twinsmomfla99
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Nov 19, 2017 14:18:13 GMT
Mom used to host HUGE family gatherings for Dad's side of the family before he passed away. She had 36 place settings of beautiful stainless steel cutlery that has been sitting in the bottom of her china cabinet since then, with 12-15 place settings used when our immediate family is together for holidays.
Last week, she got rid of her "everyday" cutlery and replaced it with some of the stainless. She said she decided that it brings her more joy to use it now than to think of it being passed one of us when she's gone. As she said, all of us are established and don't need it, and our kids would probably prefer choosing something that suits their own styles when they start collecting things for their own households.
Thanks for being so darn practical, Mom! Guilt-free zone at her house, that's for sure!š
She is having a "yard sale" when we come home this week. She has a table full of stuff in the basement for us to look through and take what we want. The rest goes to Goodwill or the Salvation Army.
She is in great health, so I am not worried that this behavior signals some kind of bad news. As she put it, it's easier to simplify when you are healthy and can make decisions without worrying about other, more important issues. At almost 80 years old, she says she wants to be ready to downsize if she needs to some day, and she would hate to burden all of us kids with the job of cleaning out almost 30 years of accumulation in her house.
Wise woman! That's one of the many reasons she is always at the top of my "I'm thankful for..." lists.
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Nov 19, 2017 14:25:24 GMT
That is such a gift to you! My mother is 79 and has repeatedly told us, "I don't worry about all this stuff. You will have to take care of it when I'm gone."
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Post by LisaDV on Nov 19, 2017 14:25:37 GMT
A very wise woman indeed! We all should use it while it brings us joy!
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momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 19, 2017 14:26:12 GMT
I love this, your Mom is awesome. What a great attitude she has.
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momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 19, 2017 14:27:47 GMT
That is such a gift to you! My mother is 79 and has repeatedly told us, "I don't worry about all this stuff. You will have to take care of it when I'm gone." My mother is the same, they have a house full of crap. I'm so looking forward to the weeks and weeks of my life that I can give up to clean out when I have to worry about it  |
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maryannscraps
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Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Nov 19, 2017 14:30:06 GMT
What a gift she is giving you! I'm still going through stuff from my parents' two houses. I was on the phone screaming at my sister a little while ago, because she said she was bringing me another box of Mom's stuff. I told her to send it to goodwill.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 19, 2017 14:37:54 GMT
My grandmother bought china throughout her adulthood one or two pieces at a time when she had money left over from her weekly budget. She accumulated a huge set (service for twelve) with all the serving pieces and incidental items as well. She used it for special occasions, but mostly kept it "safe." Late in life, she moved from her large home to a small apartment in a senior citizens high rise. At that time, she got rid of all other dishes and began using the treasured china everyday saying she had no idea what she'd been waiting for with it. I loved visiting her and having her tell me the story of the china every time we ate off of it! She asked me to take it when she died with the promise that I would also use it every day and not save it. And I did. Even with four small boys, it was often on the table and even run regularly through the dishwasher. We broke some and Replacements, Ltd became my friend to replace those pieces. It's still in my kitchen cabinets. I still use it. It shows its wear. But I doubt there has ever been a more loved set of china.
I love stories like your mom's where people delight in using "the good stuff." Your mom sounds like a great person!
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eleezybeth
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Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Nov 19, 2017 15:00:51 GMT
That is such a gift to you! My mother is 79 and has repeatedly told us, "I don't worry about all this stuff. You will have to take care of it when I'm gone." I am jealous that your mom is so generous. My mom is like Julee's. When I go home I try to take something with me or I clear out a corner. Two trips ago, I filled the back of a truck just throwing out stuff. She said she was going to take it to goodwill next time she went to town. So you can image how pissed I was when she carted it all back inside after we left. And this is NOT even goodwill worthy stuff. Her mother was a borderline hoarder, she is a borderline hoarder. Ugh! |
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Post by Linda on Nov 19, 2017 15:05:16 GMT
That is such a gift to you! My mother is 79 and has repeatedly told us, "I don't worry about all this stuff. You will have to take care of it when I'm gone." My mum is 81 and has said "I'm leaving it all for you to fight over - I'll sit on my cloud and watch" Thanks mum  She has her stuff, her mum's stuff, her aunt's stuff, and her grandma's stuff.... and she has mentioned more than once that some of it is valuable and some of it is meaningful so don't just toss it out when the time comes. I've mentioned that she needs to make note of what is valuable and what is meaningful (ie was great-grandma's vs picked up at a yard sale last year) so we can tell when the time comes. I have the sneaking suspicion that when she does pass, I'm going to have to move into her house for a couple of months in order to go through it all and clean it out - neither I nor my sister live nearby (I'm an 18hr drive away, Sis is about 6hrs) and Sis has a fulltime job while I'm a SAHM. |
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Post by beachbum on Nov 19, 2017 15:14:35 GMT
My grandmother used and enjoyed everything she owned, never saving things for special occasions. I remember drinking orange juice at breakfast out of Waterford glasses. A friend was shocked to unload a picnic basket Gran had packed us for a beach picnic - she found the Spode china in there, along with linen napkins. That was just Gran. No extra 'special' stuff hidden away, just things she used all the time. I have those Waterford glasses now, and think of her every time I use them - which is often.
