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WWTPD?
Jan 31, 2018 0:31:24 GMT
Post by shanniebananie on Jan 31, 2018 0:31:24 GMT
Today was a family day at my daughter's school and we went out to a local restaurant for lunch. It is a day we look forward to all year and we were having a great time together. As we were eating, a woman comes over to me and whispers in my ear, "Your daughter needs to close her legs." My daughter attends a private school and their uniform is a jumper, blouse and modesty shorts. She is 11 yrs old and her jumper comes down over her knees. It is entirely possible that her legs were not together at the table, but there is nothing indecent to see as she had her shorts on. She certainly wasn't sitting like this on purpose.
The lady moved on before I could respond, but I did whisper to my daughter to sit like a lady. She knows that means knees together. She asked if the woman said something to her and I said yes. She didn't cry but her face immediately turned red and she said she felt humiliated. It changed the tone of the lunch and she wanted to leave quickly without finishing her meal.
Now, I of course think when girls have a dress or skirt on they should sit without showing their underwear. However there was no way to see anything but shorts. Was it worth saying something to me? Would you have said something to me? How would you have responded to the woman?
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Post by librarylady on Jan 31, 2018 0:33:35 GMT
I hope I would have thought fast enough to say, "Thank you. She is wearing shorts under the skirt."
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Post by drummergirl65 on Jan 31, 2018 0:33:45 GMT
Woman needs to mind her own
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MDscrapaholic
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Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Jan 31, 2018 0:33:47 GMT
I would not have said anything to you or your daughter. I'm not the dress police.
She was very rude.
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Post by Zee on Jan 31, 2018 0:35:54 GMT
I would never have said anything but you handled it well. I would have been struck dumb by that but again, it could have been coming from a place of concern that next time some perv might try to snap a pic.
Now I personally don't live my life in fear of potential pervs with cameras, and I know you said she has shorts on, but it's something to consider.
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Post by Belia on Jan 31, 2018 0:36:27 GMT
As a random restaurant patron I would not have said anything to you, and if you were certain that your daughter was not showing anything she wasn't supposed to I definately wouldn't have said anything to her (your daughter). Man, 11 is such a tough age. I would have been mortified, too.
I probably would have been too shocked to reply to the woman, but would probably give her the benefit of the doubt that her intentions were good.
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Post by cmpeter on Jan 31, 2018 0:36:58 GMT
I wouldn’t have said anything to you.
My dd is 17 and still likes wearing bike shorts under her skirts or dresses. Tell your dd she’s has nothing to be embarrassed about.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 14:05:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2018 0:38:41 GMT
I would not have said anything to my daughter at that moment. But, I would later, at a different time/place remind her to always sit like a lady when wearing a skirt. The day will come when she forgets she doesn't have her shorts on underneath. IMO, it is one of those habits best formed early and completely. The more exceptions to the rule the more likely she will be to forget later when it is more important.
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paigepea
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WWTPD?
Jan 31, 2018 0:42:22 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Jan 31, 2018 0:42:22 GMT
My 12 yr old dd wears a uniform skirt and required ‘booty’ type sport shorts underneath. I’m always reminding her to keep her legs together in pants or skirts or dresses or her uniform. It just looks nicer. But she’s 12 so needs to be reminded. It’s not the end of the world if she isn’t sitting with her legs together unless her underwear is showing. I find dd is slouching when her legs are open so it’s more about posture than people seeing her panties.
No, I for sure wouldn’t have said anything to you, nor would I have noticed how your dd was sitting. She was just a woman with nothing better to do. I’d laugh it off. I’m sorry your dd was upset. Just explain that some people have no filter and don’t know when to keep their opinions to themselves.
Paige.
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whitehat
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Jun 14, 2016 1:58:23 GMT
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Post by whitehat on Jan 31, 2018 0:46:23 GMT
I would not have said anything to my daughter at that moment. But, I would later, at a different time/place remind her to always sit like a lady when wearing a skirt. The day will come when she forgets she doesn't have her shorts on underneath. IMO, it is one of those habits best formed early and completely. The more exceptions to the rule the more likely she will be to forget later when it is more important. Actually that talk probably won't even be necessary now. I'll bet she will always remember this lady. Poor kid, I feel bad for her. That is weird that a strange woman would even notice that let alone say something don't you think? I can't recall ever in my life looking at kids' leg position in a restaurant.
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 14:05:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2018 0:48:34 GMT
If DD was accidentally flashing, regardless of shorts underneath, I'd be thankful that a woman offered a gentle reminder and would have treated it as a "we ladies stick together and watch out for one another". Nothing to be embarrassed about.
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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WWTPD?
