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Post by tinydogmafia on Oct 28, 2017 14:31:40 GMT
Our new house will be ready in the 45 days. I am very excited! The last 6 months have flown by and now there is an actual house with walls and windows and it's almost time to seal the deal and move out of here.
I have lived in this house for 14 years.
You know the kind of baggage that comes with 14 years in a house.
In that time, my mom died, my best friend died and my husband left. And I now have a house with many, many of my mother's things in it. Many of them, I just have no use for. Other things I love, but probably still don't have a lot of use for. I started to take photos of things before I toss or donate them. But I am not finding it easy.
I am sure many of you have BTDT, and I was wondering what helped you make this process easier?
The disclaimer is that I have no children or other family to share these items with, and my dad is recently remarried after being a widower for 7 years. They have been the main culprits in dumping things on me, without notice. (I live 1500 miles away!) But my father showed up here with boxes of crap, an old dinning room table and chairs, none of which I wanted. I wasn't home, so he left all that crap out by my garage. No, "Hey would you like some of this stuff?" But I guess that's a different post for me to set boundaries.
I'm not posting and running, but I am packing, so I'll check back in here soon!
Thank you for reading!
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Post by christine58 on Oct 28, 2017 14:37:02 GMT
Well..I'd toss whatever your dad dropped off...LOL If you have not used something in two years..toss those too!!
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basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:09 GMT
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Post by basketdiva on Oct 28, 2017 14:41:05 GMT
Have a friend help you sort through those items you are having trouble letting go of. They can offer a new perspective. BTDT
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2017 14:43:19 GMT
Good luck! You can do it.
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maryannscraps
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Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Oct 28, 2017 14:49:43 GMT
My sister has been doing the same thing to me. Every time she visits, she brings 4-5 boxes (she's a 6-hr drive away, so it's not that often). Then my mom says, "Oh, I'm so glad you brought that." Now that mom has moved into an apartment, I brought over everything she wanted or needed, and I'm tossing the rest. I've kept a few large sentimental pieces she doesn't want tossed but doesn't have room for. Actually, I chose the sentimental pieces I wanted and Goodwill for the rest. My sisters have had four years to take anything they want.
It makes me mad, because my sister's excuse is that she's downsizing. So there it sits in my basement, where I have to see it everytime I go to the garage.
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Post by Linda on Oct 28, 2017 14:59:47 GMT
((((Hugs)))) it's hard when they belonged to someone that you loved.
I would think very hard about your vision for your new house - look at each room...what do you want in there? what are you going to use in there? Keep THOSE items.
Don't pack anything that is just going to end up stored at the new house (except for seasonal stuff obviously). If it helps, think about how if you donate or sell the ________ it will find a home where it will be used and loved instead of gathering dust in your attic or basement. Not having children or family members to share the stuff with is, in some ways, a blessing - it means that there's no pressure/guilt to hold onto it just in case your daughter wants it when she's older or cousin suzy wants it when she buys a house or...
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styxgirl
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Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Oct 28, 2017 15:12:28 GMT
First, congrats on your new house! Second, I have a couple of BTDT for you! LOL
I'm an only child. When my Paternal Grandmother passed away, it was the first death where I had LOTS of stuff to deal with as an adult. What did I do? I kept EVERYTHING for about 4 years in a spare room in our house. It was STACKED to the ceiling!!!
That stuff, in that room, hung over me and did not make me happy. It mad me sad ever time I saw it! Eventually, I got brave and had a garage sale. I blessed many people with many things for free or very cheap! I sorted through it all and only kept the items that were specially meaningful to me and had happy memories for me. (I STILL KEPT TOO MUCH. LOL) I need to purge again and get rid of a few boxes. I did incorporate many things into our daily household and when I see or them, they make me smile.
I did take lots of pictures of stuff I decided to let go. When I go back on those pictures, the items aren't nearly as neat as I remember in my mind, so the fact that I let them go is probably a good thing! LOL!
My second story is when my Mom passed away. Again, being an only child, her entire household came to me to deal with. This time, I did not wait to pick out things I loved and wanted to keep. A set of bowls we used at her home for dinner. Important papers. I would say, I weeded through everything in about 4 months. I believe that this helped me along in the grieving process because I didn't have this HUGE task hiding in a room to be dealt with "later" I still smile when we use her bowls at diner. I don't really miss her California Raisin Ceramic Figurine Collection though. Just because she loved it, doesn't mean that I do. LOL
Your totally new house is a totally new start for you! Fill it with things YOU choose and love. NO guilt. If you have time, move what you want to your new home and give the family a deadline to come get what they want before it is disposed of ... because, "I'm sorry, there's just not a place for it in my new home"
You can sell the rest or donate it to charity. (You could even invite friends to pick through after family does. Or heck, invite them the same day. A little competition amongst your friends and family may help you get rid of more stuff! LOL)
Best wishes to you! (Now, I need to take my own advice and clear out some stuff!!!)