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craftykitten
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Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Nov 19, 2017 15:16:01 GMT
My mother has taken four years to clear my grandmothers' house.
I don't see it being any 'better' when it's my turn to clear her house.
All this stuff just makes me sad. I would rather have a few beautiful items that we have special memories of.
Good for your mom for using the good stuff.
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CeeScraps
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~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
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Post by CeeScraps on Nov 19, 2017 15:17:58 GMT
My mom had done the same thing. It was so sweet to be able to see the joy in her eyes when she saw us using whatever it was we chose from her treasures.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Nov 19, 2017 15:28:43 GMT
See if your mom ha a church or group who will take household stuff. My stuff has been and is going to a church that helps people set up new homes. They can use every thing including linens, some furniture. I also put a lot of stuff into a dumpster and more is headed there. Had a temporary move in February and will be moving again in January... Still going through boxes to dispose of stuff.. Sadly some crafting supplies too. (but not all)
All of you, use your good china, who better to share it with than your family and friends now!
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imsirius
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Jul 12, 2014 19:59:28 GMT
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Post by imsirius on Nov 19, 2017 15:47:59 GMT
My mom is the same. When she moved into a small apartment after dad died, she told us kids to come over and take the things we wanted that were special. The rest went to goodwill or was given away.
Her apartment is tiny so she only kept her special things and what she needed. There will be not a lot to dispose of when itās time. My brothers and I are thankful for that.
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Post by leannec on Nov 19, 2017 15:55:55 GMT
My MIL, who is in her late 70's, has already started designating certain furniture, china and art to all of us ... the most difficult thing to deal with when she does pass will be getting her piano out of the basement  My mum lives in a one bedroom condo but seems to want to accumulate furniture ... that should be interesting when the time comes  I'm an only child so everything comes to me whether I want it or not  |
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Post by Merge on Nov 19, 2017 15:57:04 GMT
My parents never got rid of anything - they were saving it all to pass down to the kids/grandkids. When they died unexpectedly, it took 7 people a full week to clean out that house and we three kids kept lots and lots of stuff out of a sense of guilt.
I swore then that I would never do that to my kids. If I'm not using it and/or getting joy from it, out it goes. I've been able to let go of most of that stuff from my parents' house. Letting go of my own stuff is easier. I transferred my wedding stainless to the regular silverware drawer probably 8 years ago and never regretted it. Got rid of the wedding china I never used, kept the china (my mom's) I would/did use. My goal now is to stop adding new stuff unless something else goes out.
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Post by katlady on Nov 19, 2017 16:30:16 GMT
The same goes for your scrapbooking/craft supplies! Use it and enjoy it, donāt hoard the paper and embellishments!
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Post by scrapperal on Nov 19, 2017 16:36:07 GMT
I envy those of you with loving and thoughtful parents that understand the burden of stuff. You are blessed.
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amom23
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Post by amom23 on Nov 19, 2017 16:55:52 GMT
DH says we should use our china for Thanksgiving. At first I was thinking no way because I have to hand wash it afterwards, but he is right. No sense just keeping it to look at. At least I know he'll help with the clean up. We are hosting 14 people + a baby.  My mom is more of a purger and I take after her. My MIL is the opposite and it can be stressful. I really hate the mentality that a person's crap (aka stuff) is somebody else's problem when they are gone. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 19, 2017 17:04:21 GMT
twinsmomfla99 Your mom is a gem! I wish my mom would have handled things that way. What happened instead was one sibling systematically went to āvisitā mom and every time went home with anything remotely valuable that she could talk mom into letting her take (which was just about everything, sigh). She would tell our mom stuff like, āYou arenāt using this anymore so can I borrow it for a while?ā Of course mom always said yes because she had Alzheimerās. If anyone asked her about that thing later, of course she didnāt remember what happened to it or who took it. There were easily 30-50 memorable things that should have been in her house when she passed away that werenāt there and were unaccounted for. Even though we all KNEW who had the stuff, at that point there was no way of getting it back to distribute it to other family members. Your mom is wise to do this while she still has the ability to do it on her own terms. DHās mom had to spend an entire summer unloading her parentās house. As a result of that experience, she thinned out her own household not long after so DH and his sister wouldnāt get stuck doing the same thing. It was a huge blessing.
