validated.
For me, I had to try. I was ok if I had to adopt, but I wanted to try to carry a child. I did, but it took years and thousands of dollars. I won't lie--it consumed me at times. More than anything, I think it was the drugs that you take. They make you a bit nutso and I'd just keep telling myself that it was the drugs doing good things.
In the end, I conceived a healthy baby boy who just turned 20. The journey was long to get him, but it was worth every penny and every minute. And I think I was a better mom because I was so grateful for this child. I went on and had a girl 2 years later, without hormones or drugs. People said "See!" But there weren't any more babies. Unfortunately for us impatient souls, babies have their own timeline and own plans. I could have endured the waiting better if I had known how it would all turn out.
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Post by worrywart on Jun 17, 2017 17:32:51 GMT
There is nothing easy about what you are going through. It is emotionally draining and full of 'what if's'. I think that is normal. Regroup if this attempt is not successful and determine your next step. Whether your regular IVF works or you use donor eggs or adoption, you will end up passionately in love with your child! ((((hugs))))
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Post by brina on Jun 17, 2017 17:47:28 GMT
I understand how hard this is. Try not to be too hard on your fiancé. If you do donor eggs you will still have the physical connection with the baby and he will have a biological connection - you etc have something.
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Post by seikashaven on Jun 17, 2017 18:14:30 GMT
10 years of infertility over here *raises hand* with two breaks for my miracle babies.
There's no correct way to walk this road. It sucks and it hurts. If allowed it kills finances, self-esteem and relationships. It is senseless and cruel and unbelievably unfair.
Feel your feelings. They're real and deserve validation. But recognize that the guilt isn't productive. I've always said that had I known I was infertile that I wouldn't have married my Dh. I felt like I was robbing him of the future he deserved. However, we would have missed out on 15 years of joy and partnership. Our infertility nearly broke us but in the end we are stronger and more connected because of it.
And on the other side of it, I can honestly say it was worth the hell I put myself through. I have a sassy, precocious 4yo DS and a sweet, sunshiney 7m old DD. They are everything. They drive me nuts, exhaust me daily and are an incredible source of joy. They were worth it.
Now that my family is complete, I'm just coming to terms with the damage infertility caused. I'm only beginning to heal and define myself as something other than "broken". Only now can I plan a life beyond the next appointment, the next procedure and the next medical bill.
I am sending you love and support. I truly hope that you find peace in this hardship. I hope that whatever your journey to eventual parenthood looks like that it fulfils your dream.
Be kind to yourself and your partner. Take it day by day. And breathe. It will be ok in the end. If it's not ok then it's not the end.
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Post by papersilly on Jun 17, 2017 18:27:56 GMT
hang in there!
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,745
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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IVF vent
Jun 17, 2017 19:02:33 GMT
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Post by paget on Jun 17, 2017 19:02:33 GMT
I'm sorry. ((((Hugs))))
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IVF vent
Jun 17, 2017 19:06:45 GMT
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Post by nightnurse on Jun 17, 2017 19:06:45 GMT
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I have no real helpful advice, just a reminder to be kind and patient with yourself, it isn't your fault, and you are allowed to feel however you feel.
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Post by GamGam on Jun 17, 2017 19:08:53 GMT
Our youngest grandchild is donor egg. This grandchild is our miracle baby, and adored by all of us. I encourage you to consider donor egg. My son and DIL paid for a donor service, and were pleased with the whole experience.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 17, 2017 20:03:53 GMT
((((gentle hugs)))
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Jun 17, 2017 20:05:23 GMT
I've walked a very similar path. IVF is so fucking hard. Just in case... I spotted early with all three of mine. The Dr. called "implant" bleeding and said it was a "good sign." So I wish you that kind of luck!!!!!!
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IVF vent
Jun 17, 2017 20:08:13 GMT
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 17, 2017 20:08:13 GMT
Sending you support and love.
My second child is an IVF baby (weirdly, we didn't have problems before or after him, but he took 2.5 years to conceive). I have to tell you, I was so angry during the process--at myself, for "waiting" until my 30s to have kids; at my husband, for being even more reluctant to start having kids eight years earlier when we married; at my first RE, who never tested my husband's sperm motility, just took a sperm count, when that was the problem; you name it). I was just in a rage. In retrospect, my feelings were real and valid, but amped ten times by the hormones.
My god, the hormones. I have never felt like that.
