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Post by mom on Feb 8, 2018 22:54:37 GMT
I own a small store that carries farmhouse + vintage stuff. Some stuff in my store is ordered, some is found, some is handmade. My DH makes farmhouse tables and benches that have become a pretty popular item. Last month, the of my sales were from tables and benches.
My friend saw one of our tables, and she remarked (in from to of a customer that was looking to order one) that 'she could make it for waaaaay less' and proceeded to start counting boards, etc so she could replicate it. She then asked what stains I mixed to get the finish. Where did I buy that brand stain? This whole time she is sketching and taking notes about the table. She even says she could have her DH come to my DH's shop so he can see how to do it.
I didn't respond to her as I was working with a customer on her special order. My customer noticed what was happening, and told me not to worry. She wanted DH to make one because she is single, etc. and just didn't want to mess with trying to make her own. I just smiled and thanked her.
So I go about my day, silently fuming about this.
Friend sends me a text a bit ago, asking if I would share what plans we used so she and her parents could both make one. She also asked if she could borrow one of DH's joiners as well. I haven't replied.
Yes. She could make one cheaper for herself than what DH is selling them for. But as the demand for these tables has risen, so has the price. And to ask to borrow his tools? WTF
FWIW - she is not a regular paying customer at my store. She comes to get 'inspired'.
So, am I being over possesive/bitchy about this? I just feel like she has crossed a line. Friend is known to be cheap and want a fancy wine look on a beer budget.
DH says she can go F*ck off. I feel torn. I know she is trying to furnish a house they just bought. I know she is a SAHM who doesn't have a furniture budget. But I also know the way she has handle this was wrong.
What say the Peas?
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Post by leftturnonly on Feb 8, 2018 23:00:00 GMT
Tell her that your husband charges both for advice and for the use of his tools.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939 
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
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Post by LeaP on Feb 8, 2018 23:00:33 GMT
Crossed the line. You are trying to build a business. If she wants to replicate what your husband makes, let her do the legwork and experiment with finishes. She isn't just paying for materials, but for labor and expertise.
ETA: And no to borrowing the tools. If you trust her, she can rent the tools from you with a deposit in case a tool is lost or damaged.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 5, 2024 21:32:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 23:01:23 GMT
I know she is trying to furnish a house they just bought. I know she is a SAHM who doesn't have a furniture budget.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
She needs to stop being a SAHM, go to work and pay for what she wants. She has crossed a lot of lines. No, I wouldn't be telling her a stain mix, brands, plans or loan tools. If the tools get damaged or not returned she can't afford to replace them and you'll be out that cost. You could tell her those things are available for a price since this IS your livelyhood. Then price each thing at the price of a completed table.
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Post by hop2 on Feb 8, 2018 23:01:51 GMT
I’m with your DH she can F off
How incredibly rude!!! ( her not you )
Btw she’s not a friend
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Post by leftturnonly on Feb 8, 2018 23:03:27 GMT
You are definitely NOT over/anything! She was beyond RUDE! As a friend, I'd have offered a special discount if she really wanted the table. But the way she went about it, she's on her own. Don't bother replying back to her. And definitely DON'T loan her any toolsCrossed the line. You are trying to build a business. If she wants to replicate what your husband makes, let her do the legwork and experiment with finishes. She isn't just paying for materials, but labor and expertise. Definitely both of these. |
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
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Post by LeaP on Feb 8, 2018 23:04:01 GMT
I know she is trying to furnish a house they just bought. I know she is a SAHM who doesn't have a furniture budget. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> She needs to stop being a SAHM, go to work and pay for what she wants. She has crossed a lot of lines. No, I wouldn't be telling her a stain mix, brands, plans or loan tools. If the tools get damaged or not returned she can't afford to replace them and you'll be out that cost. You could tell her those things are available for a price since this IS your livelyhood. Then price each thing at the price of a completed table. I'm a SAHM, but I know the value of other people's expertise, time, etc. Staying at home involves compromise. SaveSave |
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Post by hop2 on Feb 8, 2018 23:04:45 GMT
Oh and
You DH’s tools and tool maintenance is part of the overhead required to build the tables which is why the price is higher than a person could make themselves. Same for the plans and the stain mix.
If she doesn’t want to carry the ‘overhead’ Of having and maintaining tools but your not required to provide that
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,184
Location: Western Illinois
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Feb 8, 2018 23:05:33 GMT
"NO" to borrowing any tools. And also to telling her what stains and specific plans your husband uses.
If she questions you, remind her that selling these tables and benches is a big part of your business and it would be a poor business decision to give away information that supports your store.
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Post by papersilly on Feb 8, 2018 23:05:54 GMT
i would tell her no on the borrowing of the tools and sharing of the plans. i would be thinking (in my head), "if you want to make it, make it but you won't get any help from me."
selling furniture is part of your livelihood. i think it's rude of her to ask you for that stuff. i can understand why you would be mad. be mad but kindly refuse to give her the stuff or you might as well make it yourself and give it to her for free.
