AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Aug 31, 2017 2:21:38 GMT
A few incidents this week coupled with the cyber-shaming on here about people not doing "enough" according to posters' self-determined scales, got me thinking.
I'm a fan of showing kindness. I'm sure everyone here would claim the same of themselves. But to what end?
Imagine a disabled young man. He loves basketball and is happy to learn that he can play during lunch at his school. Common decency says that the other students allow him to join in when they play, right?
Imagine a rainy morning and a woman is fighting with a flat tire on the side of the road. Common decency says that a man (or someone with enough upper body strength to fight those machine tightened lug nuts) pull over and help. There are a few cars driving along the road, but who is to say that any of those drivers can/will help?
Imagine an acquaintance has fallen on sudden, hard times. Your bills are all paid for the month and you have money in the bank. It would be really kind if you shared your abundance with her.
But, what if the able-bodied boys in the gym do not have access to courts except at school? What if they aren't good enough for the basketball team. Playing during lunch releases extra energy, frustration about their performances in class and anger about home situations. They allow the disabled boy to play occasionally, but they cannot play hard and improve their skills when he plays. As a result they exclude him from time to time.
What if the guy passing the stranded motorist is on his way to a second interview with the company of his dreams. The rain has already eaten up his padded extra driving time?
What if the extra money you have in your bank account is because you've been saving for a Disney trip all year. Your reservations are in a week. Do you give up your family vacation so the acquaintance can get back on her feet?
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Post by melanell on Aug 31, 2017 2:29:49 GMT
There are no rules to being kind. Show kindness when you can to anyone you can. No one else gets to decide when you can or cannot. You decide that. If you are interested in spreading kindness, then I will trust that you can find plenty of ways in which you can do so, even if there are other times when you cannot. And the scope of the kindness does not matter. A smile to a lonely person having a rough day can mean every bit as much as assistance with a flat.
I try to let people waiting to turn out into the road out in front of me when it is safe to do so---particularly in situations where I am approaching a red light anyway. If I don't happen to see you, and I miss the opportunity to let you into traffic, someone else viewing the situation may wonder why I didn't extend kindness in that moment, but I know that it was merely an oversight.
You know the truth of your moment to moment life and of your heart. Spread kindness when you can, in ways that work for you and I think you'll be doing just fine.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,036
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Aug 31, 2017 2:42:05 GMT
Perhaps there are two courts at the school, and on one more serious/talented players have a go and in the other the more "for fun" players play. Or like I've seen in wheel chair basketball league, the other players play with the disabled children at their level, and they all have an amazing time, and the abled body players learn something about skill and patience and have an amazing time as well.
Perhaps the woman changes her own tire. Or calls AAA. Or a group of young people stop, offer their phone, or their jack, or their AAA card. Or a "nice" young man stops to change the tire and steals her car.
Perhaps the Disney Savings is for a trip with a child with a terminal illness. Or perhaps the family has been saving up for a pre/post deployment trip?
What's the point of loaded questions with ambiguous answers?
Be kind when you can and are able, and be at peace with your choices. And if you are a high profile govt employee or celebrity, accept that you will be judged and make sure you are living a life you are proud of.
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Post by melanell on Aug 31, 2017 2:52:12 GMT
Also, kindness is not a competitive sport. There is always a need for all "levels" of kindness.
Someone needs a person to hold a door for them at the same moment that a child needs a doctor to perform surgery for free or at a greatly reduced rate. If both things happen that means that both people showed kindness. The doctor is not better than the person opening the door. They both were in the right position to help, and they each chose to help. They were both kind.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Aug 31, 2017 2:56:14 GMT
I think I have only seen one not so good post. I find everyone has been very encouraging. There are posts, yes plural, asking where/how to donate, good places to donate..
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 31, 2017 3:01:13 GMT
There are no rules to being kind. Show kindness when you can to anyone you can. No one else gets to decide when you can or cannot. You decide that. If you are interested in spreading kindness, then I will trust that you can find plenty of ways in which you can do so, even if there are other times when you cannot. And the scope of the kindness does not matter. A smile to a lonely person having a rough day can mean every bit as much as assistance with a flat. I try to let people waiting to turn out into the road out in front of me when it is safe to do so---particularly in situations where I am approaching a red light anyway. If I don't happen to see you, and I miss the opportunity to let you into traffic, someone else viewing the situation may wonder why I didn't extend kindness in that moment, but I know that it was merely an oversight. You know the truth of your moment to moment life and of your heart. Spread kindness when you can, in ways that work for you and I think you'll be doing just fine. Well said. Kindness isn't an obligation. It's like a calling. You do it when you are moved by the spirit of soul to do so.
