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Post by melodyesch on Nov 3, 2017 14:04:50 GMT
This morning we received the annual unsolicited email from my DH's sister with niece's gift wish list for Christmas. That's how it's done in his family and I'm OK with that. Niece is the only child on this side of the family. For Christmas, it's always DH's parents, SIL and niece. Niece will be 13 by the time Christmas gets here. Anyway, the list usually is pretty long, with a variety of toys, movies and such. I have always picked a medium priced item off the list and given a separate non-listed item as well that has always seemed to go over well.
This year, SIL starts off the email saying that cash would probably be best. She lists one American Girl item that's WAY out of our normal price range, one book (that MIL will probably get her) and then gift cards to various locations, saying that niece has been very vocal about the gift cards.
So since we have a small family on DH's side and we're always at my house for Christmas morning, I'm really irritated about this. So when it comes to gift giving time, we all just hand niece an envelope with a gift card? Where's the fun in that? I DO want niece to have something she wants, but I also am being a bit selfish in that I would like to buy her a GIFT myself, wrap it and watch her open it. My first instinct was to fire off an email saying she can go ahead and set the stage right now that niece will not be getting gift cards from us, but I stopped before sending and thought to get some opinions. How would you handle?
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moodyblue
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Nov 3, 2017 14:09:41 GMT
For many people, and often teens, it seems that cash and gift cards are most wanted and useful.
I will get gift cards, but I always find something, maybe a small item, to go with them. Often the gift card is wrapped in with the gift or is in some small cute holder.
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Post by mellowyellow on Nov 3, 2017 14:10:43 GMT
My dh's gifts are usually quite expensive so he asks for gift cards so he can save up for the item. My mom hates this! She likes for him to be able to "open a gift" but dh gets irritated and says....don't ask me what I want then if you are just going to get me what you want me to have. I can see both sides of it but every year we go through this. I'm not sure what the answer is. LOL!!
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Post by Fidget on Nov 3, 2017 14:12:37 GMT
At her age, she probably prefers to shop for herself, I would get her a gift card and a small trinket gift for her to open. Maybe an inexpensive pair of earrings if she likes jewelry or a scarf. I don't mind giving gift cards or cash. My 2 oldest Grand sons are both 12 and have both requested cash for Christmas, they have things on their wish lists that they know are out of price range for everyone individually, so if we all give them cash they can buy what they really want and not get items that are dust collectors.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Nov 3, 2017 14:13:52 GMT
If I like the list, I use it. If I don't, I'm perfectly fine with going "off-list." I don't think I would tell mom either way. I don't particularly enjoy shopping for and buying gift cards, so I rarely go that route. I would even go for a more expensive gift before I would give a gift card. Like it or not, giving gifts is about both the giver and the receiver. It can be a fine line to find something both enjoy. I like giving surprises, too, especially if it fits the person perfectly.
In this case, I would look at accessories, books, or clothes that would go with the American Girl item. Niece can exchange them to put towards the larger item if she doesn't get it or keep them to go with it.
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Post by zztop11 on Nov 3, 2017 14:14:59 GMT
I understand your frustration. It's no fun watching someone open a gift card. She gotten to the age where $$$ is what they want. What I do is to give a gift that I pick out, let's say nice cozy winter socks and then I would put the $$$ or gift card inside the socks. This year I got my niece a nice hooded type cozy come sweater with the finger holes at the end of the sweater. I know she'll like it. I'm going to stuff some dollar bills up the sleeve for her also. That might work.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 0:33:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2017 14:20:13 GMT
As my kids got older, they preferred a GC or cash as well. However, one year, that's all they got and I sensed their disappointment when there were no gifts to open on Christmas day. Now I always get them some small wrapped presents to go with their GC's. Best of both worlds.
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finaledition
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Post by finaledition on Nov 3, 2017 14:25:26 GMT
Often times I purchase a small item from the place I’m getting the gift card so there’s a little something to open.
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amom23
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Posts: 5,333
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Post by amom23 on Nov 3, 2017 14:27:38 GMT
Yep I totally get where your niece is coming from and it's easy enough for you to incorporate a small gift along with a GC.
When my kids got to be teenagers they always had big ticket items on their wish lists and usually asked the grandparents/extended family for gift cards to their store of choice.
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milocat
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Post by milocat on Nov 3, 2017 14:32:47 GMT
I have 2 teen DDs. I know it's more fun to open presents, ask my 2 really young nephews who come to birthday parties here and can't understand all the envelopes! Whatever you get will be recieved with a big "thank you so much I love it", if she was raised properly, but she will never use or wear whatever you buy her. Get her the gift card, she wants to shop herself.