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Post by mom on Feb 8, 2018 23:05:55 GMT
You are definitely NOT over/anything! She was beyond RUDE! As a friend, I'd have offered a special discount if she really wanted the table. But the way she went about it, she's on her own. Don't bother replying back to her. And definitely DON'T loan her any tools! Oh no...there is no way that would happen. My DH is cool with just about anything, but no one uses his tools! SaveSave |
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Post by leftturnonly on Feb 8, 2018 23:06:40 GMT
I know she is trying to furnish a house they just bought. I know she is a SAHM who doesn't have a furniture budget. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> She needs to stop being a SAHM, go to work and pay for what she wants. She has crossed a lot of lines. No, I wouldn't be telling her a stain mix, brands, plans or loan tools. If the tools get damaged or not returned she can't afford to replace them and you'll be out that cost. You could tell her those things are available for a price since this IS your livelyhood. Then price each thing at the price of a completed table. I'm a SAHM, but I know the value of other people's expertise, time, etc. Staying at home involves compromise. SaveSaveExactly. There is nothing wrong with being SAHM, but you can't demand nor expect other people to take away from their own sources of income to support you. |
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Post by katlady on Feb 8, 2018 23:07:15 GMT
Your friend is RUDE! i would politely tell her that you can't share your trade secrets or the tools.
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Post by mom on Feb 8, 2018 23:07:22 GMT
I’m with your DH she can F off How incredibly rude!!! ( her not you )
Btw she’s not a friendYou are right. She isn't. We used to be incredibly close but in the last few years, I don't really recognize my friend anymore. SaveSave |
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,736
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Feb 8, 2018 23:08:37 GMT
Wow, she's pretty ballsy. Tell her it's proprietary information. She can figure it out on her own.
You have every right to fume. That was incredibly rude for her to do in YOUR store with YOUR table design.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 5, 2024 21:32:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 23:08:38 GMT
Wow, that took some nerve. She doesn't sound like a friend to me at all!! Geeze!!
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
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Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Feb 8, 2018 23:09:21 GMT
I cant believe that your "friend" would even do this. It is way beyond rude. WAY
I wouldn't tell her your stains, and definitely not loan out the tools. She can rent them from Home Depot if she is so inclined.
The part that really would piss me off is her saying all that stuff in front of a paying customer. RUDE. RUDE. RUDE.
I probably wouldn't be brave enough, but if I were I would tell her exactly what I was thinking.
BTW... I would love your store, I am sure! I love all things vintage. |
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Post by Tamhugh on Feb 8, 2018 23:09:42 GMT
What does her husband do for a living? Would she expect him to do the job for free for others? Or because she is a stay-at-home mom, should she be expected to watch the children of her friends for free?
To be honest, I would be more upset that she talked about it openly in front of customers. She could very well have chased away business from you. Is she someone that you could gently speak to her about this? Or will she be easily offended?
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Post by leftturnonly on Feb 8, 2018 23:10:23 GMT
I’m with your DH she can F off How incredibly rude!!! ( her not you )
Btw she’s not a friendYou are right. She isn't. We used to be incredibly close but in the last few years, I don't really recognize my friend anymore. SaveSaveI'm sorry. I think that's really the hard thing here, realizing someone you used to be close to doesn't have your best interests at heart. |
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 8, 2018 23:11:31 GMT
I have a hard time believing a friend could be so oblivious to your business and talk like that in front of a customer. Good gravy, I go into stores to get inspired all the time.
If she really is a friend and you want to keep the relationship, be honest and tell her she crossed a line with her behavior. Your time & energy is going into growing a business not giving away your methods.
If you don't care about the relationship, offer to sell her the instructions and give her DH's hourly consulting rate.
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Post by verdepea on Feb 8, 2018 23:11:36 GMT
I would tell her your husband doesn’t lend out tools and vaguely refer her to a wood working magazine.
Ler her know this is your retail store and a business. If she would like to come up with her own design and wanted become a supplier of yours then you would consider it. She will probably Peter out and get board fast.
Problem solved...
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Deleted
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Jun 5, 2024 21:32:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2018 23:14:07 GMT
I’m with your DH she can F off How incredibly rude!!! ( her not you ) Btw she’s not a friend This many times over. |
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Post by mcscrapper on Feb 8, 2018 23:17:23 GMT
100% RUDE on every level.
She's awfully presumptuous too in thinking a professional would share his or her tools and designs when trying to make $ off what is being sold. I mean, who does that?!
I would realllllly want to reply but I'm sure if she is that self centered she'd find a way to smear your good name in the community about how you were rude, etc. I think I'd just ignore the request for now. If she persists, I'd tell her that you cannot aren't in the business to show others how to do the one you are building.