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Post by refugeepea on Aug 31, 2017 3:06:34 GMT
You do what you can. The older I get, the more I don't give a shit what people think. It's very freeing.
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Post by papersilly on Aug 31, 2017 5:14:30 GMT
Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on. Was not meant for thee alone. Pass it on. Let out wipe another's tears, Until, in heaven, the deed appears. Pass it on.
I swear, this is the only poem I know by heart. I found it on a piece of paper on a lawn when I was in junior high a long, long time ago.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 31, 2017 7:25:55 GMT
You do what you can. The older I get, the more I don't give a shit what people think. It's very freeing. Me too.
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Post by gailoh on Aug 31, 2017 10:54:46 GMT
It depends on the problem for me..I try and be kind but some out there beyond my doors make it hard...
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Post by elaine on Aug 31, 2017 11:05:11 GMT
Perhaps there are two courts at the school, and on one more serious/talented players have a go and in the other the more "for fun" players play. Or like I've seen in wheel chair basketball league, the other players play with the disabled children at their level, and they all have an amazing time, and the abled body players learn something about skill and patience and have an amazing time as well. Perhaps the woman changes her own tire. Or calls AAA. Or a group of young people stop, offer their phone, or their jack, or their AAA card. Or a "nice" young man stops to change the tire and steals her car. Perhaps the Disney Savings is for a trip with a child with a terminal illness. Or perhaps the family has been saving up for a pre/post deployment trip? What's the point of loaded questions with ambiguous answers?Be kind when you can and are able, and be at peace with your choices. And if you are a high profile govt employee or celebrity, accept that you will be judged and make sure you are living a life you are proud of. Thank you. I've been trying to figure out the point of the OP, and finally gave up. And I totally agree with your closing two sentences.
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Post by pondrunner on Aug 31, 2017 11:36:11 GMT
I feel that this post comes at it from the wrong angle. It's full of reasons people can't help each other. I think if we went around looking for ways to help people, we would find lots of opportunities, if we go around looking for reasons not to, we will find opportunities for that too.
I feel like if we are all just willing to help each other we don't have to be concerned about the times we can't because we know that someone else will. No one can help in every situation but collectively we probably can.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 31, 2017 12:22:43 GMT
I don't understand judging what people do or don't do.
I rarely tell anyone what I do, so how would they know?
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Post by peasapie on Aug 31, 2017 12:33:02 GMT
AnotherPea You do what you can. That's my religion.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 10:35:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2017 13:07:24 GMT
Perhaps there are two courts at the school, and on one more serious/talented players have a go and in the other the more "for fun" players play. Or like I've seen in wheel chair basketball league, the other players play with the disabled children at their level, and they all have an amazing time, and the abled body players learn something about skill and patience and have an amazing time as well. Perhaps the woman changes her own tire. Or calls AAA. Or a group of young people stop, offer their phone, or their jack, or their AAA card. Or a "nice" young man stops to change the tire and steals her car. Perhaps the Disney Savings is for a trip with a child with a terminal illness. Or perhaps the family has been saving up for a pre/post deployment trip? What's the point of loaded questions with ambiguous answers?Be kind when you can and are able, and be at peace with your choices. And if you are a high profile govt employee or celebrity, accept that you will be judged and make sure you are living a life you are proud of. Thank you. I've been trying to figure out the point of the OP, and finally gave up. And I totally agree with your closing two sentences. I read it through twice and couldn't see a point to it. Save
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Post by hop2 on Aug 31, 2017 13:16:12 GMT
It may be a response to the Joel Osteen church thread. And as for myself I liked that thread many people brought up thoughts I had not considered and I feel I've learned something from that thread.
Other than that I'm not so sure what the OP is aiming at.
Be kind when you can. Help when you see help is needed WITHIN your ability to help. Not everyone is capable of everything.
And when you find yourself being judgmental ( which we all do ) find someplace to learn about the other angles of the situation ( like here ) so you learn and broaden your worldview. To me finding myself in my Judgy pants is a cue that I need to learn
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Post by peano on Aug 31, 2017 13:21:17 GMT
Where are we going with this? I'm not sure if it's an oblique hand-slap, or if you're looking for what motivates other people toward charitable acts or...?