Jan 31, 2018 0:48:52 GMT
Post by kate on Jan 31, 2018 0:48:52 GMT
I'm not the dress police, either, but I do worry for girls who sit on the subway in their school uniform skirts with their legs apart. Some of the "modesty shorts" are so small that it's hard to tell whether they are underwear or shorts - and really, who wants to imagine some dude peering up the skirt long enough to tell WHAT is under there? Going up the stairs in the subway station is another cringe-worthy event during school commute times. Some of the girls will hold the back hem of their too-short skirts to make it less visible to those climbing the stairs behind them, but it's only marginally effective, and many girls don't bother. I have never said anything to a schoolgirl, but I do wonder if I'm doing the right thing by MYOB - are they unaware? I guess I would rather a nice lady say something to my DD than some pervy guy. I do worry about some jerk following her up the stairs on purpose... I guess I'll continue keeping my mouth shut, though - except to my own DD of course!
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Kerri W
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WWTPD?
Jan 31, 2018 0:57:35 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Jan 31, 2018 0:57:35 GMT
If DD was accidentally flashing, regardless of shorts underneath, I'd be thankful that a woman offered a gentle reminder and would have treated it as a "we ladies stick together and watch out for one another". Nothing to be embarrassed about. I think I’m mostly on this bench. I’m sorry your DD was embarrassed. I would probably give the lady the benefit of the doubt that she meant well or she could see more than what you could imagine and was looking out for your DD. When my DDs were little and wore privacy shorts under skirts, I still expected them to sit like ladies. They loved dresses and skirts and were told they were allowed to wear them if they acted appropriately. If they wanted to flip around that’s great but they needed to dress appropriately. That was *my* comfort level.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jan 31, 2018 1:05:22 GMT
If DD was accidentally flashing, regardless of shorts underneath, I'd be thankful that a woman offered a gentle reminder and would have treated it as a "we ladies stick together and watch out for one another". Nothing to be embarrassed about. This would have been my position on it too. Same thing as if you had lipstick smeared, spinach in your teeth, or anything else like that.
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WWTPD?
Jan 31, 2018 1:10:56 GMT
Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Jan 31, 2018 1:10:56 GMT
This is a tough one. I opened this thread just after posting on freebird's photography one, and before that mymindseyepea's corporal punishment thread, so funny that all three of these come together today to form a thought in my mind.
In all three threads/situations, the true essence of the person involved, coloured by context and intent, are the determining factor. P
I could have been your DD. Same uniform, same usual attention to the knees but absolute mortification at having slipped and having been talked about. I am on the fence about the lady: if she is an interfering busybody, she meant to mete out shame. If she is a well meaning type, she may have wanted to help your daughter to never fall prey to a perv with a cellphone. You will never know, but I am confident you and DD can work this into DD knowing she did nothing wrong, showed nothing and can be OK, safe.
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WWTPD?
Jan 31, 2018 1:14:36 GMT
Post by kels99 on Jan 31, 2018 1:14:36 GMT
If DD was accidentally flashing, regardless of shorts underneath, I'd be thankful that a woman offered a gentle reminder and would have treated it as a "we ladies stick together and watch out for one another". Nothing to be embarrassed about. Yep, I agree with this too. Maybe she's a retired 1st grade teacher and so used to telling kids to pull up their pants or close their legs that she just couldn't help herself. Ha ha!
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Post by shescrafty on Jan 31, 2018 1:16:30 GMT
I would not have told my daughter anything if she had on shorts underneath but would have told the lady to stop looking.
I am so not fond of people policing young girls’ attire and making them feel bad when they aren’t doing anything wrong. Your daughter was made to feel ashamed (or so it seems) by another person who probably could have minded her own business. .
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 14:05:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2018 1:18:34 GMT
Busybody.
Poor girlie, tell her to forget about it, she did nothing wrong.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jan 31, 2018 1:24:08 GMT
If DD was accidentally flashing, regardless of shorts underneath, I'd be thankful that a woman offered a gentle reminder and would have treated it as a "we ladies stick together and watch out for one another". Nothing to be embarrassed about. I don’t think this lady needed to say anything. But this would be my approach to my DD as well. I volunteered at a HS theatre for several years. I was always amazed at how unaware the girls were with what they flashed on stage. Especially in the little theatre, where the stage made anyone sitting, at eye level for a few rows. We had a code where I would say, “I see London.” (Remember the taunt from our days—“I see London, I see France, I see Susie’s underpants.”). It’s obscure enough now that most don’t know what I See London means. I always photographed the shows and frequently had to go in and black out panties that showed in photos. I tried to approach it as “I’ve got your back”, rather than shaming them. But then, I wasn’t allowed to cross my legs as a teen. I was always told that a lady crosses her ankles, not her legs.
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johnnysmom
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Post by johnnysmom on Jan 31, 2018 1:59:36 GMT
I don’t necessarily think the woman did anything wrong by telling you. She whispered it discreetly, she said it to you and didn’t embarrass dd. I probably just would have said thank you. Then if you knew your dd was properly covered I wouldn’t have mentioned anything to her.
