Tonight is a terrible sleepover... in hospice with a friend.
Aug 30, 2014 6:06:08 GMT
FrozenPea, farmdpea, and 2 more like this
Post by mapchic on Aug 30, 2014 6:06:08 GMT
Did you ever have one of those friends who you just knew you would be friends with forever? You finished each other sentences, had a weird unspoken communication, inside jokes, stories you could tell each other and other people again and again (always becoming a somewhat better story in the retelling). I have a friend like that. Mark and I have been friends since high school. We never dated (answering the When Harry Met Sally question of 'can men and women really be friends?' - yes) but we have had all sorts of adventures.
Lots of traveling together from road trips to just the next state and international adventures navigating the Irish and British countrysides. We share a passion for photography and history with endless conversations on virtually any topic. I have helped him move 9 times - more than once it was just him and me doing that heavy lifting including once on Easter Sunday. He has been my personal bike mechanic and once got a table out of a door after AN and I had basically gotten ourselves stuck (I seriously thought the only solution was an axe).
We joke I am the sister his family didn't know he had and he is the better than my brother... because my brother can be a bit of a jerk and Mark is not. We might get frustrated with each other but we also know that no matter what we will always be there for each other.
A year and a half ago Mark was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic colon cancer. He has happily had a pretty great 18 months. Got married to a wonderful woman (you may remember my posting about taking pictures at the wedding). Became a great stepfather to two wonderful gradeschool aged kids and made the most of his time. He was responding well to treatment (chemo, radiation, surgery) knocking the cancer out of his lungs, lymph nodes and his colon with only the liver left. Recently they were very positive about how things were going and they were very hopeful that the latest treatment of radioactive seeds (?!) in his liver would knock the cancer out.
Sadly, that didn't happen.
When he went in for a scan to see how the liver cancer was responding to the radioactive seeds it was discovered that the cancer had moved to his spine. He is in lots of pain and the doctors made it clear this week that it was time for hard choices because treatment for the bone mets in his spine would be unlikely to succeed. After a week in the hospital doing radiation to go after the tumor in his spine today he moved to hospice.
It's been a big day.
We decided that even though the hospice is just a block away we might have to get 'lost' on the way. His father drove a 1966 convertible corvette stingray to the hospital, we took the top off and then we had a little caravan to go on adventures. Mark rode with his dad, his wife was with me, his mother and brother in a 3rd car. We stopped in front of his home and took a few pictures with his wife there.
Then we drove to a local forest preserve. Mark was always an outdoors kind of guy. Ran cross country in school, HUGE into mountain biking, building trails, working races, traveling the country to ride, camping, hiking... running several marathons. The outdoors in the woods is where he *belongs*. Being in the forest preserve he was happier than he has been all week.
After some time clearly the sun got to everyone. Mark got behind the wheel of the corvette and took it for a spin in the forest preserve parking lot (keep in mind that before he left the hospital there was a substantial shot of dilauded along with a phenenal patch). Now sure, this might call for some classic 2peas hand slapping... but I just don't care. It was a large fairly abandoned forest preserve parking lot. The look on his face and his father's face as they took off and came back was absolutely worth it.
We finally headed to the hospice. It is really nice... but still hospice for my friend. His wife brought the tow kids over and they were told about hospice (bad times). She went home with the kids, Marks parents and siblings went home, other friends went home and now here I am covering the first night at hospice.
I would do anything for Mark because I have always known he would do anything for me... but I really really don't want to have to do this. I started writing this a couple hours ago then he woke up in pain and it just kills me to see that. After the pain meds kicked in we had a totally normal conversation about the best places to camp in Wisconsin and him telling me that I can borrow his 8 person tent for a girls camping trip. I lay back down on the couch and he (in classic fashion) teased me about 'giving up and going to sleep' so I popped back up to talk for about 5 minutes until he just fell asleep mid sentence.
I don't really know why I am posting this here other than the fact that I am here and can't talk to him... or anyone else really. I can't sleep because WTF am I doing in hospice with my young super healthy living best friend? Seriously of the two of us *I* should be the sick one. I surely haven't run a marathon, I don't have a loving spouse who will be devastated by my death. This situation just really sucks. It's a blessing that I get this time with him but sometimes it is hard to remember that.
