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Post by ajsweetpea on Aug 28, 2017 15:25:17 GMT
Does anyone else have a kid (teen) with ZERO interest in extracurricular activities? Mine seriously would be happy doing nothing. Over the years, she has done dance, gymnastics, softball, basketball, pottery, etc. and didn't enjoy ANY of them. She is in the band at school but doesn't practice her instrument unless I remind her to, so I can't see her putting the huge time commitment into marching band in the future. Her school has after school activities and we looked over the list and she said she wasn't interested in any of them, even those that focused on things she liked. She finally said she might be interested in dancing again so I called the dance studio and found two classes for kids her age. Showed her the info on them and she said no, she wasn't interested in either. She's a good student (always on honor roll) but if left to her own devices, she would be happy doing nothing outside of school but playing on her phone or watching TV. She doesn't have passion for or interest in ANYTHING. I told her since she didn't want to dance, she needs to find another activity to do and she said there is nothing she wants to do. Should I force her to sign up for something or should I let her sit around and do nothing? Ugh.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 28, 2017 15:36:14 GMT
What about volunteering together? Maybe not on a consistent schedule, but getting out and doing it together. Is she doing any STEM activities at school? Perhaps getting her into coding or something intellectual instead of physical might work.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 18:33:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2017 15:55:29 GMT
If given a choice, neither kid would be involved in anything.
Thankfully my oldest found enjoyment in music but doesn't take it seriously enough to practice. During marching season, I feel he gets enough with their rehearsals. During concert season, he rarely practices. At least he admitted it was his own fault for getting knocked down to concert band (we have three levels).
My youngest, on the other hand, is not competitive. He has no interest in sports. He showed interest in robotics but the middle school team was so unorganized that he didn't pursue it in high school. I'm hoping he will again but not sure if he ever will. I did tell him he needed to find an activity to get involved with, something that required a commitment outside of the classroom. He enjoyed band enough that he's sticking with marching band. As long as he does that, I won't push.
The reason for telling them to commit to something that requires time outside of school/class is to get them to understand teamwork, schedules, etc. The classroom can only teach so much. This gets them involved and moving, even if it's only during August-October. It also opens up opportunities that they probably wouldn't have if they just went to school and came home.
Have you tried to introduce her to theater?
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Post by Zee on Aug 28, 2017 15:56:59 GMT
Why force an activity on someone not interested?
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Post by Tammiem2pnc1 on Aug 28, 2017 15:57:14 GMT
You could seriously be talking about my son, except for the honor roll side of it. He could care less about school either. I have tried everything to get him interested in anything and everything. He used to love soccer, going swimming, going to friends houses whatever, he wants none of it anymore. All of his friends have stopped trying with him and I can't blame them one bit. He finally has gotten interested in doing stop motion videos and spends a lot of his free time with that. It was really nice seeing him have an interest in something this summer and it's opened the door to him finding a new group of friends. I hope this trend continues for him.
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Post by LisaDV on Aug 28, 2017 16:00:49 GMT
I feel your anxiety and concern. DS has no interest in anything other than video games and strategy or role playing games. I had him taking guitar but he's not into it. I have him signed up for a computer programming course for minecraft things but it probably wasn't the best choice. My other problem is dd can't travel due to health issues and really horrific morion sickness which limits any activities for him to weekends or online.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 28, 2017 16:01:02 GMT
I wouldn't force her per'se, but I would encourage her. What are her interests? What about more geeky stuff? like chess club, robotics, forensics? Any interests in arts? she could do drama, or if not acting, stage work. The experience, confidence, and teamwork my girls received from ECs was very important in their success in college, and also on the college apps. How old is your dd?
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Post by lisacharlotte on Aug 28, 2017 16:05:36 GMT
My son. He played football in middle school because it was Texas and a small town and the entire school was on the team in some fashion. We moved when he started high school and he didn't join any clubs or do any extracurriculars.
I can't complain because i'm not a joiner either. As a kid i was in pop warner cheerleading, school band, tennis, gifted club. Once i was allowed to make my own choices i dropped everything. I'm not a joiner either. Im in a book club now and only read the assigned book about 1/2 the time.
