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Post by gmcwife1 on Oct 18, 2017 15:27:53 GMT
I know exactly what you mean. I'm retired and If my dh ever retires, I don't know what I'll do. This is why I want to retire 2 years before dh retires!! I was divorced for 10 yrs before we married so like the OP, very independent and self sufficient before dh and I married. Like others, I'm an introvert and dh is not and I love my quiet time/alone time. Right now I work days and dh works nights so we have a very nice balance for both of us. He has his days for his stuff while I'm at work and I have nights while he is at work. But for retirement, we will have to work on our schedules!!
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Post by Pahina722 on Oct 18, 2017 15:50:06 GMT
I'm so glad that DH wants to be with me all the time, to tell me every detail of his life, including every strategy for each raid in Destiny, every bad call from all the FSU games in every sport, all the training issues with his lacrosse players . . . Really, I am.
Luckily, we have managed to come to an understanding. It took a lot of explaining about what makes an introvert tick, but eventually he got it, so now, if I'm getting stressed out, it tell him "I need alone time" and he gets out of the house for a few hours. I encourage him to go out with the guys, spend guy weekends, have happy hour with his work colleagues, etc. This works for both of us.
If you really like this guy, you need to keep talking to him about the situation. DH knows that when I begin "I love you, but I need to be alone," it is nothing against him. That's what you need to get through to your guy.
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Post by LisaDV on Oct 18, 2017 16:40:30 GMT
I totally understand. DH was the same way.
Now it doesn't matter as I am a homeschool mom, but as an introvert, I've told DH that when the kids are gone I'm not cooking and I'm taking massive alone time after I have my scheduled mental breakdown from the lack of alone time.😜😂
I say talk to him until he understands. Set some boundaries. I totally wish I had known to do this. Maybe dh would actually take the kids away once in a while without complaining or acting like I must be running away.
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Post by lbp on Oct 18, 2017 17:27:43 GMT
I just belly laughed out loud when I read this. Mine does the same thing only he is either telling me in great detail about some tool he is going to make or every scene of some movie or show he has seen. He also doesn't care if I have seen the movie, he still wants to tell me everything that happened in it. I always tell him it's a good thing he is cute or I'd never put up with it. I then threaten to make him listen to generations of my family genealogy if he doesn't shut up. That usually works. Scoot over. I need to sit on the bench with y'all. I think we are going to need a HUGE bench! Ask my husband what time it is and he will spend the next hour telling you how the watch works!! Makes me crazy. After 37 years of marriage I have learned how to look interested while absolutely not hearing a thing he says!. I also will tell him "I love you but your are making me not like you today. I need some time alone please".
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Post by tamaraann on Oct 18, 2017 19:28:25 GMT
Maybe try to explain it to him by going the self care route. Some people need to run as their method of self care. Some people need to talk as their method. You need peace and quiet alone time as your method of self care.
I am sure if you looked up some definitions of what and introvert is, and shared them with him, perhaps he would see the light and give you your time.
If not, that would be my signal to move on.
I am also an introvert, and totally get it. But this is what I would hope would work if it were me!!! Good luck.
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Post by beanbuddymom on Oct 18, 2017 20:35:25 GMT
Scoot over. I need to sit on the bench with y'all. Have room for one more?! LOL!! Mine will go into great detail about anything car/truck related. And he will stop and rewind his car shows for me to be able to see it. I so badly want to say....I DO NOT CARE but I don't. I just act like I'm interested. He does exhaust me but he's a wonderful man. He also works offshore and is gone 2 weeks out of the month so I do have a reprieve and have my alone time which I am so thankful for. OMG add me to the bench! Mine will go on a 10 minute detailed explanation of a project at work or something that happened when he was out hunting that day. KILL ME NOW! Doesn't get the cues that I'm giving that I want him to edit it/end the story because in most cases I don't understand or it's mind numbing. (Really? You saw HOW many deer pass your treestand this morning? Oh please tell me more.)
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 5, 2024 8:54:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2017 20:51:15 GMT
Have room for one more?! LOL!! Mine will go into great detail about anything car/truck related. And he will stop and rewind his car shows for me to be able to see it. I so badly want to say....I DO NOT CARE but I don't. I just act like I'm interested. He does exhaust me but he's a wonderful man. He also works offshore and is gone 2 weeks out of the month so I do have a reprieve and have my alone time which I am so thankful for. OMG add me to the bench! Mine will go on a 10 minute detailed explanation of a project at work or something that happened when he was out hunting that day. KILL ME NOW! Doesn't get the cues that I'm giving that I want him to edit it/end the story because in most cases I don't understand or it's mind numbing. (Really? You saw HOW many deer pass your treestand this morning? Oh please tell me more.) Make a bit more room, my husband has spent hours explaining to me the ins and outs of playing a Paladin tank in WoW. It's absolutely riveting. Once again it's a good job he's so cute Save
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Oct 18, 2017 20:55:39 GMT
Your post and this thread made me think of the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. It might help him understand where you're coming from. I would have some more heart to hearts and come up with some concrete boundaries/solutions to try. I don't think it's time to boot him to the curb yet, but address the issues, work on them, and see if this is workable. Good luck!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 18, 2017 20:58:51 GMT
My DH likes time together and so do I. But I am the extrovert and he is the introvert. He will often say to me, why don't you work on your projects? It is code for he needs time to be by himself. I go and craft on my own but I am in the same room with him. He likes to watch TV. It makes me feel like I am with him, but gives him the space that he needs. At least this is how we have done it in the past when he was home every night.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,825
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Oct 18, 2017 21:27:35 GMT
I’m the introvert and if dh didn’t travel for work I don’t know what I’d do.
I’m dreading retirement. Although my dh belongs to a golf club do I’ll send him there.
OP I think you know deep down if you don’t get this sorted out he’s not the one for you.
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Post by merry on Oct 18, 2017 22:02:06 GMT
I second the book recommendation - Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain!! Check it out of the library and both read it. I had a friend who was an extrovert, as were her husband and 2/3 of her children - she said she almost cried when she read it because she finally understood her introverted daughter after years of wondering.
And, then, as per my usual...please go see a counselor. They can be really helpful.
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Post by teacherlisa on Oct 18, 2017 22:11:17 GMT
Thanks again everyone! I have read and truly appreciate everyone's comments and POV. I am going to work on a) not feeling guilty about being true to myself and b) being less worried about hurting his feelings and being more direct/not expecting him to "know" or "read my mind".
I also think the majority of the problem for me revolves around when I/we are at my house. I think he thinks if I am home, I am not doing anything. He is very encouraging about any plans or when I am with family or at crops etc.
Thanks so very much everyone!
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 18, 2017 22:16:28 GMT
I think that it's all about honest and direct communication. You've tried telling him nicely, but now it's time to just be direct. Share your feelings and ask him how he feels about giving you space on a regular basis. By being open w/him, hopefully he'll agree to give you room for yourself. After 10 years this is a big adjustment, but if he's willing to cooperate it can be done.
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