Be sure to hug those you love a little closer and enjoy them this weekend.... even when they are driving you crazy (as only our loved ones can). If you get a chance to go out and really enjoy life this weekend - take it. If you were planning on just sitting around and doing nothing - make the choice to go out there and take a walk, ride a bike, go for a hike. Time is short and we all have to get the most enjoyment out of it we can.
Lots of traveling together from road trips to just the next state and international adventures navigating the Irish and British countrysides. We share a passion for photography and history with endless conversations on virtually any topic. I have helped him move 9 times - more than once it was just him and me doing that heavy lifting including once on Easter Sunday. He has been my personal bike mechanic and once got a table out of a door after AN and I had basically gotten ourselves stuck (I seriously thought the only solution was an axe).
We joke I am the sister his family didn't know he had and he is the better than my brother... because my brother can be a bit of a jerk and Mark is not. We might get frustrated with each other but we also know that no matter what we will always be there for each other.
A year and a half ago Mark was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic colon cancer. He has happily had a pretty great 18 months. Got married to a wonderful woman (you may remember my posting about taking pictures at the wedding). Became a great stepfather to two wonderful gradeschool aged kids and made the most of his time. He was responding well to treatment (chemo, radiation, surgery) knocking the cancer out of his lungs, lymph nodes and his colon with only the liver left. Recently they were very positive about how things were going and they were very hopeful that the latest treatment of radioactive seeds (?!) in his liver would knock the cancer out.
Sadly, that didn't happen.
When he went in for a scan to see how the liver cancer was responding to the radioactive seeds it was discovered that the cancer had moved to his spine. He is in lots of pain and the doctors made it clear this week that it was time for hard choices because treatment for the bone mets in his spine would be unlikely to succeed. After a week in the hospital doing radiation to go after the tumor in his spine today he moved to hospice.
It's been a big day.
We decided that even though the hospice is just a block away we might have to get 'lost' on the way. His father drove a 1966 convertible corvette stingray to the hospital, we took the top off and then we had a little caravan to go on adventures. Mark rode with his dad, his wife was with me, his mother and brother in a 3rd car. We stopped in front of his home and took a few pictures with his wife there.
Then we drove to a local forest preserve. Mark was always an outdoors kind of guy. Ran cross country in school, HUGE into mountain biking, building trails, working races, traveling the country to ride, camping, hiking... running several marathons. The outdoors in the woods is where he *belongs*. Being in the forest preserve he was happier than he has been all week.
After some time clearly the sun got to everyone. Mark got behind the wheel of the corvette and took it for a spin in the forest preserve parking lot (keep in mind that before he left the hospital there was a substantial shot of dilauded along with a phenenal patch). Now sure, this might call for some classic 2peas hand slapping... but I just don't care. It was a large fairly abandoned forest preserve parking lot. The look on his face and his father's face as they took off and came back was absolutely worth it.
We finally headed to the hospice. It is really nice... but still hospice for my friend. His wife brought the tow kids over and they were told about hospice (bad times). She went home with the kids, Marks parents and siblings went home, other friends went home and now here I am covering the first night at hospice.
I would do anything for Mark because I have always known he would do anything for me... but I really really don't want to have to do this. I started writing this a couple hours ago then he woke up in pain and it just kills me to see that. After the pain meds kicked in we had a totally normal conversation about the best places to camp in Wisconsin and him telling me that I can borrow his 8 person tent for a girls camping trip. I lay back down on the couch and he (in classic fashion) teased me about 'giving up and going to sleep' so I popped back up to talk for about 5 minutes until he just fell asleep mid sentence.
I don't really know why I am posting this here other than the fact that I am here and can't talk to him... or anyone else really. I can't sleep because WTF am I doing in hospice with my young super healthy living best friend? Seriously of the two of us *I* should be the sick one. I surely haven't run a marathon, I don't have a loving spouse who will be devastated by my death. This situation just really sucks. It's a blessing that I get this time with him but sometimes it is hard to remember that.
Be sure to hug those you love a little closer and enjoy them this weekend.... even when they are driving you crazy (as only our loved ones can). If you get a chance to go out and really enjoy life this weekend - take it. If you were planning on just sitting around and doing nothing - make the choice to go out there and take a walk, ride a bike, go for a hike. Time is short and we all have to get the most enjoyment out of it we can.