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rickmer
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Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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WWTPD?
Jan 31, 2018 2:11:46 GMT
Post by rickmer on Jan 31, 2018 2:11:46 GMT
i might have reminded my daughter later to just be aware when wearing a skirt. but i have to say, while reading the responses, i don't think i have never used the verbiage "like a lady" to my daughter.
not that woman's business, btw, and i never would have said anything to the mom of a girl in that situation.
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Rhondito
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Post by Rhondito on Jan 31, 2018 2:19:56 GMT
It wasn't her business and all she accomplished was ruining your daughter's day when she did nothing wrong.
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eleezybeth
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Post by eleezybeth on Jan 31, 2018 2:20:06 GMT
I'm enough of a smart mouth I probably would have said, "Stop looking at my kid's underwear" really, really loud. Just kidding, I'm not that quick. I doubt the woman had any ill intent and would encourage my kid to take the lesson that people are always looking.
We had an experience when DD was in K. She had a pair of white shorts that she always wore under this navy and white striped dress. Every time the teacher would send us a warning of how DD was flashing her underwear while flipping around. Every time we'd have to tell teacher that 1. the kid would just die if she had to wear boring ol' white underwear 2. they are shorts. I understood her POV but it did get annoying.
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AnotherPea
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Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Jan 31, 2018 2:45:17 GMT
Posting before reading ahead...
I doubt I would have said anything as the patron. I don't see her comments as being rude, however. It would depend upon the tone. I would appreciate someone looking out for my child, but again, not knowing the lady or her tone, I can't say that was her intention or if she was just being a busybody.
That being said, the change of mood can't be blamed on the lady. You are the one that chose to tell your daughter both to close her legs and that the lady said something. As the mother you could have avoided all of that with careful timing. Simply waiting a few minutes, dropping a napkin on the floor and then acting as though you noticed it yourself could have led to a quick reminder and zero humiliation.
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Post by kamper on Jan 31, 2018 2:47:35 GMT
That woman should not have said anything. I don't think you should have mentioned anything to your daughter at that time. Even if she was wearing just underwear. Why is that such a big deal?
BUT, am I the only one who thinks the uniform for girls = a skirt needs to stop?
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scrapngranny
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Post by scrapngranny on Jan 31, 2018 2:56:12 GMT
I never would have said a word to you, it’s rude.
We had sort of a funny experience along this line in December. We were at my grandson’s school Christmas performance and a little girl, in kindergarten, all dressed up in her very pretty Christmas dress was sitting on a riser in the front row. She was singing her little sweet heart out...and her legs were wide open; without the benefit of tights. I’m sure her parents were mortified. She was so cute and so into her performance you couldn’t help but love her.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 31, 2018 6:37:00 GMT
I think part of it is that depending on the age of the lady mentioning it, she may not even be aware that there is such a thing as modesty shorts or as they are marketed here, “playground pals” that are specifically designed to be worn under skirts and dresses so girls can dress the way they want and still play like a kid on the playground at recess. She probably thought what she was seeing WAS her underwear. I’m 50 and didn’t know that was a thing until just a few years ago when DD was in preschool and I saw some on sale at Kohl’s and bought a couple packs. Now every time DD goes out in a dress (or skirt that doesn’t automatically have the shorts sewn in), she wears a pair of those underneath. Without knowing the lady’s tone, I would take it as just one person giving a word to the wise to another person. I don’t know that I would have said something to a stranger at a restaurant, but I have told my own kid many, many, MANY times to keep her dress down and to sit properly so no one can see up her dress even though she has the shorts on. I also probably would have either waited until much later to say something to my kid or maybe would have blown it off and not said anything to her at all if I thought she would be upset. When I was in elementary at a private school, the girl’s uniform options were a plaid bibbed jumper or skirt or long navy blue corduroy pants. Because I saw that nothing happened to the boys who would go around flipping up the girl’s skirts on the playground, I was that girl who wore the miserably hot corduroy pants every.single.freaking.day even when it was 95° outside and there was no air conditioning inside, ugh. It set off a lifelong hatred of wearing dresses and skirts for me, LOL. And corduroys!
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 14:05:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2018 8:50:05 GMT
How would I have responded? Lady, you need to close your mouth!
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craftykitten
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Post by craftykitten on Jan 31, 2018 8:51:57 GMT
I would have told the lady to back off! It's none of her business, I don't know what possessed her to firstly be looking, and secondly to say anything to you. I can't believe you said anything to your daughter. She'll probably never forget it.
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joelise
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Post by joelise on Jan 31, 2018 9:04:38 GMT
I think the woman was rude and don’t think your daughter needed to be told what the woman said.
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