MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
Lazy
Posts: 2,975
Jun 25, 2014 21:56:13 GMT
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Post by MaryMary on Aug 29, 2017 20:07:26 GMT
Is there a Mr. Wickham you can ship them off with?
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Post by marzbar71 on Aug 29, 2017 20:10:58 GMT
I think if you just keep pushing back, they'll probably quit the club on their own.
The ghosting thing sounds like such a middle school, mean girls things to do.
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Post by leslie132 on Aug 29, 2017 20:18:34 GMT
I think if you just keep pushing back, they'll probably quit the club on their own. The ghosting thing sounds like such a middle school, mean girls things to do. Someone always finds out. ALWAYS. Ive done a book club in our neighborhood. We have had Some VERY bad situations come out of excessive drinking at book club. There was one very unique experience and it was a one time only situation......but the one neighbor was asked not to attend any further discussions. I think the fact that she was asked not to come back, reasons were given as to why and nothing was on the down low behind her back, it was really hard to start drama in the neighborhood. It was a one time request and she never came again.
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Post by leannec on Aug 29, 2017 20:18:39 GMT
I like this approach. Yes, you'd have to "suffer" through one more potentially miserable book club meeting, but you could honestly say you tried. She may surprise you and just stop coming, especially if she's embarrassed by her drunkeness and/or pissed because she didn't get her way about changing the way you select books. This may very well work itself out. Hi Lydia - as much as we'd all like to include everyone in our book club, sometimes personalities don't mesh well. The first time you came, you brought someone else and you both tried - on your very first time - to change our established rules. The second time, you drank too much and had to be taken home. This last time you [were in any way obnoxious] and at this point, you need to find a book club that better fits what you're looking for. Slightly off topic but not: How do you guys make your selections for book club? I've always wanted to do a book club! I pick mine from Pea recommendations and other best seller lists ... we like books where someone gets killed
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Post by lisacharlotte on Aug 29, 2017 20:24:49 GMT
Basically everyone in the group selects a month to host. When we get through everyone we start over. When it's your month to host you select the venue and the book. Some people host in their home, others pick a public place.
From the beginning we decided not to put restrictions on the book selected and to not get into a voting battle. The host picks and that's the book. Now, if someone picks War and Peace, I don't think anyone is going to read it in a month. Some months everyone reads the book. Most months there are a few that aren't finished or didn't read it at all. The whole point was that we didn't want to only read what we wanted to read. We want to read things that we would possibly never choose so that we are reading a variety. The best meetings have been when we have a few that really didn't like the book. That is some lovely, lively discussion. Lydia and Kitty wanted to have three selections proposed and then we vote on which to read. Not the reason we started, which was to read things we wouldn't personally pick.
I do get the appeal of ghosting, but really, I think we need to let them know that it's just not going to work. And I prefer not to wait a whole month so we can do it in person. We aren't anything more than acquaintances at this point with Lydia and Kitty. I think an email is appropriate.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 29, 2017 20:34:21 GMT
I don't like the ghosting idea. esp if you guys all live in the same area. All they have to do is drive by during the usual dates of the book club, and know. I would just be up front and honest. That's what I tell my girls.
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Post by PolarGreen12 on Aug 29, 2017 20:55:02 GMT
Basically everyone in the group selects a month to host. When we get through everyone we start over. When it's your month to host you select the venue and the book. Some people host in their home, others pick a public place. From the beginning we decided not to put restrictions on the book selected and to not get into a voting battle. The host picks and that's the book. Now, if someone picks War and Peace, I don't think anyone is going to read it in a month. Some months everyone reads the book. Most months there are a few that aren't finished or didn't read it at all. The whole point was that we didn't want to only read what we wanted to read. We want to read things that we would possibly never choose so that we are reading a variety. The best meetings have been when we have a few that really didn't like the book. That is some lovely, lively discussion. Lydia and Kitty wanted to have three selections proposed and then we vote on which to read. Not the reason we started, which was to read things we wouldn't personally pick. I do get the appeal of ghosting, but really, I think we need to let them know that it's just not going to work. And I prefer not to wait a whole month so we can do it in person. We aren't anything more than acquaintances at this point with Lydia and Kitty. I think an email is appropriate. The book club I'm in does a combo of those two methods for book selection. The person hosting a particular month chooses three books, the members vote for their pick. Most votes is that months selection. We vote two months ahead so there's plenty of time to read. I kind of like the voting on three books because a lot of the time more than one interests me and Ill add them to my own reading list.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Aug 29, 2017 20:55:52 GMT
I would send out an email, saying "Hi, due to some recent member withdrawals in the ABC book club, we have decided to disband. We wish everyone the best, and happy reading to you all.
I would then start a new book club, with the usual regular participants, and not invite those who made it unpleasant.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 29, 2017 21:02:45 GMT
. I do get the appeal of ghosting, but really, I think we need to let them know that it's just not going to work. And I prefer not to wait a whole month so we can do it in person. We aren't anything more than acquaintances at this point with Lydia and Kitty. I think an email is appropriate. Glad you made this choice! A quick email, just days after the last meeting, would be the simplest for you and might be easier to receive too. I know some say it should be done in person, but including her in the next meeting only to announce she's uninvited seems almost cruel.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,620
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 29, 2017 21:09:13 GMT
Honestly, there is no way I could tell someone that basically "no one likes you and you're a lush." Couldn't do it. I would probably say something more like: "it sounds like you two want a different experience than we're having, given that you wanted to change how we pick books. I was wondering if you'd rather start a new club. Here are the emails of the ladies who never showed up to ours. Perhaps they'd prefer how you run things in your new one (see what I did there - they're already in a new one...) and if we hear of anyone else, we'll send them your way." And then I would not include them on the emails anymore.