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Post by librarylady on Nov 3, 2017 14:33:11 GMT
I agree that it sucks the joy out of gift giving, but it is what is wanted.
My DH gives gift cards to his sons and they give him a gift card.
I want to say, "just forget about it"
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Post by cmpeter on Nov 3, 2017 14:33:55 GMT
I would give her the gift card and something small that you picked out. You are giving her a gift...how you feel about the unwrapping really shouldn't play into the equation. Give her what she wants.
My kid's uncle gives cash. He just switched to cash when they were teens, they never asked. But, he does the most unusual presentations (mazes, stuffed in a Spam can, origami, etc). They love it and he gets props for being the coolest uncle.
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YooHoot
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Post by YooHoot on Nov 3, 2017 14:34:42 GMT
Buy her some fun socks and wrap up the gift card. Win win!
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Post by just PEAchy on Nov 3, 2017 14:34:47 GMT
All of my kids & nieces/nephews are all teenagers/young adults now and 13 was the typical age when they started asking for money/gift cards. That's what I give them, tucked inside a small gift to unwrap.
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Post by Tammiem2pnc1 on Nov 3, 2017 14:35:30 GMT
I would get her the gift card. But it doesn't have to be boring. Wrap it up in some fancy boxes and make opening it fun! Put it in a cute basket with an assortment of her favorite candy or whatever she is in to. I have a 13 year old and his list is small this year and he loves to get money, I totally get it.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 3, 2017 14:35:45 GMT
Is niece thankful and appreciative or entitled, snotty or indifferent? If she is thankful for what she gets, I would go ahead and get the kid a gift card from her list or cash and find a creative way to wrap it. If not, I would just find a token gift for her and start scaling back the holiday giving. The reason why I say this is because there are two kids on DH’s side that we honestly tried for years to buy for. We asked for lists and were given impossible choices because these special snowflakes just didn’t like normal kid things.  It got to the point where we would just give them cash or gift cards to places we thought they would like, which was either accepted with a lukewarm “...thanks...” at best or an eye roll at worst. Ok, message received, you would rather not get a gift from us at all! So a couple years back, we told DH’s sister that we weren’t going to exchange gifts between the kids anymore to give her the heads up that we were done giving stuff (or money) to her kids that they didn’t seem to appreciate. It worked out for us because they have just as much money as we do but they have two kids and we only have one, so we were already always on the short end of the deal anyway. My point is the attitude of the kid would be the determining factor for me, not what was on the list itself. There are all kinds of creative ways to give people cash or gift cards and you can find them with a quick Pinterest search. |
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Nov 3, 2017 14:42:09 GMT
Do you live close to niece? Maybe you could get her a gift card and then take her shopping with it?
If that won't work then I'd do like others suggested and get a gift card (wrapped like any other present) and then a small gift to go with it.
When my DDs were that age all they wanted were gift cards to go shopping with. They loved (still do!) to go shopping and they never have a lot of extra money to spend so gift cards are fun for them.
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Post by melodyesch on Nov 3, 2017 14:45:59 GMT
Is niece thankful and appreciative or entitled, snotty or indifferent? If she is thankful for what she gets, I would go ahead and get the kid a gift card from her list or cash and find a creative way to wrap it. If not, I would just find a token gift for her and start scaling back the holiday giving. The reason why I say this is because there are two kids on DH’s side that we honestly tried for years to buy for. We asked for lists and were given impossible choices because these special snowflakes just didn’t like normal kid things. It got to the point where we would just give them cash or gift cards to places we thought they would like, which was either accepted with a lukewarm “...thanks...” at best or an eye roll at worst. Ok, message received, you would rather not get a gift from us at all! So a couple years back, we told DH’s sister that we weren’t going to exchange gifts between the kids anymore to give her the heads up that we were done giving stuff (or money) to her kids that they didn’t seem to appreciate. It worked out for us because they have just as much money as we do but they have two kids and we only have one, so we were already always on the short end of the deal anyway. My point is the attitude of the kid would be the determining factor for me, not what was on the list itself. There are all kinds of creative ways to give people cash or gift cards and you can find them with a quick Pinterest search. Niece is appreciative and definitely not snotty, so there's that. But I hear you on the attitudes. Why buy someone a gift when they act like it's a burden for THEM to receive it. Ungrateful little brats! |
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Post by melodyesch on Nov 3, 2017 14:48:47 GMT
Do you live close to niece? Maybe you could get her a gift card and then take her shopping with it? No, she doesn't live too close. I mean, I see them relatively often considering the distance, but for the holidays they are only at my house for the weekend. And when she is here, the grandparents are here so not really an opportunity to go out to shop. |
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Loydene
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Post by Loydene on Nov 3, 2017 14:50:05 GMT
Make the gift cards "funner" to open. The plastic bottle "wrap"; I did a "deck of gift cards" once (MUCH smaller denomination, but many more cards!); great big wrapped gift with smaller wrapped boxes inside.