I do know that I've become much more interested in quality of character since we've taken on a morally bereft president riding in a clown car with several remarkably morally bereft people in his administration and in certain cases, his party.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 10:35:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2017 13:41:28 GMT
I'm not sure where the op wanted to go with this either but I will say I was truly shocked at the level of hatred in the joel osteen thread. And I've been here 17 years. And I don't know where I'm going with this either. This is a public message board and I should have no expectations of kindness. It did inspire me to try harder to be kind to everyone, not just people like myself and whose lifestyle and beliefs are similiar to mine and whose decisions I understand and would make myself.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Aug 31, 2017 13:44:32 GMT
I'm not sure where the op wanted to go with this either but I will say I was truly shocked at the level of hatred in the joel osteen thread. And I've been here 17 years. And I don't know where I'm going with this either. This is a public message board and I should have no expectations of kindness. It did inspire me to try harder to be kind to everyone, not just people like myself and whose lifestyle and beliefs are similiar to mine and whose decisions I understand and would make myself. this! i'd say the OP was inspired to post after reading all the judgement in the Joel Osteen post he was definitely judged - didn't open, not doing enough, not donating enough all this by people who have no idea what he and his organization actually did i say do what you can - when you can you'll be judged either way - but mrs judgy pants shouldn't matter much to you gina
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Aug 31, 2017 14:40:07 GMT
This thread was sparked by a conversation yesterday about the disabled student. Some adults acted as though the able bodied boys should be more charitable this school year. It reminded me of someone who complained that she was temporarily homeless yet people she knew were posting vacation photos on Facebook.
Then reading about Osteen and the Kardashians catching flak about not doing enough got me wondering who gets to determine what enough is? Do able-bodied children ALWAYS have to go without in order to make a disabled student feel included? And so on. I don't know- I wanted to hear your opinions.
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Post by pondrunner on Aug 31, 2017 15:21:57 GMT
Then reading about Osteen and the Kardashians catching flak about not doing enough got me wondering who gets to determine what enough is? Do able-bodied children ALWAYS have to go without in order to make a disabled student feel included? And so on. I don't know- I wanted to hear your opinions. Enough is a complicated question. During Harvey the best we have been able to do was to give some money. In previous disaster situations we were able to volunteer. This year I can't do more than I already did. I feel that when the condition of your heart is genuine love, out of that you automatically do enough. None of us are really like that all the time but you try and that is enough. That can apply to all of us in all situations. Some situations such as school will have legal requirements for inclusion. I'm referring to the times and places that don't.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Aug 31, 2017 15:26:18 GMT
I'm not sure where the op wanted to go with this either but I will say I was truly shocked at the level of hatred in the joel osteen thread. And I've been here 17 years. And I don't know where I'm going with this either. This is a public message board and I should have no expectations of kindness. It did inspire me to try harder to be kind to everyone, not just people like myself and whose lifestyle and beliefs are similiar to mine and whose decisions I understand and would make myself. So....random strangers have more of an obligation to say kind things about a supposed Christian who has made millions and millions of dollars selling Jesus than that Christian has to the community he supposedly serves? This whole thread has me scratching my head. It's really more of an oblique hand slap than anything else.
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Post by busy on Aug 31, 2017 15:26:22 GMT
Each individual has to decide for themselves how, when, why and to whom they express kindness. Could most people do "better?" Probably. But then it's obligation or responsibility, not kindness. Kindness is given freely, without expectation.
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Olan
Pearl Clutcher
Enter your message here...