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Post by tinydogmafia on Oct 28, 2017 15:14:06 GMT
Have a friend help you sort through those items you are having trouble letting go of. They can offer a new perspective. BTDT This is a great idea, thank you. I'm sorry you've also BTDT. Actually, I chose the sentimental pieces I wanted and Goodwill for the rest. My sisters have had four years to take anything they want. It makes me mad, because my sister's excuse is that she's downsizing. So there it sits in my basement, where I have to see it everytime I go to the garage. I feel the same way. I have a brother, who lives 1500 miles away, a mile from my father. And somehow, none of these things have ended up at his house. It's kind of a downer that my dad got to release the burden of a lot of these things, only he just passed the burden to me. He didn't do the hard part, if that makes sense. I would think very hard about your vision for your new house - look at each room...what do you want in there? what are you going to use in there? Keep THOSE items. YES!! Thank you. We have talked long and hard about this. We are moving with very minimal items. Part of building this house was to give us a fresh start, which is why I am trying to let go as much of this stuff as possible. As an afterthought, hurricane Wilma came through in September, and I packed up lots of very sentiment things in preparation for flooding or damage. (My Mom's ashes, important trinkets, etc. And I have not felt compelled to unpack any of it. So I know I can do this!
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Post by Merge on Oct 28, 2017 15:15:01 GMT
It's very hard. 10+ years later, I still have four large plastic tubs of things that belonged to my parents. And that's culled down from a small storage unit's worth of stuff - furniture and knick-knacks - that I held on to for about 5 years before letting it go. In the end, I kept photos and my mom's handiwork - quilts and cross-stitch stuff that doesn't go in my home, but that I can't bear to get rid of. Eventually I'll scan all the photos and let the originals go.
Maybe try to cull back to only those things that have a direct personal connection to your mom - things she made, for example, or that have her handwriting on them.
Sorry you're dealing with this!
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Post by tinydogmafia on Oct 28, 2017 15:20:32 GMT
. Important papers. I would say, I weeded through everything in about 4 months. I believe that this helped me along in the grieving process because I didn't have this HUGE task hiding in a room to be dealt with "later" I still smile when we use her bowls at diner. I don't really miss her California Raisin Ceramic Figurine Collection though. Just because she loved it, doesn't mean that I do. LOL I am so glad you did it this way. I am still having trouble all these years later. My mom dropped dead out of nowhere on Christmas Day 2008. And then my best friend died a year and 9 days later from breast cancer. We were 35. You know what I did with all that stuff? Shoved it into my bedroom closet and never looked at it again. I am dreading the closet and I really wish I had been more brave like you were and tackled it head on. I guess I was just so consumed with grief and simultaneously trying to stay positive hoping my BFF would beat cancer, it just didn't allow me the time I needed to process all the physical stuff. And I really love that you use the bowls and enjoy them! That's sounds just perfect!
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Post by tinydogmafia on Oct 28, 2017 15:24:47 GMT
It's very hard. 10+ years later, It is very hard, even with so much time passing. Some things get better, but I find the physical reminders much more difficult. A friend suggested that I get a small storage unit for 6 months or 1 year and anything I don't go get or miss in that time, it's time to let go of. It's almost like I'm throwing part of them away. And I KNOW that is so far from the truth. And I also know it makes me sound a bit crazy. But in a way, I'm glad this move is forcing me to confront all of this head on, finally.
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Post by Really Red on Oct 28, 2017 15:25:12 GMT
This is a perfect post for today for me. My mom passed away four years ago and I'm going through her stuff today. i'm also finding stuff from my kids. Do you know what I've been doing? I've been taking pictures of things. I know that is crazy, but it makes me feel better that I'm not just giving something away never to see it again. Also, I found a lot of things that I can get to the battered women's shelter. That makes me feel so good. They're really nice things and useful.
A lot of trips to goodwill though!
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Oct 28, 2017 15:28:39 GMT
. Important papers. I would say, I weeded through everything in about 4 months. I believe that this helped me along in the grieving process because I didn't have this HUGE task hiding in a room to be dealt with "later" I still smile when we use her bowls at diner. I don't really miss her California Raisin Ceramic Figurine Collection though. Just because she loved it, doesn't mean that I do. LOL I am so glad you did it this way. I am still having trouble all these years later. My mom dropped dead out of nowhere on Christmas Day 2008. And then my best friend died a year and 9 days later from breast cancer. We were 35. You know what I did with all that stuff? Shoved it into my bedroom closet and never looked at it again. I am dreading the closet and I really wish I had been more brave like you were and tackled it head on. I guess I was just so consumed with grief and simultaneously trying to stay positive hoping my BFF would beat cancer, it just didn't allow me the time I needed to process all the physical stuff. And I really love that you use the bowls and enjoy them! That's sounds just perfect!
