Tips for management of a large family.

My uncle married a lady with 6 kids and they were the most industrious kids you’ve ever met. Aunt F had started teaching them how to run a house when each was small, boys and girls alike. She kept a list of chores, divided by age appropriateness, and made sure that each child rotated thru the list regularly. There was no division of labor based on gender, only on age.

When my son was an infant, I asked her to explain how she’d done it. I was surprised when she had a very detailed description of her process, but given how awesome her family turned out, I guess it was a question she was asked a lot.

she said -
start early - as soon as a child can walk, they can help. and they WANT to when they’re very young. If you wait until they are older, they EXPECT things to be done for them since that’s how they’ve always be done. A small child may not be able to do a whole chore by themselves, but they can do part of it while someone else does the rest and supervises the child. Bathroom chores and vacuuming are great for this.

break each chore down into steps and let them know why each step is important - this makes the chore a true learning experience and encourages them to use what they’ve learned doing one chore to do another. they’ll learn new chores faster if they can apply the reasoning behind the first chore’s process to the new chore. Also, they may see a better way to do the chore than you do and you BOTH may learn something new.

Group chores so that each set slightly overlaps with someone else’s set, but not so that one kid has to do theirs before the next kid can do theirs. Overlapping meant that if one didn’t do the job right, the other kid caught it and either tattled or called the first kid back to do it again.

Aunt F made lists of the chore groups and had them laminated when the kids were younger; once the older 3 proved they could do every chore, she allowed them to break up the groupings into how the 3 of them preferred to do them. They passed their groupings on to the younger 3 who also made changes. The kids ranked the chores themselves as to which were preferred and which were to be avoided. they also made sure no one got stuck with all the bad chores UNLESS that kid had been a butt. Aunt F said she could always tell who had been slacking by the way the chore groupings were amended on any given week.

Once the kids are old enough to learn a chore, Mom should never do it alone. she should be demonstrating how it’s done or supervising as it’s done. Once the first child has the chore down pat, they teach the next child. Aunt F said the kids always wanted to be the first to learn how to do a new chore because it not only gave them some alone time with her, it also gave them bossing rights over the next kid in line.

Set aside time each Sat to do chores that aren’t done during the week. EVERYONE is home for this time unless there is a major event. (With 6 kids on a single income, none did sports or other activities; this changed some after she married my uncle). Sat chores were done as a family, and there was always a treat afterwards. They worked together, then they played together.

This idea of the kids doing all the chores in the home may sound awful, like child labor, but it really wasn’t. My aunt, pre and post marriage to my uncle, worked long hard hours. After she and Uncle G married, he insisted she go to school so she could get a job that didn’t require she stand on her feet all day. He worked really long days, too, on heavy equipment, and came home pretty exhausted. When they got home, the house was clean and the chores and homework were done, so they ate their supper and then spent time with the kids. From the time they came thru the door until the last child went to bed, the kids had their full attention.

I only had 2 kids and they were really far apart. I used my aunt’s suggestions with both kids, though, and I think I was fairly successful. My oldest used to climb in the tub to get the far side when I was cleaning the bathroom. He taught DD as a toddler to take her wash cloth and wipe around the tub to get rid of the ring after every bath. when he got older and wanted to be more involved with sports, I had an infant and was very involved in running our business. I offered to trade him transportation time for him doing more chores. He agreed and he took over bringing laundry up and down the stairs, cleaning both bathrooms instead of just his own, and vacuuming on the nights he didn’t have practice. When DD also wanted to do sports, she naturally approached me with a list in hand of what chores she could take over to give me more time to drive for her.

My DS married someone who is disabled; he does most of the chores in their home. He doesn’t seem to think it’s any big deal since he already knew how they were done and he likes them done his way. My DD didn’t have a meal plan at college when it wasn’t required; she was able to cook for herself on a much lower budget than a plan would have cost. when she moved back home, one of the first things she did was ask what chores would I like her to be responsible for. She took the ones that I find difficult because of my asthma and the ones she was particularly ticky about.

both of my kids have told me that, for them, doing chores wasn’t something they dreaded or fought about because they understood WHY they were doing them. Everyone in the house had a role to play to make our life run smoother. They understood the give and take involved with taking on more chores. They also liked that I made them understand that I kept changing their chore list so that they would know how to do everything when they left home. Preparing for independence just sounds better than doing chores, I guess.

Marcy