Posts: 4,046
Jul 13, 2014 21:23:27 GMT
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Post by Olan on Aug 31, 2017 15:27:45 GMT
A few incidents this week coupled with the cyber-shaming on here about people not doing "enough" according to posters' self-determined scales, got me thinking. I'm a fan of showing kindness. I'm sure everyone here would claim the same of themselves. But to what end? Imagine a disabled young man. He loves basketball and is happy to learn that he can play during lunch at his school. Common decency says that the other students allow him to join in when they play, right? Imagine a rainy morning and a woman is fighting with a flat tire on the side of the road. Common decency says that a man (or someone with enough upper body strength to fight those machine tightened lug nuts) pull over and help. There are a few cars driving along the road, but who is to say that any of those drivers can/will help? Imagine an acquaintance has fallen on sudden, hard times. Your bills are all paid for the month and you have money in the bank. It would be really kind if you shared your abundance with her. But, what if the able-bodied boys in the gym do not have access to courts except at school? What if they aren't good enough for the basketball team. Playing during lunch releases extra energy, frustration about their performances in class and anger about home situations. They allow the disabled boy to play occasionally, but they cannot play hard and improve their skills when he plays. As a result they exclude him from time to time. What if the guy passing the stranded motorist is on his way to a second interview with the company of his dreams. The rain has already eaten up his padded extra driving time? What if the extra money you have in your bank account is because you've been saving for a Disney trip all year. Your reservations are in a week. Do you give up your family vacation so the acquaintance can get back on her feet? Olan, you are not helping your cause at all. I'll follow your post format in the hopes that mirroring your behavior will help you understand things more clearly. 1. No one distracted anyone from the video's message. You are side-railing the conversation. You know how it could have gone instead? Olan posts youtube video. I state that I like the video but doubt it is from P&G. Olan states - oh no! I posted an incorrect link - here is the original one that P&G actually did. Peas in unison - Powerful video. Nicely done. And bonus to this exchange - people start to listen to you again. 2. It is not the responsibility of readers to check the validity of an original post. It is the responsibility of the original poster. Especially if you are trying to educate the forum. 3. You're unhinged. You need psychiatric help. Please, for the sake of society, stop mentoring your nieces/cousins/whomever until you get your head on straight.
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Post by melanell on Aug 31, 2017 15:54:44 GMT
This whole thread has me scratching my head. It's really more of an oblique hand slap than anything else. Interesting. I didn't read it as a hand slap at all. I read it more as frustration. Then again, I was a bit surprised when it suddenly became another thread about Osteen, so what do I know? Save
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 31, 2017 16:02:42 GMT
Joel doesn't own the church does he? It seems like he/his board should have offered his employees and parishioners a place to stay even if he wasn't going to open it up to everyone. I cannot imagine the pastor at my church not throwing open the doors and welcoming everyone to at least have a dry spot to sit and figure out what was next. This was a perfect opportunity to practice what he preaches. He wasn't being asked to open his home or even his business. It is a church.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Kindness
Aug 31, 2017 16:13:09 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Aug 31, 2017 16:13:09 GMT
This whole thread has me scratching my head. It's really more of an oblique hand slap than anything else. Interesting. I didn't read it as a hand slap at all. I read it more as frustration. Then again, I was a bit surprised when it suddenly became another thread about Osteen, so what do I know? SaveIt's not about Osteen as much as it is about perception/expectation/need/desire.
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 31, 2017 16:36:33 GMT
Joel doesn't own the church does he? It seems like he/his board should have offered his employees and parishioners a place to stay even if he wasn't going to open it up to everyone. I cannot imagine the pastor at my church not throwing open the doors and welcoming everyone to at least have a dry spot to sit and figure out what was next. This was a perfect opportunity to practice what he preaches. He wasn't being asked to open his home or even his business. It is a church. Technically he can't own the church and have it be a tax exempt entity. They don't list any Board/Church Council/Elders, etc., on the web site. Five of the 11 Leadership Team members are Osteens, so it looks like a family business to me and I'd say effectively he owns it. SaveSave
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Post by melanell on Aug 31, 2017 16:41:49 GMT
Interesting. I didn't read it as a hand slap at all. I read it more as frustration. Then again, I was a bit surprised when it suddenly became another thread about Osteen, so what do I know? SaveIt's not about Osteen as much as it is about perception/expectation/need/desire. Sorry that I wasn't clear. I didn't mean that it started off being about him---just that it turned into a thread about him as we went on. Save
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 31, 2017 16:54:04 GMT
This thread was sparked by a conversation yesterday about the disabled student. Some adults acted as though the able bodied boys should be more charitable this school year. It reminded me of someone who complained that she was temporarily homeless yet people she knew were posting vacation photos on Facebook. Then reading about Osteen and the Kardashians catching flak about not doing enough got me wondering who gets to determine what enough is? Do able-bodied children ALWAYS have to go without in order to make a disabled student feel included? And so on. I don't know- I wanted to hear your opinions. I wish your OP had asked this question directly. Having a discussion about being more inclusive and the challenges of meeting everyone's needs is interesting. I'm not even sure it is about being kind, because that almost sounds condescending in this scenario IMHO. I'd suggest the school round up a few wheelchairs and have one day a week be wheelchair basketball on the court. The able bodies boys will have plenty to challenge their skills as they learn to navigate with a wheelchair. I'm sure there are lots of kids that don't get time on the courts because the more talented players have dominated. SaveSaveSaveSave
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