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tincin
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Post by tincin on Nov 19, 2017 17:05:23 GMT
I have already warned my DSs that now that the last one has moved out I am cleaning house. I plan to go through each drawer, closet, cupboard and box in my house. I am going to keep what I will use and the rest will be available for them to come over and go through. What they don't want will go to charity. I have far too much stuff and it isn't bringing me joy.
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twinsmomfla99
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Nov 19, 2017 17:09:57 GMT
The same goes for your scrapbooking/craft supplies! Use it and enjoy it, donāt hoard the paper and embellishments! You are so right. I think Iāll take pictures of āthe purgeā this week and use some of those pretty papers Iāve been āsavingā to document it. Iāll even include the paper story in my journaling. I have some gorgeous rose-themed papers that are probably 10-15 years old that Iāve just never been able to commit to using. Momās middle name is Rose, sooooo....... š |
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Post by femalebusiness on Nov 19, 2017 17:20:14 GMT
I have already warned my DSs that now that the last one has moved out I am cleaning house. I plan to go through each drawer, closet, cupboard and box in my house. I am going to keep what I will use and the rest will be available for them to come over and go through. What they don't want will go to charity. I have far too much stuff and it isn't bringing me joy. I am in this mode too. Anything that I don't use is going. I wish my mother had done the same thing, ugh! I don't want my child cleaning up my mess when I am gone. I have been doing a shelf at a time and making trips to Goodwill. |
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Post by littlemama on Nov 19, 2017 18:29:52 GMT
My MIL, who is in her late 70's, has already started designating certain furniture, china and art to all of us ... the most difficult thing to deal with when she does pass will be getting her piano out of the basement My mum lives in a one bedroom condo but seems to want to accumulate furniture ... that should be interesting when the time comes I'm an only child so everything comes to me whether I want it or not Sell the house, piano included! |
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Post by anniefb on Nov 19, 2017 19:04:38 GMT
A very wise woman indeed! We all should use it while it brings us joy! That ^^ |
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J u l e e
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Post by J u l e e on Nov 19, 2017 20:39:21 GMT
I never grew up with sets of fine China or silverware. We just didn't have it or have any passed down to us. I didn't ask for any of it that at my wedding either. I am definitely an every day user of everyday things. In that way I don't have anything that is special because I don't ever buy anything special! If I'm not going to use it, I don't buy it.
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Post by lisae on Nov 19, 2017 21:11:51 GMT
She is absolutely doing the right thing to let you take what you want while she is still living; things she doesn't want to keep of course. My mother is still living but I've been handling my dad's estate. It's way easier when you have a surviving spouse. Per a friend who has lost both of her parents this year, when my mother passes, I will have to itemize everything in her home for the probate court. In NC, there is a 40 cents on the $100 tax on personal property. I'm an only child so I don't have anyone to fight with but so many families end up feuding over the little stuff.
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melissa
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Post by melissa on Nov 19, 2017 21:31:53 GMT
What a wonderful gift to you all!
My mom had a great deal of family heirloom china, silver, etc. She passed away at age 61. My dad moved to a smaller home and one day, had my sister, myself and my sister-in-law divide it all up among ourselves. That was not fun at all. I wish my mom had been able to say who gets what. I am actually the one that packed up our childhood home by myself and could have really taken anything I wanted.. and I think, in hindsight, I should have. There was a vase that was supposed to go to me, but my sister-in-law didn't want much, just that vase that had been displayed in our home from before I was born. Silly things like that. I know it's just stuff, but I am sentimental that way.
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Post by aljack on Nov 19, 2017 22:05:28 GMT
My mom did the same last year. She pulled out all her good dishes. stainless silverware and declared it everyday wear. She has dishes for every holiday it seems. Then she asked us to pic, through depression glass, crystal, etc. and select what we want. I just donāt use items like that so I passed. I took a few sentimental serving crystal pieces like butter dish, relish etc. I know I wonāt use probably. Sigh. Oh well, maybe one day.
I think itās great!
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Post by Sassenach on Nov 19, 2017 22:32:01 GMT
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