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Post by Linda on Aug 28, 2017 16:06:58 GMT
None of mine have been super into extra-curriculars -they are all introverts which probably plays a role - once the school day is over, they don't have much energy/patience left as far as dealing with people. My oldest did do Boy Scouts from late 8th grade until he turned 18 the beginning of his Senior year. He made Eagle but he wasn't one to do ALL the things or to hang out with his troop-mates outside of meetings/camp-outs. And even with Boy Scouts - it was less he wanted to join and more we signed him up and strongly encouraged him - once he got involved in the troop, he did enjoy it though. DD17 - she's a Girl Scout still but hasn't attended a troop meeting since early high school - she's still registered because she helps with her sister's troop and she's (maybe, possibly, if she stops procrastinating) working on her Gold Award. She's on Academic Team at school - it's a small group of academic nerds who practise twice a week and compete against other schools in quiz bowls. She loves it but skips practises on days when she's overwhelmed and can't manage any more people time. DD10 - she's a Girl Scout - she enjoys the meetings/activities but given a choice, would probably be just as happy not going - her default (like her siblings) is to stay home. What can I say - they come by it naturally. DH and I aren't involved in many social activities- we both volunteer with Girl Scouts but that's really it. I can happily go days without leaving my house
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 28, 2017 16:11:44 GMT
Mine is just starting high school. She does theatre three days a week right now and 4 days starting in Feb.
I told her she had to pick at least ONE thing to be involved in at the High School. (Her theatre program is not at the school)
In middle school they had very few options and she was doing theatre related activities every day after school so I didnt worry about it.
But what happened is that she didn't really find a group of friends at school. She always felt like an outsider.
We shall see what high school brings. If your kid is happy has friends and is doing well at school I wouldn't worry about it. But mine will pick something at school to get involved in.
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Post by mrssmith on Aug 28, 2017 16:16:37 GMT
DD9 - has tried dance, but after the class session is over, doesn't want to go back. Did an art club and a theater club at school - doesn't want to do it again. She did theater camp with the same organization as the club. Loved the camp, doesn't want to do the club. Did Girl Scouts, which she enjoyed, but I was troop leader and I'm not leading again. If someone takes it on, she would probably go. She is very outgoing and wants to hang out with her friends. The trouble is that the friends are in a ton of activities.
DS6 did AYSO for one year. He got a trophy at the end, so he decided he "won" soccer. He only likes swimming lessons. So, they are both doing swimming lessons this fall.
I never did many activities as a kid. My kids just want to PLAY. Fine with me, esp. when I see how other parents are going nuts shuttling kids around to multiple places all week long.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 28, 2017 17:01:19 GMT
My son is a sophomore and he's just not into extracurricular activities. In the past, he tried playing the guitar and he tried football. Neither one was for him. He is content to sit in his room and create videogames on his computer. Just recently, he stated he wanted to lose a little weight and get fit so we started at the gym last week. It does not bother me in the least that he's not into activities. He has his computer and that is his thing. He socializes with people over the internet and he does have a girlfriend too.
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Post by melanell on Aug 28, 2017 20:10:28 GMT
My son. He tried several different things when he was younger, but didn't like any of them enough to stick with them. Sports, clubs, classes, camps, etc. Then by middle school, he just never wanted to try anything. We'd drag him along on family outings and he'd have fun. He'd have certain times when he had to do some volunteering for school or church and he'd groan about it, but then come home feeling happy with the feedback he received. Sometimes I'd sign him up for a one time event at a library or community center and he'd begrudgingly go, but have fun once he got there. So I'd point out something after school that matched his interests at the time and he'd still say "No". If he didn't enjoy himself, it might not drive me as batty, LOL. But he comes home smiling and telling us stories and relaying praise he received. But dang, trying to oust his butt from his room is like a full time job.
