Would you tell your tween about Santa?

When my very naive 5th grade DS still believed, I told him. I didn't want him going to school after the holidays and asking everyone what Santa brought. He's 31 now and wasn't scarred for life.

The spirit of the season, as well as the spirit Santa, is real! Santa has many many Santa helpers, young and old!

My 10 year old 5th grader figured it out this year. She was hinting around last year, but came right out and asked in the middle of WM a few weeks ago. I broke it to her. She wasn't really upset, and told me nobody in 5th grade believes. It's kind of weird to not have to play it all up, but she's got a little anxiety too so I think this may just make the holiday a little easier for her. She's never quite been all that comfortable with the thought that someone comes into the house even if they're bringing a bag of presents. Lol

I'd say if she knows about the Easter Bunny, she knows about Santa. Maybe she just wants to keep the traditions a little bit longer.

My niece was packing up her children's Easter baskets when my dd (then 10) came through the room and saw. She knew as soon as she saw. I could see it in her face. We had the conversation about all of it that afternoon in private. Her biggest question, was "what did you do with my teeth?" She was a little grossed out. lol.

I wasn’t thinking “tell” as much as let her figure it out by way of vagueness and not actively keep the up the pretence. Normally I would let it happen naturally but in the OP’s case with anxiety etc I might do it differently in her situation.
I agree, a big sit down discussion isn’t necessarily a good thing

My kids figured it out but I did not confirm anything until they flat out asked point blank.

They never really had issues with peers as they are jewish and christmas was moms holiday and peers were ‘jealous’ they had both holidays. Well until they told thier friends the got socks, pajamas & a book for Hanukkah and had to give one night to charity. While that’s true there’s still 4 nights left. Lol ( although 1 night was also charging cords because they were forever breaking theirs )

But I don’t think that children need to be told if they aren’t asking. If you want to fine but if she isn’t asking then I ‘assume’ She wants to hold onto it a bit longer. Ymmv

Let it happen naturally.

My oldest was in 5th grade when on the bus our neighbor kids were saying they weren't getting any Christmas presents because their parents were taking them to Jamaica. My sweet, innocent girl asked: "won't Santa bring you presents?" And she was laughed at. She came in the house, threw down her backpack and yelled to me (quietly so her sisters wouldn't hear): "tell me now, is there a Santa?!?!" So, I told her that there was once a person named Saint Nicholas and that one of the fun things of being a grown up is getting to keep his spirit alive for children and now she was in on the fun and it was a big responsibility to keep him alive for her sisters. She was satisfied with the answer and we actually went shopping together that night for things to put in her sisters' stockings.

So, why am I telling you to let it happen naturally? She is now 25 and literally has no recollection of that day. Whenever I bring it up, she's like: "really? I don't remember that at all!" It's either PTSD or it wasn't that big a deal in the long run (I think it's the latter.) Every kid realizes it eventually. Just let it happen in its own course.

We told DS before starting 6th grade. We didn’t want kids making fun of him for believing. It was more of a “you’re starting middle school and old enough to know” conversation.

Dd (14) has Aspergers. I told her during 6th grade which is when kids here start Jr. High. I did not want her to be teased. She thought it was pretty cool that her dad and I were Santa. She still believes in St. Nicholas and what he represented and plays along for her brother and youngest cousin. She still writes a letter to Santa and likes her gifts to be from him.

Personally I think it's sweet. She knows but still believes in the magic.

I found out in 6th grade and was 11.

Both of us were fine

I was always amazed at how many fifth graders still believed in Santa.  I loved it.  

No.

When my girls were 8 (going on 9) they asked me, but it was in front of my 5-year-old! I would have absolutely told them the truth, but because he was there, I just said this:

Everyone does things differently. No one house is the same. In our house, we like to believe in the magic that is Santa. Not everyone has to. Santa fills our stockings and brings one present, a book and a game. For some people, their parents prefer to do that. That is how their family celebrates and that is great. Personally, I like the magic, but that is completely up to you. If you'd rather not have the magic, I can give you the same presents.

That was about as oblique as I could be while telling as much truth as I felt they needed to hear with my 5yo on my lap. FWIW, years later they told me they were told that year. My son believed until he was 11yo as well and you know how many people made fun of him? Zero.

My DD is 11, nearly 12. I can't decide if she knows or not. She is another one who is innocent in many ways, but then sometimes she surprises me by the things she *does* know. She talks to me about nearly everything, so if she had questions, she would ask. And the way she talks, it sounds like she believes. However, she's known about the Easter bunny forever - but she's not always a kid to put two and two together, you know? Now her younger brother has known the truth since he was 7, but that's because he came right out and asked me the truth. I have actually been impressed that he has taken care to keep the secret from his big sister (because he can be quite the turkey of a little brother sometimes). I'm glad you asked, OP, because I've been having some of the same ponderings.