Or get a gift you want to give - maybe a nicer purse -- and put the gift card inside
I think this is just part of growing up --
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Belle
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Post by Belle on Nov 3, 2017 14:50:10 GMT
I haven't read all of the replies but how about giving her the gift card but she will need to do a scavenger hunt to find it?
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basketdiva
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Post by basketdiva on Nov 3, 2017 14:50:33 GMT
I always find a creative way to wrap a gift card-makes it a bit more fun.
One year I gave my Dad Go Fish cards and tucked in the money for his annual fishing license. Another time I bought season tickets to his local playhouse and clipped them to the appropriate month in a calendar.
Pinterest is full of creative ideas for gift wrapping. Look for something that ties into the gift card. Or if you think she will like it- a stack of boxes ( think Russian dolls) filled with some items with weight and the gc in the smallest box.
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Post by melodyesch on Nov 3, 2017 14:52:59 GMT
OK, thanks for the responses. I will go the gift card route with a small gift to go along side it. I guess gone are the days where she opens toys and squeals with delight. We don't do gifts on my side of the family since everyone is grown and DH and I don't have kids so this is our only official Christmas gift giving get-together. Maybe I'm trying just a tiny bit to keep her a child?
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Post by leannec on Nov 3, 2017 14:53:55 GMT
I have 2 teen DDs. I know it's more fun to open presents, ask my 2 really young nephews who come to birthday parties here and can't understand all the envelopes! Whatever you get will be recieved with a big "thank you so much I love it", if she was raised properly, but she will never use or wear whatever you buy her. Get her the gift card, she wants to shop herself. Same here ... my dd's are 18 and 14 and gift cards are awesome for them so that they can go shopping on Boxing Day (December 26th)  I would buy some fuzzy socks or go to Costco and get the big pack of EOS lip balms to add to the gift card  |
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smcast
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Post by smcast on Nov 3, 2017 14:55:16 GMT
Use the list as a guideline and go from there. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Don't "fire" back, not worth it. Emails can be misinterpreted.
I WISH I'd get suggestions from my sister for her three children.
Eta: if you buy her gift cards, creatively wrap them up for fun.
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freebird
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Post by freebird on Nov 3, 2017 14:59:50 GMT
I would keep doing what you're doing. Something from her list (a modest gift card) and something you pick yourself (you get to wrap and see her unwrap). Seems like both of you get a little of what you want.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2017 15:02:34 GMT
Well, we have this discussion every Christmas and many other days here.
Since I don't enjoy buying stuff for my family/ friends when I don't know if they like it or will be able to use it, I hate the mess made by opening tons of unwanted, unneeded gifts, and I hate wasting money I don't have, , it's easy for me.
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christinec68
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Post by christinec68 on Nov 3, 2017 15:04:16 GMT
Until I received the unsolicited email from the SIL suggesting cash is king, I would have been happy to get gift cards for my niece. The email in that tone would grate on my nerves. But I would ultimately go along with it because I know it's what my niece would like and since the gift is for her there is no point in taking her mother's crassness out on her. I would probably add a little something to unwrap like nail polish kit, small accessory or make up item (depending on what she's into at that age).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2017 15:06:34 GMT
She wants the freedom of cash.
And she wants it delivered by zac Efron wearing a speedo and Christmas socks.
Wait that's what my daughter wants.
Cash is good. She will squeal over cash.
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Post by littlemama on Nov 3, 2017 15:07:25 GMT
For an older teen or a male younger teen, gift cards tend to work well because they are so hard to buy for. A 13 year old girl should be easy to buy for - clothes, makeup, hair stuff, etc.
For a 13 year old, I would buy a gift and if she wants to return it for store credit, she can do that.
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It got to the point where we would just give them cash or gift cards to places we thought they would like, which was either accepted with a lukewarm “...thanks...” at best or an eye roll at worst. Ok, message received, you would rather not get a gift from us at all! So a couple years back, we told DH’s sister that we weren’t going to exchange gifts between the kids anymore to give her the heads up that we were done giving stuff (or money) to her kids that they didn’t seem to appreciate. It worked out for us because they have just as much money as we do but they have two kids and we only have one, so we were already always on the short end of the deal anyway. 