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Post by melanell on Aug 28, 2017 20:32:42 GMT
Why force an activity on someone not interested? For us, we'd like to see him do something---anything besides just stay home alone. I get being an introvert, but even introverts go to school, college, a job. My son is reaching the age where he is starting to think about working part time in the future, just for a bit more spending money. He's thinking about a car. About college. We just want to see him go out and be part of the world more. Make connections. Learn to start interacting with other people in a more adult manner. And we see any sort of activity outside of school as a way to help do these things. Especially since at this age they take away the mom & dad immediate safety net. Sure we're there in general to talk, for advice, to call if he needs to come home or if he has a real problem, but we're not *right there* like we were when he was younger and in soccer or swimming. We're not forcing any one particular thing. We're just saying "Find something new to try." Volunteer. Take a class. Find a club that you can be a part of. It doesn't have to be a long term commitment. A one time deal is fine. But something. Save
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Post by birukitty on Aug 28, 2017 20:37:04 GMT
OP since she is an honor roll student does she read for enjoyment outside of class? If so what about cutting the TV and/or phone time and adding in some reading time instead of making her do an activity she clearly doesn't want to do. In my opinion you can never read to much. It helps with vocabulary, spelling, and grammar, not to mention all of the other benefits including building one's empathy and mind.
You could take her to your local county library and both of you could spend time checking out books to read, or get her one of the Kindle devices. Don't make her do book reports for you-that takes the pleasure out of reading for fun. And let her choose her own books since she's a teen. At least that's my advice. You're her mom so you decide obviously.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 18:33:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2017 20:39:50 GMT
Why force an activity on someone not interested? For us, we'd like to see him do something---anything besides just stay home alone. I get being an introvert, but even introverts go to school, college, a job. My son is reaching the age where he is starting to think about working part time in the future, just for a bit more spending money. He's thinking about a car. About college. We just want to see him go out and be part of the world more. Make connections. Learn to start interacting with other people in a more adult manner. And we see any sort of activity outside of school as a way to help do these things. Especially since at this age they take away the mom & dad immediate safety net. Sure we're there in general to talk, for advice, to call if he needs to come home or if he has a real problem, but we're not *right there* like we were when he was younger and in soccer or swimming. We're not forcing any one particular thing. We're just saying "Find something new to try." Volunteer. Take a class. Find a club that you can be a part of. It doesn't have to be a long term commitment. A one time deal is fine. But something. SaveThis is where we are at with our son. I am afraid his muscles would atrophy from him laying on the couch if he didn't get up to get something to drink or eat from the kitchen! He has had a difficult road learning the different languages here and his grades are exceptional, so I have not pushed him too hard to be more active because I wanted his school work to come first. But now it has become a problem.
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Aug 28, 2017 21:01:11 GMT
I have two that don't want to join anything. My youngest is taking piano lessons, but he does it grudgingly. Part of the problem is we moved from an area that offered a large variety of after school activities to one that seems to be mostly about sports. My kids do not want to play a sport. And as teens, who haven't been playing sports for years, it's pretty understandable. We've told then they need to find something, and my youngest did some after school stuff last year, but it wasn't very well run and was mostly a disappointment.
Today was the first day of school. Hopefully something will spark with my oldest. Not only isn't he a joiner, he tends to be anti social as well.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 28, 2017 21:27:48 GMT
Well I think there's two potential issues with no extra-curriculars, and I would handle them differently. We have tried to teach our kids about a healthy lifestyle, and how exercise is a component. If my child had zero interest in joining me for a run or otherwise exercising on their own, they need to find a physical activity to do regularly, I think it's critically important for the physical and mental health. I don't care what it is - but you need to be moving 2 or 3 times a week.
Now if they're already exercising through pe or on their own, the other issue could be social interaction. That would completely depend on the needs of the kid. Some kids want more down time and if they have friends and seem to be doing fine on that front, I wouldn't insist. But if they seemed isolated and having difficulty connecting with people, I would highly, encourage them to find something.
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Aug 28, 2017 21:31:03 GMT
I'm reading this with interest, since I have a kid like that. The others have too many EC activities, but this kid is just not interested.
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Aug 28, 2017 21:34:35 GMT
Does your school have a Key Club program? Both of my kids have really enjoyed it. They had a weekly meeting and were involved with many community service projects. My oldest daughter was able to list many of those projects on college applications. My oldest daughter was on the high school speech team - really a worthwhile activity. It didn't consume a lot of time and they have several different options for competition.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 18:33:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2017 22:50:21 GMT
My oldest decided not to do drill team this year and is not planning on joining anything else. She has been in some type of organized activity since she was 3 years old and she is 17. If she wants to take a break I can totally back her up on her decision. Some times people - even kids - need a break from being involved with others. They need downtime to learn who they are, what they stand for, and what they want to be.