I just could not tell someone they weren't wanted and why they weren't wanted. I think it will create major neighborhood drama. You will be a "mean clique of ladies who pick bad books."
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Post by stingfan on Aug 29, 2017 21:17:05 GMT
I'd probably tell her we'd decided to restrict the group to 12 members (12 months/12 members, easier to have productive discussions with a smaller group, etc). And since she hasn't participated regularly over the last year, she'll need to find another group. BTW, we pick books the same way. Everyone signs up to host and choose a book. No voting, no group consensus. I like that. Sometimes people ask for input, but ultimately it's one person's decision. I quit the group where books were chosen by consensus - that usually meant the loudest person chose the books .
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 29, 2017 21:27:40 GMT
Our book club uses the same method to pick books. Once in a while we'll do a brainstorming session where we throw out ideas, usually because the next month's host doesn't have an idea. It makes a very interesting and diverse selection of books - some I would have never dreamed of picking. Sometimes they're a dud. We also don't really care if you read the book or not.
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Post by breakfastattiffanys on Aug 29, 2017 22:31:05 GMT
Is there a Mr. Wickham you can ship them off with? Best suggestion ever!
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gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,225
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:16 GMT
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Post by gina on Aug 29, 2017 22:47:47 GMT
I'd remove her from the email list and do the ghosting thing. I would never stop serving wine because of her.
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Post by jumperhop on Aug 29, 2017 23:49:53 GMT
Actually I think the stop serving wine advice would work. Here is what you do. Send an email around saying that you will no longer be serving alcohol at meetings then pick a really thought provoking book. Have your next meeting without alcohol and I bet she won't even bother showing up. Then take her off the email chain for additional meetings.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Aug 30, 2017 0:46:53 GMT
You could just have a temporary "Dry" rule. Do both Kitty and Lidia drink? It could be announced that due to a recent 'unfortunate over imbibing' by one of the members the book club will now be alcohol free. including no BYOB or "before club" drinking. That should send them scurrying. And if they object, then tell them they need to find themselves another club. Then celebrate! With wine of course. My dad's group calls it "going for curry" because the booted member hated curry and when they wanted to discuss how to get rid of him they went for curry knowing he wouldn't come. It's now a joke in the non-book club but it worked. If someone else were to cause trouble they would call it going for curry again even though there wouldn't necessarily be curry, but someone would deal with the member and ask him to not attend any longer. The group of ladies will fall apart if they don't get rid of these members. People will make excuses not to go any longer and it will fizzle out. That sucks because it's nice to have girl time and it's good to be among tribe members. It's hard to get a group started and to continue so dealing this promptly will probably save the life of the group.
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,295
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Aug 30, 2017 1:33:43 GMT
Just tell her like it is, "Hey Lydia, Hey Kitty, Our group has been meeting for over a year now and I'm sorry you weren't involved for those first few meetings when we determined how we wanted the group to run. I think we've gone in a different direction than you'd like. And frankly, some of the group was uncomfortable at the last meeting with all the drinking and loud behavior. I think you should try to find a group more in your style."
But I'm a coward and I'd probably just leave Lydia and Kitty off the email list.
Aside - in my group the hostess also chooses the book. But we go in alphabetical order on whose turn it is to host. We've been meeting since 2005 and have had members come and go. We have one person who reads every book but has never attended a meeting!
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Post by lisacharlotte on Aug 30, 2017 2:48:07 GMT
I'm putting together the email. A huge part of my job is customer service and having difficult conversations via phone and email. So I will be as neutral and encouraging as possible while suggesting they would probably be happier starting their own group using the suggestions they offered in their own group. DH is still all worried it will come back to haunt me. I'm willing to take the risk instead of hiding.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Aug 30, 2017 3:35:08 GMT
I would stop serving wine. Then what's the point of book club, lol? Seriously, my book club wouldn't meet without alcohol. The book club I am in is the same. But maybe for one time just don't have alcohol and maybe she will lose interest again.
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Post by smokeynspike on Aug 30, 2017 4:02:43 GMT
I would just remove her from the email list and move on with book club. No need to engage her at all, IMO. If it ever came up, you can just say the group came to a decision about her behavior and blocked her from attendance. I wouldn't open a can of worms in my own neighborhood if that could be avoided. Some people are NUTS!
Melissa
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Aug 30, 2017 4:21:57 GMT
So, she is one of the original 14? Does that mean she came at the beginning, then quit and returned after a year? Did you have these issues with her in the beginning or has her personality changed drastically in the last year or so? I wonder that as well,, I would first ask her if she is okay etc.. if your close enough friends anyway. Maybe there is something that triggered it? You can just ask her if she needs to talk and then have a conversation about it.. if you still wanna keep her in the club that way you don't have to do away with other fun stuff. I don't drink but it would suck if you took something out that everyone enjoyed. Good luck let us know how it goes cause ya know we'll ask!
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Post by lisacharlotte on Aug 30, 2017 4:33:46 GMT
We were all strangers when we created the book club. None of us knows her. If she had been attending for the past year and suddenly had a freak out we would most assuredly find out what was wrong. That's not the situation here.
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