|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 28, 2014 20:55:09 GMT
This is a long overdue vent, I guess.
Please feel free to chime in too.
I hate that you changed your mind as to how long "forever" would be.
I hate that our kids had to go through it.
I hate that you didn't mean all the promises, including the wedding vows.
I hate that your change of mind caused my entire life to change.
I hate that I wasn't special enough to stick around with. Through thick and thin, I never walked away from you.
I hate all the scrapbook pages that sing your praises, that say "Love You Forever," that show us happy.
I hate that we worked so hard to build something, just for you to tear it down.
I hate the loss of control I had in the situation. I hate that it didn't matter to you that I had devoted my life to "our" life.
I hate that I cried and you didn't.
I hate the embarrassment I feel when I am asked what went wrong, and the only truthful answer is to say that you didn't feel that I was pretty enough/good enough/ the person you wanted. (And I hate that I lie to all but the closest to me, and tell them "We grew apart, when really, only you wanted to be apart).
I hate that you put a taint on all the happy memories of such a long part of my life by turning around and saying that those times didn't mean the same to you that they did to me.
I hate that I am considered your mistake.
Okay, I'll stop now. Thanks for listening.
|
|
caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222 
|
Post by caro on Aug 28, 2014 20:57:20 GMT
I'm sorry. I hear the pain in this post. Hugs!
|
|
|
|
Post by tanyab on Aug 28, 2014 20:59:06 GMT
So sorry you have to go through this pain! I've heard some people say that divorce is almost worse than a death. I hope that as time passes you're able to heal and the pain becomes less and less.
|
|
anniebeth24
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,566
|
Post by anniebeth24 on Aug 28, 2014 21:00:25 GMT
Wow, that was so raw and real. Sending you hugs and wishes for healing. Sorry for your pain.
|
|
sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
|
Post by sharlag on Aug 28, 2014 21:00:54 GMT
Whoa! You've got a lot of stuff to be pissed about!
I hate that, when I'm looking back at certain events, I'll consider the date and think, "Did he still love me THEN?"
|
|
|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 28, 2014 21:08:30 GMT
So sorry you have to go through this pain! I've heard some people say that divorce is almost worse than a death. I hope that as time passes you're able to heal and the pain becomes less and less. Thanks. Time has passed (more than five years) and I am much better. It still sometimes stings though. |
|
|
|
Post by JustCallMeMommy on Aug 28, 2014 21:09:32 GMT
I agree with/relate/have felt almost all of that.
|
|
|
|
Post by Tamhugh on Aug 28, 2014 21:10:37 GMT
"I hate the embarrassment I feel when I am asked what went wrong, and the only truthful answer is to say that you didn't feel that I was pretty enough/good enough/ the person you wanted. (And I hate that I lie to all but the closest to me, and tell them "We grew apart, when really, only you wanted to be apart)"
See, this pisses me off. Not at you, but for you and all of my friends who have felt the same way. He is the one who wasn't enough. He wasn't man enough to realize that looks change, and interests change, and wants/desires change, or that a commitment is about working with those changes. If he was truly unhappy then he should have tried to make things better, or been honest and said something had changed for him and not laid it at your feet.
|
|
|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 28, 2014 21:10:50 GMT
Whoa! You've got a lot of stuff to be pissed about! I hate that, when I'm looking back at certain events, I'll consider the date and think, "Did he still love me THEN?" Exactly! I also hate when I look back at pics from a month before he told me he was leaving (apparently he already had a g/f for 9 months before he told me he was done with me), and we are smiling or kissing and I'm thinking, "Gah! He was kissing me with the same mouth he kissed her with!" |
|
|
|
Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Aug 28, 2014 21:13:35 GMT
HUGS!
|
|
|
|
Post by liya on Aug 28, 2014 21:13:54 GMT
I hate that my kids will never experience "Family" as they knew it again. He took it away from them. I will never forgive him for that. Hugs to yo OP  Sometimes we really need them. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 20:19:14 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2014 21:15:37 GMT
Whoa! You've got a lot of stuff to be pissed about! I hate that, when I'm looking back at certain events, I'll consider the date and think, "Did he still love me THEN?" Exactly! I also hate when I look back at pics from a month before he told me he was leaving (apparently he already had a g/f for 9 months before he told me he was done with me), and we are smiling or kissing and I'm thinking, "Gah! He was kissing me with the same mouth he kissed her with!" So glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels that way!!! It's been 7 years and it still gives me the "ick" feeling. Gross.  |
|
purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,738
|
Post by purplebee on Aug 28, 2014 21:19:27 GMT
My heart goes out to you, people can be so cruel and selfish, and do the most awful things to the ones who stood by and loved and supported them.