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Post by MichyM on Feb 8, 2018 23:19:36 GMT
Well, I knew where this was going but it still didn't stop me from taking a deep gasp when i saw what she texted. She's got brass ones, doesn't she? I'm with your husband regarding a reply....in a nicer way of course  Good luck! |
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Post by quinlove on Feb 8, 2018 23:19:41 GMT
You are right. She isn't. We used to be incredibly close but in the last few years, I don't really recognize my friend anymore. SaveSaveI'm sorry. I think that's really the hard thing here, realizing someone you used to be close to doesn't have your best interests at heart. This makes me sad too. I probably wouldn't reply to text. |
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Post by femalebusiness on Feb 8, 2018 23:25:06 GMT
She stepped WAY over the line. I agree with your husband.
She must be clueless as a rock to tell you she is copying your things and good lord, in front of your customer. I would tell her straight up that I was offended and she was not welcome to come into my store for the purpose of stealing my ideas. Hasn't she ever heard of Pintrest?
Unbelievable!!
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Feb 8, 2018 23:25:39 GMT
In case you are wondering, this is the beginning of the end of your friendship.
She is not your friend. She is using you. She uses you. She doesn't care about your business or your customers. Selfish people are never good friends.
I would kill her with kindness because this is business. If she asks what stain and finish, say you know, I'm not sure? 😊
If she asks you about the wood or plans, say you know, I'm not sure? 😊
If she tries to snap a picture (because she will if she hasn't already) I would say no photos, please. 😊
If she says can I borrow tools. I would look her dead in the eye and say "No. 😊Those tools are his income and he cannot lend them out at this time." 😊
If she presses on any of the above, say, "you should ask DH" 😊
I just have to say it absolutely drives me insane when people say, "I can do this cheaper!" then expect the plans you paid for, access to the tools you paid for, tips that you learned from experience and trial and error, which costed you money to discover, etc. Of course you can make it cheaper if I gave all that away! The cost of the finished product is the sum of knowledge, skill, and tools invested. I would be fuming, too!
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PLurker
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Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Feb 8, 2018 23:26:03 GMT
I own a small store that carries farmhouse + vintage stuff. Some stuff in my store is ordered, some is found, some is handmade. My DH makes farmhouse tables and benches that have become a pretty popular item. Last month, the of my sales were from tables and benches. My friend saw one of our tables, and she remarked (in from to of a customer that was looking to order one) that 'she could make it for waaaaay less' and proceeded to start counting boards, etc so she could replicate it. She then asked what stains I mixed to get the finish. Where did I buy that brand stain? This whole time she is sketching and taking notes about the table. She even says she could have her DH come to my DH's shop so he can see how to do it. I didn't respond to her as I was working with a customer on her special order. My customer noticed what was happening, and told me not to worry. She wanted DH to make one because she is single, etc. and just didn't want to mess with trying to make her own. I just smiled and thanked her. So I go about my day, silently fuming about this. Friend sends me a text a bit ago, asking if I would share what plans we used so she and her parents could both make one. She also asked if she could borrow one of DH's joiners as well. I haven't replied. Yes. She could make one cheaper for herself than what DH is selling them for. But as the demand for these tables has risen, so has the price. And to ask to borrow his tools? WTF FWIW - she is not a regular paying customer at my store. She comes to get 'inspired'. So, am I being over possesive/bitchy about this? I just feel like she has crossed a line. Friend is known to be cheap and want a fancy wine look on a beer budget. DH says she can go F*ck off. I feel torn. I know she is trying to furnish a house they just bought. I know she is a SAHM who doesn't have a furniture budget. But I also know the way she has handle this was wrong. What say the Peas? sounds like they are saying it's "so easy they could do it themselves". Fine let them. They obviously should need no help from you. (I think they are rude just in case ^^^ isn't clear.) You are not selling the raw products that took to make your stuff. It's like (is) an art. Effort, creativity and style are part of the deal(cost), too. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Feb 8, 2018 23:26:50 GMT
I would realllllly want to reply but I'm sure if she is that self centered she'd find a way to smear your good name in the community about how you were rude, etc. I think I'd just ignore the request for now. If she persists, I'd tell her that you cannot aren't in the business to show others how to do the one you are building. No kidding! By the by... if you do decide to say something to her, tell her that she's absolutely right. You do make these tables for far less than you sell them for. That's the whole principle behind retail sales and the only way to pay for the rent of the building with all of its utilities to sell the items, the cost of the building and equipment to make the items, plus all the other costs of maintaining a business and still make it worth investing in as a way to pay your family versus another job. Just because you're in business for yourself makes it no less of a job than if someone else were to pay you. I still can't quite get over her saying these things to you, let alone your customer. |
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Post by jen on Feb 8, 2018 23:27:18 GMT
I would simply tell her that you and your dh are running a business and making a living on selling these. Plain and simple its your plans, tools and design and you cant go giving it away.
I had a friend that pushed the limit on our friendship very similiar to this. I had to just put my foot down and say no.
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Good luck!