I hope this works out for you soon. I will be thinking of you.
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IVF vent
Jun 17, 2017 20:21:37 GMT
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Post by momx1 on Jun 17, 2017 20:21:37 GMT
I totally understand. It sucks!! It took us 10 years to conceive DD after taking a year break we tried for another 10 years so she would have a sibling. After 2 miscarriages, I had to stop. It was obvious my body had reached an age where it was not going to cooperate and neither were our finances!
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Post by iteach3rdgrade on Jun 18, 2017 1:47:22 GMT
It sucks! My only child is a product of a natural cycle after 4 failed IVF cycles and a few frozen cycles. My eggs sucked. I hope you are pleasantly surprised on Thursday!
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Post by anniefb on Jun 18, 2017 1:59:21 GMT
I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time- sending hugs.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 18, 2017 2:02:04 GMT
Many moons ago, I did two rounds of IVF and numerous other things to have my first child. I remember those days and all the accompanying feelings and frustrations.
We can tell you to not feel that way until the cows come home, but that's where you are right now. My hope for you is that you'll have successful outcome in whatever form that takes. In the meantime, rail against the world if it helps you get through it.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Jun 18, 2017 2:07:21 GMT
I Literally hated people who told me I was "tryimg too hard". Just relax and it will happen..... Don't they realize that the Trying doesn't happen until months of expecting that it will happen at any time?! I was fortunate, because I did conceive once and have a beautiful, now 35, daughter. I never conceived again. And we failed to qualify for IVF ... My Now ex dh failed the hamster test.
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Post by paperaddict on Jun 18, 2017 2:27:18 GMT
Thank-you so much for all the encouragement and support. I love the peas...you guys have gotten me through another difficult day. Thanks again.
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,500
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Jun 18, 2017 2:31:55 GMT
I am so sorry. This has to be so frustrating. I know a couple about your age who also had a very difficult time having a baby. They used IVF treatments with no success. They felt like they were running out of time and opted to use a donor egg. In April they had a little girl and are madly in love with her. They kind of felt like even though the egg wouldn't be from her, it would be her who was giving life to the baby.
I was someone who was very slow to get pregnant. I eventually was able to conceive without intervention, but we were getting to the point where we thought it might not happen on its own. Very frustrating, tears were shed. I could not make it happen and I was just sad about it. I remember the feeling well and I'm sorry you are in an much harder spot.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,410
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jun 18, 2017 2:44:49 GMT
Big huge hugs to you.
I was 42 when I delivered my second baby. 3 months before having a positive for him, I had an ectopic and ended up with my right tube removed. I'm almost positive it's because I was taking fertility meds. My RE told me, before the exploratory surgery for the ectopic, that if he got in there and found both tubed affected that I would lose both. Thankfully only one was affected.
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Post by Really Red on Jun 18, 2017 3:04:32 GMT
Your path you took led you to the person you are today. Maybe without those extra years with your ex, you wouldn't have found the right person for you now.
It's tough and frustrating and exhausting and mind numbing. But you can do it! Hugs!
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Jun 18, 2017 3:06:14 GMT
Hugs to you. I hope you hear good news at your appointment.
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Post by sunnyd on Jun 18, 2017 3:14:25 GMT
I'm so sorry that you are going through this! I did a round of IVF and then one with frozen embryos, both were unsuccessful. I couldn't continue because that was my life savings at the time. I'm sending good thoughts, hugs & prayers your way.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jun 18, 2017 3:16:53 GMT
Fingers crossed for this cycle.
When i got pregnant with my daughter, (good news to start with) I felt crampy and had a little spotting. I took a test a day but less than 24 hours before I was "supposed " to.
I called the Dr's office and they said. That is a negative. I am sorry. I asked if I should take another test. She said only if it will help me come to terms with not being pregnant. So I didn't.
5 days later, (there was a weekend) they called to check on me. I said I was sad.. blah blah.. but I hadn't started my period yet. in fact no spotting even since when I took the test. She said go ahead take the other test, but don't be disappointed I'm sure your not pregnant.
So I did. and it said positive, so I called back. She said, wait 48 hours and take another test. And I did. Positive again. She was so sure I wasn't pregnant that she said come in and we will do a test.
AND I WAS PREGNANT. My one and only.
Hang in there miracles do happen.
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 18, 2017 11:46:31 GMT
I'm sorry it is so hard right now. Be gentle with yourself.
I hope you get your baby soon.
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