I know this is a cliche, and life after divorce can be excrutiatingly difficult, but you really are better off without him. Hugs to all of you suffering from the trauma of divorce.
|
|
|
|
Post by peasapie on Aug 28, 2014 21:23:11 GMT
I remember my first Christmas after divorce. I felt cheated, as if all the time I'd put into the marriage, all the Christmases we'd celebrated together with our children, everything had been taken away. (I left him for serial infidelity.) Nothing felt real anymore, and I just seemed to be floating without roots. That was 12 years ago. I have learned that the fact that it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't real for the time that it lasted. The fact that he couldn't be faithful doesn't mean I wasn't worth being faithful to. And that although it didn't last forever, that period of time will forever be a precious part of the fabric that is my life, and I won't let anything he did take that away from me. Edited to add: You are SO enough. It's him who isn't. Don't ever let yourself feel any differently. |
|
Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
|
Post by Peal on Aug 28, 2014 21:27:58 GMT
Oh man, I'm so sorry. I don't even know you and I want to punch your ex in the nose if it will make you feel even a little bit better.
|
|
|
|
Post by Susie_Homemaker on Aug 28, 2014 21:31:09 GMT
Just wanted to give you some (((hugs))).
|
|
back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
|
Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 28, 2014 21:41:30 GMT
You deserved much better. Hope something terrific that will raise your spirits is just around the corner for you!
|
|
|
|
Post by cynipidae17 on Aug 28, 2014 21:50:04 GMT
Hugs to you. I am glad you are doing better.
|
|
Lozi
Shy Member
Posts: 36
|
Post by Lozi on Aug 28, 2014 21:53:20 GMT
I hate that the children and i did not have the family life I had dreamed of.
I hate that you are in complete denial about your behaviour
I hate what you did to me
I hate what the children suffered
I hate that I am not able to look at photos of the children as babies/youngsters without being completely broken and my heart bleeds
I hate that I did not get to mother my children
I hate that I allowed someone to hurt me so much and completely break my heart and spirit
I hate that I do not have the relationship I should have with my children
I hate the overwhelming guilt I carry that my children did not get to experience a happy family life
I hate that I stayed so long trying to make it work
I hate that I did not tell anyone what was going on
I hate that this/you made me so ill, I struggled to survive
I hate that I can never get that time back
I hate that my children do not know what a healthy relationship looks like
I hate that I could not send Christmas cards - I could'nt write our names at the bottom of the cards, I have not sent a Xmas card since
|
|
|
|
Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 28, 2014 21:56:09 GMT
I haven't been thru divorce but wanted to say I'm sorry for what you have been thru. Sending hugs your way.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
|
|
|
|
Post by Goldynn on Aug 28, 2014 21:56:55 GMT
Your post speaks well about YOU. You were loving and honest and devoted and sincere and he didn't deserve you! Big hugs to you, you deserved much better than that.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 20:19:14 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2014 21:57:13 GMT
Whoa! You've got a lot of stuff to be pissed about! I hate that, when I'm looking back at certain events, I'll consider the date and think, "Did he still love me THEN?" Yeah...I'm sitting on this bench with you. I have a family picture of us taken a few months before he bailed. I still have the one of me and the boys framed - it's adorable of us but everytime I see it my first thought is "oh yeah, he was f-ing my best friend then." |
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Aug 28, 2014 21:57:49 GMT
I'm sorry. You deserved better.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jennifer C on Aug 28, 2014 22:01:39 GMT
(((hugs)))
Jennifer
|
|
|
|
Post by momofkandn on Aug 28, 2014 22:03:02 GMT
I could have written everything you have. And I'll add some of my own.
I hate that I would have never left you but that wasn't enough
I hate that all the things that we shared a love for now seem tainted and I don't enjoy them anymore
I hate that you try to be Mr Nice Guy when inside you are an asshole
I hate that that you only see the kids every other weekend and then want everyone to say you are a great dad
I hate that you left me with all responsibility for the kids and the house so you could be free and single again
I hate that you made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I was too good for you.
That felt good! Thanks for starting this thread!
|
|
|
|
Post by keknj on Aug 28, 2014 22:11:04 GMT
I'm sorry. You deserved better.
 |
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 28, 2014 22:14:43 GMT
Sorry you feel so let down. Sending a hug.
|
|
akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
|
Post by akathy on Aug 28, 2014 23:37:04 GMT
I'm sorry  |
|
uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,505
Location: London
|
Post by uksue on Aug 28, 2014 23:46:39 GMT
I'm so so sorry you are hurting so badly. I don't want to air all my dirty laundry yet again here, however I really do know exactly what you are feeling. In my case, his lies included huge debts and prostitutes.
It stinks. As someone on here messaged me, I know I am a better person than that and I live with my children and get to see them last thing at night and first thing every morning . It makes up for a lot.
|
|
J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
|
Post by J u l e e on Aug 28, 2014 23:52:11 GMT
Your post speaks well about YOU. You were loving and honest and devoted and sincere and he didn't deserve you! Big hugs to you, you deserved much better than that. Agreed. I hope you can see yourself as others are able to through your words. |
|
Sometimes we really need them. 