That really is a lot to deal with all in a short time period. I holed oll the stuff away when my Grandma died for a long time. I think I learned from that one and was able to deal with my Mom's stuff a little better.
It will be hard to open that door to your closet, but you will feel so much better and accomplished when you get it done. AND if you're like me you kinda have that dread hanging over you and it may be the one thing that is clouding your move ... If it feels this way, the sooner you do it, the better and then you can get on to the more fun parts of your new home with out that stressor there.
I agree with the previous poster that asked if you had a friend that can go through the stuff with you ... Friends don't have an emotional attachment to the stuff and can really be a huge help!
Again, best wishes!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2017 15:34:48 GMT
Start out by creating a pile of things you definitely feel is trash. Make a second donation pile of things you definitely don't like or can't use. A third pile can be your "maybe" pile and the last pile is your "keep" pile. After you are done, sort through the maybe pile into the three remaining piles. Hopefully, once you get going, it will be easier to figure out what is worth keeping.
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Post by pattyraindrops on Oct 28, 2017 15:34:55 GMT
If you come across thing that you don't want, but emotion ties you to them then take a picture. If at anY time you need to then you can look at the pictures. This has worked well for people in my family.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Oct 28, 2017 15:38:31 GMT
Look at the things this way: you can't use them, but there is likely a lovely family who can. Wouldn't it be nice to let them have the nice things and let the items have another life?
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Post by Merge on Oct 28, 2017 15:46:48 GMT
It's very hard. 10+ years later, It is very hard, even with so much time passing. Some things get better, but I find the physical reminders much more difficult. A friend suggested that I get a small storage unit for 6 months or 1 year and anything I don't go get or miss in that time, it's time to let go of. It's almost like I'm throwing part of them away. And I KNOW that is so far from the truth. And I also know it makes me sound a bit crazy. But in a way, I'm glad this move is forcing me to confront all of this head on, finally. The storage unit can be a good idea - or you may end up paying for a storage unit full of stuff you don't use for the rest of your life! I totally understand how you feel.
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Post by Restless Spirit on Oct 28, 2017 16:33:41 GMT
Look at the things this way: you can't use them, but there is likely a lovely family who can. Wouldn't it be nice to let them have the nice things and let the items have another life? This is exactly what my sister told me when I was going through our mother's things. Long story short - because of time constraints, I had to move all of the her personal items out of her house, put it in a Uhaul truck and haul it 1000 miles away to my house in Texas. All that stuff took up 1/2 of my garage for several years before I could bring myself to sort it all out. I had to do it by myself, which didn't make it any easier. My older sister wisely told me "just imagine how pleased someone else will be to find these items! They will happily tell friends and family of their great find and cherish and enjoy the items for years to come." Another thing that helped me was being able to locate a reputable charity resale shop where the proceeds benefited abused and needy women and children. Everything I did not keep, I gave to this charity. I actually felt good about giving her things away. Plus, I know my mother would have loved the idea and would have made her very happy.
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Post by tinydogmafia on Oct 28, 2017 16:56:21 GMT
Wouldn't it be nice to let them have the nice things and let the items have another life? "just imagine how pleased someone else will be to find these items! They will happily tell friends and family of their great find and cherish and enjoy the items for years to come." This just made me realize what to do with all of her costume jewelry. She loved it, she wore some special piece everyday. But it's just not me. I'm going to keep a few special pieces and I'm going to give the rest to my ladies and the nursing home I work at. They will wear it and enjoy it and my mother would be so pleased to know it's being loved. Thank you. So much.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Oct 28, 2017 17:01:58 GMT
I received a lot of stuff after my Mather passed away. I took pictures of some items to remember, donated some and sold some items. With the money I received from the sold items I donated the cash to charity and also bought items for a charity.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 28, 2017 17:07:48 GMT
My mom died in 1989. I got a trailer full of stuff that my dad didn't want. I was pretty good about going through it all and giving maybe 75% of it away or tossing. My dad died in 2001. My stepmother got me some things, but you know how that goes. I can say that I have maybe 10 items in my house that people see and they are all precious to me. I love them because there are only a few of them and that makes them more special to me. I also have two tubs in the crawl space that I could get rid of, but I generally avoid.
Give yourself a specific number of things you CAN keep. Maybe make it 20. As you go through each thing and try to decide IF it makes the cut of 20, you will begin to see what is really important to you. Then let anyone else know that things are going to Goodwill and if they aren't claimed in the next 30 days, they will be gone. Then mention that you aren't accepting anymore boxes as you are full in your new home. I really don't get people who pay for a storage shed indefinitely. They are so expensive and that stuff just wears on you.