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RosieKat
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Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Aug 28, 2017 23:24:33 GMT
So you listed sport/movement stuff, one art and one music that have been tried. I agree, I wouldn't be fine with just phone time and TV time, but there are a lot of other ideas out there. Service related activities (ranging from tailor made opportunities for the intro-est introvert all the way through the extra-est extrovert), drama, STEM classes, chess clubs, photography, cooking, church activities, community gardening...I can definitely think of lots of other things that don't fall into what you've already tried.
I think it might be worth sitting down with her and saying, in so many words, that you are not OK with all her down time being phone and TV. Maybe you can brainstorm things to try with her. Heck, even an independent research interest or something. I don't feel like "all kids MUST do x, y, and z," but it does sound like maybe she still ought to explore some. I don't think everyone finds a capital-P Passion, but everyone should have a few things they enjoy.
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Post by polz on Aug 29, 2017 0:06:57 GMT
My DD is an introvert. She went to school and went to work and that's about it. Now she is an exchange student in Kansas. She is on the volleyball team. She is in the screen printing club. I never forced her to do anything. Maybe your son will just find things he likes. I'm an introvert. That's why I run as my activity. I can do that by myself.
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Post by darkangel090260 on Aug 29, 2017 0:57:44 GMT
why make her unless there's a reason for it. Why most she do something. Let her be.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 29, 2017 2:36:08 GMT
I never did many activities as a kid. My kids just want to PLAY. Fine with me, esp. when I see how other parents are going nuts shuttling kids around to multiple places all week long. This is how I feel too. My kid is 7 and has only taken swimming lessons and even that we had to push her to do initially because we feel it's an important life/safety skill (we have a lake cabin and spend a lot of time in and around the water). I've asked her many times if she wants to try some other things and she always says she doesn't. I did a lot of stuff on my own as a kid and pursued my own interests even up through high school, and I see a lot of that in her already too. I figure she has the rest of her life to be overscheduled and stressed out, so I'm not going to push anything she really doesn't show any interest in doing (other than the swimming, because she *needs* to know how to swim). She knows if there is something she wants to do or try, all she has to do is ask and we'll look into it.
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 29, 2017 2:39:20 GMT
It was our family rule that the kids participate in at least one EC. We're a military family and moved a lot. I felt that EC helped the kids connect and make new friends more rapidly. We followed the rule into HS and while in college, we didn't make it a rule, both kids do participate in something. DS has a campus job and is in a gaming club, as well as various study groups. DD plans to check on theatre--either acting or costumes. She's only on day 1 of classes, so she's still finding her place. But EC gives you a sense of community and belonging. If my minor child didn't want to do an EC through school, I would find something as a family. By HS, the our kids were home by 2:30pm and did most of their homework at school. That is WAY too many hours spent on a screen.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 29, 2017 2:48:34 GMT
Sometimes I feel as parent we DO need to force our children to do things. Kids don't just get to decide to do things, because they don't want to, or because it's makes them uncomfortable. Adults can't do that. I think it helps them to learn that. We all complain how the millennials are spoiled rotten. have no work ethic, lazy, expect so many things, etc. I feel as a parent it's my job to help them find their way. And yes, sometimes to say, you HaVE to do an EC. vs come home and sit in from of the TV or computer screen. I totally get the being an introvert. I am one. But my job is very extroverted. I feel ECs helped me learn how to cope. I know my dd's ECs of public speaking, drama, speech, etc. helped them overcome a lot of the introvertness.
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pancakes
Pearl Clutcher
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Feb 4, 2015 6:49:53 GMT
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Post by pancakes on Aug 29, 2017 3:17:40 GMT
As the product of parents who forced me to do extracurriculars, I don't regret it one bit. In fact, despite the fact that I hated it at the time, I retrospectively appreciate how anything from volunteering at the local hospital to teaching a nature class at a day camp to Saturday math class (barf) to 7 years of piano lessons broadened my knowledge and horizons.
So force your kids. It's not going to hurt them. They'll get over it. They'll appreciate, or at least respect it, later.
For what it's worth, I'm 30, so I'm a millennial.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 29, 2017 4:14:18 GMT
I always get confused over all the group nick names. So who are the 20 yr olds? is that the Igeneration? or are they considered millennial too?
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 29, 2017 6:24:57 GMT
Why force an activity on someone not interested?
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