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Post by utmr on Oct 28, 2017 17:16:27 GMT
It’s hard. I have so much stuff. End tables and knick nacks and pictures and papers and books and just stuff. I have no advice, it’s just so hard to let go of the tangible reminders. Even though the logical part of my brain says it’s just junk, it still hurts to part with it.
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Post by medennis4 on Oct 28, 2017 17:45:21 GMT
It's really hard! For me, time has helped ease the sadness of the family items that bring up those emotions. Like others have mentioned, I, too, have a lot of stuff from my childhood family. In fact, I have one large room in my basement of furniture and items from my childhood home 1500 mi away! I feel for you and I like your idea of taking pics of items before getting rid of them. I've started to go through my own things (not my family's stuff, though) and am keeping the mindset of what would I do if a fire or flood was coming? That helps me BUT family memorabilia and stuff is much harder (at least for me so I'm ignoring that project for now). On a side note, it's been interesting to watch my DHs family as they clean out their parents home which was stuffed full of things! It's interesting to observe the family dynamics. Yes, we have also been "given" furniture and other things from that house. That's another project for the future.--lol
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2017 17:56:05 GMT
I've been there, too. it's hard today but when you get in your new house, the joy will totally be worth it! I just got this pic from dd. She found this in a thrift shop today and told me she has been looking for it for years because she broke the one I had given my dad that I had saved when my parents passed away. I have no memory of her breaking it, just didn't know what happened to it. She said she is buying it for my birthday!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2017 17:59:24 GMT
Your totally new house is a totally new start for you! Fill it with things YOU choose and love. NO guilt. If you have time, move what you want to your new home and give the family a deadline to come get what they want before it is disposed of ... because, "I'm sorry, there's just not a place for it in my new home" You can sell the rest or donate it to charity. (You could even invite friends to pick through after family does. Or heck, invite them the same day. A little competition amongst your friends and family may help you get rid of more stuff! LOL) Best wishes to you! (Now, I need to take my own advice and clear out some stuff!!!) I appreciate everything you wrote in your post! Excellent advice. My in-laws are dropping off their unwanted items at our house every time they visit. I came home from work two weeks ago to find a bunch of outdoor trash bags full sitting in my living room. 😜
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2017 18:02:36 GMT
Wouldn't it be nice to let them have the nice things and let the items have another life? "just imagine how pleased someone else will be to find these items! They will happily tell friends and family of their great find and cherish and enjoy the items for years to come." This just made me realize what to do with all of her costume jewelry. She loved it, she wore some special piece everyday. But it's just not me. I'm going to keep a few special pieces and I'm going to give the rest to my ladies and the nursing home I work at. They will wear it and enjoy it and my mother would be so pleased to know it's being loved. Thank you. So much. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Post by librarylady on Oct 28, 2017 18:17:34 GMT
Take photos of the sentimental things that you don't use and donate them. Let someone else make use of them.
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styxgirl
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Post by styxgirl on Oct 28, 2017 18:56:02 GMT
Your totally new house is a totally new start for you! Fill it with things YOU choose and love. NO guilt. If you have time, move what you want to your new home and give the family a deadline to come get what they want before it is disposed of ... because, "I'm sorry, there's just not a place for it in my new home" You can sell the rest or donate it to charity. (You could even invite friends to pick through after family does. Or heck, invite them the same day. A little competition amongst your friends and family may help you get rid of more stuff! LOL) Best wishes to you! (Now, I need to take my own advice and clear out some stuff!!!) I appreciate everything you wrote in your post! Excellent advice. My in-laws are dropping off their unwanted items at our house every time they visit. I came home from work two weeks ago to find a bunch of outdoor trash bags full sitting in my living room. 😜
Thanks! :-)
In regards to the above in BOLD .... You know, I believe that other people feel guilty about getting rid of stuff too. And, it they dump it on family, it makes them feel better. Once you become the known person in the family that will take the stuff, you get to be everyone's scape goat! AAAAAAck!! LOL
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FurryP
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Post by FurryP on Oct 28, 2017 19:21:15 GMT
One thing that worked for me when I was trying to get rid of some gifts my dad had given me that I really did not like or have use for, was to say out loud...."Just because I am getting rid of this does not mean I don't love you dad."
It was just mind game, but it really helped with the guilt I was having. Especially because it was my dad.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2017 19:37:25 GMT
I appreciate everything you wrote in your post! Excellent advice. My in-laws are dropping off their unwanted items at our house every time they visit. I came home from work two weeks ago to find a bunch of outdoor trash bags full sitting in my living room. 😜
Thanks! :-)
In regards to the above in BOLD .... You know, I believe that other people feel guilty about getting rid of stuff too. And, it they dump it on family, it makes them feel better. Once you become the known person in the family that will take the stuff, you get to be everyone's scape goat! AAAAAAck!! LOL
I know you're right. Wonder what they'll think when I show up at their house next time with outdoor trash bags full of stuff, haha!
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